::
2004 10 March :: 9.42pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: alkaline trio, i lied my face off
in the intensity of all you mean to me im tearing down the same barricades i put up in defense to you, now i want to build them around us, im careful to pick words that dont seem to justify you..
and of course everything happens for a reason
because i dropped out of the studio and am no longer attending the competition being held this weekend i am able to travel to italy and greece with less than two days notice, with the spur of the moment departure date being saturday for a twelve hour flight by myself, hopefully i will be reading the book assigned for english on the flight, and wishful thinking says that i will be over this unlikely illness before my expedition
and to think that i would have given up such an opportunity to spend the weekend in monotonous orlando with some who arent what i would consider my personal preference, absurd in my eyes, but with the exception of the person i was to be traveling and rooming with, and you know who you are, i know we alone would have had our own good time
.... Abercrombie and Hollister can wait...
onwards to the oracle at Delphi (will my future be found here?) , the Parthenon and Acropolis, cruising to Athens... Vatican City (can the Pope possibly reform me?) , Sistene Chapel (I may get a stiff neck) , Florence in all its classical glory (& David's divine nakedness) , the Colliseum at Rome... and all my coins to be tossed into the Trevi Fountain! (hmmm what could I possibly be wishing for?)
::
2004 10 March :: 9.11am
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: sum country thing
HeyHey1 Whoa! look at the time! 9-11 SCARY!
anyways, we lost our game at ft myers again lol... this time it wasnt our faults tho
then, i went ot a little league game riite after and we 10 runned the girls hahah ti was lovely
LOOK how BAD I pissed off alexa!
OOOhhh im sorry but stupid hoes i am not nice too! specially since she cheated on wyatt!!
she woulda still bin going him with u ifhe hadnt broken up with her.... STUPID HOE!
Greg is talkin to me more!! i sat on alex's lap today!! w00t!
but he pissed me off
greg said something then he said
"bin there done that" and then slapped my ass... dumbfuck,.!
TasteZLykECherrY: whyd u cheat on wyatt?
CheeseDanish89: omg, lauren, stop
CheeseDanish89: ...what is ur problem
TasteZLykECherrY: like go out with 2 people at once?"
CheeseDanish89: leave me alone
CheeseDanish89: ... seriously
TasteZLykECherrY: u did it, not me.
CheeseDanish89: it's not ur problem
TasteZLykECherrY: its wrong.
CheeseDanish89: ... well, you've done some things taht are 'wrong' too, so stop bitching at me
CheeseDanish89: and i didn't
CheeseDanish89: ... so jus chill
TasteZLykECherrY: so0o0o0o0o0o many people are calling u a hoe now... cuz more then me jus kno!
CheeseDanish89: from u
CheeseDanish89: ...yea, w.e.
TasteZLykECherrY: haha n other peopel
CheeseDanish89: i don't care
CheeseDanish89: y do u all the sudden hat eme?!
TasteZLykECherrY: hey i lost it to wyatt sooo im not gunna let u cheat on him.
CheeseDanish89: ... tahts crazy, cause people call u a hoe too, so, it mutral, and i've done nothing 'hoeish'
TasteZLykECherrY: hehe i kno they do
TasteZLykECherrY: and i dont care
CheeseDanish89: cool
CheeseDanish89: i g2g
CheeseDanish89: bye
TasteZLykECherrY: dont cheat on wes now
TasteZLykECherrY: now u gotta rep;-);-)
CheeseDanish89: f u
TasteZLykECherrY: :-D
TasteZLykECherrY: byah
::
2004 10 March :: 8.50pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: matchbox romance, your stories my alibis
and we have this down, unlike everybody i will spend a million nights just like tonight you know i screamed your name at the sky, until i lost my voice i would give my life for you..
did i ever mention that my father should have been a psychiatrist?
