<b>Let your beauty unfold.</b>

:: 2006 2 March :: 7.31pm

uhh yep
My birthday was okay; and the past couple of days have been alright as well; just nothing to exciting, haha. yay!

2 heartless people | crush me

:: 2006 2 March :: 3.25pm

Fate fell short this time.

Nothing is forever and the time comes when we all must say goodbye to what we knew.

Goodbye to everything we had taken for granted.

Goodbye to those we thought would never leave us.

And when these changes finally do occur and when the familiar has departed and the unfamiliar has taken it's place, all any of us can really do is to say hello and welcome those new feelings.

You're the one who has to live with yourself.

[Stacy: I have no idea where you are but I really need to talk to you.]

:: 2006 1 March :: 10.20pm

What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away and never knowing what could've been and not seeing that loving you is what I was trying to do.

My heart is breaking and you're still faking a feeling that you will ~~never~~ know.

:: 2006 28 February :: 10.42pm

Tonight just made me realize that this isn't going to come easy.

It's pretty much now or never.

It's just one of those things where the stakes are high. Sometimes it's forever and sometimes it's goodbye.

All I can say is I'm not going to be the one to regret this.

silverstar

:: 2006 28 February :: 2.25pm
:: Mood: bitchy

I am so fucking sick and tired of everyone's bullshit! I seriously can't stand anyone anymore...You think that you have friends but actually no one is friends with anyone. People talk so much shit behind each others backs but then act like they're your best friend to your face. I HATE fake people.
Through my four years of highschool I have learned that its just a big joke. I feel so sorry for the people that have more years to come in this shithole.

6 heartless people | crush me

:: 2006 28 February :: 1.25am
:: Mood: Tired

woowee..
been stressed out whats new.
lai came over we smoked.
stacey came and got me we went to walmart and then chill at her house, i dyed her hair & highlighted it.
went to the gas station; my ex smokey called me so we talked and hes getting out soon.. so more stress is on my way.. ya cool, hmm.
then we went to gereds just chilled for alittle.
now i'm home and basically its my birthday, sweet.
tomorrow i'm going out to eat; and getting cable(tv).. and yes i am EXCITED! hahahahaha annnd i will update later on--- nite all

fuck this bullshit

1 heartless people | crush me

:: 2006 27 February :: 10.29pm

I saw your face in a crowded place and I don't know what to do because I'll never be with you.

But it's time to face the truth. I will never be with you.

5 heartless people | crush me

:: 2006 26 February :: 11.51pm
:: Mood: PISSED THE FUCK OFF
:: Music: mudvayne - determinded

FUCK IT ALL. seriously wtf
You know what hurts me so bad; i mean seriously something that just breaks me down and rip my insides out. Loseing someone that means the world to you, someone who has been there for you through thick and thin, someone who cared about you did everything with you, always was with you, Someone who you took in from being on thr street when they were kicked out and nowhere to go. Someone who you did everything for and was always there, Someone who took your virginity, Someone eho you loved like part of the family; my bestfriend. Yes; i was stupid 2 years ago when i dated Smokey aka (Danny) and i left everything behind and gave up on people and myself. i was down always and i never wanted to be without dan i was always around him and he "owned me" as he said. So i never went ANYWHERE. i accepted it cause i was in "love" (which was all bullshit). He cheated on me and did not treat me right at all and everyday my friend would call me and we would talk like old times and be goofy; and he would lecture me saying i need to leave his ass and what not because he's a loser. But when he called usually danny was around so i couldn't talk to him til i went home.. and all hell broke lose; always. Yeah i was dumb, and in love. But everyone has someone I mean Asshole or no asshole; they fall for them. I should have listened... I mean mabey things would be different mabey i wouldn't be so much more fucked up in the head from all the Bullshit & drama. And now its taking a turn on me.. for hurting Jordan (bestfriend) for those 2 years it's now coming back on me. Him and I stopped talking for a good 7 months; he just moved and i didn't have a number or anyway to get into contact with him.. then i seen him at my other good friends house (Ben) and we started talking saying how we missed talking and what not.. so i gave him my cell number.. but of course he wasn't allowed to talk to me because 1. i'm a girl 2. we fucked A LONG TIME AGO 3. we dated LONG TIME AGO 4. I used to be his bestfriend. and he chose her over me and all his other friends, even his best guy friend Ben whom is my other bestfriend. its just so fucked! i mean i cry always.. i was dumb and now hes being stupid. SHE DOESN'T LET HIM DO ANYTHING! i'm dead serious, shes a bitch who killed her own baby. fuck that. stupid whore. SHE TREATS JORDAN SO BAD it makes me sick and i want to hurt her severly but i can't cause i want him to be happy; even though he really isn't he just doesn't want to be alone BUT WHO DOES!? forreal.. theirs other fish in the sea, you may not think so but there is.. you just have to let love come to you, not you go out on a bounty hunt.. i learned from the hard way. i don't mean to blubber on and cry but this is what a journal is for BITCHING! haha. I'm just so hurt anymore.. and it isn't just that, that is getting to me.. Today is 1 year for my friend Cyrus's death; i miss him lots. (R.I.P)<3. and lastnite i was at my friend Gered's and all i could do was cry and fall down.. there was times where i was goofy as fuck... but shit just shit just hit me..UGH! and then i started thinking about my ex danny and it's like what the fuck, i wonder if i would be a better person today if i was never with him; honestly.. he ruined me. fuck him, fuck it! and now i'm thinking about dropping out of school or atleast signing myself out and going to a different school like alternative RINGGOLD IS JUST DRAMA and i can't take all the stress.. i've gotten into so many rediculous fights; over nothing.. just bitches who want to talk smack and not back it up.. but now i have a black girl and her 'crew' wanting to kick my ass. uhh bring it. honestly i don't care, either you win or lose all that matters is that you try your damnest! forreal. I never did anything to them or to anyone really and if i have i'm sorry i'm sorry for what i have done to everyone in the past and i'm sorry for what i may do in the future. <3. Noones perfect. "true dat" haha. and now since school and loseing friends, no job, no money, no love, no life... hah!, no nothing.. i'm lost. i began doing things like i used to which isn't smart.. ugh i hate this i hate myself i just wish everything wouldn't fucking get to me like it does. And not only is thats whats wrong with me, but also my uncle had a massive heart attack the other day, SORRY JENA. so i wasn't able to go anywhere. and the one i love most doesn't feel the same. =( isn't life grand. i mean fucking stupid shit, i would do anything to have things the way i wish they could be or atleast be similar. bah fuck it.

