::
2004 10 February :: 6.04am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: dont let me get me
Hi. okay well i gotta tell yah about last nights game! omg it was sooo graet! i first hit a triple that knocked 2 people in. then amanda bruno hit a homer on error (it should bin a triple) and knocked me in.. then my next time i got up i hit a single, nothing special there, and then, i got up again and hit a double that knocked a girl in. then amanda came up and got a single that hit me in! it was like the best game ever. so her and i really kinda like..."hit" all the points. but it was one of the best games ive ever played cuz i also had this wonderful throw down to uhh home cuz the girl dropped it and the other teams best girl was running and i had th eball low and right to the catcher so she was out. omg it was osoo graet! but then today it pisses me off because ok, we hada scrimmage JV against Vasrsity, i played 2 whole innings outta 7! 22!!!! TWO!!! too! to1 TWO two two two! i was like what the fuck. they stuck kaitlyn in who hadnt been to half the practice because she was also in basketball and shes juss as good if not worse than me. she even forgot to cover first when they needed her and plus she struck out EVERY time she was up to bat... wahtever. hmmph ohhh well
for some reason mrs wheeler was looking at my grades today, i think shes worried about how im doing... i guess what works works.. riiite? anyway
im going to go, my momma is makin sum good Food! MMMmmmmm
Love always
Laur
Call the celly
560-2738
::
2004 10 February :: 3.48pm
:: Mood: nostalgic
:: Music: the ataris, giving up on love
uninspired and growing tired, these last few weeks i have been confused, sometimes i wonder if im better off alone, maybe i will meet that special guy along the way then he will break my heart and lea
grazed a forgotten memory this morning, found myself reminiscing earlier times only resurrected because of a treasured item, i opened that specific cabinet to notice its presence, bearing itself in front of me, causing it to be an obligation of the sorts to remember its purpose...
but it brought back virtuous memories, no complaints there, but what has taken place there after isnt exactly something to brag about, jeannie had an unusual outlook on it all, to present it as a novel, one to be established upon the coffee table of every american home, but we disagree on the conclusion of this novel, of course following the standards of a fairytale, it wont end as i wish it to, the pessimistic view, but as she thinks it will..
moreso, the ataris cd was available on shelves today, doubt i will receive it though, this album is their greatest hits live and i just purchased the remainder of the ataris collection so that i currently have all in the set..
Toby Keith
Wish I Didnt Know Now
I never ask you where your goin',
I never ask you where you've been
I've never called and checked your story,
When you stayed out with all your friends
I've never tried to catch you lyin',
I didn't want to know the truth
I'd rather go on lovin' blind girl,
Than go on lovin' without you
I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then
I wish I could start this whole thing over again
I'm not sayin' that you,
You could never be true I just don't wanna know how it ends
You'd still have my heart in the palm of your hands
I'd still look like a fool in front of your friends
Yeah, I wish somehow I didnt know now what I didn't know then
I've always said what I don't know
Couldn't hurt as bad as leavin' you
Turns out I knew what I was thinkin',
It ain't an easy thing to do,
Well I guess I should be goin'
I sure found out too much to stay,
Please don't say your sorry
I might wait another day
I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then
I wish I could start this whole thing over again
I'm not sayin' that you,
You could never be true I just don't wanna know how it ends
You'd still have my heart in the palm of your hands
I'd still look like a fool in front of your friends
Yeah, I wish somehow I didnt know now what I didn't know then
You'd still have my heart in the palm of your hand
I'd still look like a fool in front of your friends
well hey! i juss changed the backrund music.,.. again, i can only do that at school now because well my computer at home still has no volume lol.. i wonder when were actualyl going to get a new one!! who knows my parents are sooo damn cheap sometimes. im in yearbook! again! lol... gess what??? im kicked out of the class next year because i dont do naything... well i mean i do but only when its due... hahaha oh well... whatever works, next yr ill be an aid and also take drivers ed, so its no problem i already kno what im going to do... im juss going to miss having this period to do my homeowrk. i would ttake study hall but well yoiu dont get any credit for that so i dont think im going to take that... its kinda funny you actually get credit for being an aid. that book, to kill amocking bird, is sooo boring in the verty bginning, i have to read it for english since whell it has to do with prejudice agaist black people n all.. but whatever works...
