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TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2005 23 December :: 2.16am
:: Mood: UGH!!!!
:: Music: Scarling - beautiful

What the fuck!!!!

oh i just love fighting with boyfriends



ugh, wtf? im tired of it i really am, 2 nights in a row.
all its all for stupid shit; when hes mad he takes it out on me.. then i say WHAT the hell is your problem and he explodes like a time bomb i swear.. its fucking rediculous!!!!!!!

anyways yeah. fuck it. im just in one of the moods.

i miss you so much baby. MUAH!

crush me


theedgeofyouratmosphere

:: 2005 22 December :: 2.26pm

hello hello
today was my last day cause of christmas break -so excited- so now i get to lounge around and be a bum (i have no job) hahaha. sleep in til bout 2 and wear pajamas all day, mwahhaha!! when i got home at like 12:20pm. my baby called me i was so surprised he called.. like we usually talk on the phone but he isnt a phone person. and i was so happy!!! :) it made my day!. but lastnite we got into a little bit of a arguement and he wasnt to happy with me.. and i felt like shit when we got into it i kinda felt like a lost little kid with nowhere to go. im like baby? why are u so mad at me. and he told me to leave him alone, so i did even though i didnt want to... but we got back on good terms and were fine. hes just so cute!!! i adore him x 43948204825023759387970267 x5 LOL. so ya i cant wait til xmas. i dunno what i got, but im sure its gooooood. and hes coming either tuesday or wednesday YES YES YES!

my aim is fucked up so i cant use it i have to use AOL messanger wich is total SHIT I HATE IT! ive been tryin to download so many versions of aim but it wont work. all because my friend is an asshole and did something wrong.. FUCK U BRUCE! im so pisssssed!!!!!!!!!!!!!

crush me


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2005 20 December :: 4.19pm
:: Mood: sick

Ugh
welp im gettin ready to wrap the last of my christmas presents!

i had a semi-okay day today, except for me being sick! so when i came home my mom was having me run all over the place and im like mom im freaking sick!!! haha. gay. anyways Jason gets on and hes askin me if im feeling better and blah blah.. and he tells me hes going to the movies with some friends so i ask him if girls are going to be there and he said 'why are u jealous?' and i said 'no i just wanted to know' and hes 'like well it must bother you or something' and i said 'no i just wanted to know' and hes 'like are u worried? and i said no.. and hes 'rochelle only me and the penises are going okay?' and i said 'ok' and his friend got on and was like 'jay just left were leaving bye' wtf? jason didnt even say goodbye to his own girlfriend? hmmm hes probably mad cause i was semi accussing him. oh well. i do trust him, i just get alittle worried cause ive been fucked around on to many times.. but i told my friend ben and hes like


bevisandbendawg: fuck Jason
bevisandbendawg: I even told you next time something happened, its gonna be the last time.
absent x dreams: nothing did happen though
absent x dreams: im just mad because he didnt say bye
bevisandbendawg: how do you know hes not there with a chick?
bevisandbendawg: huh?
absent x dreams: .....i keep tellin myself hes not
absent x dreams: im just goin to be ok with him goin out and trustin him
absent x dreams: cause me and u are hangin out over break anyways
bevisandbendawg: well we're not fuckin or makin out or anything he could possibly be doin
bevisandbendawg: or are we.. -_^
absent x dreams: i hope he isnt
absent x dreams: ben dont tell me that he is. im all worried now
absent x dreams: im lookin forward for him to come over on break. i miss him
bevisandbendawg: OoOo lol ok



wtf? i hate it when he does that. hes jealous i swear.


just i really like jason and i adore him and i want us to be okay. i dont want some dumb shit happening errr

4 heartless people | crush me


swimfan14

:: 2005 20 December :: 10.32am

Going shopping with Chloe and Lisa then I'm leaving for Detroit!! Be back on Friday!!

