drowning-in-you
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2004 18 August :: 9.21am
:: Mood: freaked out
:: Music: That's Girl Will Never Be Mine - N*SYNC
packing my life away today
i had a scary dream...joey & lina hired someone to kill me...i woke up very parinoid...*sigh*...this is frustrating me...
***hard to say what caught my attration, fixed & crazy aphid attractionl, carve my name in my face to recognize, such a pheromone cult to terrorize***
...talk later...
8 extra bushels |
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 17 August :: 5.43pm
:: Mood: rejected
:: Music: goodbye - spice girls
damnit stop the pain...why do i feel like this, i should be happy?
it's eating me up alive at this point...i hate to admit it...but damnit it really does hurt...i don't like to be left alone cuz then i think...& it hurts...it really does...i hope i make friends at college cuz i'm afraid to turn suicidal again...& i don't want to scare ppl or make ppl feel sorry for me...ugh...i don't know what i want anymore...i feel sick...talk later...
2 extra bushels |
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 16 August :: 7.02pm
I MISS JOEY
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 15 August :: 11.51pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Even In Death - Evanescence
tonight tonight...
well i got w/ devon tonight...whoopee...& i feel really tired & sick too...not from him...just yeah...*sigh*...talk later...
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 15 August :: 4.40am
:: Mood: numb
:: Music: Going Under - Evanescence
well then...
ok so it's been a very long time since i've been here...i'm so sorry...i feel like crap now, well only halfways...joey broke up w/ me tonight & i hate it because not only was i halfasleep when he did it but i wasn't paying attention & tried to keep him w/ me...now why? i do not know...i met a guy, his name is devon, & he's 20, which i think is fine, but whatever...i've only known him for bout 4 days & i've wanted to tell him i love him...*oi*...the shit i get myself into...my sister was in jail thrusday night, i found out rene & daniel were caught w/ drugs at school & rene might be sent to like juvie or something like that...i dunno...i can't get my mind off the fact that it really did happen, joey & i aren't together anymore...though i know for a fact i saw it coming...& i can't get devon out of my thoughts...maybe it's too quick, & maybe he's right that it's not quite the right time to get together since i'll be leaving in a week...shit i'm leaving for college in a week...my life is so fucked up...oh well...talk later...
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 19 June :: 5.31pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: Evanescence - Everybody's Fool
"somehow now you're everybody's fool"
| drowning-in-you may explode without warning | M
EXPLOSIVE |
From Go-Quiz.com
2 extra bushels |
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 19 June :: 8.53am
:: Mood: upset a bit
:: Music: Evanescence - Everybody's Fool
*urgh*
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 19 June :: 2.08am
:: Mood: sleepy
it's been a long time...
well i haven't written in here for a long while...i feel like i've betrayed you all & found myself eating my own words as i got a new account on livejournal...i'm sorry...i'm sorry...
i've tried to make time to stay true here, but i've been so busy i haven't really updated that one much like i did here...so i'll see what i can do bout that...
if you care it's www.livejournal.com/users/viking_punk/
like my old one on woohu...
well just needed to remind ppl that i'm still alive...talk later...
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 7 June :: 3.10pm
:: Music: julian's guitar
i'm gonna miss HHS
i've had a bunch of mixed emotions for a while now...i'm going through a rough time i believe because i've only got 3 more days of high school...i'm gonna leave what i've been so close to...i feel like i'm gonna be lost without it...
we went to grad nite thursday...that was kinda coo...it could have been better but i guess it's alrighty...can't change the past...though i know we'd all love to sometime in our lives...but seriously i had fun...i was just way too tired...& i'll never want to listen to the same 5 damn songs that one of dj's were playing...*oi*...
friday i went over to joey's, ran a few errands, found out my truck can go 100mph (believe me, i though the speed governer would kick in at bout 85, so i feel honored), & then went to the band party at the navy base where we bowled...i felt threatened because joey's mom was there & i wasn't sure if she was mad at me for hanging out w/ danny that night...but i'm guessing she wasn't after all...i dunno...so after that the seniors took pictures & we finally realized that that night was our last friday night as high school seniors...that was the first time (in a long time i think) that i saw mark cry...first time i saw jpo emotional...first time i've noticed justin be a true friend & let his feelings out & to know that i'm not the only one who is scared to leave...it was really emotional for everyone...*sigh*...that night joey & i just sat on my truck bed & just kinda talked...it was coo...
