crazyblondeone
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2005 2 April :: 8.19am
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: I Caught Fire----The Used
why?
god i know what its like to get your heart broken by someone you love now. it hurts even worse than i thought. things were going great with me and daniel. he promised me he would never leave me...and the next day he breaks up with me. he said he still loves me but he doesnt want it to be any harder than it's already gonna be when i move. thats not for 2 or 3 months. he told me he loved me. he made promises to me. he had anthony do it for him. he knows that im still a little pissed at anthony and he has him call me and do it. i cant believe its all over so fast. i cant believe it. i love him. i really do and he said he needs to time to sort his thoughts out...so that what im gonna give him. god this is so hard. he said he did it becase he cares about me. well it doesnt feel like it now. he told brittanie he doesnt want me to get too attached. well you know what...i've been attached for a long time. way before we even started going out. omg. i cant believe this. well im gonna go. i have a crapload of stuff i have to do before my mom gets home.
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crazyblondeone
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2005 29 March :: 3.03pm
:: Music: a bunch of overzealous kids screaming their heads off...
nothing much...
yeah im at epicenter right now. its pretty cool. we are all gonna go to the movies in a little while. it should be fun. its wierd...i was reading all of my old entries and omg...it brought back all the feelings from last year. i hate that. omg. im going to amanda's house later. they are having a party and its gonna be super fun. it has to be because i said so. lol. anyways...i dont have much else to say...so im gonna go. ttyl.
-CC
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crazyblondeone
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2005 24 March :: 10.34pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Right Here Waiting---Richard Marx
what is going on?!
yeah...well i know what it feels like when people say that they love
someone so much it hurts. its kinda wierd. are you supposed to feel like that when your going out with them though. it wierd. im love him. i
know i do and i know that people are gonna tell me that im not in
love...that im just in lust but i am in love. i know how i feel. its
wierd...i love him and i have never felt like this with someone before
but when im not with him it hurts....if that makes any sense. i dunno.
its a good hurt though. it feels right...i know that that made no sense
what so ever but oh well. heh. there are a million things running through my mind right now and i wish i could put words to them. its wierd. i know i say that a lot but it is. its just wierd. i dunno. its really scary being in love. i have never fallen in love before. it feels like i have totally lost control and that im in free fall. if that makes any sense. its a good loss of control...its just scary. im scared about when i leave. its gonna suck so bad. i dont wanna go. i wanna just stay here. i really wish i had a choice. if i could i would stay here....but i have no say in the matter. i just cannot believe that i actually have to leave. im gonna be 3 thousand miles away and alone. completely alone. yeah it'll be hard for my friends but they at least have ppl around to help them and to fall back on. i dont. all of my friends are gonna go on with their lives like i never existed while im stuck in a new city alone, scared, lost, and friendless. god. i dont wanna do that. its gonna hurt leaving daniel though. i love him so much and i dont want to leave. now that im going out with him i have a whole new motivation. i want to do good, i want to play good in my soccer games (more than before)...i just strive more and work harder because of him. its like i want to do whatever i can to make him proud. its wierd. i never did that with anyone else. i just want him to be proud of me. if you know what i mean. i know that sounds
pathetic. oh well. omg i love the rain. i dont like walking in it at school and stuff...but i love the sound and smell of it. its just so great. i love it when it looks all gray and gloomy outside. omg. and its evern better
when it looks like that outside and its actually raining. oh so great!