i have sofball pracice today and then ihave a little league game riite after. amanda elliot is now playing in 3 oaks but shes on the yankees, the last thing carson needs is another pitcher/highschool player. i mean he tried to get amanda bruno off my team and thats just fukn messed up.last year my team only had 10 players and he had 11 before amanada and then he complainedand called amanda perssonally at her house to get her to play.. its so gay. hmph oh well
this class is so fucking boring and half the poeple in heere are sooo dumb... anyways
i think im gunna go... i wwanna i dunno.. rest a bit before next period
Love Always
Lauren
call -----560-2738
::
2004 8 February :: 7.17am
:: Mood: distant
:: Music: wonderful now
I feel soo.. out of it i guess... who knows maybe its juss PMS or something quite like it.
went to the mall today
wasnt thrilled
didnt want to buy anything cept for a $20 skirt i wanted but my mom wa slike.."its too expensive" and of course i havnt asked for a new skirt in ages, but i still didnt get it.. 20 damn dollars. hm... i guess im poor now... whatever.... 350.000 houdse and i still cant get a damn 20 dollar skirt. oooh well
i did my prejudice project, mines a lil different than everyone elses... i did like a collage thinggy but not. its weird.
i wish i couild draw.. i have this pic of what i wanna draw but i dont got that skill...
whatever..
im soo.. blah.. i dont kno..
juss wanna sleep
im out call
you kno the number
Laur
theres more but... I can't tell anyone everything anymore. As much as I wish that I could. It's just too much tied up together .. and I can't do it.
::
2004 8 February :: 5.29pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: the ataris, bite my tongue
sing a song outside your window just if you would let me know, no more waking up lonely, will you be my one and only, please let me know right now because im not going to live forever...
i was questioned last night about what has been on my mind recently, what has conquered my time of the past week or so, and it was an incident that took place friday morning
i arrived at school twenty minutes earlier than i usually do, my father had a sooner than expected tee-time for golf, being in season and all, so i lingered into the abandoned hallways attempting to do something with myself, when i came upon this guy whose name i am not even aware of, but who i have two classes with, wednesday i made a comment or two to him when he was making up a test outside of my english classroom, but advancing to friday i spoke with him for a good twenty minutes about the most random matters, we dawdled about me not even have the knowledge of what to call him, and it had to be one of the best conversations that has taken place in the past few months, and to think that i might never have had the chance to meet this guy had i not been at school at that hour, which seemed a fluke of the sorts, i should really find out his name, another addition to the infamous to-do list..
friday afternooon cascading into evening was spent at the mall, several nice buys i would say but the stir of that night was when i received an irregular email from the offical santa barbara band, the ataris website, their first full length album, which is a conglomerate of their hits is available this tuesday (February 10th)
no other significant news at the moment
i suppose that is all..
::
2004 7 February :: 12.24pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: linkin park thing
Well i got games at 3oaks today then im babysittin lil people at muh church... hey $10 an hour! W00t!!
n e way
i awnted ashiee over but of course shes at monicas...
hes so fragiIe: i spent the night at monis last night (im here now)..we went to a carnival. remind me NEVER to ever go again. ive never liked them. actually i hate them. and i always end up feeling sick ha. tonight im going to a party(matts<3 hehehehe) well his band is playin there. a whole bunch of ppl are goin. im excited. im goin with monica and lauren then monicas spending the night.... what are you doing?
TasteZLykECherrY: hm nevermind.
we used to be soo tight too... wonder what happened..
i dont kno should let it get to me... i mean shes alllowed to hang out with her EVERYWEEKEND!!!
right?
whatever
call
560-2738
::
2004 6 February :: 8.02pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: kenny chesney, the good stuff
he said,when you get home she will start to cry, when she says sorry say so am i, and look into those eyes so deep in love, and drink it up, because thats the good stuff...
Kenny Chesney
I Remember
I'm sittin here alone
Thoughts of you run wild
I'm longin for your touch
Holded by your smile
No use tryin to erase
No one could ever take your place
Well I remember how it used to feel
back when our love was strong and real
And I remember tears in your eyes
As I looked at you and said goodbye
All I want right now is to forget
Every single thing that I regret
And drown out these embers..but I remember
It's yesterday again
Here inside my mind
And I can't find a way
to leave your love behind
I wanna wake up to the day
Your memory won't stand in my way
Well I remember how it used to feel
back when our love was strong and real
And I remember tears in your eyes
As I looked at you and said goodbye
All I want right now is to forget
Every single thing that I regret
And drown out these embers..but I remember
Well I wanna wake up to the day
Your memory won't stand in my way
youre in pieces as your world becomes a rainstorm, you say your leaving well, Im willing to break myself to shake this hell from everything i touch, never again will we fire this gun.. how was your day hailey?
