swimfan14
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2006 7 January :: 5.07pm
And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
But I don't.
When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today.
I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day
It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
Gimme a little time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today
and I know I'm not ready,
maybe tomorrow
Tomorrow it may change
2 heartless people |
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swimfan14
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2006 7 January :: 1.40am
Tonight was fun. I went to the basketball game at Forest Hills Central with Emily, Justin, and Logan. We definitely got lost on the way there. We even got directions and Logan is a moron and we were supposed to get off at exit 40B so what does he do? He gets off at exit 39 that takes us god knows where. We finally ended up at the game after like an hour of driving.
The game sucked. We lost.
After that we went to tgi fridays and we about died getting there. I'm not even going to get into that. When we were walking out Emily and I were reading something and I ran into a car. Emily said it was probably the funniest thing that shes ever seen. We just about died laughing.
Then we just went to Justins and watched Wedding Crashers or something. I don't even know. I just fell asleep anyways.
Logan said that Emily and I are exactly the same. Which come to realize after this whole past year after everything we pretty much are. We've been through alot together and somehow at the end, were even better friends than we were at the begining. We can't even listen to the same songs or it will make us cry. We pretty much should be twins.
Anyways after tonight I had tons of fun and I'm glad everything can just be back to normal for good.
Yes, each new day brings with it a new set of lies.
The worst are the ones we tell ourselves before we fall asleep.
We whisper them in the dark, telling ourselves we're happy.
Or, that he's happy.
That we can change.
Or, that he will change his mind.
We persuade ourselves saying we can live with our sins.
Or, that we can live without him.
Yes, each night before we fall asleep we lie to ourselves...in desperate, desperate hope, that come morning...
It will all be true.
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swimfan14
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2006 6 January :: 5.23pm
I almost didn't go to school today again. I couldn't fall asleep last night either and my alarm started going off this morning and I pushed snooze and then all of the sudden the buttons froze so I just turned it off and went back to bed and my mom came upstairs at like 7:10 yelling "Why isn't anyone up in this house yet?" so I pretty much was ready in like five minutes.
Today was a pretty boring day. I was just going to skip fifth hour because Brittani and Dani wanted me to go to Yesterdog with them but I figured I probably should make up all my missed work.
The Spring Hill meeting was today and I'm pretty excited for that. It's in a month.
And well I guess I don't really have anything to write about at the moment. Emily is almost here and we are going to Logans for a while and then going to Justins and then going to the game and then afterwards I was just going to come home but Emily wants me to hang out with her so we'll just go hang out with some people. I don't really know what else is going on this weekend but I should go.
<3 Ashley
3 heartless people |
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TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere
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2006 6 January :: 3.10pm
Yeah everything fucking sucks.
crush me
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swimfan14
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2006 5 January :: 11.38pm
I'm throwing all the hints..giving you all the signs..why can't you just see it?
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silverstar
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2006 9 January :: 9.32pm
:: Mood: annoyed
I just got home from work and i realized how much i hate Betty my manager. She's the biggest bitch I have ever met in my life. All she ever does is nag and if you know who she is then you know what her voice sounds like. But anyways, I worked til nine and it was like 2 min. til and i was like Betty can I leave and she was like did ya fill up the toilet paper?! And i was like yeah and she was like No you didnt! So i said WHATEVER and threw my little headset drive through thing! lol To make a long story short i didnt fill up the toilet paper because i told her i didnt know how to do it so she had to do it herself! HAHA Dumb Bitch...I'm gonna go take a nice relaxing bath and then get some much needed sleep!
1 heartless people |
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silverstar
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2006 4 January :: 9.48am
:: Mood: sick
I feel so crappy. Yesterday i stayed home from school cause i have a sinus infection but i still had to go to work because i called off like 2 weeks ago and they're starting to cut my hours. I hate BK they're dicks! I've worked there for a year and half and have called off twice and they cut my damn hours. I need to look for a new job cause i cant pay for my car with only workin 10 hours a week!
3 heartless people |
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swimfan14
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2006 4 January :: 12.22am
A fucking waste of time is ALL you've become.
3 heartless people |
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swimfan14
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2006 4 January :: 12.03am
Today was anything but ordinary. I couldn't fall asleep last night for the life of me so I pretty much just stayed up all night watching the first season of Desperate Housewives. I'm pretty far, I must add. I am so used to being out all night with people and not falling asleep until around 3 AM so last night was definitely a challenge. I got to school, not looking forward to seeing a certain someone. There was a little tension going on there. So anyways, I'm in first hour (Modishers) and Mr. H called him and wanted me to go upstairs to his class room and I figured it had to do with my monologue or something like that. I walk up there and there standing in the hallway is Veronica. I just about died. I kept saying "omg". H then said that she remembered me and I just about died again. I ran up to her and gave her the biggest hug I've ever gave anyone and this hug was differen't than the last hug I gave her when she came in with her mom, not remembering anyone and she had to sit there and see me bawl my eyes out, and she had no idea why in the world I was crying. When we hugged that day, she barely hugged me back but today she wouldn't let go. I knew she remembered me and I was so happy. I've waited so long for this to come. H told me that she doesn't really remember everything in our friendship but she remembers alot of it so I just have to fill her in on the rest and then she told me she remembered me bawling when she came into school and she had to ask her mom why I was crying and her mom said because we were basically best friends. She told me she felt bad that I was crying but it's not her fault this happened. All in all I'm really happy that she remembers me. She asked me who about six people in our drama class were. She didn't remember them at all. But anyways things are slowly getting better for her and that makes me really happy and now I feel like a moron when we talk because I don't know what parts she remembers and what parts she doesn't so I have to ask her and either way I feel stupid but this is all worth it…..