not ten minutes ago he stode into my room to distribute his knowledge of the people encircling me, i have lost count of the times in which he said "no one else in this world was brought up as we are, and no one else thinks the way we do", this is not to be meant in the sense that we are superior to the remainder, but that we can not assume that others will react as we devise them to, maybe this knowledge is hereditary, but i suppose it comes with age
anyway, he spoke to the instructor again this morning on the phone to tell her that i have decided upon leaving the studio and look into receiving money back, it was a negative conversation, which ended up with my father hanging up on the instructor due to her lack of intelligence, in essence the reason behind why i wasnt written out of the number wasnt because of my absence but rather that my father hadnt even made an attempt to get me there, i dont think she was looking at the situational rationally, it would have been physically impossible to have me there being the hour drive to the beach, among plentiful tourists who would crowd the shore so that finding me would have been quite a job, and an hour back, and after that comment she mentioned that he didnt even make an attempt, it would have been physically impossible, hadnt we just gone over this, that is the mentallity of this woman, she was punishing my father for not making an attempt by dismissing me from the dance, and to add to the complaints she refused to refund any lost money and when my father realized that he wasnt going to get anything out of her, as a last resort brought up the fact that she had labeled him an apparent asshole, and she replyed with "you are being one right now", followed by the dial tone produced by my fathers leave of the conversation, and already in my young life have i encountered two people who have caused quite an obstacle with their jealously and mentallity, and many more along this road
despite the number of times i have heard that no one else in the world thinks the way i do, i have never put it to use in an authentic situation, and only because i was told by someone who has had by far many more expirences in his life than i, was i able to comprehend this idea, i have never been known to have a jealous streak in me, i wouldnt find myself putting others down for the sake of self acceptance and i thought the rest of the world functioned the way i did, only to encounter that no one is similar to me, they find some reason or another to have some cold, distant attitude toward others who they believe have more going for them
my mother just drifted into my room to occupy herself with discovering what i was up to only to see that my father was the primary person involved in this entry, the protagonist of this dreaded anecdote, and to her i say that i already admire her beyond belief, i spend the most time with my mother and have learned to mirror her actions to better myself, she has told me on countless occasions what to do, and how to present myself, and because i dont spend nearly enough time with my father, i would like to give him a written thank you, rather than the one i have for my mother, that pleasantly doesnt even have to be said..
::
2004 9 March :: 8.56pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: something corporate, i kissed a drunk girl
well i know you do not care about me im sure when all is said and done and i go home feeling lonely you will have had your fun, do you even remember...
as surreal as it seems, i will be dismissing myself from my home away from home, the dance studio at where i spend eighteen hours a week, with those who i have grown to tolerate and have learned from, my lifestyle and health have enhanced an unspeakable amount
"To gain that which is worth having, it may be necessary to lose everything else." - Bernadette Devlin McAliskey, and i have decided upon dropping out of the studio , or losing it, if i was ever so dedicated to such a cause, why would i dream of leaving, you may ask yourself, and that i can respond to..
this upcoming weekend was initially planned on being spent in orlando at the notorious LA City Dance Magic Convention and Competition, and due to the little time between now and then there was a mandatory rehersal for a select number that i was choosen to take part in, i wasnt properly informed of such an event and the instructor did agree to this statement, therefor the day of this practice was spent at the beach, the instructor later called my father at approximately three thirty pm, and if you know my father he calmly and clearly makes his point, and he is not one to be taken for granted, always there to support me and get his way, and he told the instructor that i wasnt able to attend because to the beach would take an hour drive, hour back, and i wouldnt have made it in time anyways, although the competition is this weekend, i was assumed to ask about practices rather than being told first-hand
when i arrived at the studio this afternoon for a familiar four hour schedual of dancing, i was told i had been dropped out of the number due to my absence, even though no primary choreography had been assigned and the remainder of the rehersal was spent attempting to configure makeup for the competition, i could have easily learned what i had missed, but this was no exception to the instructor, who i believe didnt fairly judge my case and to think that i wasnt even considered a mandatory part of the routine, that i was able to be dropped, how does that make me feel..
but back to my father, after he had set her straight sunday afternoon, she announced to the studio that my father was an asshole, her reasoning being that my father didnt make an effort in contacting me, which would have been purposless because of the distance between locations that would have been covered, and this i find atrocious, and having been told by a fellow dancer who seemed to have overheard the conversation was even worse, to think of how many others had heard this, or that she may have made this affirmative to all the dancers present at the time, this past rehersal the cluster of dancers available were dallying with makeup, no choreograph, i didnt have to be punished in such a way that i busted by balls every other time to arrive there while other didnt even bother to show, that doesnt seem exactly fair to me, but thoughts might change tomorrow..
::
2004 8 March :: 10.28pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: coheed and cambria, neverender
when you have gone about things all the wrong way burry them here, with a lifetime you would never forget in pretending that you meant the world to me with that youd call me a liar..
im not able to fall asleep, not after what i have learned today, the conversation is continuously playing in my mind, and i havent come to a finalization of what to make of it
i should concentrate on how i feel, i am not invincable and i must repeat that time and time again, and i suppose it is true that there is a time in every solitary persons life when they feel unloved, unwanted, and find themselves wondering why they exist for any other reason, and to them i whisper
Carpe Diem..
now those are words to live by
point your gun in another direction now that you have cried yourself to sleep here in there after the fire
::
2004 8 March :: 8.09am
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: i could only imagine
Yeah well of course Kelsey already has Ashley for her bday... what luck.
i mean damn... i never get to be with someone that was like my bestest friend in this state.
i mean it took me 10 years to see her and now shes to0o bizy with kelsey.
im such a crazii jealous bitch but yah kno ?? i dont care
last yr me n ash couldnt be separated and this year we're like shit.
i kno i shouldnt be mad but yah kno... i would like to spend time with her too!
whatever. i shouldnt be so mad
But i am.
