:: 2005 3 February :: 3.00 pm

I'm no longer afraid to say goodbye. I'm no longer afraid to admit I was being childish. I wish you the best, nothing less. I hope everything lasts for a very...very long time.

Run away...

:: 2005 2 February :: 3.01 pm

Consider me dead as of the end of tonight....not that I really will be...but one can only hope.


I'm sorry for being such a problem for so many people.


I really am.

Run away...

:: 2005 1 February :: 3.33 pm

Eh, whatever....I'll be working on a few stories for as long as I possibly can to fucking forget about everything else. The past hurts to look back on, so I'm looking forward. Mainly toward demise but whatever gets in my way in the mean time...I'll just gun down and keep walking...or running since I can do that again now. I've been in denial all my life, but I'm finally accepting that it's not my fault. If I die before I really want to, I hope you all find that, you're so much better off....either that or your life sucks...either way, at least I've been able to fuck you all over, or make your lives, just a bit better (I HIGHLY doubt that)
Heh, anyway, now that I'm through being a bitch even though I know you don't give a fuck, but if you do, I probably wasn't talking about you. I have nothing against you. At least until you piss me off. But I'm not that easily offended or hurt unlike most people who are. Go ahead, say anything, think anything, you know, even come up to me in person and scream at me to your hearts content, I do not care anymore. I have no time for stupidity...so save your whining for someone who cares...I'm done.
Farewell...

Run away...

:: 2005 31 January :: 7.28 pm

I just remembered...I have a stress test tomorrow! Damn...oh well. Maybe if I drink a hell of a lot of caffine and run for a while they'll find something wrong...or I'd kill myself. Eh, I do actually have people to live for believe it or not. You're probably one of them...whether or not you're willing to accept that, it's true...to more people than you may think. I could name about twenty people I live for...okay maybe ten...but that's still enough to make me hold on. I still wish I could disappear though...you know? Run away? Yeah. I hate it here. I'm going to London once I get enough money. Maybe...or Ireland (I like it okay!?) Or Germany, preferrably Berlin. One of many places I could go. America is falling apart and I'm not going down with it.

I had one hell of a messed up dream/nightmare whatever. I was sitting on the frozen lake staring at the moon over the cemetery, I looked down and saw shadows shifting under the ice. A hand...nothing more than a shadow broke through the ice and pulled me into the water. I heard the words "Remember" and "Stay" over and over again. I'm taking that as a message...but then again...all of my thoughts are wrong. Is this one?

Run away...

:: 2005 31 January :: 2.59 pm

Something runs through my mind, but it's wrong. Something tells me to run away, never look bak, and yet I wait...I'm pathetic, that's it.

Run away...