hehe. i think its raining right now but im not sure. i cant tell and i dont
feel like looking outside. lol. omg this is hilarious. bowling for soup
singing a britney spears song. lol. anyways that was random. omg i dont want anthony to drift. he is one of my best friends and lately he hasnt been around much. i know he has a lot on his mind and that he needs some time...but i just hope that he doesnt totally leave all of us. that would kill all of us. if he left it would be like a repeat of what happened in 8th grade and god knows brittanie and i couldnt handle
that. we couldnt handle people leaving us again. no no no. we both said we wont let it happen with anthony...but to tell you the truth...if he really wanted to leave there isnt much we could do about it. which
sucks. oh god. you know what...this is gonna sound totally stupid and
really random but right now i feel really safe. im not talking about in my house or anything...im talking about with my friends. last year i felt safe but it was just a false sense of security and it hurt like hell when it all came crashing down...but this year it hasnt done that. its been real. safe. special. if that makes any sense. i know that if i ever needed one of my friends for something they would always be there to help. at east i think so. its wierd because i dont have control over my heart anymore. i left my heart in daniel's hands. im trusting him not to break it. i have never done that with anyone before. im guessing my way through everything so im kinda scared right now. heh. wow its really late and im really tired so im gonna go. now that i totally just made a fool out of myself and got all sappy and actually opened up im gonna go. i dont normally do that. oh crap. anyways ttfn.
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dramabrat
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2004 8 November :: 7.46pm
well the letter has been written. all i have to do is give to michael,and see what his re action is. i hope its agood one, because i dont want to ruin are friendship by giving him that letter. he's my best friend... i dont want to loose him. not again. hilary's mom is actin like a total bitch! i swear if i was older i curse her ass out. Hilary is being verbal abused by her mother, and its not right. if hilary has to come live w/ me and my family... so be it. as long as i get her out of that household everything will be all right. Chris and i got into are first fight .... aint that just exciting. i think we might break up soon. i think we are not meant to be 2 gether, not like me and miguel.
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dramabrat
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2004 31 October :: 1.51am
what is wrong w/ me. Why do i feel that no one loves me, even though people do love me i think. Maybe they think i'm trying to hard to fit in w/ them. I'm mostly directing this comment to my theatre friends. Even though i don't feel love, as long as they love me deep down in their hearts, that's all that matters... RIGHT! you know what ... shia labeouf is a sexy piece of ass! i have no shame saying that. i would screw him if he gave me a chance! oh baby, oh baby, ooooh baby. but i would totally act like a freak ho if i could do Joel (my sweetheart) from good charolette. oooh sexy. I would honestly screw their brains out. i might not be experienced, but thats otay.
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 10 August :: 6.08pm
your layout is almost done.. i hope you like it XD
im making your icon right now.
♥♥ sara
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 25 July :: 3.19pm
:: Mood: hurt
:: Music: Christmas by the phone-----GC
it hurts...
im not gonna bother writing about my day. i dont feel like it. if you wanna know what happened just go read britt's. she'll probly write about it there. god this sucks. i pretty much know what it feels like to get your heart broken. and trust me it sucks. god you would think i would be over it and ok now after all that time that has passed...but im not ok. it still hurts. and it wont stop hurting. i mean its not like i was in love or anything...which is why this is all so wierd. we didnt go out or anything...but i still got hurt. i know he didnt mean to...but it still hurts. i told him how i felt too...and when i did it he acted like he didnt hear a thing i said. i havent talked to him for a while. which might be a good thing...but i wanna talk to him. i mean it doesnt hurt all the time...only sometimes. god it hurts so bad...and it wont stop. it doesnt go away. i mean i try so hard not to think of him but i cant sotp myself all the time. i wanna see him and i want everything to be ok. things may be ok with him....but im not ok. any nobody realizes that. i can go a while without it hurting...but then something brings back all the memories and it feels like my heart shatters into a million pieces all over again. i mean i can talk to him sometimes and i'll be fine....its after i get off the phone with him that sucks...thats when it starts hurting again. i just wish it didnt hurt so bad.
-SB
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dramabrat
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2004 13 May :: 3.07pm
here akiesa.... the next two episodes of JOA.
22. The Gift
After God tells Joan to give Adam a gift, she finds something that leads her to wonder if God's suggesting she have sex with him...