saturday i had to go to el cajon to take my placement test for college...it was freaking cold...but then again i'm used to temperatures from 90-110 degrees almost everyday (even in the winter)...i wanted to cry cuz it was so cold...i get cold when it hits 80 sometimes...& trust me it was colder than that...lol...my dad totally thinks i'm weak...lol...oh well...my testing went alrighty, they think i'm a wizz in english & need pre-algebra in math...*oi*...so yeah...i met one of my music professors & he seems like a neat dude...i realized that it's such a small school that they actually have enough time to talk to all of their students...(class size is bout 15 per class)...so yeah it was really neat to know what i'm getting myself into...that's awersome...
sunday was the baccalaureate...it was kinda nerve wrecking but we made it through...afterwards we tried to get all the band seniors to go to dudley's, but of course some people have to be lazy, dumb, & immature bout other things...so it was justin, joey, mark, denisse, mario, jpo, guillermo, and me...we had fun...
today is monday...i graduate thrusday...god it's happening so quickly...i wish i could stay...keep me here...lock me up so i can never have to leave...i just found out that tomorrow is the last day for seniors...shit...you have no idea how much i want to cry right now...i'm gonna miss all my friends...all my enemies...all my teachers...all my surroundings...*sigh*...i don't care what anyone thinks of me right now...i'm losing my comfort space & i want to cry forever about it...i understand that i'll have fun in el cajon & maybe i'll want to stay there, but being in a town like this...i never want to leave...i'm scared...i have no one's hand to hold on this one..."& it's all downhill from here"...sorry i was listening to new found glory today during 4th period...i'm gonna miss everything here...I'M GONNA MISS YOU HOLTVILLE HIGH!!!...
i have seen so many changes here...through ppl, buildings, styles...i've encountered many emotions...i've been through these 4 years here never realizing how good i had it, until now...realizing that i won't have my family & friends to go to when i'm in need...well i can, but not like i can now...i look out the window of my spanish class & realize this is it...THIS IS IT WORLD, I'M GONNA COME TO RULE!!!...but i don't want to be a ruler...i don't want to be a follower...i just want to be the same ol becky alaniz...living in holtville...MY NAME IS BECKY & I LOVE MY TOWN...& I'M NEVER LEAVING...*sigh* i so wish i could stay...i just saw the ag ppl putting out the platforms for graduation...STOP IT!!! PUT THEM DOWN DAMNIT...NO ONE IS LEAVING HERE!!!*whimpers*
i'm gonna miss the many hangouts i had in the school...my band room...my parking space...my classrooms...damn i'm running out of time...god i'm gonna miss everything so much...
i was thinking a few minutes ago that though it may happen, i don't want to leave w/ ppl on bad terms...so to say it right now:
YOU ARE ALL MY EVERYTHING...EVERYONE WHO HAS KNOWN ME, BEEN FRIENDS WITH ME...EVEN JUST NOTICED ME...YOU ALL MEAN SOMETHING TO ME & NEVER FORGET THAT...SURE I CAN GET MAD & SAY I HATE YOU, BUT KNOW THAT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE ON MY MIND IN COLLEGE & I COULD NEVER FORGET ANY ONE OF YOU...
...*silently cries*...
i'm gonna miss HHS...talk later...
"take my hand, LIVE WHILE YOU CAN!" - vanessa carlton's ordinary day
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 3 June :: 6.34am
:: Mood: mixed
:: Music: something on mtv...
a few things on my mind i guess
well the senior assembly was yesterday & i was in a good mood until ppl had to ruin it for me during 6th period spanish III...it really sucked...& then having to hear things about me...i'm sorry, i know i let it get to me, but i tried for it to not get that far...but you gotta understand, it hurts...especially when you look at it from others' points of views & realize that, "hey, maybe they are right..."...
i heard all the constructive critizism that i could yesterday & i'd love to hear more...yes it'll make things bad for me possibly but i need to know what i did right & wrong...*oi*...
i had a talk w/ someone yesterday & their identity will be hidden...:
(*)says:
dude....becky...you.rocked.my.world....
it never was & never will be
you don't know how you betrayed
me says:
...yeah...i guess..
