:: 2005 19 January :: 9.56 pm

Last time for today, I swear. I just wanted to post this because I thought of it a few days ago but never posted it.

"Frail as the black crystal rose, you weep the darkest crimson tears that are only to freeze in the air of the cold world, and shatter on the hard ground leaving you a dark grave in which, you may finally rest in pieces."


The melancholy beauty in this, when you visualize it...

Run away...

:: 2005 19 January :: 5.04 pm

Once our duet is now a solo. But in a dream I've seen it, heard it, does that still mean anything? I can only hope.

Time is not on my side....time is against me....for time only brings me closer to death.

I have become fragile, I fear every movement for it brings pain, but I remain holding on if only by my fingertips, I'll hold on until it KILLS ME!

Run away...

:: 2005 19 January :: 1.36 pm

"Death's bride...don't look back. You'll turn away, walk back. To what you left behind to die. You're meant to die, dare not stay. But you'll look back anyway. You'll stand there waiting. Until death takes you to where you were going. Or you feel that beat of your heart missed and raced when you see him standing there....to take you where you wished you could be."

Death's bride is already dressed for the wedding and the funeral all in one...I'm waiting, frightened, to see if there could be a few words to make me turn back. Because my words tell me to go, some of my thoughts and memories have not agreed.

My heart is shattered, my mind is turning my perception from bad to worse. Only the darkness and cold are left for the embrace that brings the blade closer, that brings the trigger farther, that pushes me to the edge, to look down into demise.

I look back hoping to see someone, but all I see is the faded scene past the tears. Silence...is the most painful sound.....

And I'm finally able to admit, I'm afraid...

Run away...

:: 2005 19 January :: 9.15 am

....nothing to say....except, look towards the midnight sky, I'll be there...

Run away...

:: 2005 18 January :: 9.26 pm
:: Mood: content

Fare thee well, little broken heart
Downcast eyes, lifetime loneliness

Whatever walks in my heart will walk alone

Constant longing for the perfect soul
Unwashed scenery forever gone

No love left in me
No eyes to see the heaven beside me
My time is yet to come
So I'll be forever yours


Such a lovely, yet ever tragic song. Nightwish is indeed one of the best musical artists, ever.
Ah and there has yet to be a distress too great that my cold, dark little room with the sounds of Nightwish has not calmed at least temporarily. Now granted, I shall most likely lose it a few times but everything will be fine *cough*denial*cough* but, hey, who cares right? Right, that and I have to make up for everything I threw out the window. Or I could just leave it all back there where it landed and just keep on walking towards my dark, uncertain future of whatever happens to show up along the way.
Eh, I'm not planning anything for the future, because it usually end up back there with my sophmore year in high school, half of my friends, and whatever sanity I had. Along with my shot at the Air Force, a content life, possibly college, London...well, that's not completely out yet. But anyway, I'm done, shutting up.


I'm such a horrible person....
Trust me.

Run away...