While secretly searching through Adam's backpack for gift ideas, Joan is stunned to find a condom there. She soon wonders if sex is the "gift" God had in mind, and she nervously ponders whether or not she'd be ready for such a big step. Meanwhile, Kevin begins covering court proceedings for the paper and ends up causing a stir in one of Will's cases.
23. Silence
When the hospitalized Joan is diagnosed with Lyme disease, she begins to question if she's been seeing God or merely experiencing the hallucinations that can be symptomatic of her condition...
Upon hearing that Joan may have been suffering from the symptoms of Lyme Disease for months, a somewhat relieved Will and Helen believe this news may explain Joan's mood swings and atypical behavior, while a concerned Adam wonders if Joan will be different upon her recovery. Meanwhile, the hospitalized Joan experiences a crisis of faith -- and considers revealing to someone close to her that she's been talking to God. In separate circumstances, Helen and Will begin to rethink their belief systems after, respectively, experiencing spiritual dreams and miraculous events.
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dramabrat
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2004 20 February :: 3.48pm
its sara
hey akiesa...hope you like what i did to ur page cos i think it looks good....anyways yeah. so here you go. and your welcome...haha...
blondie
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 19 February :: 3.31pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Silver and Cold by AFI
quiz
Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results | Sociability | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Gregariousness | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Assertiveness | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Activity Level | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Excitement-Seeking | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Enthusiasm | ||||||||||||||| | 46% | | Extroversion | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 64% | | Trust | ||||||||||||||| | 50% | | Morality | ||||||||||||||| | 46% | | Altruism | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Cooperation | ||||||||||||||| | 42% | | Modesty | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Sympathy | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Friendliness | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Confidence | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Neatness | ||||||||||||||| | 50% | | Dutifulness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Achievement | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Self-Discipline | ||||||||||||||| | 50% | | Cautiousness | ||||||||||||||| | 46% | | Orderliness | |||||||||||||||||| | 55% | | Anxiety | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 82% | | Volatility | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Depression | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 82% | | Self-Consciousness | ||||||||||||||| | 50% | | Impulsiveness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Vulnerability | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 82% | | Emotional Stability | ||||||||| | 29% | | Imagination | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 86% | | Artistic Interests | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Emotionality | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Adventurousness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Intellect | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Liberalism | |||||||||||||||||| | 54% | | Openmindedness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 67% | | Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 19 January :: 9.43pm
:: Mood: upset
:: Music: nothing
WHY?!?!?!!
OMFG ITS THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!! joel madden...one of the hottest guys on the planet has a girlfriend now...i mean i know i should be happy for him and i should be happy that he's happy...but i just cant. i mean i guess i can be happy for him...a little...but i hate her...whoever she is. i cant believe it...well at least sara and i still have Tony, Benji, and Matt. i hope that joel and his girlfriend break up. i know that sounds mean but i too bad.
-ME
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 19 January :: 9.37pm
:: Mood: pretty damn good
:: Music: nothing
kickass fun!!!
last night was awesome. the party was great...court was being a stress case but we wont go into that. the band was reat. i hung out with them and stuff while sara and all of them played frisbee with glowsticks. anyways it was great...i got pictures of them and everything. i dont feel like writing all about it...but if u click on the link to 'my friends' and read my friend sara's it explains it all. anyways...g2g. ttyl.
-ME
p.s. i need some help coming up with a new e-mail...if u have any idead post them.