Its just.. i dont kno.. anywhere ahsley is.. kelsey is there too. i still dont like her after what she did with ashley.
going out with that david fukk when she knew that ash liked him alot. im sorry but thats like the bitchiest thing to do to a friend.
i was going to make up with micheal today, jannas man, but noooo, he called me a tramp but hes not even a damn virgin! fukkin bozo!
lol bozo isa cool ass word.
Whatever. people are gay anymore.
oh ryan was a REAL ass to me today in math, but he had the decency to make up! im happy that he actually did that.... haha to even remember what he said.. i kinda juss bloccked it outta muh memory but he said that he felt really bad...
kk im done blubberin
Lovealways
Lauren
oh yeah, whoever replyd to that person in my last entry...
thank you.
HolA
Went shopping today
gotta cute shirt. its gotta L on it.. haha
how ironic? lol jk!
Hmm Bored
Alex called me friday niite... he wanted me to go to his house n he said hed pick me up.. but i dunno didnt wanna.. dont kno why... boy am i weird? i mean i did.. but i knew what he wanted soo.. i didnt wanna
Ne ways
i found out my sister reads this journal... hmph oh well. she got pissed when i read hers but hell, i dont give a shit anymore, shes a dumb person anyway all obsessed with nick still. the stupid fuKkk
oh yeha
me and amanda elliott cant wait until the summer
pleasrure island here we come
hitt da celly
LoVe
LaUrEn
Hi.
Juss got home. and im tired!
okay heres my day... go to bed at midnight...wake up at 5...go to school... have softball.. then go straight to a sofftball game.. WOOoohooo! we won haha 14-1.. i pitched and boy did i suck ass! lol. oh well i only walked 2 and the one was cuz i hit the girl... haha poor thing
neways
next week im participating in... what 4 games?
tuesday-ft myers
wednesday- ft myers, then san carlos
friday- ft myers
soo bizy...
AND TIRED!
i want comments in my journal
~Love to pieces~
Laur
::
2004 4 March :: 8.53am
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: collin raye, i can still feel you
its that feeling that someone is standing behind me and i turn around and theres no one there i still hear your voice but you are not really here your memory is like a ghost and my heart is its host..
despite the time length in between valentines day and this particular day, this instant i opened up a sweetheart package only to remove the uniform heart impressed with the words "first kiss", and again i began with that downward slope..
thursday morning approached, the rountine conventional morning with the exception of the farmers market setting up near centennial park, i suggested purchasing the brightening sunflowers which stood among the grey tones of pavement and industry, i did suspect that i was on the verge of breaking done at any given moment, in truth i should have been relieved, being the florida comprehensive assesment testing has passed once again, but i was irregularly distressed over something or the other
later that afternoon i began quite a converstaion with elanna toughhill and charnell dunn, the three of us an unlikely trio have only the evident in commen, that we attended the same middle school, we generated speaking upon all moments that have been dismissed from the mind in years gone past and it was pleasent to be pulled back to earth, to be aware that they will always be available to speak with, on the most casual matters to what gone into our heads yesterday
not until i arrived at the stuido to discover that my best friend of years upon years was not currently present, did my day dim to a shade so dark that i wasnt able to focus, i was told in such a nonchalant way that my face drop instantly, my best friends father is suffering from a heart attack that took place at 3:10 that morning, not moments later i was in tears, crying my herat out from all this stress that has been occuring recently, although i was deeply distressed from the news of her father, i not only cried for him but used that subject as a release for all wrong doings, and today is a meer reflection of the developments yesterday, and i believe that i have gotten myself sick over it, only in a situatation as this does sickness ever result
i wrote an entry thursday morning previous to knowing of the news involving her father, declaring that we focus only on the negative aspects of our life despite the greater number of positive ones that should overrule this negative concentration, i have deleted it but the foreshadowing takes a toll on the mind
and i assure you that i am alright
The Ataris
All You Can Ever Learn Is What You Already Know
im trying to believe in you
but this world sold its faith for parking lots and drunk sincerity
please dont forget
who we really are,
because nothing really matters when we are..
You will be saddened to know,
the train tracks you once walked as a young boy
are now nothing but a graveyard
please dont forget
how small we really are,
because nothing really matters when we are gone
::
2004 3 March :: 5.22am
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: too many niggas
Y0 yo!
Damnnn SCchool is boring.. nuthin fun. im watching... JAWS! lol.. i went to the ortho today he gave me gumbands!! oh no!!! stupid things, ima forget to wear thum. haha Oo0h well.