::
2004 4 February :: 10.05am
:: Mood: sleeeppy
:: Music: voice within
HI. im not at school today....
n e ways
im bored and i dunno got the worst headache in the world... hmmm wonder why.... my mouth is bleedin... wonder why...
whoa i wonder lots of things i sould be in biology riite now doing a lab about peppered moths, but i did it last niiite! gooooo lauren!!
k n e ways
i got sum stuff
look
where was i when god had shown
how to make a happy home
Lie in bed and sleep don't come
have some place then give me some
and i know the reason why you hold me down
i wont let this fear loss make me drown
In my bed i lie alone
scraped together bone to bone
again i have become my first enemy
i will survive this instability
I'll stay just a step away
where was i when god had shown
how to make a happy home
and i have become my worst enemy
i will survive this instability
in my bed i lie alone
scraped together bone to bone
again ive become my worsed enemy
i will survive this instability
i need to breathe the breath of life
you constantly drain my life
why can't you see the breath in me
i constantly need your feed
my butterfly don't fly away
if i could just take this simple breath of life from me
you couldnt take it motherfuker eternity
if i could take this breath of life and come inside of me
i am your pill
tell me how you feel today
tell me all your problems
let me try to mend your wounds
let me try to help
i'm here for you today
i'm here for you tomorrow
i've always been here for you
i'll always be here for you
no matter what happens
i love you
i care about you
you hurt me
but i still care
no matter what you do
please tell me if i hurt you
i will try to change
please tell me when i disappoint you
i'll be the best i can
i love you more than words can say
you've told me you hate me
you've made me cry
yet i still love and forgive you
because i know you love me too
i am your friend
and i will always be here for you
i will be your doctor
i will be your pill
i will fix the problem
any way i can
but if i can't
and you're still upset
i apologize
i can only do so much
but i will do all i can
Heres to muh friends that ive hurt in some way...
Far too many secrets .. and even more deceptions still. All the same I tell no lies .. but the secrets I hold within might as well be just that. Because it's killing me far worse than any kind of lie could. This has to be worse than anything else.
I can't tell anyone everything anymore. As much as I wish that I could. It's just too much tied up together .. and I can't do it.
If you ever find out about this .. if you ever see this here .. forgive me. Please forgive me now and ahead of time for everything I've done, am doing, and will do. Because it's all so wrong .. and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Livin life is so hard
Every day I pray to God
Tell Him to send me light so I can touch my soul
And always know right from wrong
Livin life is so hard
Every day I pray to God
Tell Him to touch my heart so He can ease the pain
Anything to hide the scars..
Thank you God, I appreciate every blessin
Happiness to heartaches, take it as a lesson
I learned a lot in this year
Got a life that keeps me stressin
Facin criticism, answerin questions
And you still keep me happy and healthy
Blessed with a mind to play the cards that life has dealt me
No doubt I struggle, I cry at times
Sometimes I wish I could live in a bubble
And it gets hard not to stray from trouble
I'm proud of me, got a family that holds me down
Real friends 'cause the other ones claim they don't know me now
Life is crazy, people never cease to amaze me
Stay with stories by how they made me or raised me
Been through a lot
Still gotta watch my back 'cause people plot
Closest to you do you dirty just so they can take away your spot
Some days I feel like I wanna quit
But I pray too long and dreamed and worked too hard for it
Wouldn't trade my life none, even a little bit
Cause it could be worse for real, I could be turnin tricks
Might bitch and whine but always just in the back of my mind
I could be livin on the streets, nothin to eat without a dime
So I thank God, and I think why 'cause life's hard
Meet a lot of people but always I'm puttin up my guard
Cause you never know, some people are snakes
Some people give a lot but mostly not, most people take
A lot of smilin, claimin realness but most people fake
Still gotta smile, 'cause that's what it takes
Sometimes it's lonely
I feel like people see me but don't really know me
Livin life is so hard
Every day I pray to God
Tell Him to send me light so I can touch my soul
And always know right from wrong
Livin life is so hard
Every day I pray to God
Tell Him to touch my heart so He can ease the pain
Anything to hide the scars..
well, thats the song i wanted that kimmi wont tell me what its called, so if anyone else knows, please tell me because i wanna hear what it sounds like,
take a peek at the post someone gave me on the entry from janurary 31... its soooo wrong. i mean c'mon, accusing me of lying about being a sophmoreis pretty pathetic. oohw ell
im at school riite now, im yearbook, we're not doing anything and i have a test next period that i should be studying for but i really don't want to so i dont tink i will... im not loking forward to softball today i think its going to be really boring... ohhh well... we had a game lat niiite for little leage and of course we lost, we always lose, lol its our bad luck all over again. i played pitcher and short... me and lindsey kept switchin n and out.. omg i hit someone lol... it was riiite at her kneees and the reason it hit her was being she was riite up against the plate and i threw the ball on the inside corner riite at her kneees... hahahahaha. mitch is going to write some dumb shit on my notebook and if he does ima laugh athim.. lol because that'd juss be stupid.. whoa i can type really faast on this key board .. thats pretty damn cool... ok anways
im kinda sick of school... well i kno i say that now but seriously, i don't kno... its sooooo dumb sometimes.. weskeeps saying hi to me... i dunno maybe hes not as mad or w/e at me anymore... who knows, whocares. hmmmm
do i really look for attetion that often. i really dont think i do..... i think im starting to beeileive what everyone says about me and what i do... who knows i shouldnt let it get to me.