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 17 January :: 9.22pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: the sound of nemo in the other room
not much...
hey...sry i havent updated in a while...i need to blow off some steam and i didnt want to do it all on here (too much typing). yeah brian is making things ten times more difficult then they need to be. thats a LONG story...i wanna call him and just see if we can talk this through but he needs to see that ppl arent always gonna deal with his sh!t. and im not giving in...even though im really worried...about something. yeah for some reason i think danny hates me. i know he talks about me behind my back and i just dont think he likes me very much (as a friend of course). abby is being really snippy and stuff and i wanna strangle her right now...maybe she is PMSing. lol. i think amanda (the nice one not the evil one) got mad at me yesterday becuase i snapped at her...well she was asking me stupid wuestions and asking things that were none of her business and being really rude so of course i snapped at her...and i wasnt in a good mood to start with. you know wut...i know a lot of people would get really upset if i told them this but im gonna right it down anyways. i kinda want to move...but i also dont. i really want to just start over and forget about all the people i dont like and stuff and just start my life over...but i dont want to leave my friends and everything i know. like my friends and stuff like that. anyways well im tired of typing so im gonna go. but ttyl.
-ME
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 14 January :: 8.18pm
:: Mood: mixed emotions
:: Music: i have taking back sunday stuck in my head
why me?
hey...these last few days have been reat but bad at the same time. last weekend was boring (except for friday) and this week i have been jam packed with last minute projects i have been assigned and studying for midterms and regular tests. i have also beed dealing with a bunch of other crap. things have gotten worse with brian. he is going out with this girl who i CANNOT stand. she is WAY preppy, shes a poser, looks like a mouse, she is just evil. i hate her. so he is going out with her AGAIN for the third time. but he doesnt really like her so he is gonna break up with her tmrw. and he is depressed because "he loves me and he cant have me." i was just like whatever...he isnt gonna get me. its not my fault i havent fallen for him and i never will. he needs to get a hold of himself..he is just wasting his time. there is something wrong with danny even though he swears there isnt anything wrong but i can so tell that there is. brittanie (is girlfriend) asked him but he swears nothing is wrong....but i have a gut feeling that something is wrong. plus im trying to figure out what to do about this really sweet guy named Craig. he likes me but im not sure if i like him like him. he is perfect (except for one thing...he isnt that cute) but i just dont know if i like him. i dunno what to do. blondie seems to be doing okay....she is still having some problems i think but at least she is doing better...thank god...i hate it when she is depressed. emilee and i havent had a fight in forever...we get along great now. we are going to the skating rink this friday with Ronnie and Jason and Brittanie maybe. if britt cant go then its just us with the guys...hey no complaints there...even though it would be really great if britt could go. i love hanging out with her..she is one of my best friends along with sara and emilee. brian used to be...but i just dont know anymore. then on Saturday i have court's birthday party to go to and then i spending the night at blondie's house!!! yay!!! lol. this weekend is gonna be pretty cool. anyways i got things i gotta do so ttfn.
-ME
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 12 January :: 7.42am
:: Mood: ummm...i dunno
:: Music: nothing (imagine that)
these donuts are good...
hey...yum. i love powdered donuts. anyways...this weekend was boring. it started out being the perfect weekend then it turned into...blah. i already told all about Friday. Saturday i had a soccer scrimmage...which SUCKED by the way. we only had eight people from our team show up. on Sunday i did nothing. i went to the BX for a little while and then i went home and worked with my guitar, played computer games, listened to music, watched tv, etc. i had nobody to talk to. i tried calling blondie and she wasnt home. i called emilee but she wasnt home either and britt cant talk on the phone. and i really didnt feel like dealing with brian. i dont feel like dealing with him today either....i dont want to go to school. i wanna stay home. but i cant. anyways i gotta go. i haveta finish getting ready for school. FUN!!! (not). ttyl.
-ME
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 10 January :: 12.46pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: n/a
quiz
this is a quiz i took. i thought the result was kinda cool...it does actually decribe me. freaky huh?
YOU ARE APHRODITE
Animal: Dove
Color: red
Aphrodite is the beautiful goddess of love and
passion. She is one of the most influential of
the Greek gods, constantly being prayed to or
asked for help. She is also a troublemaker,
getting involved in all sorts of love
triangles. Aphrodite is the Goddess that all
young girls pray to, to bring them the man of
their dreams.
Aphrodite is admired and sought after for the
freshness that she represents. She often dives
into situations that seem appealing without
thinking the results through, but can usually
charm herself out of any sticky situations.
