:: 2005 19 November :: 5.17 pm

maybe he is right? maybe i shouldnt take her back if i did get the chance...

i want her back so damn bad that i would give both my arms for her, but still...

why did this have to happen, she was so damn perfect for me

goddamit i dont fucking know what to do1!!!!!!!!!!!!

the worst thing is, if she said she would take me back i would do it so damn fast her head would spin, and now i think shes considering it. but at the same time, im gonna keep talking to sarah and find out where that may go, unless lizzy breaks up w/ him, in which case, im gonna be stuck to her hip for like a week till i can make up for my LML withdrawls


and lizzy, what i really wanted to say yesterday when you said, "what if i already found that person" is, "then get it the fuck back as fast as you can, and then never let go of it." thats what ive been trying to do for a while now

god fucking dammit i love you so much

Get Lucky

:: 2005 19 November :: 12.22 am

talked to sarah again tonight for a couple hours, thats good news.


its friggen FREEZING in my room tho, and for some unbeknownst reason my sound doesnt work. gotta get up and go to some thanksgiving thing tomorrow that i dont really want to, then i gotta work all eight hours of the sunday shift (12-8). sundays are normally pretty slow tho, so its ok i guess.

Get Lucky

:: 2005 18 November :: 2.20 am

holy effin shat its cold in my room, either way, im goin to bed, gotta work tomorrow from noon to 7:30, and i gotta get be some BO juice first >_<

ahh well

one day that had a pretty good ending! first one of those i had in a while, but thats life and what not

night kiddies

<3

Get Lucky

:: 2005 17 November :: 10.49 pm

michelle comes through again!

she introduced me to her friend sarah via MSN, she seems pretty cool

2 Got Luckys | Get Lucky

:: 2005 16 November :: 11.38 am

hmm...maybe my mom was right the whole time...

is it possible that i could have missed something that obvious before?

ahh well, either way, its probably too late now

3 Got Luckys | Get Lucky

:: 2005 15 November :: 7.23 pm

so that was fucking gay

my computer just took a shit...and i have no fucking clue why...

so much for having extra money

Get Lucky

:: 2005 15 November :: 6.54 pm

hmm, ive never really listened to music...i mean never REALLY listened before

its one of the greatest things on earth...

TY for showing me that

Get Lucky

:: 2005 13 November :: 10.11 pm

Excuse me while i rant here...

when is love really love? how do you know, and how can you tell? there are so many things to consider, how could you ever be truely sure? people can manipulate others so easily when they are vulnerable, maybe they say that they love you early on in a relationship without really meaning it, but of course you think they do becuse that is not something that can easily be lied about for most people. how were your previous relationships? were they all good experiences, or bad ones? how recent was the last one and how long did you wait between them? was it all a big rush or something that you just eased into like your favorite pair of jeans? how can you really tell if someone loves you? do they leave for days on end w/out telling you where they are? then when you confront them about it, they stop, of course, but for how long? how long does it last before they start the same crap again? it depends on the person and how dedicated they are to the relationship. recently someone very close to me has had something like this happen, and that makes me wonder what love is, and why something so painful is what people seek so vigorously? if someone loves you as much as they say they do, would they ever hurt you? no, of course not, but how can you tell when they are sincere in their apologies? you cant. it all comes down to trust, everything in the whole world is based on trust. what happens when you lose this trust? more then likely, and unfortunately, as i have recently discovered, you lose the relationship, most likely forever, which is a VERY hard thing to swallow if you dont see it coming. but then how do you move on after that, still loving the person who you know is your soul mate, and everything and everyone tells you is your soul mate? you could ask god? but most people are "too busy" for god, OR they keep pushing the one they love away, inadvertantly. what about a rebound relationship? there must be one of those, they never last, since sex isnt the greatest foundation for a lasting relationship, but sometimes its a necessary evil in the healing process. but what do they do other then that? i wish i had an answer for that one myself, i have only / will only ever have one true love in my life, i know, everyone has told me, i prayed about it for weeks now, and everything in my life has told me that she was the one. that begs the question, how can you make her believe that as well, after making such a big mistake? the only answer to that is faith. faith in her, faith in yourself, faith in god, just faith. you have to believe that it will happen, PRAY that it will happen, and hope to god that it will happen. however, what if it doesnt happen? well then you'd better hope to hell that you can occupy your time with alot of shit cuz its gonna be a long life. personally, i have tried to let go, many times now, ive even tried convincing myself that the one i love is horrible person, but nothing ever works and i always end up back where i started. how can you get passed the person that you were already making plans to spend the rest of your life with? what the hell does a person with their life then? in most cases nothing, they just wither away and fade into the shadows. no matter how good of friends you become it will never be the same as long as there is another person in their lives. maybe one of you will forget, but the other will always be there, longing for their mate, reaching out into the darkness, hoping that they will reach back and touch you, praying for some sign, a light at the end of the tunnel if you will. and its a very dark tunnel, you could walk years on end and still never find an exit, and even if you did, would it be something that you found acceptable on the other side? or just something that will do for the time being? i, for one am not looking for a short term relationship, i have already found the woman i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and then i pissed it away because of my own ignorance and stupidity. no im not asking for pity here, im just stating what i believe, trying to make some sense of this whole debacle, hoping that logic can conquer my own emotions. if only to soothe my mind for a couple hours so i can get some sleep. but what about tomorrow? what happens next? probably more of the same, its just like the movie, "Ground Hogs Day", repeating the same things, over and over again, hoping that one day, something will change. but you know what? things probably wont change, and that leads us back to where we were before, back to the beginning of this whole situation, depression. how can a person be so moody? could a person become Bi-Polar from such an incident? would finding someone else fix the issue? whose to say? it all depends on the person i guess. i just want to understand things that cannot be understood or explained. like how a person could do something like that to someone else, that they had previously talked about marriage with. what would you do with the ring you almost bought the week before? do you give it to them anyways? return it? or keep it in the false hope of something ever coming of the past relationship? what if your in a relationsip with someone and it gets too comfortable? well, as far as im concerned you can never be too comfortable with someone, after all, if your not comfortable with them, then how are you sleeping in the same bed with them? however, in other situations, being too comfortable can be a bad thing, in my case, you are blinded to the things that would indicate that your relationship is going down the shitter. you miss the simple things, like your mate's cries for help in times of need, albeit they are suttle, but looking back they are as clear as day. or the lack of making your mate giddy all the time, where does that go, and how do you stop it from going away? what if someone got so comfortable in a relationship that one person would just leave for the night without saying a word? then when they show back up the next day, or a few days later in some extreme cases, do you say something too them, and risk getting in a fight? obviously you cant just let it slide. but what if you do let it slide? more then likely it will just happen again, and again, and only get worse as time progresses. at what point does the relationship become worthless, after all, you only get back out what you put into it in the first place right? you could tell them how it makes you feel, but what if they have little or no communication skills? you could show them how it feels by doing the same thing. sure, that might work, but for how long? what do you do when your living with someone who may not care what you think anymore and is going to do whatever they like anyways that you think it might be best to end the relationship? ok, now what if we throw a wrench into the situation by adding the fact that the person whose name is on the lease doesnt currently have a job? and the other does, a well paying one at that... interesting huh?