reid called me last niiite at like 11 o clock because he was horny.. i was like... im tired and he kept calling bac n got pissd because i wouldnt uhmm..."help him" lol if you get what i mean,...
oooh this english test is on my mind i think i should go study again.. cept i kno like everything on the test review except for the map... i need to find to kkill a mocking bitrd to.. it hink its in my locker.. and im hungry as hell riite now.. jamie gave me some of her pretzels so i think im good until 5th period. once again i had to bring my bat abad go tschoo. im kinda sick of bringing it all over.... i get teeth pulled soon... im dreading that, its going to hurt like a bitch...
hmmmmmmmm bord bored boredf... everyone says i hava hangover today.. well no not that i kno of....lol.. oh well..
nothing else has gone in my life i dont think
ok well the news is comoing on soon so i should go, ill write when i get home if anything else interesting happens.. i doubt it will enless i get hit by a ball or seomthing in practice,
love always
Lauren'
call me
jus snot now since im in school! lol
560-2738
::
2004 2 February :: 8.39am
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: all american rejects, too far gone
hope is such a waste, every breath you take you give me the burdens bitter taste, you promise that you would stay, you say you want to go, your lips provide a shelter to the things that i dont know...
this morning didnt begin on exactly the right foot
and i am the only one to blame for that, guess you can say without a doubt in your mind that from this i have come to a realization of the sorts, only from experience can one have a authentic insight, and even when this does come about, how many of us in reality compromise to do anything about it.. not too many, a teacher not all that while ago told me that the populace features only 20 percent on their top three priorities and the other 80 percent on the lower priorities on the list, and that in turn is exactly what i have to figure upon, my priorities are in array, point blank, i want to question this teacher on why that is, why everyone single one of us is liable for this crime of crimes, not the one that will lead up to a lifetime spent in a dreary cell, but one that will demolish what we could have become, by focusing on the lower priorities, we bring ourselves lower, and why do we do that.. the solution i can not think of
i grasped the thought that i didnt have my main concern in accurate order quite some time ago, but didnt even bother to make the change, and now that is something i must do, here i am seated in this over stuffed chair listening to the monotonous sound of stubby fingers pressing down upon the fragile keyboard, a few hackers mop their fluid filled nose and generously distribute the fluid among the keyboard, this is the classroom, these are my thoughts among my comrades, those who will turn on me, cause immeasurable pain and never have the slightest indication of what goes on beyond this portrait painted at school, in this despicable classroom, i have been told that i have such contemplative thoughts, bordering philosophical, but i cant even analyze my uppermost priorities, we are blind to the truth within ourselves, not great accomplishment that i now have a clear notion towards that, certainly not the first
[x] i want to focus on my top priorities
[x] i want to be able to face the truth
[x] i want to have a decent relationship with those around me
[x] i want to come across as a better person
[x] i want to prevent this pain i cause
[x] i want to maintain what i have with others
[x] i want to appreciate all that i take for granted
[x] i want to please others
[x] i want to be able to awaken without the thought of the troubled things to come
now if only i could, i suppose the only improvement in recent times has been that i have once again been talking to robert, havent made contact in a period of two months or so, wouldnt think of it as any great loss, but of course it is better to be friends than not, but is it dire news within itself? only time will have the solution to that, if i have gained a friend then i must have the loss of one, and there is only one that comes to mind, someone i would be keen on dropping out of my life, and being the person that you are would never even suspect that you are the one i am talking of
no... this is definitely not my day, already begun off sour and now i received a detention for being online, not that it has ever stopped me before, another fifteen minutes wasted in detention hall during lunch
::
2004 1 February :: 5.36am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: my imortal
Hi!
i just had the best day with my mom.
no fighting, no yelling, no nothing. it was sooo nice. it was juss me and her all day, we ran errands. it was great
we founda flower that smells exactly likea lilac. oooh its soo prety. today was such a beautiful day outside too!! oh i had such a good day.. a really good day actually. havnt had one of these fora while... im happy my mom took me out. i needed out of things. then we went to lunch n stuff. i was gunna get a cherry swimsuit but i decided against it. ohhh well..
i slept in.. i got like 13 hrs of sleep. lol... my sisters arent here so theres no one ot fiite with, this is so great... i dont kno why, but i loved today.
