::
2005 9 October :: 4.47 pm
Reasons to not like where Ben and Nick are living:
Some guy was shot in the parking lot next door the first month they moved in.
Travis (one of their roomates) was mugged the other night after being threatened a few nights before.
One of the windows in Ben's car was smashed last night.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 4 October :: 6.31 am
I'm exhausted.
I work Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.
Tuesday: 3 - 5
Wednesday: 9 - 10:30 and 3 - 6
Thursday: 9 - 12:30
Because I know you both don't know.
I love you. I miss you, Katie.
I wish Nick and I could talk more. It feels like we don't, really.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 2 October :: 2.10 am
I heard this on the radio driving home, thought it was very cute.
If I were a carpenter and you were a lady
Would you marry me anyway
Would you have my baby
If you were a carpenter and I were a lady
I'd marry you anyway
I'd have your baby
If a thinker was my trade would I still find you
I'd be carrying the pots you made following behind you
Save your love through loneliness
Save your love through sorrow
I gave you my ownliness
Give me your tomorrow
If I were a miller at a mill wheel grinding
Would you miss your colored blouse
And your soft shoes shining
If you were a miller at a mill wheel grinding
I'd not miss my colored blouse
And my soft shoes shining
Save your love through loneliness
Save your love through sorrow
I gave you my ownliness
Give me your tomorrow
If I worked my hands in wood
Would you still love me
I'd answer you
Yes I would
And would you not be above me
If I were a carpenter and you were a lady
I'd marry you anyway I'd have your baby
Save your love through loneliness
Save your love through sorrow
I gave you my ownliness
Give me your tomorrow
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 26 September :: 10.04 pm
You're welcome, by the way. Sometimes it's nice to be thanked when you're ditching your family.
1 You are my satellite |
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 21 September :: 10.58 pm
I don't think that I've ever felt that I wanted to kill myself more strongly (or had the feeling more often) in my entire life than I have in the past month or so.
And Fred's being fucking weird so I'm freaking out.
1 You are my satellite |
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 21 September :: 8.41 pm
I love Nick.
We had a heart-to-heart chat on Sunday night. It was overdue, I'll tell you that.
Yesterday, I got dropped off at his house because we were going to go to SAC's movie later that night. I did homework, ate, talked to people on the messenger then, before I went to take a nap, I called him to say I couldn't come over because I didn't have a ride home. I tried to make it sound as sad and authentic as possible so I could surprise him.
Then I took a nap.
Nick came home and (yay!) he was very surprised and very happy.
Ich bin der very happy now. I love that boy. He didn't mind my haircut one bit. I was afraid he'd be mad because I know he likes me with my hair longer.
So yeah. I'm just procrastinating so I'll stop.
I love you.
1 You are my satellite |
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 19 September :: 9.10 pm
I wish Fred would hurry up and come so I can stop being hormonal and crying all the time.
1 You are my satellite |
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 10 September :: 10.31 pm
Nick keeps telling me to write in here but, really, there's not much I can say that he doesn't know.
There was some comedian on the Bob and Tom show the other day. He said he doesn't want to get married because half of marriages end in divorce. He said that everyone talks about marriage like skydiving, once you jump, there's no going back. Then he went on to say that if there was a fifty percent change you wouldn't survive, no one would skydive. So why do people still get married.
I guess that's what's been on my mind lately. I don't know if I want to get married.
Nick and I have talked about this a bit, so I hope he doesn't freak out too much.
I'm just scared of forever. When I get mad at him (like now) or when we fight, I start to wonder if Nick and I are meant to be. And I don't want to be part of something that's going to fail. I don't want to be the 50% that fails.
I mean, my parents are together, so they're the good 50%. Put another couple next to them, and they're the bad 50%. The one that doesn't stay together.
So I just don't know. When I'm happy, I'm fine.
"It's not too bad when the sun's out, but the sun only comes out when it feels like coming out."
I guess that just sums it up, really.
"You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write 'Fuck you' right under your nose. Try it sometime."
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 7 September :: 9.24 am
I'm at the school, really bored. I got here at around 7:45 because I had to go do my web page design "project" and the only computer lab that has the program also has class in it most of the time. So I went there at around 8 (I hate walking through the woods to Hruby Hall, I'm always afraid I'll get jumped or raped or something) and it took me 15 minutes to log onto the computer. Which, I hate to say, is normal for that lab. It then took me three minutes to actually do the project.
I was slightly frustrated.
So now, I'm in the library and my class doesn't start until 11. I just realized that it's almost 9:30 and I never called Nick. I hope his alarm went off because if it didn't, he's going to be late for work. I'll go call him now. Then do.... something.
I love you all both.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 2 September :: 6.02 am
You got to suck it up even though it spits you out.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 2 September :: 6.00 am
I'm paranoid.
Someone's going to steal him away.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 30 August :: 11.06 pm
Kitten,
Beauty and the Beast: August 31 - September 4, September 7-11, 13-18
Tickets are mucho expensive (for a college student), $24.
1 You are my satellite |
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 30 August :: 4.47 pm
:: Music: Alone at a Party in a Ghost Town by Cloud Cult
We will get what we're deserving cuz it all comes around
Cloud Cult is my band of the moment. I love all of their songs. They have great chill out/wake up music.
Their song 6 Days to Madness reminds me of Carl Sagan's 'Cosmic Calendar':
Compare the six days
Of the book of Genesis
To the four billion years
Of geologic time
On this scale
One day equals about
666 million years
All day Monday
Until Tuesday morning
Creation was busy getting the earth going
Life began on Tuesday morning
And the beautiful organic coldness will have been developed over the next four days
At 4 pm Saturday
The big reptile appeared
5 hours later
When the redness appeared
There were no more big reptiles
At 3 minutes before midnight
Man appeared
One fourth of a second before midnight
Christ was revealed
At one fortieth of a second before midnight
The industrial revolution began
We are surrounded by people who think
That what we have been doing
For one fortieth of a second
Can go on indefinitely
They are considered normal
But they are stark raving mad
Yeah. It's awesome. Car Crash is awesome too.
I love you.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 28 August :: 5.14 pm
I had breakfast with my shadow
We had quite the discussion
Can you fall in love with the things you only know
The things that you may never touch
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 26 August :: 6.08 am
You don't know how relieved it makes me that everything is okay and nothing's wrong. I slept for three hours, I was so exhausted and relieved.
Mushy mushy love love: I love you, Nick. Seriously, you're the best person in the world and the best boyfriend in the universe. I love you and I promise I'll tell you whatever's wrong. "Together forever, me and my hero." Always and forever and a day, babycakes.
I have the biggest headache ever.
Always the first star that I find |
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