:: 2005 1 July :: 12.45 pm

"men are pigs who have nothing but a dumbstick which guides them around through life whilst they think with the hair on their chest (woe be it to men who have none) and try to become the stupid chauvinist pigs they truly are while acting like everything's okay but it's not because they're off chasing after the next pretty girl who just happens to blink in their direction meanwhile leaving everything else behind all for the sake of a pretty face which makes one wonder where the male mind has actually gone and if it existed in the first place or if that was all just illusion because they're jerks and they'll always be jerks since it would appear that even the good ones are rotten deep inside."


Um...wow. I'm glad that I caught the mutant because Nick is seriously the best man/boyfriend/best friend who's a guy in the universe. And I know he's never going to run after "the next pretty girl" because in his eyes, I'm the only girl on this planet. And I'm the most beautiful and the sexiest one too. (Bad luck for him, huh?)

I love you, Nick.



I think Brianna has some issues that she's going to have to resolve. Or else become a lesbian. Because seriously, that's some bad hate. I mean, I'm on Fred and I don't hate men that much.

Always the first star that I find

:: 2005 1 July :: 1.46 am
:: Music: Polaris by Jimmy Eats World

Always the first star that I find

:: 2005 1 July :: 1.38 am

I'm so sorry, really, but I'm still sort of mad at you for seeing War of the Worlds with Ben when we were going to see it this weekend.

And not "I want to kill you" mad but "I want to bawl my eyes out" mad.

I'm sorry, Nick.

I love you.

Always the first star that I find

:: 2005 1 July :: 1.10 am

Nick has Julio and therefore the only good pair of headphones in the house.

Sigh.

Always the first star that I find

:: 2005 29 June :: 6.22 pm

Stupid Fred. I didn't expect him to come seven days early.

And of course you always don't expect him to come all over your favorite pair of underwear.

I'm slightly upset.

But now I have money and I can go buy underwear.

Instead of my mom always buying me some.

3 You are my satellite | Always the first star that I find

:: 2005 26 June :: 10.46 pm

Katie, I love you:
You change all the lead
Sleeping in my head to gold
As the day grows dim
I hear you sing a golden hymn
The song I've been trying to say

1 You are my satellite | Always the first star that I find

:: 2005 19 June :: 1.42 pm

These things take time and I know that I'm the most inept that ever stepped.

Always the first star that I find

:: 2005 18 June :: 2.04 am

I think I might not hang out with Nick and Ben for a while. I don't know why. Everything tonight just felt weird. Maybe I'll reverse this decision in the morning.



And I'm emotionally crashing. I haven't done this for a while.



Katie and I need to get together. Not only because we don't hang out enough for my sanity. But also because the fact that something went on, that I didn't tell her about at ALL, and the something still bugs me. And I feel so terribly guilty about not letting MY BEST FRIEND in on it that I'm stressing out.

Constantly.




I feel ultra aware of everything.


They say it fades
If you let it
Love was made
To forget it
I carved your name
Across my eyelids
You pray for rain
I pray for blindness

Always the first star that I find

:: 2005 17 June :: 6.19 pm

All I see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask
"Is something wrong?"
I think
"You're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now"
"No we can't talk about it now"

So one last touch
And then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile
And it was cheap
And you are beautiful
But you don't mean a thing to me

Always the first star that I find

:: 2005 14 June :: 11.20 am

So I've been talking to this Canadian kid on WoW (Sedoran is his main, Yagrum is his alt: a warlock) and we've become really good friends. It's cool.

Last night I asked why he lived with his grandmother. Just out of curiosity. He said it was a long story that he didn't tell a lot of people so I said it was okay if he didn't want to tell me.

He told me that his father had a drinking problem and all he'd do is sleep and yell all day. His mother threatened to leave if he didn't stop drinking. He didn't so she and the kid moved in with her parents. A while later, his father said he had sobered up and wanted them to come back. He truly had, too, but AA wanted him to wait a year.

He died a month later.

That was when this kid was eight years old.

He's an only child, 16, lives in Ontario, hates music because he thinks it doesn't have a point, likes LOTR but can't get through the books and asked me for help, Sunday, on a paper that was due yesterday. Oh and he uses a Mac.

He's a nice kid.

Always the first star that I find

:: 2005 13 June :: 1.51 am
:: Mood: sad

I killed two ants and I feel bad about it. The third is just walking back and forth, all alone.

Oh no, there are three more. But the ant house/hill/group/colony is still minus two ants.

I could never be a Buddhist.

Always the first star that I find

:: 2005 12 June :: 1.45 am

One year, babydoll. I love you.

How long until I get that ring?

Hee.

I love you always and forever and a day week month or two three.

Always the first star that I find

:: 2005 8 June :: 12.56 am

I'm fucking sick of being emotional and crying over nothing.

Stupid stress/build-up of emotions.

Always the first star that I find

:: 2005 6 June :: 11.51 am

Last night/this morning, instead of going to bed like I told Nick I was going to, I made this background.

And I just noticed that you can't see the top of it. So press F11 if it's a problem.



All you need is love, love is all you need.

1 You are my satellite | Always the first star that I find

:: 2005 6 June :: 1.42 am

My faith in mankind was renewed when I googled "postal service" and the first result was not the band.

1 You are my satellite | Always the first star that I find