Call me
Love always
Lauren
560-2738
::
2004 31 January :: 6.31am
:: Mood: happyish
:: Music: here with0ut you
TasteZLykECherrY: ?
MyHeartToYours09: and im here for you...whenever u need me
MyHeartToYours09: i dont like seeing you like this
TasteZLykECherrY: :-Dthanks hunnie
MyHeartToYours09: and unlike other people...I do care
MyHeartToYours09: i care about you
MyHeartToYours09: and i care about all my other friends
TasteZLykECherrY: :-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-)
MyHeartToYours09: and i dont want to see them hurting
i love people like nicola! they make me feeel SOOOOOO much better, they let me kno someone actually cares!!
Thank you hunnie!! i gotta smile on riiite now
Love always
Laur
call
560-2738
::
2004 31 January :: 2.52pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: coheed n cambria, the favor house atlantic
winter is never too far away now and my poor arms, outstreched so long that my bones are now breaking, but there you come, with a smile that would send any man to his knees...
the proceeding will be rambling, my thoughts on what happened over the summer and how it has left such an imprint in my mind, not a day goes by when i dont wonder what would have happened, and i suppose that was the beginning of this drastic change, according to some, always what could have been
i was glimpsing over a random journal, i found their writtings quite intense, all that i could relate to and more, this one particular entry got me thinking, yet again, about the summer, i dont even know why it made such a lasting impression, im positive the opposing side wouldnt even remember, our contact has wasted away, couldnt even tell you the last time i engaged in a decent conversation with this person, not a day goes by when i dont think of those two weeks, thought it would be a perpetual bliss, but oh how naive i must have been, to really believe that something might have come of it, thank you though, for all that i have learned from that experrience, opened my eyes to the way the world works, the process of things so dear to us coming and going at a rate that only a slight glance will be forever retold to those closest to us, the ones that dont disappear in the blink of an eye, i owe much graciousness to you, and i dont even think i would be able to bring myself to talk with you any day soon, the lone thought that continues to play over and over again in my mind is the night we missed dinner, only to sit on the beds and talk, losing track of time but neither of us seemed to notice, until we eventually made our way back, and i will never fail to remember that heartbroken expression on your dear face, i responded the wrong way and why i didnt do anything was beyond me, i thought of the outcome and that nothing could ever happen :/
what if your fate rests upon the edge of a knife? push too hard and you might get your heart cut in two, pull away and you will never know what could have happened, i stress the word might because you dont know what will happen, if it will be beneifical or horribly wrong because if you push too hard, the knife might make a beautiful wound on your life, something that will affect the rest of your life, for the better or someone might use the knife to stab you in the back or cut out your heart but reminiscing over the past doesnt do one any good when there is such an unforgettable, unexplainable, unblemished present happening about me, i suppose i must have done something right, couldnt think of any other reason why i am deserving, the only thing that kept me going was the thought of you beside me...
and you don't wanna be here in the future
so you say the present's just a pleasant interruption to the past
and you don't wanna look much closer
because you're afraid to find out all this hope
you had sent into the sky by now had crashed
and it did
because of me
::
2004 31 January :: 12.27pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: the stuff mliy lil sis is listening to
Well, now, alexa seems to tell people that i told her she cant talk to them. thats so bullshit! i could personally not care! i mean yeah its wes, but fuck, if she wants to talk to him, she can. it was her boyfriend who said that i guess. i dont kno. who knows, shell end up going out with him anyways, so WHO GIVES A FUCK! paul juss needs to drop her because her n wes are really close and hes obsessed. i mean thats all i hear from people is about him with alexa now! im like... whoa now! this fuckin suxs.. oh well
i cant wait to get outtaft myers. i said this a while ago near SGA election time, an di htought things got better but damn was i wrong....
