i used to be your girlfriend & u know i did it well // britney spears.
hmm.. woke up at 1:30.
talked to jonah online, and got ready for the doctor for my fooooot.

he checked it out. thats about it.

got home, brittany called me & picked me up & we went to the mall. i found a dress i want for kaila's party at the Paladium Night Club. its super cute. btw, i hafta RSVP her for me & danielle. idk if ur reading this girl.. but yeah me & danielle r going =)

ummm... on the flip side... i bought a shirt.. from the mall... there were 2 skirts that i wanted... but i didn't get either of them because i put most of my money in the bank earlier today. ahhh fuck they were cute too. o well.

brittany and her... whatever u want to clarify him as... are off. s0o she is drivin' to GA this weekend to see Brandon, which is awesome for her. however, i'm spending as much time as possible with her before she leaves, which means i can't go to the UCT concert with jackie like i planned. i really wanna go, but i need to be here for brittany... and sometimes there are just choices that people have to make.

hmm. thats about it though. ummm PJ & Daniel called me.. i was like what the fuck man.. they are in the middle of watching Spiderman 2 and they are calling me... and then i told PJ to call me 2morrow... cause he wants to do something this weekend & i was gonna g0o to best buy with him while he got his "system" hooked up... but then daniel wants us to go to his house... i was just thinking... hell no... pj is cool, but daniel can kiss my asssssss. just because i'm single... doesn't mean anyone is getting me though. all i need is time alone i guess & to be independent... and lately... i've been doing a good job. i'm pretty much over everything... clarified a lot of things with myself & have really just become... stronger. well... if there is any possiblity of that considering that jonah thinks i'mma "pussy scared little bitch" for not turning down pj & daniel... like i should have. but hey he was right... i should turn them down cause i wouldnt be rude, they would be... after what they said. it was rude... s0o if i had bitched them out right there... its not necessarily my fault. but w/e. n i tend to forget that if i bitch someone out & they wanna hurt me... i have friends that got my back... like jonah, neil, carlos, pretam, avi, camilo, robert, jb, ryan, britt... etc. s0o i'm safe.

yuh i'm bored July 9th there is a UCT concert.. groton wants to go, and i wanna go cause i wanna go with jackie too... so we'll see how that works out. awesome-ness. xoxo <3 i'm out to chat with people on AIM for the night. holler.

** you don't have to depend on others to survive. **

i did everything. but u still don't want it. s0 i'm s0rry, but i'm not returning //.britney.//
i can'T explain how g00d i feel?!

i s0o wanna be frickin' famous. g0sh i would pay. hottttttttt!

when i woke up this morning, cause i g0t neil's phone call. i played s0me serious GTA ViCE CiTY on PS2. i was 0nly in it ta steaL aLL the HOTT frickin' cars.

mommy came home from sh0ppin' f0r sum new shizzLes f0r theE kiTchen CauSe we juST g0t it aLL redone. buT yeah, i haD heR dYin' 0n the fLo0r, laughiN' @ mE. i haD BAD A.D.D. 2day, geesh! and then, 0n top 0f thaT... i'M bLonDe w/ a ReTarDed BraiN! but thAt's N0T the PoinTs guys.

yup... jonah rang 2day! yay! um.. we switched thru a buncha channels on the television like uh... oprah w/ marykate & ashley, tennis, baseball, & pokemon... then he found my absolute favorite movie on channel 66 which would be "DON'T SAY A WORD" yuh... and then my phone battery died on him lmao. i found it hilarious. *shrug* but he put up with my frickin' stupid/ A.D.D. self =)

s0o i watched that... & did some Exercise. wonderful. i was gonna g0o runnin' with Carol, but my f0ot isn't COMPLETELY healed yet. but i d0o g0 to the doctor 2morrow.

took a nice shower & um.. felt really g0od about myself. i think its cause i'm listening to the britney spears cd... the 3rd one, "BRITNEY". yup yup.

ummm i was impressed by the Simple Life 2 show 2nite. but i will NEVER again eat sausage.. & "the lesson we learned today: don't fuck with me."