<3 Ashley


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2005 19 December :: 8.14pm

I woke up this morning feeling like shit; i really hope its just allergies and im not getting sick.. i usually always do around the holidays.. just i dont wanna be

SICK

for break cause my babys coming over!!!!! and i cant wait!!!!!!


anyways today was alright i suppose. i slept in all my classes except for english cause shes a bitch and says if u sleep u go to the nurses cause ur on drugs.. WTF? fuckign retard haha. i did it anyways! and heard 'ROCHELLE WAKE UP!' like 393 times.

1 heartless people | crush me


swimfan14

:: 2005 19 December :: 5.22pm

Here are those pictures Stacy.

I love that little girl.


Read more..

6 heartless people | crush me


swimfan14

:: 2005 19 December :: 3.56pm

If I could take what I've learned from all the mistakes I've made, from all the pages I've turned, from the lost games that I've played. I'd be a better person for it, better than deciding to ignore. You mean so much to me. I want to make things right with you and me.


Scratch that idea.

crush me


swimfan14

:: 2005 19 December :: 12.57pm
:: Mood: pensive
:: Music: All-American Rejects-11:11pm(CST)

If I could take what I've learned from all the mistakes I've made, from all the pages I've turned, from the lost games that I've played. I'd be a better person for it, better than deciding to ignore. You mean so much to me. I want to make things right with you and me.


Chloe is up from Florida right now and she's coming over soon. I'm freaking out!!! I imagine were going to see, well just nevermind that.


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2005 18 December :: 2.27pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Scarling - stapled to the mattress

It's over you're sober -pants around your ankles
You're ship wrecked - You've gone mute
Nothing there to say
You're naked and shaking like a 2 bit Judas
You fall down closefisted and end up in my way

You're the people who just want me to notice
You're the people I try so hard to ignore
You're the coward who demands me to save him
You will smother - under covers- stapled to the mattress.

You traipse on your loved ones
Most who will disown you
You'll search for a family, those you can destroy
Methodically sickened, by their inhibitions
But rather then fix it- you will just avoid

You're the people who just want me to notice
You're the people I try so hard to ignore
You're the coward who demands me to save him
You will smother - under covers- stapled to the mattress.

You're a person who I can't help but notice -
Enjoys drowning into other's self disdain
Void of person - No, I don't think I know you
Please hunt others
Vultures hover
You're stapled to your matters

crush me


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2005 18 December :: 2.20am
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: Scarling - the last day i was happy

FUCKKKKKKKK
i get a LATE NITE PHONE CALL from someone who i wasnt planning on talking to ever again.

this is the conversation

Rochelle, what are you doing
nothing.. who is this
what have u forgotten about me already??
uhm.. who is this?
its smokey
-----silence-----

are u there?
yea. im here, what do u want
i heard your involved now, mom told me some things to
yeah im with someone.
i thought i told u noone would ever want u?.. ur mine i fucking told u that, ur worthless and not worth anyones time
Smokey why are u doing this to me.. its been 8 months let it go please.
i wont let it go ur MY GIRL!
how are u calling me... why
dont worry about that, whats this guys name?, how old? where is he from?
-sigh- this is none of ur business. dont call my fucking phone to fight with me. whats done is done. i didnt do anything wrong
u cant do this to me right now
omfg STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT! i cant take it anymore, uve been out of my life for so long just let it alone
i cant believe u, u worthless piece of shit. i hope u get hit by a bus or u get jacked over by this guy
ya uve grown up i see. havent changed one bit.

THEN I HANG UP!
(and it did go something along those lines.)

calls me back few mins later i dont answer

i get a voicemail :: i cant believe u, how are u going to do this, i trusted u and i told u for u to be with noone. and u go and ruin things i no i fucked up and did wrong, but i told u noone will ever put up with u like i have. u fucked over so bad i dont no what..-silence- FUCK IT! FUCK YOU! U WHORE!


MEANWHILE NOONE KNOWS WHAT I WENT THROUGH WITH HIM. i stayed with an asshole for 2 years. ya i was dumb but i was to scared to leave. why u may ask? because i was scared of him mentally and physically and plus i didnt wanna be alone. im scared to be alone. but i mended fine when he got sent away and i moved on.. and im so much more happier now.. i just cant take bullshit. i see his mother all the time naggin in my ear ' u need to get back with my son, u were the best thing thats ever happened to him and blah blah..