ohh...thought of more to add...but then deleted it becuase it just woulda been a lie, and thats something that i have been doing less and less of lately

*a couple hours later*

holy shit did that make me feel better

and then i talked to you and feel like shit

Get Lucky

:: 2005 12 November :: 7.53 pm

I might clarify that this isnt meant to get at or insult anyone *cough* lizzy.
rather it was simply an observation that i made when i heard the song


It's strange to hear your voice, I did not expect for you to call
You wonder how I'm doin, how I'm holding up since you've been gone

Well, how am I doing since you did, what you've done to me
I can't lie, I sometimes cry, when I think of how it used to be
I keep my friends with me, I stay busy, and I don't get much sleep
Baby that's how i'm doing since you did, what you done to me


Well now wait one minute, I failed to mention, those tears I cried are tears of joy
Because it was no fun, there under your thumb, and now that we're done
I'm getting right, every night, with every single, every loving girl in sight

Repeat Chorus

Well, when all my friends heard, what a you know what you were
They took me out on the town
Bu

t then I heard our song, and I danced along, but it felt all wrong
Cause she was sweet, she let me lead, she never took her ever lovin eyes off me

Repeat Chorus

Well I don't know what you were thinking, running round on me
Well, now you say you're sorry.....well honey I agree

So, how are you doing since you did, what you did to me
Girl don't lie, I know you cried...cause you know how good it used to be
Yeah, tell me does the thought of, loosing my true love, make it hard to sleep
Baby how are you doing since you did what you done to me

Now how are you doing , now that you know how I'm doing
Since you did what you done to me


heard this song today on the way home and that guy is a fucking liar...he said true love...but the whole song seems to be about insulting her? no, that doesnt make sense, true love NEVER goes away, and is more like this :

She left without leaving a number
Said she needed to clear her mind
He figured she'd gone back
to Austin
'Cause she talked about it
all the time
It was almost a year
Before she called him up
Three rings and
an answering machine
Is what she got

If you're calling 'bout the car,
I sold it
If this is Tuesday night, I'm bowling
If you got something to sell
You're wasting your time
I'm not buying
If it's anybody else
Wait for the tone
You know what to do
And P.S. if this is Austin
I still love you

The telephone fell to the counter
She heard but she couldn't believe
What kinda man
would hang on that long
What kinda love that must be
She waited three days
And then she tried again
She didn't know what she'd say
But she heard three rings and then

If it's Friday night,
I'm at the ball game
And first thing Saturday,
if it don't rain
I'm headed up to the lake
And I'll be gone all weekend long
But I'll call you back
When I get home
On Sunday afternoon
And P.S. if this is Austin
I still love you

This time she left her number
But not another word
Then she waited by the phone
On Sunday evening
And this is what he heard

If you're calling 'bout my heart
It's still yours
I shoulda listened to it a little more
Then it wouldn't have
Taken me so long
To know where i belong
And by the way boy
This is no machine you're talking to
Can't you tell this is Austin
And i still love you

Get Lucky

:: 2005 12 November :: 7.52 pm

took jos and kelly out tonight...

oh yea, i can see something there...there was SOMETHING in the air...and i dont mean kelly's B.O.

Get Lucky

:: 2005 12 November :: 11.42 am

ahh, soo many concerns for so many people, luckily the situations i have had in the past are pretty similar for the most part, the other ones i cant say cuz it will be taken the wrong way no matter what

2 Got Luckys | Get Lucky

:: 2005 9 November :: 3.17 pm

lol...STUPIDEST THING EVER!!!

http://billyorly.ytmnd.com/

3 Got Luckys | Get Lucky

:: 2005 9 November :: 3.07 pm

i was afraid of that...

Get Lucky

:: 2005 8 November :: 10.44 pm

Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels.

very perplexing, now if only everyone would try to do this

1 Got Lucky | Get Lucky

:: 2005 8 November :: 7.18 pm

how can we be apart for so long and i still know you better then most anything?

figure that one out...and you get a cookie!!!

2 Got Luckys | Get Lucky