You ALL should go to my other journal.. its nuthin special... www.woohu.com/~running-from-herself
Juss Read The comments. -lol- tryin to say i FuCkKed Reid.. Nah...
~lol.~
Oohh well. Actin like there brandon... lol.. oh well!
janna needs to break up with whats his face RIIITE NOW!!!! I can't stand the kid. NastY greasy ass hair Ewww. I think ima gettin ihighlights!! w00t!!
KK tomorro
every1 gotta go to my game in 3 oaks. i dont remmeber who we play but i be pitchin.. lol but i warn you i cant hit slow pitchin!!
MMMMMMMmk?
KK well i think ima go since im so00o0o0o terriblely BoReD
Love Yah HoeZ!
LauR
HoLlA oN dA cElLy
560-2738
ive been watching titanic with my momma all day... its been relaxing.
i made a new journal.. juss for peopel who call me a hoe
http://www.woohu.com/~running-from-herself/
::
2004 29 February :: 12.41pm
:: Mood: determined
:: Music: the early november, come back
looking in your eyes reading the stares at your passion that bears me now the silence scares us more than leaving could upset with the past, but it's all that holds us now believing no lies, telling e
dont your adore those particular days when you leisurely awake and you think yourself to look your best, surpass any other day, and because you believe yourself to look this way you come across to others as such, having a stirred confidence about you, with that having been said, today would be categorized as one of those days..
as i type this i am somewhat watching the road to perdition, have overheard marvelous reviews and decided to see it for myself, i seem to have been watching many films recently, in preparation for the academy awards
being tomorrow tonight, yesterday afternoon i went to see clint eastwoods newest released film, mystic river, it was all that i expected it to be and more, this film was exactly what causes me to be fond of films, i was constantly questioning aloud what the outcome would be and what posessed the characters to do as they did, sean penn has been nominated for best actor for this film, i believe his only substancial competition being johnny depp of pirates of the caribbean, but i think that penn will win this time and that depp will be once again be nominated for his soon to be released film secret window, but i tend to think that they over looked kevin bacons performance for actor in a supporting role, he has always been one of my favorites
i anticipate the release of:
* troy (may 14th)
* the alamo (april 9th)
* secret window (march 12th)
* taking lives (march 19th)
* eternal sunshine of the spotless mind (march 19th)
*ned kelly (march 26th)
* united states of leland (april 2nd)
i have been told that i am a goal oriented person, i can fully agree with that statement but once i reach that goal i often let it go to the wayside, yet another matter that i would like to improve, and this brings me to think of that same image that has been chiseled into my brain by now, and what brings it to so causally make its way into my daily life, it couldnt possibly be the fact it made an impression..
ok well i hada game tonite
i did pretty bad
i had a bunch of balls hit to me at short.. but i didnt throw half because they were already half way there... i have the speed to throw it but out 1st basemen sucks so i didnt throw.. got yelled at
i hit a ball to the fence... everyone was telling the 3rd base coach to send me home.. did he? NO! n i woulda bin safe.. so i was stuck at 3rd. then, i went to steal home, and got caught ina pickle because the ball bounced off the fence os it was closer... n got out...
then, i struck out
then, i popped one up to left feild.. i was ready to fukn crie.. im suprised i didnt..
wills a dick head.. thought id share.. brandon wont talk to me.. i mean he does but well not as much.. its kinda pisses me off but hey whatever works.. what else..
amanda bruno i dunno, she never tells me who says what n it drives me insane...
i dont kno.. today is juss.. BLAH. i dunno i guess.. how the hell do i let softball get the best of me? ooh do i wonder.
i juss wish everyone woulda bin there to see the hit that almost went over. n amy is a varsity pitcher... so everyone can juss kiss my ass....
im out
i feel like shit
yes yes things seeming to return to normal, but normal has chnaged
i like that quote.. i got it from nick saldivar.. its actually discribing my life..
me and janna have spent the last 32 outta 48 hours together. its been so great!!! k i hada say that...
Love always
Lauren
CALL
ive been going out when youre coming in ive been waiting here for you as we go out cowards, we come back kings, i didnt have the spine to say what you didnt have the heart to ask... A collect call from a pay phone
And I'm losing you to static
Like faking a dead phone line
You always faked all the good lines
the only memorable division of the school day would be the last twenty minutes previous to the monotonous ringing of the last bell, dismissed pupils whirled about me and i was oblivious to the fact, i was in a trance of memories, having spoken to someone that i hadnt to since last school year
we were never the best of friends, but our friendship was only enhanced over spring break, having spent two weeks with one another in a foreign country, this afternoon i didnt speak with her for nearly long as i wanted it to be, but i came to a sudden realization, someone once told me "it takes someone else in order to see yourself" but not an hour ago did that come to the attention of me, this person told me things about myself that i have never thought of before, i havent actually encountered any of the people from my middle school in the past two months, maybe longer, i frequently venture over to the lockers where they can be found in the morning, but not long after casual pleasantries am i pulled away by numerous people all of who i have met this year, this person declared that she knew of two people who were completely envious of me last year though i was never aware of it until this person told me, people would feel such hatred towards me and it wouldnt even faze me, according to her i dance my way through life and that is why so many people are attracted to me, i didnt want this entry to seem as if i am trying to brag about myself, persay, but rather stating that i realized something, i have met so many new people this year yet i can still maintain even the slightest remnants of a friendship with people i have known from middle school, not a bad combination if you ask me..