ashlee simpson was a g0od episode 2. i love the new s0ng surrender... n her album is g0nna be absolutely AWESOME. can't wait. & her & ryan are HOTTTT together. xoxo

ashley e ---> thanx 4 the text babe. we hafta hang out this weekend. <33
ashley p ---> yuh i got ur letter.. but the purpose 0f sending the letter... wasn't in there lmao.

cinderella has got 2 g0. <33

this is how it went down...
i didn't fall asleep til' like 5:30a.m. cause i hadda fever earlier. yuh s0o i did indeed watch spiderman. it was a really, really good movie. but yeah... i slept until like... 3pm...? yeah, well w/e.

umm.. i didn't do much today... since i didn't feel g0od. i mean, i jumped on the trampoline with the little kids... that was cute. made some brownies & rice crispy treats. delicious. called danielle to see how she was doin' in NC. yup yup.

now i'm sitting here talkin' online to jonah, ashley p, carlos, and camilo. g0od stuff. camilo is trying to cheer me up, ashley wants to make sure i'm ok, & carlos is just listening to lil' ol' me. n' jonah n i... are just... talking. yup. anyways... i'mma dip, listen to some more of my jessica simpson cd.

"i'm in a glass case of emotion" - anchorman

+EDiT+
things i'm hoping to look forward to:
*seein' the family / going to the bahamas.
*rbf concert.
*cheerleading practice & camp to start. <33
*gettin' a car to see my old friends. ((they aren't gay... i just realized how much they are really there for me thru my tough times.)) xoxo

if i can sum up everything i learned about life s0o far, in 3 words.... it goes on. <3
today was... eh.

woke up around 2pm after talking to carlos 'til 4am cause he wasn't tired because he just got home from miami from the beatdown. kanye. so jealous. neways... he talked to me... cause i needed a good talkin' 2. needed some sense smacked into this blonde's head.

after i woke up... he called me cause him & avi were supposed to come over from boca, but avi was bein' a dick and not answerin' his phone. w/e lol. i'll see the boca people s0on, i gotta car & a license comin' my way.

i needed to get my mind off things... s0o i cleaned the house. kept myself very busy the whole day. worked just fine. then i soaked my foot again... i took pictures, i hafta put them up here lol. *squeaks in disgust*

pj called me like 10 times but i missed the calls. s0o i called him back & he wanted to hang out cause he wasnt gonna go to delray to see the Atlantic people tonight cause he just got home from baseball. but i told him i was already plannin' on stuff to do 2night. s0o idk, he wants to make sure "the tiny one" is ok cause he doesn't want me to be gettin' hurt. u know. "i told u, if i can't spell the boy's name, u got no business being with him cause it'll turn out bad." lmao sry pj, but ur lack of intelligence doesn't need to predict my future.

ahhhh chance is over. (my brother's friend) they're listening to their wigger music. ugh. i'mma go sit outside with my mommy, carol, and booty girl.... call the cell xoxo. <3

s0o much for that happy ending.
i want to see u. i want to be with u. i want to spend time with u. i want to kiss u. i want u to hold me again. i want to love u the right way. i want to say that u r my boyfriend.

you ARE everything that i want.

i want u back.

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were [meant] to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just f.a.d.e. away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending.

Dmx504boyz: everywhere i looked i thought i saw u
HCOblonde31: =/ jonah!
Dmx504boyz: wut
HCOblonde31: i love u.
Dmx504boyz: love u too

jackie stopped over to see how i was doing. =) love ya & thank ya for keeping me company. xoxo went out to dinner with the family & friends. came home... listening to this song over & over again... and cutting out words from my old magazines.

i wish jonah would come & keep me company.

o yes... mr. camilo called me tonight =) we talked about stupid shit... mostly, he made fun of me for being blonde... believing his record for not taking a shower was one month... and other stuff. i gotta call him sometime next week he says.

wayne from UCT thought i was a horny girl cause things on my journal like "girls just want to have fun", "sex drives are outrageous", and "undress me". but jackie told him i was a virgin & an angel at that. i might be able to go to their show at skatezone on friday... if i'm not doing anything... and then meet them afterwards? *shrug* we'll see. <3

goodnight. <3 loneliness is taking over.

