You Know You're From a Small Town When...

The "road hog" in front of you on Main Street is a farmer's combine. The local phone book has only one yellow page. Third Street is on the edge of town. You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it's still there, on the same chair. You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going, anyway. No social events can be scheduled when the school gym floor is being varnished. You call a wrong number and they supply you with the correct one. Everyone knows all the news before it's published; they just read the hometown paper to see whether the publisher got it right. The city limits signs are both on the same post! The City jail is called amoeba, because it only has one cell. The McDonalds only has one Golden Arch. The one-block-long Main Street dead ends in both directions. Second Street is in the next town over. There's no place to go that you shouldn't. A "Night on the Town" takes only 11 minutes. The mayor had to annex property to eat a foot-long hot dog. The New Year's baby was born in October. Running from the cops consists of hiding in the cornfield. You have to name six surrounding towns to explain to people where you're from. You have to drive five miles out in the country to smoke a cigarette. Headline news is who grew the biggest vegetable this year. There is no point in high-school reunions because everyone knows what everyone else is doing anyway. Driving cars up and down the main drag is a universal high school experience. You can name everyone you graduated with. You know what 4-H is. You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road. You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't - same goes with the game warden. You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting. School gets canceled for state sporting events. You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were and if you were old enough, they would still tell your folks. When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out to the country and drive back roads to smoke them. You were ever in the Homecoming parade. You have ever gone home for Homecoming. It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town. You had senior skip day. The whole school went to the same party after graduation. You don't give directions by street names or references (turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks to the Anderson's turn left and it's four houses left of the football field). The golf course had only 9 holes You can't help but date a friend's ex-girlfriend. Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason. You think kids that ride skateboards are weird. The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty" but is actually just like your town. Getting paid minimum wage is considered a great job. You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as "rich" people. The people in the city dress funny, then you pick up on the trend a few years later. You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday. Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed store. You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town. Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger. Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference The city council meets at the coffee shop. Your letter jacket was worn after your 19th birthday. You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis. Weekend excitement involves a trip to the grocery store. Even the ugly people enter beauty contests. You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride. Your teachers call you by your older siblings names. Your teachers remember when they taught your parents. You can charge at all the local stores. The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away. So is the closest mall. It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower. Everyone who played sports had to play on every type of team, or there wouldn't be enough people to have a team. Being able to hit a road sign with a beer bottle while driving down the highway is considered a necessary skill. A cool vehicle had big tires or a bad-ass stereo. You can remember when your town finally got cable. Driving to the party on a four wheeler is quite normal. You thought the 30-year-old guy that still was at all the parties was cool. The town population increases by one-third when the universities go on break. The best burgers in town are at the rink. You know exactly where to go when the party is at "the lake". You lost your virginity at a bush party. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from a small town.

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