Aphrodite formed from the sea foam, emerging as an
adult from the ocean.
Which Goddess r u? (4 gurls only) and no im not going 2 make u vote
brought to you by Quizilla
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 10 January :: 9.31am
:: Mood: not bad
:: Music: nothing
fun
omg...yesterday i went to the bowling alley on base with my friends brittanie, emilee, ronnie, jason, and vincent. well actually i wouldnt say vincent is a friend cuz i just met him yesterday and i didnt talk to him much. but anyways...yesterday was the first time in forever that i was actually happy. we were running around like idiots, tickling each other, sitting on each other, taking pictures, just having fun. and then on the way back to my house i sat in the back with vincent, jason, and ronnie. britt and em sat up front...kinda. and i was sitting in the seat by the window in the back and i was goofing around so i put my legs up on ronnie's lap and my feet were on Jason and tehn they started goofing around. they kept tickling me and stuff...it was so fun. yesterday was great. things are wierd with brian...i dunno what to do anymore. he keeps asking me if he has a chance or if he is wasting his time. well he doesnt really have a chance but i dont want to tell him that...so i have just been say "i dunno" every time he brings it up. why cant he be in love with somebody else. cant we just be friends...without having feelings for each other. well actually i donthave any feelings for him, other than being a good friend....but still why cant he just not like me. te whole britt and danny situation is cleared up. there arent any problems with em and amanda. sara made up with court i guess. at least thats what i think...but im not sure. im so confused with that. i havent really gotten a chance to talk to sara about it. anyways i gotta go. ttyl.
-ME
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 7 January :: 8.05pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: nothing
nothing
yeah. im bored. well things are kinda getting better with brian. its hard to explain everything. one of my friends wants to commit suicide. i mean...she can make me mad sometimes...really mad...but i still wouldnt forgive myself if she killed herself. i dont get it...why cant people see that tey ARE loved and that people WOULD miss them if they were gone. yeah...i have thought of it before and i almost did it...but i didnt and i wont...i love my friends and family too much to do that. brittanie isnt ignoring me anymore. so things are getting better with that situation. danny isnt making me made anymore. amanda annoys me at times but i deal with it...i just bite my finger and dont say anything back. things are getting better in ways...but worse in others. anyways i just hope things get better...soon.
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 6 January :: 7.42am
:: Mood: i dunno
:: Music: nothing
a poem
hey everyone. this is a poem that my friend mandee wrote...i accidently mistaked it for a poem i wrote. so yeah..i didnt write it...mandee did. stupid mistake.
Running Out Of Time
Every day I feel as though my time is running out,
Feeling sad enough to cry and feeling mad enough to shout,
I don't know how I'm ever gonna make it through tomorrow,
I stay at home and cry and cry and drown myself in sorrow,
I just don't know how to express these feelings in my head,
the only thing I want to do is sit and cry in bed,
And for the pain to go away is something I would doubt,
the only thing I'm sure of now: my time is running out.
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 5 January :: 8.41pm
:: Mood: feel like screaming and crying
:: Music: nothing
this crap is getting old....real quick
im so sick of this. im sick of courtney being a self centered witch. she thinks she is the only one who has problems and that nobody else can be depressed...well WAKE UP CALL COURT....THERE ARE OTHER PPL IN THIS WORLD OTHER THAN U!!!!!!!! anyways she is treating one of my best friends like crap. blondie helped her with her suicidelness and this is how she thanks her...by saying that she id trying to be depressed?! when i read that i was in so much shock i though i was gonna hell WTF?!?! out loud. tat would have been bad cuz my mom is home. anyways courts not the only selfish person i have to deal with. brian is treating me like crap. he used to like me and he said he still did but i dont believe him. he ignores me now, he doesnt call or call me back when he says he will, he doesnt walk me to my classes anymore, he never tries to cheer me up like he used to. its like im just a piece of dirt on his shoes. i mean come on...u dont treat a girl like a queen and tell her your in love with her and then all of a sudden start treating her like crap. no wonder he cant keep a girlfriend for very long. when i called him at 7.30 he said he would call me back cuz he was doing his math homework (which i dont know if i believe cuz he never usually does his HW). well its alomot 9.00 and he still hasnt called. he cant call cuz i cant get calls after nine. im just sick of everyone treating me life im not human anymore. my friends keep making all of these promises to me and ten they keep breaking them, they are keeping secrets from me, they are lying to me, what happened? i dont get this. actually its kinda a good thing he hasnt called me back. if he had...he wouldnt have gotten chewed out...and i can be pretty harsh when im lecturing or yelling at ppl. its a gift. anyways i g2g. ttyl.