^ ya u can see why i was the best thing that ever happened to him because i was somebody and i treated him good. and i put up with him.

but im done. ive been done.


i moved on and im happier than ever. so FUCK IT!!!!!!!!!

dont fuck with me

2 heartless people | crush me


swimfan14

:: 2005 18 December :: 12.52am

My eyes are fading, my soul is bleeding, I try to make it seem okay, but my faith is wearing thin. So help heal these wounds, they've been open for way too long. Help me fill this hole even though this is not your fault, that im open and im bleeding, all over your brand new rug and I need someone to help me sew them up.

11 heartless people | crush me


swimfan14

:: 2005 17 December :: 10.55pm

haha im seriously going crazy with these things


Your Celebrity Style Twin is Mischa Barton

Funky, bohemian, and girly.




OMG this is weird..I keep getting mischa barton stuff....I swear were like the same person!
Your Birthdate: November 14

You work well with others. That is, you're good at getting them to do work for you.

It's true that you get by on your charm. But so what? You make people happy!

You're dynamic, clever, and funny. And people like to have you around.

But you're so restless, they better not expect you to stay around for long.



Your strength: Your superstar charisma



Your weakness: Commitment means nothing to you



Your power color: Fuchsia



Your power symbol: Diamond



Your power month: May






You Are a Bright Star Soul





Like a shining star, you have no trouble being the center of attention
In fact, you often feel a bit hurt when all eyes aren't on you
You need to be number one in everything, no matter how trivial
And it's this ego that both hurts your confidence and helps you acheive

You're dramatic and a powerhouse of pure energy
You posess a divine quality or uniqueness that's hard to define
A natural performer, it's likely you'll become famous.
Just learn not to take everyone's reaction to you so personally!

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul and Prophet Soul





haha it's just meant to be...theres no way around it.


What Your Pink Outfit Means

Unsurprisingly, you are very sweet and cute.

But you're also a bit of a tease - and not that innocent.

Shy but sexy, you're an alluring mix of contradictions.



Designer match: BCBG



Signature accessory: Tortoise shell sunglasses






Your Heart Is Pink



In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't.

Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time.



Your flirting style: Coy



Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park



Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant



What you bring to relationships: Romance




Your Reputation Is: Mean Girl

You rule through teasing and intimidation..

Yet, people would give the world to be your friend



You are



haha wow

crush me


theedgeofyouratmosphere

:: 2005 16 December :: 10.34pm
:: Mood: indescribable

jack off jill - swollen
its friday and i dont wanna do anything but sit home. no no dont feel sorry haha i chose to do this.. really i do.


today my stalker was really gettin on my nerves with his sick comments.. it grosses me out so bad! ugh.. fucking moron

crush me


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2005 15 December :: 11.51pm
:: Mood: tired, always tired
:: Music: jack off jill - horrible