that would be all for the reflection on today, but yesterday i went to see the passion of christ film, i wouldnt exactly reccomend it due to the brutal nature of the film but it was tremendously interesting to see how gibson portrayed the last 12 hours of his life, despite the idea that his beaten body was almost intolerable to watch, i have come to believe that my mother and i were the only two in the theater not sobbing, the entire movie was in subtitles, not too much of a hassle for there was only 20 minutes or so of actual speaking and it doesnt really tell the story, you had to already have been knowledgable in the region in advance to follow the occurances, one point that i found curious was the fact that they made satan out to be a woman.. no other comments needed, all visual impact
Filmmaker
Breathing Room
you always said that if i'm a star then you're a constellation
but the sky is burnt out and we're just going through emotions
you've got this mile wide smile that follows you and lights up rooms
i'm getting sick and tired of waiting in the dark
tell me you need some time alone
you need some room to breathe
and i'll be on my way
whenever you need some time alone
just tell me you need some time alone
and if you need to find me i'll be wandering the streets
dining alone at all our favorite places to eat
and drinking alone waiting for the phone to ring
i hope whatever's in this bottle leaves me brave enough to sleep
tell me you need some time alone
if you need some room to breathe
then i'll be on my way
whenever you need some time alone
just tell me you need some time alone
then i'll walk on and you'll just say
feelings fail and people change
we'll pretend that when we meet
we're better off as friends
and if you say theres no way
then when you need me i'll be gone
lipstick smiles touched to parting lips
we'll be alright....
one last time, not unlike the last time
we'll be alright
::
2004 25 February :: 8.46am
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: spitafield, in the same lifetime
wonder if tomorrow he wont go, but they will both know, they are under the same sky in the same life, she said go forward you can't wait for this walking backwards never gets one very far...
today is a dismal day
being the darkness of the skies, and the discouraging rain cascading from them
i dont want to make a considerable deal about this, dont want anything to come of it
this morning i had assured someone that i would ask them a certain question which i was uneasy in asking, as it goes i never asked, which no good can come from, it will result in myself asking them, despite the actuality is no longer relevant, if i asked this question the way i think of things will change
another oddity that has taken place recently, i walked into the studio quite early yesterday afternoon and for some unknown reason meandered into the backroom only to find maria on the floor listening to classical music with such a disheartening look broadcasted across her face, i couldnt identify if this was an attention tactic or if something was horribly wrong, i suspect a combination of the two, come to think of it, many people have been off recently, not themselves, and that is in regards to my question mentioned beforehand, i wanted to know the reason behind why this person was off, torn between whether i should even take the slightest interest or not
i submit no excuse if this is what i have to do i owe you everyday i wake if i could i would shrink myself, sink through your skin to your blood cells remove whatever makes you hurt but i am too weak
not relevant in the least, no underlying meanings this time
just a random work of art that was written by a nameless stranger that they entitled "lost in you and i cant find myself"
Nothing could have torn my eyes away from you that night while you sat there and confessed the secrets of your heart. But it seemed like your mouth was moving in slow motion as I tried to digest all you said. My mind was spinning and my heart was on the edge of my seat, what did you say? I think I love you too. I memorized every flaw on that beautiful skin of yours, just to make sure you were human. You were always one step away from perfection, while I walked the line of destruction. And I adored the way you blushed whenever I caught you looking my way. But I'm sure my face mirrored what you were thinking. You walked straight into my life without yielding or stopping, although I was throwing red signs in your face. Now you're telling me everything I ever wanted to hear, everything I needed to hear. Your eyes are so clear, inviting me to search your soul, your heart, you. And all I can find is a boy giving up everything for a girl... but that's all I wanted to find.
due to the shortness of my temper, i just fought with someone i would never want to argue with, i would rather not anger them but being who i am, i always seem to cause trouble, and this tempermental outburst occured over a meer comment which i didnt prefer, it might not have even meant as i thought it to be, and i am sorry for that, i dont want it to be like this
::
2004 23 February :: 7.28pm
:: Mood: relieved
:: Music: the juliana theory, into the dark
in your eyes i see a darkness that torments you and in your head where it dwells, id give you my hand if youd reach out and grab it, i have forgotten all i known, a part of me is dead..