-ME
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 5 January :: 8.13pm
:: Mood: shocked
:: Music: nothing
this shit is getting old...real fast
omg...im so mad right now..and depressed i dont think i can talk about it. im mad at courtney for how she is treating one of my best friends and im just depressed for other reasons. any wys i might tell u all later...but not now.
-ME
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 4 January :: 2.21pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: nothing
uhhhh....hi
uhhhhh...im bored. i have nothing to do. i started working on my guitar but my finger started to hurt and my hands were cramping so i decided to take a break. i will work on it later. i really want to take lessons...i think it will seriously help. i have nothing to do...i finished my homework yesterday...except for my book...but i will read later. i want to change the background on this thing but i havent found one i quite like. well i think im gonna go and work on my guitar some more. practice makes perfect. ttyl.
-ME
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 4 January :: 9.51am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: the sound of a mvie in the other room
nothing...just bored
im bored. not that any of u care but oh well. yeah i just woke up so i havent had time to really think about evrything or process everything that going on but oh well. today i have to clean the bathroom and try to finish by book for my book report. oooo fun! not. and im gonna work on my guitar. im teaching myself how to play. yes im happy because yesterday i was my normal persuasive self and i talked my mom into taking me to the music store so i could get an electronic tuner. its great...britt and i have been trying for like FOREVER to tune the stupid thing and we couldnt do it. but now i finally have a tuned guitar thanks to my QwikTune guitar tuner. lol. anywyas yeah...im gonn teach myself how to play and then im gonna save up for an electric guitar. yeah brian called last night. i talked to him for a little while...not very long though...and britt called me back too. i thought she would be happier about my guitar than she was...after all she did kill her fingers helping me tune it and trying to tighten the god damn D string. anyways thats a whole 'nother story. yeah i talked to blondie online last night for a really long time. but yeah as soon as my mom is done in the shower im gonna take my and then im gonna clean the bathroom...or maybe i will wait to do that later. i dunno. and im gonna spend most of the day with my guitar. well i have stuff to do. ttfn.
-ME
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 4 January :: 9.14pm
:: Mood: empty and lost
:: Music: nothing
all alone
im so bored. i have nobody to talk to. i tried calling brittanie a million times but she wont answer her phone. i tried calling brian a million times and he wont answer his phone. i got online hoping blondie would be on so i could talk to her...but she isnt on. i feel so...alone. brian never calls anymore and i wish he would. to tell ya the truth...i miss him. not because i havent seen him in alomost two weeks..but because its like i dont exist to him. now i wish he still liked me...then he would always call. and besides even though it did annoy me sometimes...it still made me feel special and important. now its like blondie is the only one who seriously cares right now. i feel invisible to everyone else. anyways blondie is on now...and i dont want to bore you guys to death with my pathetic feelings. so adios.
