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2005 30 January :: 10.47 am
:: Mood: contemplative
....I don't know
What would it all be now, if I had looked away? Would I still be staring out the window, holding back the tears? Would I still be writing names in the snow? Would I still be waking up to disappointment?
Not that it matters now...
Run away... |
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2005 27 January :: 4.16 pm
:: Music: Bella Morte
Today sucks
I have a student to teach.
I have flesh to tear, cut and watch split as blood seeps from the acidic interior of my horrid being. Then I'll lick it off and hold the wounds together with saftery pins and string.
I have much homework.
And I found this entire situation all too typical and pre-planned.
End of post...
Run away... |
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2005 25 January :: 4.26 pm
Whatever...
Farewell...
2 Left without goodbye. |
Run away... |
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2005 24 January :: 6.28 pm
I'm disappearing, not completely, but fading slowly. My eyes no longer hold that spark they once did. Now it's hard just to look in a mirror. I despise my image and my being. I've lost my mind and will to live apparently. It's hard to stay away from the edge since you've been gone...or since I've been gone I should say. You were there, I wasn't. I'm a failure and I know it. If everything turns out alright I shouldn't be here too much longer. It is not death I fear but life. I fear the struggle just to stay alive when in my case, it won't mean anything in the end.
Farewell...
Run away... |
::
2005 24 January :: 3.52 pm
Yeah...psychiatrist scheduling....those people are the ones who need help.
What if I am perfectly content with who I am? What if the world knows that and can't accept it!?
Wouldn't surprise me at all.
I would like to rip a few people's faces off right about now and I'd have no problem doing it. But hey, whatever. That would only get me in deeper shit with the people who want to make me 'happy'.
What if I am happy?
Or what if I can't be happy?
Take that into consideration you overly judgemental fuckwits!
Run away... |
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