earlier today someone called me a diamond in the rough, a compliment of the sorts i suppose but it does entail some negative thoughts
arrived to school late this afternoon, with dancing taking priority of the weekend i didnt experience all that much sleep, but i am glad that i actually ventured off to school only to encounter health class, not my favorite in the least but during today's class i took a test concerning one's stress level, mine was below 100 which was exceptionally low, translated into i dont have a high level of stress, and i became knowledgable about the one thing that causes tension in my life, i should consider avoiding that situation in the near future..
speaking of, the dance convention and competition held the previous weekend was as titled, "the alternative convention", nothing i have come across before, despite it was the first time held in orlando, the studio made out fairly well coming home with two golds, scholarship winner, and numerous high silver awards, couldnt expect anything less.. it happened to be a completely berserk weekend, without a moment to breathe, every waking minute was spent in the classical dance apparel learning vigorous combinations with which we performed not hours later, there were basically four one- hour classes occuring before lunch with no remaining time for the slightest water break, following promptly after lunch was the continuing schedule of three classes all similarily consisting of one hour time spans, you can only begin to imagine how my day had been invaded with dancing, fortunately friday evening we spent at point orlando, browsing through the nearby abercrombie and tommy hilfiger concluding with dinner at hooters, only to be followed by a tour of the peabody in which we listened to a mariachi band into the night, typical night before every convention held in orlando, which i have been evidently accustomed to
to end with, on the way to school i was making a peculiar hand gesture in which i was describing the aroura borealis, pinching my fingers together and wisking them in a circular motion, and a random elderly man disposing of his garbage must have perceived this as an insane attempt for a wave, and he waved back with the oddest look plastered across his face.. good times
hi. im sick. im going into school late today because i hada test. i went to disney over the weekend.. it sucked because well... all my family dose is fiite and i was sick asa dog.oooh well. i have no voice. its kindacool. k well imgunna go take a shower... i need to feel clean. riite now i feel like a ... i dunno my heads going to explode. Rarrh... this sucks.! oh yeah, today thursday n friday i hafta go to school, go to practice, then do some GAY ass band shit. it suxs, i cant wait till nxt yr when ima quit. ok n e ways
im out
call
560-2738
love
Laur
::
2004 18 February :: 9.45pm
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: from autumn to ashes, the fiction we live
you might be just what i need been dreaming of this so long but we only exist in this song the thing is, im not worth the sorrow and if you come and meet me tomorrow i will hold you down, fold you in.
not two minutes ago i picked up a gleaming penny, heads side upbound, wishful thinking leads me to believe i might have a trance of luck..
returning home this dusk, i was listening to tony bennett without a thought on my mind, hopelessly daydreaming of things not to come, when i subconsciously acknowledged the lyrics, posted below, reminded me faintly of someone who might take this lyrics into consideration.. this is dedicated to you
Tony Bennett
Who Can I Turn To
Who can I turn to
When nobody needs me
My heart wants to know
And so I must go
Where destiny leads me
With no star to guide me
And no one beside me
I'll go on my way
And after the day
That darkness will hide me
And maybe tomorrow
I'll find what I'm after
I'll throw off my sorrow
They're still borrow
My share of laughter
With you I can learn to
With you on a new day
But who can I turn to
If you turn away
::
2004 18 February :: 8.00am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: in the end
last niite was my first softball game for fort myers!! it was soo great, i was really happy because i did REALLY good despite the fact that we lost. the score ended up being 6-1 against barren collier. i am at school, and im in yearbook i juss finished all my homework that has to do with to kill a mocking bird... fun fun! i have an american govt test today and i think i should study for it..
back to the game
i was 3 for3 and i was the 2nd batter. i dont think its THAT bad... anyway
i bunted the one down and was safe, then the other 2 i hit in the gap between short n third and was the only one to actually get the ball into the outfield not ona fly! lucky me! haha.... i playd 2nd, im starter at second base and janna is at short. Ooooh its fun
im out
Love always
Laur
CAll
560-2738
::
2004 16 February :: 5.41pm
:: Mood: pleased
:: Music: coheed and cambria, blood red summer
if the words that matter reach your face will you be wondering if the words stay true and when the answer that you want is in the question that you state, could you stop this if i plead...