I NEED ADVICE / OPINIONS
recently my parents have caught on to my 14 yr old brother smoking... they have caught him before smoking cigarettes in the bathroom late at night. he got punished badly, n it was upsetting... but he did what he did.

now i KNOW he is up to it again. tonight i walked outta the bathroom at about 2:15am & smelt smoke... it was funny because the only person who does smoke... is my mom & she was sleeping. so i went to my brother's bedroom door... and i smelt it more. then he came up from behind me because he was in the kitchen & goes...

tommy: "what r u doing?"
briana: "dude, ur room smells like smoke!"
tommy: "idk y."
briana: "maybe because u were smoking?! duh"
tommy: "no i don't do that stuff."
briana: "yuh ok" *walks away*

5 minutes later.

tommy: "briana come in my room for a minute."
briana: "what?"
tommy: "idk what to do, its just addicting, plz don't tell mommy & daddy, i know its wrong, but i can't stop."
briana: "tommy, i have to. what if this shit kills u in 15-30 years? or what if u drop the shit on the floor & the house catches on fire or something? what if u wind up with lung cancer at the age of 18? u obviously don't understand the stuff is wrong, nasty, and needs to be taken care of!"
tommy: "i know but please don't tell them because they will get all mad."
briana: "tommy, i can't stop u from doing it, n obviously u can't stop urself, so daddy & mommy need to stop u, because they have their controls of doing so. its just to take care of my brother... i gotta make choices i don't wanna, but its for ur own good."
tommy: "briana, please!"

and i walked away...

should i tell my parents, or not? i know he doesn't wanna suffer from being grounded... my dad yelling, etc. but i don't want him to suffer death early. =/ i'm so confused.

leave comments & help me out. PLEASE <3

just got back from ashley's house =D
s0o thursday... me, ashley, and shane went to the beach. talked, got burnt... yeah =) s0o glad we get to hang out again. then we went to hang out at her pool. the water wasnt cold, but we talked about the old stuffed animals that she had & we used to name & play with lol. then around 7:30ish her mom picked up Bret & we all went to the movies to see WHITE CHICKS. it was so funny... but it wasn't funny that shane was mistaking me and ashley for some ugly chicks in the theater lol. o and bret with the damn penny lol. i swear he was smoking something... but then... ashley saw the guy on the penny too. but i know she doesn't smoke.. so maybe... bret is normal... lol. we'll give him the benefit of doubt. but anyways... after the movie... we dropped them off.. and then hung out at home. changed into the pjs, u know how us girlys do. we talked a bunch, tried on skirts, and then talked to shane & jonah. that was cool. tried understanding guys.. but of course that doesnt work. =) um... we went to bed around 3am & woke up around 2pm. =) then we sat in bed and talked but i hadda go cause i had a stupid podiatrist appointment. o well.... maybe i will see ashley tonight or something... ((besides we best friends need to spend as much time together as possible... making up for all the years we've missed....)) considering i can't go to city place tonight anymore because of what just happened with my foot... i shall explain...

so i went to the podiatrist for this bump on my foot which hurts a ton. i got it because i was wearing flip flops at ATLANTIC & something got stuck in my foot... well... my mom pulled it out & it became infected because of whatever was in my foot.. s0o finally... we made an appointment to see the podiatrist. we thought that all they would do is tell us what is going to be needed to be done & make another appointment to have it done... well.. instead they just said, "we are going to numb ur foot, cut around the 'wart' ((which is what we found out it was because of the infection, yuck)) and we will get to the root, remove it & then bandage it up." that sounded horrible. so i get the shot... and cry because the shit hurt like hell... and then i waited a good... 40 minutes before he actually started doing anything to remove it. well... when he started cutting it... i felt a pinch, and then that pinch became a sting and that sting became..... the feeling of the blade cutting my foot. OUCH! i was about to die. yeah... so i screamed, he stopped... i became light headed because i havent ate much in the past 5 days or so. and it was just like having an f*ing baby which i am sure is worse.. but still lol. anyways.. that ruins my plans for the night because now i can't go to cityplace with jonah. sux. o well..... my mom was like, "why dont u have him come over 2morrow. i'll go pick him up, if he wants to come and see u." which i thought was sweet.... except... i highly doubt he would want to. but if he does, it would be nice.

ummm imma go now cause i need to eat my yogurt. considering this is what i will be doing for the next 2 days because i can't work. grrrrr.

