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2004 30 December :: 4.51 pm
It's hard to say what I feel, because I don't know.
I've passed out twice...I don't think that's a good thing. I've been crying and I didn't even notice until I looked in a mirror.
I'm concerned about Adam. I want everything to be alright, but all I can do is try to be here....
I'm so fucking useless!
I've feel like I'm going to die....but I want to stay.
You can't give me a reason to change my mind.
Run away... |
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2004 30 December :: 9.39 am
:: Mood: tired
I suppose I should update...
I love Adam.
I love Bo.
I've been sitting on my ass for who knows how long....that's not hard to figure out.
I've found cartoons of "Foamy the Squirrel"...I wont even get into it.
Monday...I've changed it from "Sweet 16" to "Scary 16" beause I, am not "sweet" in any aspect, or so I've noticed. But the whole "never been kissed" thing, is true, not surprising.
And I'll stop at this.
Run away... |
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2004 27 December :: 6.19 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
I felt the need to write these down as the many thoughts run through my mind. I'm fairly sure I've used these all at one point or another.
"Fade with me into the shadows...I can show you everything." First said on a midnight walk alone in the rain.
"Don't try to get my sympathy, you were blind of the world from the begining, how is this different?" Arguement with an old friend.
"If only one thing were to last for eternity, my love for Adam would be it." Said kneeling by a tree, feeling my tears feeze to my face.
"I should have been there." Oh so many times.
"Well, I'll put it this way. If you don't shut up and leave them and me alone, I'm going to rip your head off, shove it up your ass, stab you repeatedly, then if I still have time before the cops get here, I'll see how far I can throw your dismembered body!" Once...stalker....um yeah anyway, I'm done.
4 Left without goodbye. |
Run away... |
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2004 27 December :: 2.35 pm
:: Mood: depressed
Somehow I feel I've done something horribly wrong, but I don't know what it could be. I'm not trying to complain but...something doesn't feel right.
Maybe it's the sunlight, the lack of darkness, too much sleep....the distance. It could be anything.
But, I won't start freaking out. As long as you're still here and night still darkens the earth in a beautiful silence of shadows, I'll be content.
Run away... |
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2004 25 December :: 4.17 pm
:: Music: Nightwish - Wanderlust
Finally, the major part of writing and revision of that damn story is complete.
I love this song.
I was the only person on here for a while. Probably because most people have a life! Right now my life is on the other side of an internet connection with his son....take a wild guess.
I hate waking up earlier than needed. Believe me, if no one disturbs me, I could sleep endlessly. Oh well, I have a few reasons to wake up. Adam, Bo, Carley, Andy, Eric. Also showing all the jackasses who wished I died through the night, that I made it another day.
I do wish some people would just die...and in all honesty, call me a terrible, evil, heartless person, but I wouldn't care. I could name a few (hundred) people right now but for the sake of boring you, I'll leave it at this.
Run away... |
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