Ac3rGam3r: so you gonna tell all your friend that they aren't allowed to talk to me
Ac3rGam3r: are are you juss going to talk shit to them
TasteZLykECherrY: huh'
see.. what an assshole
anyway
on a lighter note....
i go tmusic for my page...
call me
Lauren
560-2738
though im weak inside im thriving just the same, still calling out your name wondering who it is that i should blame, stabbing hard and burried conciousness,forgetting others i hold dear...
didnt have the best conversation earlier, yet another thing that i regret creating, and time and time again i contridict myself, wishing to convince myself that i dont have any regrets, because that same someone who has broadened my veiwpoints with various quotations once whispered, make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back, regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only for wallowing in, and i havent even begun to take it into consideration, but perhaps if i thought before my i acted, the matters that do wouldnt transpire, then i wouldnt hurt as i do
i would have to change in that instance, i couldnt even begin to tell you how many times i have heard someone suddenly become aware of the way others perceive them and wish to change, an unmentionable amont i afraid to say yet it rarely happen, humans are creatures of habit, resistant to change despite it being beneficial.. why is that?
oo1. not self initiated
oo2. change creates a fear of the unknown
oo3. fear of failure
oo4. satisfied with the way we are
oo5. negative thinking
oo6. change means additional commitment
in the end, it is significant to remember that we cannot become what we need to be by remaining who we are, there is an effort that should be in effect in order to modify ones personality, in remaining constant, nothing will ever be greatly accomplished, and i am not an exception
::
2004 29 January :: 5.51am
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: cant fight the tears that aint comin....
Hi. Weston is of course being....i dunno.
but i duno, he claims im "very annoying" because i tell him he should get offa drugs n stuff...
here... looky
TasteZLykECherrY: hi
TasteZLykECherrY: helllllllllllllo
Ac3rGam3r: hi
TasteZLykECherrY: how are yah1
Auto response from Ac3rGam3r: I am away from my computer right now.
TasteZLykECherrY: !!
Ac3rGam3r: si?
TasteZLykECherrY: huh? lol
Ac3rGam3r: what do you wamt?
TasteZLykECherrY: wut cha mean
TasteZLykECherrY: lalalalalalalalalalalala
TasteZLykECherrY: hello!
i kno im annoying there but hell dont fukn ignore me.!
RARRRG! softball is sooo gay! i hate being a pticher because thats i practice now adays! its ssooooo... no. lol... jannas sooogood! its so great! her neighbor aked her out today! she had the biggest smile on her face all day1 i love to see muh friends when there really happy!
i like this song thats playing on this one clock... do do do doooo.. lol sry
i wish u could here it, i like it tho.
alexa n wes are like bestfriends now! he juss wants in her pants, like all other girls. i juss!!! i dont kno. i hada quiz today in bio, gotta test in english, math, n american government tomorro. cant wait to study for that! hopefully ill have a better day tomorro.
oh did i tell you reid like sme again?
he misses me
but i said to fuck guys n there gay. lo lso he kinda got mad! ohhhh well
Well guys im out
im hungry
i still havnt eaten today... or ytesurday.. im down to one meal aday..if im lucky... i dont thin kits healthy ohhhh well fuck health
COMMENT ME
Love always
Lauren
560-2738
when you get lonely if no ones around you know that ill catch you when youre falling down, we came together you left alone, i know how it feels to walk out, maybe someday i will see you...
this seems to be familiar, another day when i complete all that was expected and proceed to update this journal of mine, i should really switch my schedule to something more beneficial, something that might hold my concentration, but i dont see that happening anytime soon
bringing the preceding entry up to date, everything is back to the way i wish it to be, there will always be conflict, can not ultimately delete that, but things can always be improved, true? i was able to talk to that person last night in relation to my entry that was only a reaction to theirs, and just for reinforcement, all is well even though at the time it was written, not two hours later i wasnt able to stay aggravated, simply put specific people have their way with more, but more often i have my way with them, there is no doubt in my mind that statement is true, enough of that though..
yesterday by far was one of the greatest days i have had in a while, someone noted that something was wrong, and i suppose something was off but all was forgotten yesterday, i received a note and i would be reluctant to write how many times i must have read it, that shall be considered the highlight of the day, then right after school i went to see cold mountain, that movie has the absolute best cast in the longest time, nominated for several oscars, including best supporting actress and best actor, but surprisingly enough nicole kidman didnt get any recognition, i have decided that every wednesday i will be going to the theater to see the latest movies that have caused a stir, not a bad idea if you ask me
::
2004 28 January :: 7.55am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: the thing on mtv
Hi. Wes Hates me. Wow, how fun is that. .... **yawn** im so tired. whoa i havnt dont one of those.. ** things in forever
anways
softball is ok
ummm janna hasa squeeze!
her neighbor! lol..
ive juss been havin a couple o issues in head... oh well im out
call me
560-2738
laur
::
2004 27 January :: 7.21am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: who wants to be a million air
Well, lesbianism here i come. god damnit i cant stnad guys! now im too fucking annoying for wes. RARrrg! i wanna scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ok that really didnt help, but anyways,
i just don't get stuff anymore, im soo tired out becuase of softball, i should be at estero riite now practicing but, well, no. kev took me home today... i learned lots about him. i love having guys as friends, but to even think about going out with one... juss sucks.
but whatever... reid blows me off to talk to nikki.... GRRRRR whatever! i mean, RArrr! i cant stand it ! i wanna beat sum body, but i wont cuz im nice like that. well im out... PLEASE SOMEONE COMMENT OR CALL ME!!!!!!