2 heartless people |
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TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere
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2006 3 January :: 10.26pm
:: Music: 30 seconds to mars - beautiful lie
Lie awake in bed at night
And think about your life
Do you want to be different?
Try to let go of the truth
The battles of your youth
Cuz this is just a game
It's a beautiful lie
It's the perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful it makes me
It's time to forget about the past
To wash away what happened last
Hide behind an empty face
Don't ask too much, just say
That this is just a game
today was boring as always.
i slept like all day in school.
and i had some guys tell me they wanted to see my 'tatas'
nothing new.
but ya..
anyways. im tired; and i miss jason. i miss alot of things. haha im so dumb!
2 heartless people |
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swimfan14
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2006 2 January :: 5.03pm
You pretty much just lost me.
So walk away like you always do.
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silverstar
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2006 2 January :: 1.05pm
:: Mood: crappy
Wow, sorry i havent updated this thing is forever! I never have time for anything anymore. My whole life is consumed with work, school and bleu. I dont even remember what has really been going on so i'm just gonna start with new year's weekend! I had so much fun because i never do anything for new years. This was like the first year that i have stayed up for the ball to drop in like 7 years, haha. Well I went over bleu's and his mom went and bought us a whole bunch of alcohol but all i really drank were daiquiris' but the i got sick and threw up twice lol
1 heartless people |
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TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere
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2006 2 January :: 4.04am
:: Mood: Sad/Tired
:: Music: Sr71- in my mind
Happy new years
My new years was alright. i didnt get to drunk lmao. but i was feeeeling good!. i went to alainas and had fun; i needed to try and get my mind off jason. didnt really work though, i balled my eyes out but ya.. so i talked to him today and i told him i needed to see him; i think alaina is takin me to see him this weekend; cause if i dont im going to go fucking insane. im to upset to do anything, i never been this choked up. but to top that all off i started to think back in the past and shit so that wasnt to good. but what a way to start off the new year right? hah. its BS i know. but i have to get to bed its 4am omfg. and i have to get up at 10 to go with alaina to bentleyville. so ya RISE AND SHINEEE! errr
i miss him so much, boy oh boy am i outta place anymore. yikes. :(
2 heartless people |
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swimfan14
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2005 31 December :: 1.52pm
:: Mood: tired
I count the days that we have spent apart. I've got a bad liver and a broken heart. There's no salvation in the comfort of you. I finally realized your tearing me apart.
I think what hurts me the most is the fact that you don't hurt at all.
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swimfan14
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2005 30 December :: 5.46pm
Puddin Flop (as Stacy/Dani says)
Last night once again was fun as always. Like Stacy said this is mostly just going to be more for my benefit than anyone else's. I went and hung out at Danielles house with Big Nasty, Ryan Case, Dan, Tyler, Shane, Dustin, and of course Stacy. Stacy and I decided we wanted to make bacon randomly and we had the worst time making it and then like an hour later we were finally finished. "The dacon is bangerous" lol one of Stacy's wonderful lines. Then at like midnight we went to IHOP and I said I wouldn't ever go there again after what happened to Erika and I but I went anyways since I wasn't just going to not go with my friends and it wasn't all that bad. Our waitress was extremely weird and we were all trying to be nice and all of the sudden she asked someone at our table "how they wanted their meats?" and I looked at everyone and they were all trying not to laugh and all of the sudden I just busted out laughing and I made Ryan and Dan bust out laughing too. She was definitely odd. And then when Ryan, Tyler, Shane, and Dan went by the Rockford Church some kids threw snowballs at Shanes car and they stopped and got out and beat them up. It was pretty funny to hear about but I didn't see it since I wasn't riding with them and at first when they called us we didn't believe them but it really happend because when we got back Dan's face had a huge hole in it and was bleeding and Ryan's face was swelling up. I couldn't believe it and then on the way to IHOP a cop pulled them over because Shanes lights went off because Ryan said "they were jammin' too hard"...I don't know but I just couldn't stop laughing last night. We always have some great times.
I should get going though because I'm hanging out with Logan, Emily, and Justin later.
So everyone have a good weekend.
<3 Ashley
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