(*) says:
i.fuckin.didnt.know.you.could..play.
the.fuckin.bass.that.good.but.i.thought.
you.were.great.
it never was & never will be
you don't know how you betrayed
me says:
...yeah...i can't really...but thanks...
i'm just really bummed out cuz i saw
the tape of the show & i felt like shit...
cuz i felt like i was being put down
instead of getting constructive critisism...
so yeah...but thanks really
(*) says:
oh.dude....i.dont.think.i.should.tell.
you.this....but...naw..i.wont..
it never was & never will be
you don't know how you betrayed
me says:
tell me now
(*) says:
naw....its..fucked.up.
it never was & never will be
you don't know how you betrayed
me says:
tell me...i need all i can get
(*)says:
awww.it.could.ruin.a.friend.ship.
it never was & never will be
you don't know how you betrayed
me says:
tell me
(*)says:
alright..alright..well..i.didnt.know.
you.were.playing...so..*sirhc*...the..
suppose..punk.....he.came.in..and.he.
said..you.killed..the.song..and.i.was.
like..what....and.hes.like.the.song.
my.immortal.and.im.like.y.hes.like..
cuz..she.doesnt.sing.it.right...and.
hes.like.she.sings.alright..i.was.like..
ok....but.it.pissed.me.off.i.was.like.
oh.fuck.no.....im.going.to.have.to.
choke.a.bitch.
it never was & never will be
you don't know how you betrayed
me says:
well that's his fucking opinion...&
danny says he can cram it up
his own ass...& his mother's if he
wants to...because becky sings beautifully...yeah that's all danny's
saying by the way on the phone...
i'm not THAT concieted...yet
(*)says:
ya..thats.what.i.thought...i.would.
like.to.see.him.get..his.ass.up.there.
and..sing..haha.i.think.your.a.really.
good.singer........lol.
it never was & never will be
you don't know how you betrayed
me says:
plus he wasn't really my friend in
the first place...& if he was i bet that comment wouldn't have been made
(*) says:
so..ya...hes.a.hoe.
it never was & never will be you
don't know how you betrayed
me says:
lol
you know instead of losing a friend, i think i still have one that i trust alot...thanks (*)...told you i wouldn't reveal your identity... ;) ...
so yeah i'm kinda bummed out bout it & i was gonna write bout it last night, but i figured i needed some time to figure things out...
tonight is grad nite...that's coo...i'm just really tired & i don't think i'll actually care until it comes tonight...
i feel like joey & i are having problems again, & maybe it's just me...i was talking to a friend the other day bout a fight that we had (no this convo wasn't w/ danny by the way)...& he said that in all of my relationships he'd seen me in, he said i put up w/ alot of shit...i've been wondering if that's good or bad...well duh it's bad, but i wonder if me being able to put up with it is good...*hmm*...so yeah i think we're gonna have to talk...not like that i hope...i really hope...
i just want to say...i can't help being sad because i'm leaving all my friends & family behind...i can't help but cry because it's coming soon...i cant' help but think that soon tomorrow will be a day that i will wake up & say, "hey where did everyone go?"...i'm sorry that i've been bummed out but it's a scary thought for me really...to leave all that i've been w/ & been used to...my only excuse i can give is that i can't accept change very well...but that never seemed like a good enough reason...so be it...
cuz if you don't understand it...then how could you possibly understand me?...
talk later...
1 extra bushel |
royal load of cranberries
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drowning-in-you
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2004 26 May :: 10.03pm
:: Mood: pist
i'm too frustrated to talk according to someone dear...
| D | Delicious | | R | Relaxed | | O | Organic | | W | Wired | | N | Nutty | | I | Innocent | | N | Naive | | G | Gorgeous | | - | | | I | Influential | | N | Naive | | - | | | Y | Yucky | | O | Old | | U | Unreal |
Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
royal load of cranberries
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