wooo my day today was fucked! but hey it will be ok i guess... blah



Really Long Survey (over 200)
What is your name?:Rochelle Lynn
Are you named after anyone?:No
What's your screename?:Absent x Dreams
Would you name a child of yours after you?:I dont think so. theres only one Rochelle
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?:umm.. BARTHOLMEW! hahahaha
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?:Noone. my names cool i think
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?:Ya. they say R-A chelle. its RO-Chelle like row row row ur boat. but its cool my mom evens says it wrong
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?:Nah
Basics
Your gender::Female
Straight/Gay/Bi::Straight
Single?:TAKEN
If not, do you want to be?:I am taken so therefore SHOVE IT!
Birthdate::2-28-89
Your age::16
Age you act::Older
Age you wish you were::eh, 18
Your height::5'5
Eye color::Blue
Happy with it?:Sure am, its pretty
Hair color::Brown
Happy with it?:Yeahhhh
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous::RIGHTY TIDY!
Your living arrangement::I live with my mom
Your family::I love my small family
Have any pets?:Nope
Whats your job?:Sleeping
Piercings?:Ears
Tattoos?:Not yet
Obsessions?:UNDERWEAR
Addictions?:Sex. LMAO
Do you speak another language?:NO not really.. but do u want me to? jkjsfjkajfd
Have a favorite quote?:nah
Do you have a webpage?:uhhhhh
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?:LMAO DO I LIVE IN ONE? wtf
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?:i dont no
Do you have any secrets?:sure, when i was little i pissed my pants on the bus LMAO
Do you hate yourself?:Sometimes. ask me on tuesday
Do you like your handwriting?:I guess? i write like a boy
Do you have any bad habits?:Biting my nails and those cancer sticks
What is the compliment you get from most people?:U HAVE NICE EYES! sometimes.. NICE BOOBS or butt. u no hahahaha
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?:Dead Pan
What's your biggest fear?:Spiders.. biiitch!
Can you sing?:No NOT REALLY.
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?:LMAO i am cool
Are you a loner?:Sure
What are your #1 priorities in life?:I dont know
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?:Sure would, im the fucking coolest :)
Are you a daredevil?:Yeah. dare me to do something hoe and see what happens
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?:when im old.. will i like get obese? LMAO
Are you passive or agressive?:UHHH BOTH? idontknow
Do you have a journal?:Yes i do. ur lookin at it.. u fuck
What is your greatest strength and weakness?:i am strong and i have a weak bladder.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?:nothing
Do you think you are emotionally strong?:No. i cry the biggest puddles
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?:Yeah alot of stuff. ugh
Do you think life has been good so far?:Sorta
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?:Nothing, i just try not to fuck up
What do you like the most about your body?:i have an ass
And least?:feet, i hate FEET!
Do you think you are good looking?:kinda
Are you confident?:No not really bud
What is the fictional character you are most like?:Wtf
Are you perceived wrongly?:sayy whattt?
Do You...
Smoke?:Yeah
Do drugs?:No
Read the newspaper?:NOOOOOOO
Pray?:Sometimes
Go to church?:Used to
Talk to strangers who IM you?:Im like "what u want?"
Sleep with stuffed animals?:YEAA
Take walks in the rain?:sometimes
Talk to people even though you hate them?:Ya i try not to have enemys
Drive?:wtf no. my mom is takin forever!!!!
Like to drive fast?:hell ya
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?:NO
Hurt yourself?:ya
Been out of the country?:no. just state
Eaten something that made other people sick?:haha yaaaa
Been in love?:ya.. who hasnt its 2005
Done drugs?:....
Gone skinny dipping?:yeah its so funnnn
Had a medical emergency?:ya
Had surgery?:yep in 4th grade
Ran away from home?:no
Played strip poker?:LOL no
Gotten beaten up?:i beat ass
Beaten someone up?:eh not really
Been picked on?:yeah
Been on stage?:Ya.. omg
Slept outdoors?:lmao NO NEVER!! hahahaha
Thought about suicide?:NEXT!
Pulled an all nighter?:ya and i was a zombie all damn day
If yes, what is your record?:1 day lol
Gone one day without food?:ya
Talked on the phone all night?:sorta until the phone dies
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?:yea
Slept all day?:yaaaa i love it
Killed someone?:in my dreams
Made out with a stranger?:No
Had sex with a stranger?:No
Thought you're going crazy?:yea
Kissed the same sex?:YES!.. u no who u rrrr
Done anything sexual with the same sex?:lmao..
Been betrayed?:Yeah
Had a dream that came true?:Sorta
Broken the law?:Ya lmao
Met a famous person?:No? do u think im that lucky
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?:omg no
On purpose?:NOOOO
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?:ya
Stolen anything?:...
