i'm 15.
stubborn, outgoing, and i know what i want.
i'm messy, and so random,
half the time i don't do what i should've.
i can be bossy,
i have a natural ability to ramble...
im analytical.
whatever i swear to know, i usually don't.
if im good at anything its laughing,
if im horrible at anythign its being perfect.
i could tell you that i don't exaggerate things
to make them more exciting,
and that im not dramatic AT ALL-
but wow
that would be a huge lie.
and i hate lies.
one thing i can state as a fact:
is that i have loved. and way more than once.
maybe not that happy ending, perfect, forever kind of love-
but i have loved.
it probably seems strange coming from a 15 year old living in a world of adults
who have spent their whole lives in this constant journey
of finding love; wondering exactly what it is;
how it feels; waiting to experience it.
but i just guess maybe they're all looking too hard,
some arent looking at all,
or maybe for some people like me, it comes to them early.
someone once asked me why love couldn't be perfect:
and im no expert-
but if love was perfect
no one would seek it with so much passion as we are supposed to
and finding it wouldn't be as wonderful.
im guessing my answer is far from close.
but its my opinion.
i love... well alot of things.
i love old vintage things-
sloppy and pretty, messed up with imperfect edges-but so beautiful.
the rain, i believe, is one of the best sounds-
especially at night.
i want to dance on a pier at night with little lights on it with someone who means so much to me.
i love magazines.
i love walking in the rain and getting soaked.
i want to go to a drive in movie at night far away from here.
i really want to go somewhere at night and actually stop to notice the stars;
slow down a little bit...stop the constant fast paced life.
i love the atmosphere of new york-
i want to live there for more than a year.
...another thing about me:
i dream big.
not that you couldn't tell.
my life is...
well
one big giant sloppy mess of imperfections, mistakes,
love- as to what i've seen of it-,
alot of laughter, and of course
tears.
if theres anything i've learned in the past few years
it would have to be
that life is randomly beautiful.
as an actress once perfectly stated.
i see it like a circle- one continuous motion of things that just keep happening.
and the only thing that reassures us
is knowing that whats' ahead
is always better than what we're going through.

im guessing this is enough for today.
good proof that i do ramble.

later

play me a melody on the piano