:: 2005 16 January :: 2.40 pm
:: Mood: tired

Don't lie to me then try to hide it.
I have the sudden feeling that I have just been betrayed. By whom I don't know.

Either that or it's the sudden feeling that I'm about to go into an emotional breakdown. For what reason? You tell me!

I'm not in a very good mood today.
I've been working...and it very hot...so I'm a little off.

But I love you Adam an Bo! As always.

Run away...

:: 2005 15 January :: 7.04 pm

Plans for the next few days.
Sunday - Helping my mother clean the house (it would remain clean if people would learn to put things where they belong...I'm a bit of a neat freak but I'm not way out of control.) Then I'm off to the mall (the worst place to be for an anti-social) to see Eric for a while. I won't be online long if at all.
Monday - To the doctors to face my fate....I don't know how long that will take and depending on their words of my condition, I'll either be online ranting in joy that I'll be okay, crying that I'll have to go through surgery, or standing in the cemetery diging a hole...not really. I'm sure everything will be alright (I'm not optimistic about myself so you know what I'm actually thinking)

Well, actually I'm thinking about Adam and Bo as always...
So, with them in mind EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE! I mean it!

Okay so, now I'm off to...do something, I don't know, I'm bored.
I'll most likely be thinking about Adam and Bo while trying to come up with new poetry, singing along with Tarja (If only in real life...) and jumping around to Wumpscut. Hell yes, one of my favourite things to do! I'm multi-functional! I just made myself a bit happier.

Run away...

:: 2005 15 January :: 9.16 am
:: Mood: bored

For what else have you, but a life...with no meaning?
Indulge yourself in what you have 'won', for it's all wortless.
Claim the respect of your followers, nothing but drones in a discusted shadow.
Tyrant you are, but the power not your own.
May the sun not rise on your liking again.
For the night will never die,
and I will never see it yours!


Somewhat reminded me of a short Shakepeare soliloquy, where the character is staring out into the midnight sea, swearing the 'tyrant' will never see day, nor will they ever rule the darkness of night.

I, myself, thought of several people while making this up as I typed.

Right, well, anyway, I'm going to dig through some poetry and see if there is anything worth posting. I doubt it, but I'll just pick one.

"Am I reprehensible for your pain? Or should you be looking in a mirror?"

Today is odd.

Okay I swear I'm done typing right after this next statement.

Get well soon, Adam...you're always on my mind. Bo as well :)

Run away...

:: 2005 14 January :: 3.05 pm
:: Mood: I do not have the slightest idea

"If only once, it will be eternal."

This has many meanings.....

"If only in death shall it be....then let it be."

This crossed my mind when it finally dawned on me that I could die...
But it also has a few meanings behind it. Some more outstanding than others.

"For what lies in mind but wishes we soon deny after."

Meaning only one thing to me. We think of things that we wish would or would not happen. But we deny it soon after the thoughts because we fear what it will bring with it.

"Do not question my intelligence by a letter. Do not think my wisdom naive because of a number."

I think you can figure that out.

I'll post a poem or something later or tomorrow.

Run away...

:: 2005 13 January :: 8.44 pm
:: Mood: worried

...I was wrong. Now we're not sure if it's actually serious or not. My heart rate is irregular and can go from 46 to 191 bpm. I didn't think it would bother me if it was dangerous. But I thought it through...and I have to sustain making a scene with a public outburst of tears.
I have to go to a cardiologist for a second opinion as to whether or not I'll need surgery.

I understand what could happen in any situation and now I'm terrified of losing who and what I have.

All of you.

Run away...