another passing day that doesnt fit the mold of the typical could be better day in which nothing of the slightest importance undergoes, of course the entire day wasnt unfamiliar, exclusively the latter division of the day
i havent been with sam and maria in the longest time, probably because of our distance occuring after not all attending the same high school, and i realize that i am not the same as i was when the three of us were inseperatable, i have gone through expirences and met other people that have had an influence on me only in adding to the unnapprochable manner of our relationship
but this weekend proved wrong, we left everything behind us and began where it had been left to the wayside without a dismissive thought, the night began at the theater to see adam sandlers new film, 50 first dates, nothing spectacular to be expected from it, but it was the perfectly selected movie for the moment, now we went to see this movie around nine o'clock on a sunday night and no one happened to be as social as we were, thus we were practically the only ones out at that time of the night, publically displaying our foolishness came out of the presence of not one soul, the movie being set in hawaii had hawiian music playing during the credits and out of sheer maddness and being the only ones left five or so minutes into the credits, we hula danced around the screen to the outside of the theater where we commented on the past movie and the only other couple left
we returned to sam's house only to dress in the craziest outfits in order to rent several dvd's from blockbusters, decked out in boas, marti gras beads, intimate apperal wore on the outside of clothing, cowboy hats, batman capes, and masks we made our way to purchase american wedding when we encounted not bad looking guys, evidently the one time i dress as a maniac i have to see someone that i attend school with, only the more memories i suppose
throughout the night i couldnt get one particular image out of my mind, as much as i didnt want to be thinking such a thought, i couldnt prevent myself and it seemed that everything reminded me of this thought, from the preview before the film promoting a specific car to the sound of those lyrics put to a melody, i wasnt able to remove this from my mind, what to think of that..
::
2004 13 February :: 7.46pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: something corporate, space
i close my eyes thought i was lost but i was stranded, i thought it made more sense if i could only keep you guessing, now i'm believing all the words you say that i cant say back to you..
and it began promptly at 4:55 am, moments after my stereo arose from a groggy slumber, similar to mine, and erupted with the sound of the ataris.. following not to long afterwards i drifted back to that state between sleep and consciousness when you can control your dreams, for what seemed as several minutes later i was yet again awoke that morning to the sound of my mommy questioning why i was to be found in bed at 6 am, couldnt be considered the most pleasent moment, i was accused of speaking on the phone early into the morning and as a result of this i found myself stuporous at a time i would regularly be preparing myself, in addition, i was notified that all was to be taken away from me, participating in this conviction was my computer, cell phone, and weekend plans
i arrived at school without delay at the approximate time school was to begin, i took note of the bus that cut my father off to advance towards the school, and took advantage of the situation, requesting a late bus pass... hence i wasnt denouced as tardy, fastforwarding to instant the 2 o'clock bell rang monotonously, i happened to be in quite a generous mood, despite i was entrapped with the women who wasnt what i would lable cival towards me this morning, that was abruptly transformed into a hysterical conversation, and the idea of seeing a show or going for icecream.. but it was decided upon that we would firstly return home and acknowledge the listed times for the theater
at this time, i was punished for my room being in quite a shamble and heard the announcment pertaining to me not being permitted to the theater until my room was appropriatly organized, didnt get halfway through when my mommy had a spontaneous change of thought and hurried me into the car at the spur of the moment
disappointingly, we arove too late for the movie we intended to see, but substituted that thought with the jack nicholson "something's got to give" film, which in a later entry i will go into the greatness of this film, and left with that heart warming feeling of goodness, it concluded near 6:30 and we noticed an appetite brewing while sitting for a considerable amount of time, and we decided upon order chineese food from the quaint takeout place near our house, an order was placed and for the time being we strolled over the the bealls loctaed in the same plaza
what a site to see in there, standing impatiently at the cashier was this stereotypical skank, for lack of enhanced vocabulary, with a pair of cheetah print stilettos in hand, coresponding with the style of her shirt and disregarded hair, plaster overtop of mounds of foundation and eyeliner, and as i observed such a setting she was looking me up and down, glaring in my direction.. very uncomfortable moment, we returned to the chineese place to receive our order only to be alerted of the fact that my mother had locked the keys in the car which in a mad stuppor searching for the chineese menu, her cell phone was as well misplaced in the car and mine had absolutly no battery power available from speaking on the phone late into the night, hence i journied back into the takeout place to question my ability to use the phone, which i was graciously presented with, to call my father to pick us up
sitting on the hood of the truck talking casually with my mommy made me realize how fortunate i am to have the relationship i have with my parents, literally half of america derives form broken homes, uncomparable to the stunning perfection of mine, i love how i can talk to my mommy, i love how my daddy defends me, i love how my brother pitifully nods his head while engaged in the computer when i tell him that i love hime, i love my life
cpa239: haah did liz confront you?
TasteZLykECherrY: lol, you kno i emailed it to them wheere you said... "ima spread more lies.
cpa239: how about i said
cpa239: "im going to talk shit"
TasteZLykECherrY: yup
cpa239: not lies..
