drowning-in-you
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2005 5 April :: 1.16am
:: Mood: depressed
feel like shit...
it's been a while since i started to think pretty close to suicidal...
i really do wonder if anyone will miss me...not that some do now...
i asked devon if he missed me..."Devon : cuddling ya"...fucking asshole...i give so much to go & be with him all the time & sleep w/ him & anything else that he needs, & all i do is get backstabed, walked on, used, & all for just "cuddling"...HOW FUCKING STUPID AM I?!?
i hate the way that i am, which is why sometimes i feel like dying...i wouldn't be so much of a screw up anymore...
...i hate myself...talk later...
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2005 21 March :: 10.52am
:: Mood: bummed
:: Music: All out of love - Air supply
All Out Of Love - Air Supply
I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart
I wish I could carry your smile and my heart
For times when my life feels so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know
Chorus:
I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong
I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from this long lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right
And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone
Chorus
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Chorus(3x)
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2005 16 March :: 11.05pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: Most Girls - P!nk
feelin used
all of a sudden i'm feeling used by you...i was upset because you called me when you were drunk & all you ever talk to me about is how you want to fuck me...and i don't know if i can take this anmore beause i still love you so much and i have a feeling you don't love me anymore...i'd love to be w/ you again, but what's the use when i know i'd just be a flavor of the week?...maybe you just like me because i'll give you the love you want...but do you really like ME?!...i want you to stop, but somtimes i can't even stop myself & that's bad!...why can't you love me?....why can't we be together?...why do you do this to me?...ugh...talk later...
2 extra bushels |
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2005 11 January :: 11.46pm
:: Mood: crazy
i'm leaving it all behind
so devon broke up w/ me & now i'm gonna try to go back to chc...wish me luck...
i'm leaving all my problems behind...& i'm ready to get the fuck outta here....
...talk later...
3 extra bushels |
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 26 December :: 9.06am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: watching shrek 2
long time, no update...
christmas was great...i'm happy...
i realized how long it's been since i've been on woohu...i didn't realize how so many things changed...andy must've been working for a long time for all of this...
well i just wanted to say for all those that might've missed me that i'm doing ok...still have problems w/ guys...coming back home to do school now...& still everyother day minorly depressed...& i have a job...well i must be off, i have church to attend... :S ...talk later...
1 extra bushel |
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 25 November :: 2.24am
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: Going Under - Evanescence
either i'm gonna need professional help...or i'm gonna start my period...hmm...
tonight, i yelled at myself...
all day i had stayed at home...granted devon visited...& i'm not complaining bout that...we watched a movie...went to taco shop (something i haven't done in a VERY long time)...i was fine...but i had to get out...
i went to el centro, hoping gina would be there...nope...she's gone for thanksgiving probably...so i went to target...not to shop, but to smoke...then i went to main street...to check if there were any shows coming up, any postings @ flames...& i smoked there...
something tells me the nicotine i had caused me to freak out...for some reason ever since then...maybe a bit before that too...i was starting to talk to myself...by the end of the night after i left joe's house, i was screaming...screaming at myself...
i dunno wtf is wrong w/ me...i wasn't mad at the whole day...i was fine...maybe a bit annoyed...but not mad...not with any one person...not at all...so why was i yelling at myself?...i don't even understand this...i was yelling & screaming...& then the tears came...not alot like usual...but they were tears nonetheless...WHY?...DAMNIT WHY?...
so what did i yell at myself about?...wouldn't you like to know...heh heh...i'm too tired to remember right now, though it was only 15 or 20 mins ago that this happened...i questioned things...i wondered bout my future in school...compared many things to what it would be like w/ someone else still around...j...o...oh damn i'm tired...i cried because i wondered if i was going crazy...i mean...is anyone gonna really truely love a crazy person like me?...is anyone gonna really want to be there with me & take care of me & love me...forever?...forever...
that word came up during my frenzie...only in my mind though...it got quiet then...i just drove...that was all i could do...i so wanted to fall asleep at the wheel...i wanted to run the red light @ 111...but for some reason a fking dead dog on the side of the road scared me so much that i started actually thinking & slowing down...
i'm losing it...i dunno what's wrong...or what even triggered it...*sigh*...
...happy gobble-gobble day everyone...i'm not thankful for anything...talk later...
***she wants to go home, but nobody's home, it's where she lies broken inside, with no place to go, no place to go, to dry her eyes, broken inside***
2 extra bushels |
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 8 November :: 10.40pm
:: Mood: tired
oh boy...
well first off, though i know he doesn't read this & doesn't talk to me anymore anyways...HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY JOEL PEREZ!!!...i'm sorry for everything that's happened...it's stupid for me to say this cuz i know you'd never believe me, but i still love you...
next off...i'm w/ geoff...& i'm ok...happy...& ok...but i talk to devon & it's hard cuz sometimes i think that maybe he figures that he made a mistake in breaking up w/ me & is wanting me back...or maybe i'm wrong...maybe it's all in my head...i dunno...i'm so tired right now...talk later...
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 2 November :: 3.33pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: Who Knows - Avril Lavigne
what one kiss can do...
actually it was more than one kiss...oh jeez...so i'm in somewhat love w/ a guy from back at home...& i've been feeling great...better than most days here...
fun stuff...talk later...
1 extra bushel |
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 30 October :: 1.00pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Into the Darkness - Kittie
bleh...
i want to leave today...but i've got no where to go...i need more friends in many places so i have a variety of places to go...too bad sf is far...i don't think my truck'll make it that far... :( ...i'm tired...i'm bored...i'm feeling like crap...
...i'm in love somewhat...either again or still...or just recreated...maybe make believe...hmm...talk later...
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 29 October :: 2.58am
:: Mood: crushed
tip for tonight...
IT IS VERY POINTLESS TO LOVE SOMEONE WHO WILL NOT LOVE YOU BACK...
...fuck, it just happens again & again...talk later...
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 24 October :: 9.28am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Some Beach - Blake Shelton
again...
well my world fell apart once more last night...devon & i are friends now...
& now...the concept of being an old lady w/ the cats & no one to love is getting closer & closer as we speak...or type in this case...
i want all black cats though...talk later...
1 extra bushel |
royal load of cranberries
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