-ME
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 3 January :: 1.21pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: i have a Mest song stuck in my head
i wish...
im so bored. i have nothing to do. im babysitting my sisters right now cuz my mom went to the movies. i dont mind babysitting so much because i need the money and plus i have nothing better to do. im really bored and im waiting to see if blondie is ever gonna get on so i can talk to her. im bored. yeah you know how i said that brian didnt like me anymore? well he does...just not as much. big whoop. anyways im feeling really depressed right now. i miss how things used to be...before i went out with danny and before brittanie went out with brian. i miss how things were towards the beginning of te school year. i miss how britt and i used to have long conversations about all the sh!t we were dealing with and we would help each other with problems and stuff. i miss how she used to always call me after school and we would complain about things. i miss how brian and danny would call me at night and we would talk for a long time...just about stupid stuff. i miss the feeling i had when i found out danny liked me and i miss the feeling i had when i first started going out with him. i miss the long conversations i had with brian. we would talk for hours and hours and we talked about everything...stupid random things and then we would talk about serious deep stuff. i liss how we used to always play truth or dare over the phone. i miss how josh would always give me hugs and stuff after school before he moved. i miss how i would freak out whenever i saw Dustin last year. i miss how things used to be. i miss how seventh grade was and i miss how the beginning of eighth grade was. i wish that Brittanie and brian had never gone out and that emilee and dominic had never gone out. i even wish that i still liked danny and i was still going out with him. as wierd as that sounds. i miss the good feeling i used to get whenever danny talked to me in PE. i miss everything how it used to be (to a point). i want PE to be fun again...i just want to be happy again. i wish the everyone else felt the same way about this as i did...because if they did...we could get it back. but they dont. they dont see anything wrong with the way things are now. they dont see anything wrong with britt and danny going out. they just think things are hunky dory...but they arent. i just want everyone to be happy again...i want everyone to be able to smile again and mean it. i want to be able to actually be happy and not have to pretend i am when im not. i just want things back to how they were before.
-ME
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2004 2 January :: 7.13pm
:: Mood: just...blah
:: Music: nothing
blah
hey. i havent updated in a while. oh well. i have been busy. there is too much that has happened lately to explain all of the details but i will try. well brian doesnt like me anymore...he likes brittanie (his best friends girlfriend...who s my best friend). that is kinda good...at least i have him off of my back. danny made me feel REALLY bad last night...he said something to me that made me feel like an evil witch that deserved to die. yeah...i had a good long talk with brittanie about everything that is bugging me. that helped a lot. i think brian and danny are mad at me but danny says that neither of them are...but i dunno. i keep trying to call brian but nobody will answer his phone. I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO HIM. i have things i need to straighten out with him. anyways i g2g. i have issues to deal with. ttyl.
-ME
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2003 29 December :: 9.03pm
:: Mood: Misunderstood
:: Music: i have a song stuck in my head...its a gc song
yeah...
hey...im so bored. i have nothing to do...i was talking to my brittanie for a while but then her phone started to die...but anyways i went to a music store....FINAYLL!!! i got some picks and i was gonna get a tuner but they didnt have anymore because it was right after christmas. yeah i might start taking lessons in January...i really hope my parents let me...im so excited. yeah...i would start the lessons on my computer program i got but i cant if i have a guitar thats out of tune. anyways im also in a thinking-really-hard stage. i have been thinking about reinventing myself. like being more...just different. im sick of ppl always looking at me and thinking of me as little miss perfect (they do that cuz i get good grades....it gets really annoying) im not gonna stop getting my grades but im just sick of being looked down on. i dunno...its really hard to explain...but yeah. anyways im feeling really guilty right now cuz im not being really supportive of my friends realtionship. i mean this is the first major on she has had since she moved here a year ago and she is like one of my best friends. i just dont approve of it...i think he is too fast for her. its not like they are having sex and stuff but yeah. i just dont like it...maybe its cuz she has been different since they have been going out. before she used to kinda get me...and we used to be able to talk about everything...but now its like she doesnt care anymore and that she is too busy with him to notice that im still alive here. i cant talk to her about my problems that im actually having (even tho i sound happy now im not) cuz she is too wrapped up in her own little fantsy world, emilee doesnt get me (most of the time), brians is just being too wierd to talk to, and blondie is the only one i can talk to. she gets me and she actually acts like she cares. she will listen to my problems and even if im upset about something stupid...she still listens. nobody get me...im tired of being misunderstood and looked down on by ppl.