Laur
560-2738
::
2004 27 January :: 8.42am
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: finch, apologetic theory
everything im saying is coming out all wrong , ive got so much to say let me explain myself to you, forgive me not im sorry for what it's worth, cant you see im still me, are you listening...
i seem to frequently type of how i would modify the last entry, or to even discount the complete attempt, that was in point of fact how i was to begin this entry, not in total relation, health class does have its benefits, each day the class duplicates the quote on the board involving success, positive attitude, or something encouraging of the sorts, in the most recent class we wrote and clarified the quote, which happened to involve emotions, something along the simple lines of success depends not merely on how well you do the things you enjoy, but how conscientiously you perform those duties you dont, the class unceasing developed a discussion in which the words self discipline were to be heard
an emotionally lead person has their attitude control their action, only driven by convenience, but those emotions can be chosen, ultimately we select who affects our emotions, and judging by the last entry, i let someone affect my emotions, of course there are exceptions when you cant prevent them from getting to you, but there is always room to improve, and why would i let a self-centered, overconfident, arrogant classified person decide how i feel? their entry has been read, over and over again, and they cant seem to control their anger, may i suggest reading above, self discipline happens to be one the most significant matters in one's life, and that comment about being used, just one more suggesting, review why that transpired, could it possibly have been that you begged, pleaded me to open up to you, come to you as i felt fit, i dont open up to people effortlessly, and those shattered hours spent persuading me to expose all that i had to utter on the phone was all because you set yourself up for it, maybe you ought to become aware of what becomes of your desire to help, in my opinion that it only used to make up for your excessive self centeredness, always speaking of yourself, could you perhaps think that wanting to help others balance the self involved trait you portray so very well?
think twice, my friend, because in the end it doesnt balance out, read what you have written from a different perspective, from everyone else's, i can remember an away message that affirmed this thought, something vaguely along the lines of now i know what people really think of me best of luck to you though, might need quite some bit to get yourself out of this hole six foot under you just continue to excavate...
::
2004 26 January :: 4.51pm
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: dashboard, again i go unnoticed
i cant bear these nights of thoughts of going on without you, this mood of yours is temporary it seems worth the wait to see you smile again, wont be the only way you're looking at me then...
learned several disappointing reasons earlier, not too fond of what i have become aware of, the saying of what you dont know cant hurt you seems to be very appealing at the moment, but somehow it is always lightens thanks to a certain someone..
i believed this day was going well, and it did happen to be, better than expected, then went astray, cant hope for everything, true? but i could be located at barnes n noble following the school day, went to purchase the best-seller the da vinci code by author dan brown, hope it turns out to be all that is expected of it, writting of expecting, the being that caused me to genuinly smile when i wasnt at my best wasnt at all who i expected it to be, funny how matters vary from the usual sequence, come to think of it, that is the only person i could expect it from, having spent much time with them, thank you for that, for you already know who you are
enough of this bull, i would bet my life that every reader would rather see of the events from the weekend than what was written above, but i have continued in this lost trance daze, when i finally float back to reality you might get a glimpse of what made the weekend as breath-taking as it was, anticipation my dear friend..
life is floating away your head is turned away, from the moment you left i knew that something wasn't right you and me are like one heart-beat slice open my veins and let the romance bleed away...
didnt like the tone of the last entry, it was cluttered with emotions that i no longer feel, much has been established since i wrote of my pathetic thoughts on the matter, all for the better, wouldnt you agree? that i am glad for, among other things
one lone matter is on my mind currently, has this delightful way of meandering through all of my thoughts constantly, no objection to that, how could i have gone for so long dismissing the idea of what i have now, how is it possible that i could have forgotten how wonderous it can be, remind me continuously, i never want to forget again, but i dont anticipate anything of the sort happening anytime in the near future, oh how i love chris
im sick of all this alexa is hott stuff!! RArrrh! i hate this... i may sound jealous but GEEZE! i dont care to hear about it. im sick of guys telling me this!!!i dont care!!!
seriously, i should juss turn lesbian
look at my other last 2 entries. they explain alot
Lauren
560-2738
::
2004 23 January :: 7.26pm
:: Music: hush little baby..
adams lullaby
baby dont u cry
mommy made u this lullaby
i will love you as long as im alive
oh baby dont u cry
oh baby dont u cry
oh baby close your eyes
in the starry sky
you will fly
oh baby go take your flight
in a world of dreams
a world of peace
i see the magic in your eyes
look at the moon
see how it shines
oh baby say good night
dream about sweet seas
filled with mermaids
of aquamarine
oh baby close your eyes
you might see daddy pass u by
you might feel him hug u tight
oh baby rest your smile
ill see u again in a little while
give me a kiss good night
oh baby sleep tight
This is for Him... Him who makes me feel like im a worthless piece of shit somtimes...