TasteZLykECherrY: that shit!
TasteZLykECherrY: lol
cpa239: no itsn not
cpa239: but did u say u wanted o give me head?
TasteZLykECherrY: mp[e
TasteZLykECherrY: nope
TasteZLykECherrY: not seriously at least
cpa239: ha
cpa239: its funny how u save these aim convos
cpa239: your have that much time to do it
cpa239: dont u have any friends at school?
TasteZLykECherrY: yip
TasteZLykECherrY: yup
cpa239: im mean serously who do u tlak to on the internet? other than guys who want to fuck u
TasteZLykECherrY: lol muh friends
TasteZLykECherrY: riite now im supposed to be doin research
cpa239: ha
cpa239: i hear you have no friends at all
cpa239: go for it
TasteZLykECherrY: oh really?
TasteZLykECherrY: whod yah hear that one from
cpa239: lizzy
cpa239: liz and the other girl arent ur friends
cpa239: they NEVER were
TasteZLykECherrY: lol mmmk
TasteZLykECherrY: me n liz never really got along
TasteZLykECherrY: sooo lol
cpa239: yea gess
cpa239: i guess*
TasteZLykECherrY: Mmmhmmmm
TasteZLykECherrY: anyway
cpa239: yea have fun with research
TasteZLykECherrY: tons
TasteZLykECherrY: :-\
TasteZLykECherrY: hey chhhris
cpa239: what
TasteZLykECherrY: WHy are you spreadin shit
cpa239: cus ur a bitch?
TasteZLykECherrY: but how tho.
cpa239: and a slut..
TasteZLykECherrY: but how tho.
TasteZLykECherrY: im def NOT as experienced as u think.
cpa239: you gave sama hand job
TasteZLykECherrY: lol........
TasteZLykECherrY: thats not a slut.
cpa239: u barely know him
TasteZLykECherrY: and thats EXACTLY why i dont do anything more than that.
cpa239: you wanted to give him head! holy shit..
TasteZLykECherrY: i knew wyatt for a while and we pretty good friends.
TasteZLykECherrY: no i didnt.
cpa239: dont deny it im not deaf!
cpa239: im not going to buy your bullshit
cpa239: go do something else
cpa239: find some friends
TasteZLykECherrY: i dont even kno how you thinki said 'wanna suck it'
cpa239: "want me to suck"
TasteZLykECherrY: oh sorry
cpa239: sam agree's with me
TasteZLykECherrY: if i said it, id admitt it.
cpa239: haha
cpa239: ad im guna belive your bullshit
TasteZLykECherrY: but i didnt say it, so no.
TasteZLykECherrY: how the fuck is it bull?
cpa239: fuck off!
TasteZLykECherrY: he asked me, "will you"
cpa239: find another kid who would want to fuck u
TasteZLykECherrY: lol... i dont do that crap
cpa239: leave me alont
cpa239: leave me alone...
TasteZLykECherrY: No.
cpa239: haah shows u have no life
cpa239: and no friends
TasteZLykECherrY: i guess not
TasteZLykECherrY: yep ima loner
TasteZLykECherrY: never talk to anyone
cpa239: if u HAD friends u would b talking to them
TasteZLykECherrY: nope.
TasteZLykECherrY: exactly
TasteZLykECherrY: but im not
Previous message was not received by cpa239 because of error: User cpa239 is not available.
jesus christ guys are fuckin gay... lol specially lil 8th graders who get denied.. hehe
CALL ME!
MuAH!
560-2738
::
2004 12 February :: 2.41pm
:: Mood: hazy
:: Music: story of the year, in her bedroom
sometimes you can make a room feel perfect when you try because a mouth full of lies will leave a sour taste that cuts just like a knife as it slides down your throat...
the morning began with fog cirrculatiing throughout the surroundings, fog seemed to make everything obscure, the weather pattern followed my thoughts, a clouded mist and overdue murkiness with a chance of thunderstorms
for unknown reasons, i dont have as much enthusiasm as i did for updating my journal, all that has been taking place currently shouldnt be for the populace to read, but i am ashamed to say that i have told some, and as a response to this action i feel ashamed
i could never quite grasp why one is yearning to tell another of those exhilerating events in their lives as i had been told, but now i have become aware of why that is, i couldnt prevent myself from saying anything, truly wish i had once i look back upon it, and now i dont feel the same as i did when i was part of those exhilerating moments, i dont think i even know how to feel, let alone think of those, i am numb
PlAyA gIRl 4 YoO: im not as experienced as u think
C h r i s PA 05: you werent guna give me head! u dont even know me! slut slut im guna talk shit at school tomarow...
C h r i s PA 05: um yes.. why are u so concerned? im gunna talk shit so fuck u and leave me alone.. jesus..