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2003 27 December :: 5.19pm
:: Mood: half extremely happy and half extremely depressed
:: Music: i have a mest song stuck in my head
just stuff...
hiya!!! you know wut i dont get...is why people are so shallow and they take things for their face value. (im not talking about anyone specific...i was just sitting here thinking to my self and i thought of that all of a sudden.) for instance im in love with Good Charlotte but my friend Emilee hates them only because of the way they look. yeah i know they have a lot of piercings and tattoos and stuff but their arent as bad as some other bands i have seen. anyways i just thougt i would bring that up. im so sick of pretending...its really hard and i dont like it. i mean for the past week or so i have been happier than i have for a really long time. i mean the whole christmas thing has really cheered me up and this break form school has really helped with my mood. im still really snappy and stuff but only sometimes. ppl think im happy and stuff but what they dont know is that deep down im not. im actually really depressed. but ppl dont see that...they can ask wuts wrong and i will lie and say nothing when there really is something wrong, and all they do is say "okay then" and then they go on and on about pointless stuff. but some ppl acutally know wut im going through...im not gonna say any names but they should know who they are...they actually feel the pain i do. they know how hard it is to talk to someone about it. so instead of talk about it...i sit in my room all alone listening to music. if it werent for my music and the few friend i have that dont lie to me i wouldnt be here. and im dead serious about that. i mean im really happy about my cd and about christmas but when i was sitting in the car while my mom was in the commisary a really sad song cam on. it on my new gc cd. when i heard that i felt like crying...it broke my heart when i heard that song. i mean i heard it before but this is the time i actutally heard it without talking and stuff and it really got to me. im trying to figure out wuts up with my mom. she has been really grouchy lately. i mean she will go from being nice and stuff to being really mean and yelling at everyone. its pissing me off. plus i have been trying hard to push my feeling out of the way and worry and help my friends with thier problems. anyways i know some of you would rather not listen to me go on and on about all the shit so im gonna go. ttyl.
-ME
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2003 26 December :: 10.05am
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: "Whats the Dillio" by Mest
whats the dillio? lol
hey im so bored. i know i already updated but oh well. im really bored. i love this song. if u havent heard "Whats the Dillio" by Mest then u seriously need togo to launch.yahoo.com ad listen to it. its a kick ass song...its so funny. anyways i felt like writing something. anyways im gonna go see if i can find a good song to put on here...so ttfn.
-ME
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CrazyBlondeOne
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2003 25 December :: 11.45am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: my sisters are watching Nemo in the other room...not exactly what u call music but oh well
omg
omg!!!! this christmas is soooooooooo awesome. i got a crap load of stuff i wanted. there were more CDs i wanted but i got a bunch of other stuff i really wanted so im good. i got a whole crap load of Good Charlotte stuff. i am so happy. i cant wait to watch my gc DVD later. anyways blondie is sooooooooooo awesome. her dad got her a cd with ALL of the unreleased Good Charlotte songs on it and she made me a copy of it and she is going to give it to me for a christmas present. she also got me the really awesome mest poster i wanted (Mest is a band...just so all you losers who dont know them now know what they are.) anyways im so happy. now im just waiting for my aunt, uncle, and cousins to come. i cant wait for them to get here. i also have lots of fun with them. (just so u all know they are older than me...one is 20 and the other is 18) anyways i better go. i have to make a duct tape wallet for Jake. (my little buddy at school) i promised i would make him one BEFORE christmas break but i never got around to getting the right kind of duct tape...so yeah...anyways i g2g. ttyl.
-ME
p.s. i hope u all had just as good a christmas as i did!!!
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