I want him to be the one and only, i want to love him forever, i dont want to go on useless dates for useless pleasure that only lasts for a while. when you love someone its like all the stars come out at night, and even if your day was horrible, you only remember the good, and once you talk him, that conversation runs over and over again, and it makes you smile, its like it sounds even better everytime. and you just feel like your on cloud nine, and like you can fly without wings. every second, no matter what your doing, you think of him, and that makes you love him more, and just one hug from him can make your day complete, jus hearing his voice once can make you the happiest person alive, and when everything is turning black, that little shine of light he gives makes you realize thats all you ever wanted, it was him.
feel my voice when im saying nothing at all, hush me tender hush me sweet.
A confused girl walks down the street. A beautiful confused sweet sixteener, with more then shell ever realize she has. A boy, whos willing to rip his heart out and let this girl walk on it, he slips his young fingers around her tiny waist, and she snuggles her head into his neck and kisses it , and they stand under the silver moon and starlit canopy, enjoying the moment, not knowing what comes next, wanting to stand there in eachothers arms forever...and ever..and ever...
this song brings me to tears
Hush little baby
Don't say a word
Mommas gonna buy you a mocking bird.
And if that mocking bird don't sing
Mommas gonna buy you a diamond ring
And if that diamond ring don't shine
..... whatever i don't need to think about lullabys... i mean... i don't kno what i mean!
im so confused anymore... it juss like BLAH
i dont kno.. i really just dont kno
Hush little baby
dont say a word
mommas gonna buy you a mocking bird
and if that mocking bird dont sing
mommas gonna buy you a diamond ring
And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Momma's gonna buy you a looking glass.
And if that looking glass should break,
Momma's gonna bake you a birthday cake.
And if that birthday cake's too tart,
Momma's gonna buy you a horse and cart.
And if that horse and cart don't go,
Momma's gonna buy you a boat to row.
And if that rowing boat don't float,
Momma's gonna buy you a billy goat.
Hush little baby don't say a word,
Momma's gonna buy you a mocking bird.
::
2004 23 January :: 6.55am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: im ok
school... dumb
softball.... dumb too
my ankle... hurts like a fucker
reid.... i wanna kill
life... odd
friends...good
janna.... seems like shes mad at me
family.... alright
mind... outta control
softball... confusing
love... lol thats funny
::
2004 23 January :: 3.05pm
:: Mood: nostalgic
:: Music: something corporate, space
in this place the lonely escapade in outer space there's no anecdote for irony, you say that you have, when you know that you don't, and you say that you can, when you know that you won't...
today wanst too bas at all, but there always seems room for improvment, with that said, dont let the following fool you, it is not still relevant, but thursday morning, after a rude awakening i wrote this in response to an act in spite of fear
how could my all time high be shattered with a sole glare and three dismissive words that shouldnt even faze me, but it does hurt me so, i undersatnd that i havent even begun to feel as shattered as you were, but having a taste of my very own medicine left me in pieces, i wasnt able to focus the remainder of the day, only wince at the thought, for what it is worth, how pathetic it can seem to let yourself become so verbally angered to someone you confessed your adoring to, and yes i have realized my faults but reconsider the incentive behind your actions, do you truly want to lose all there was?to clarify the above, i do not want to cause you any guilt, if you just so happen to come across this, but i want you to see the result fo your reactions, which, of course, i began, nor am i asking for forgivness or accpetance, just a reflection of my thoughts on the day, i think it is enivitable that something is fundementally wrong that i have become amunne to all of this...
that is no longer how i feel, though reviewing how i felt that day i second guess the outcome as everyone would have, but that was yesterday, all has passed since then risk must be evaluated not by the fear it generates in you or by the probability of your success, but the value of the goal courage happens to the the ability to act in spite of fear, and we all need courage to face the truth, the truth is often a terrible weapon of aggression, it is possible to lie, and even murder with the truth
I MADE THE SOFTBALL TEAM!! IM FINALLY ONA TEAM WITH JANNA!! HOOOORAY!! THIS IS GOING TO BE SOOOOOOooooo MUCH FUN1!!
Love always
Lauren
CALL ME!!!!
560-2738