Been on radio/tv?:LMAO YES!
Been in a mosh-pit?:sorta
Had a nervous breakdown?:yes i have
Bungee jumped?:i want to bungee jump off gander mt. haha
Had a dream that kept coming back?:yea for like 3 yrs
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?:yessss
Miracles?:sometimes only with mayonaise
Astrology?:uhhh
Magic?:do u believe in magic. wooo
God?:..
Satan?:..
Santa?:OH YA SANTA! hahahah
Ghosts?:ya
Luck?:sorta
Love at first sight?:Yea
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?:sure
Witches?:no.. wtf
Easter bunny?:LOL oh yaaaa joy joy, its where candy is from mwahahah
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?:sure
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?:YES I JUST HAVENT FOUND IT YET!
Do you wish on stars?:Yea
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?:Yeah
Do you think God has a gender?:Yea
Do you believe in organized religion?:.....
Where do you think we go when we die?:i dont no
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?:Yea
Who is your best friend?:Jena, jason, Kelly, Kayla i have a few. but i love the 1st 3 i mentioned
Who's the one person that knows most about you?:hmmm jena
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?:dont ever stop trying
Your favourite inside joke?:lmao i have so many
Thing you're picked on most about?:when i get pissed. lol everyone thinks its funny
Who's your longest known friend?:hmm i dont no
Newest?:josh
Shyest?:lmao none!!
Funniest?:were all funny
Sweetest?:jason cause hes my baby
Closest?:jena, kelly
Weirdest?:ryan graft
Smartest?:pish ;)
Ditziest?:LMAO..
Friends you miss being close to the most?:Jordan....
Last person you talked to online?:jason and jena
Who do you talk to most online?:jena, jason, ben, john
Who are you on the phone with most?:im hardly ever on the phone
Who do you trust most?:jena, kelly
Who listens to your problems?:all of them
Who do you fight most with?:i dunno
Who's the nicest?:there all pretty damn nice til u piss em off
Who's the most outgoing?:LMFAO next ? please..
Who's the best singer?:me.. duh!
Who's on your shit-list?:haha this girl lauren
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?:
Who's your second family?:after school detention
Do you always feel understood?:no
Who's the loudest friend?:ALAINA
Do you trust others easily?:nope
Who's house were you last at?:my cousin rolands
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in::JASON!
Do your friends know you?:Yeah
Friend that lives farthest away::Isaiah
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?:no way
What do you find romantic?:bein with the one im involved with. and thunderstorms
Turn-on?:personality
Turn-off?:meanness
First kiss?:my first kiss? when i was like 12 haha
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?:i dont no.
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going:yeah
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out:i dont no. whatever works
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv:yeah
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?:Yeah
What is best about the opposite sex?:uhhh
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?:being a bastard
What's the last present someone gave you?:a kiss. lol
Are you in love?:hmmm
Do you consider your significant other hot?:YES!!! HES SO HANDSOME!
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?:my stalker.
You wanted to kill?:some annoying lauren girl ..bah
That you laughed at?:ryan hes fucking retarded
That laughed at you?:some willy kid
That turned you on?:jason :):):)
You went shopping with?:jena
That broke your heart?:...NEXT!
To disappoint you?:josh
To ask you out?:jassssooonn
To make you cry?:ben
To brighten up your day?:jason
That you thought about?:jason
You saw a movie with?:jena
You talked to on the phone?:mike
You talked to through IM/ICQ?:im talkin to jason now, does that count?
You saw?:kids at school
You lost?:NOONE
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?:no im home
Will it be with your significant other?:ya when i see him
Or some random person?:no
What are you wearing right now?:sweat pants and a white tee shirt
Body part you're touching right now::my arm.. LOL u sicko
What are you worried about right now?:nothing
What book are you reading?:im reading a play thingy in english class called trifles? lol
What's on your mousepad?:blankness
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling::like a dead pan ha ha
Are you bored?:no
Are you tired?:alittle
Are you talking to anyone online?:yes
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?:no
Are you lonely or content?:im fine thanks for asking lol
Are you listening to music?:ya
Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d

1 heartless people | crush me


swimfan14

:: 2005 14 December :: 7.19pm

I just want you to know, your not making this easy.

4 heartless people | crush me

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