redid woohu.
i couldn't find a header that i liked.. cause i was looking for something very specific. but when i find it, it'll look ten times better.

anyways... jonah asked me why i haven't changed it yet. considering what i used before as the layout... was kinda... related to us. right? but its like... crazy. i'm not used to not saying, "hey! i love u, MUAH!" the worst thing was when he told me that he heard an avril lavigne song, and he said he heard the line, "there goes my happy ending." at least he knows what he's letting go of... it just gets me frustrated... because if he feels that he is letting go of something worthwhile then WHY is he doing it? a break... but... grr. gosh i feel like cory from boy meets world lol. how i hate his curly hair.

so anyways, jackie called me at 1:30am last night. she didn't have a place to sleep, so i told her that she could sleep here. i didn't ask my parents, but i guess they didn't mind when we woke up and she was here. *shrug* but she left to get her haircut & i... am bored. dude, i have to take a shower, & uh... neil is a funny kid lol. random, i know. but i'm me, so =P but uh... i could go for some good ol' COLDSTONES & some bowling at DON CARTER'S in skirts, so i can twirl around and do a cart wheel & forget i have a skirt on... like i have done before. anyone up for it? =) holl-er. 254-8483.

we were already beautiful together --ASHLEE SiMPSON

everytime i was in LA i was with my x g/f - usher <3
space. that's all we need.

i'll survive whatever his decisions come to. <3

[EDIT]
MoFo1788: hey u kewl for the mountain climbin next wendsday
HCOblonde31: i THINK almost positive... but i dont know when cheerleading practice starts, but i'm up for it... if i dont have it
MoFo1788: aight
MoFo1788: were tryn 2 ride tri rail in the mornin to mia
MoFo1788: get a limo 2 the place
MoFo1788: climb for like 3 hours
HCOblonde31: lol goin in style eh?
MoFo1788: go back to the station go to this cuban coffe place and then cum home
MoFo1788: its cheaper then a taxi
HCOblonde31: really?
MoFo1788: a taxi would be like 45-55 dollars for a ride there and thats for 4 people
HCOblonde31: eek
MoFo1788: we could walk?
HCOblonde31: i'm down for that too lol
MoFo1788: limo would be like 25 per person for both ways i think

there's so much that i have to say, but i don't know where to start.

hopefully... ur doing better than i am. hopefully, u got more sleep than i did. and maybe u are luckier than i am... that u don't feel sick and u can actually eat something. ((its not that i don't want to eat, cause us fat people love food, ya know))

but i was up all night. u went to bed, i did laundry, i laid in bed, hoping to fall asleep, and instead, when i closed my eyes, my head was spinning & my heart started to hurt. i'm not one to get my point across with words because my actions ALWAYS tend to speak louder, but here... i'll do the best i can.

8 months ago... there was a promise i made to u, with a simple, "yes". i promised never to hurt u, never to cheat on u, never to keep u unhappy. i hurt u... by not seeing u. i never cheated on u. and u're unhappy because i didn't see u as often as u'd like. i know ur intentions were never to hurt me, talking on the phone... and u would say it all the time, "i won't hurt u," "i'm not going to hurt u." thats when there was safety. that gave me all i needed... and then it wasn't hard to open up to u. because i knew that u weren't going to put me through pain... and i knew that its going to be a smooth flight... and it always was. now... i'm not referring to u as the asshole... because, ur not. one thing that happened won't make me say... "hey jonah is an asshole." sometimes we have to hurt the ones we love. but i don't want u to feel bad about it. there's no reason... ur reputation isn't going to be an asshole, and eventually we'll get over it. maybe with a few more weekends together... or just you and me together... or simple walks to see each other... maybe we can figure something out cause its really worth it. i just sit here... imagine us together.. and it sux. because its not true... we arent together.... now i have to go to bed and actually dream about it. i wonder what its going to be like... the first time i see u... and we arent together. think it will be easy? maybe it will be a little rough? or maybe we'll just flirt so much that it will still feel like we're going out... who knows. but i am so confused right now... that none of this that u're reading makes sense. and i'm just blabbing because it will give me less to think about. idk. i love u. <3 i can't talk anymore. i needa wipe off the tears. xoxo.