WOW i typed alot.. more than i think i have ever typed and i betcha noone will read what i wrote. hah oh well. i needed to vent. sorry people! =P just all this shit has been bothering me. and its dumb!

:: 2006 26 February :: 5.57pm
:: Mood: Annoyed

The longer I tried denying this, the worse I feel. I've come to realize that pretending I don't hate you isn't making anything better. The truth is, I've never hated anyone more. Sometimes I say that I hate someone when I'm talking to one of my friends and i'll be like "oh yeah I hate him/her" but I never mean it. Things are differen't with you. I truly hate you and nothing will ever change that. I don't feel bad for saying this. You have no idea how much you've ruined things. You're so fucking ungrateful and selfish that I can't even stand it anymore. I seriously hope you choke.

Glad that's all out in the open now.

:: 2006 26 February :: 12.37pm

You got your own way of looking at it, I guess that proves that I got mine. It's just who we are.

We've come too far to start over now. I know what you're thinking. I'm not always easy to be around but I do love you. You keep me believing that you love me too and I know it's true. This love drives us crazy but nobody's walking away so I guess we'll have to do it the hard way.

:: 2006 25 February :: 2.29pm
:: Mood: geeked
:: Music: ICP - Clown walk

fucking A dude.

LASTNITE WAS THE CRAZIEST FUCKING NITE EVER.. OMFG WOW I AM LIKE GEEKED AS FUCKKK!

loved it. to bits. omg yes

HAHAHA..

- went to monroeville for the EXPO MART. which was cool as hell.
- went back to gereds and hung out with him, stacey, fat e (for alil), paul, and d-block. but it was great dude. especially later on that nite when it was just me gered and stacey, omfg. WOOOO, mwahaha

IM IN THE MOOD TO DANCE!!! <3

:: 2006 24 February :: 11.41pm

Tonight was really good I guess you could say.

First I went to Aarons after school and then we went to the game.

I seen Ryan Case there and I was really happy. I haven't seen him in a while and then I was just walking and someone called my name and I turned and it was Martha and Ashleigh. I was so excited. I haven't seen either of them in over a year now. Martha had a baby named Alex and he's 6 months old and Ashleigh's baby is 5 months old and her name is Haleigh. They both were so cute. I was holding them the whole time.

Oh and so then of course I'm just minding my own business when Sara comes up to me and she either heard Josh saying this to someone or he told her but anyways I guess he was saying how he wanted his cousin to meet me because he has the biggest crush on me and blah blah blah and so Sara said I should go talk to him and I was hell no that's not going to happen. It's too akward for me now. It's fine not knowing if someone has a crush on you and yeah if you have a crush on them then that's perfect but when you don't it just makes things akward and it basically made things 10 time worse when he wrote a fucking SONG about me. I've never had anyone do that before and it's just a little weird esp. since in the song it said "I want to love you forever." Yeah..that's what I said. It's just too much for me and I don't know how he became so in "love" with me since I've never liked him back and i've also never lead him on. He loves me but he doesn't know who I am and of course after the game Aaron and I are walking to my car and Josh is also in the parking lot and he has to make it known that i'm outside so he starts talking really loud so Josh can hear him and look over and see us.... It's just too fucking weird for me. First I get flowers by one boy and now im getting songs by another. It's not really cute unless you actually are dating this person. Now I'm just getting annoyed by this whole thing and I feel bad for complaining about this it's just I need to vent right now and everyone else in the world is sleeping.

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking. When you fall, everyone stands, and you've had your fill of sinking.

:: 2006 24 February :: 1.50pm
:: Mood: Sad
:: Music: T-Pain & Mike Jones - I'm in luv wit a stripper

whoop de loop!
loves supposed to hurt; atleast it does for me anyways.
nothing ever goes according to plan. But that is such as life i guess.
all i want and all i will ever need seems so far away; a mystery.
I just have to let it run its course obviously.. but nothing ever works out for me. & he doesn't even know my love really exists. Like a toy.

ugh.
i don't know anymore; seriously
i'm just a piece of shit.
But i know one thing..I got so much love for you in these arms. forever
My GoodLuck Charm<3

:: 2006 23 February :: 8.35pm

You know..I can't remember the last time we kissed because you never think the last time is really the last time. You always think there will be more. You think you have forever but you don't. -Greys Anatomy

Yeah so...it's like...I really want to tell you...but then again I don't want you to know.