::
2005 26 April :: 10.10 pm
Ian told me he liked me. Which I knew. But I hoped I was wrong, because I've got Nick and I'm not letting go. And I hate hurting people.
But it's just a crush, they come and go, yo.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 14 April :: 10.48 pm
Seeing Nick sad or crying (or even Nick talking about the fact that he was crying) makes me want to drop everything and makes things better. I want to run to him and make him smile or make him laugh.
Or make things perfect.
I'm praying my heart out. A miracle would be appreciated.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 14 April :: 5.37 pm
My daffodils are blooming.
There are three now, I didn't even notice them until yesterday. One more is on the way.
They just popped out of nowhere.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 7 April :: 1.01 am
I love Nick.
He was mad when he dropped me off. I felt like I caused it. But not really.
I cried because I couldn't fix it. I couldn't make him happy. And he wouldn't smile.
I love him. A lot.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 4 April :: 6.03 pm
I went over to Nick's yesterday. His parents weren't home so some interesting things happened. A step or two forward, I believe. I'll spare the details.
Nick stopped by after work again today. He was exhausted so I tried to help him relax as much as possible. He took a nap for a while. He also let me have his milkshake. I think for that, he's a keeper.
Ben's been angry lately. It's understandable. I mean, his family's moving soon. It'll be like he's going to college out of state except his family's leaving him. So it's understandable. I still hate it when he's upset. It makes me sad.
Katie wants us all to have a "late Katie's birthday + Kyle's birthday thing" at Mongolian Barbecue tomorrow. I don't know if I'll be able to do it though. I'll be working with Mom tomorrow from 10 to who knows when.
I still want to help Jessa pack up and move things. Nick works Friday, I believe and Emily called and wanted to hang out with him on Thursday. If I can't find a time to do it with Nick, I'll have to make up some story for Mom.
Anyway, rest of the week looks good. I'm hoping someone will call and want to do something today still. I need to get out of the house and it's beautiful outside.
"It's the sense of touch. I think we miss that touch so much that we crash into each other just so we can feel something."
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 3 April :: 1.50 am
If people were required to pass a competency test and get a license before being allowed to walk down crowded city sidewalks carrying an open umbrella, I strongly believe that we would see a dramatic decrease in the annual rates of eye-poked-outedness.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 3 April :: 1.36 am
Phrase of forever (if I could speak German):
Das ist eine sonderbare Mischung von Verbrechen und Satire, die noch dazu reichlich mit Erotik gewuerzt ist.
1 You are my satellite |
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 2 April :: 6.54 pm
Copper: the cutest comic series ever
Read more..
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 30 March :: 10.20 pm
Spring.
I'm really looking forward to it.
Not only because it means we graduate and I never have to step foot in Rockford High School ever again.
But also because it means my daffodils will return. I love daffodils so much, you have no idea. They make me so very happy, more than rain and snow combined.
I can't wait. I hope ours out front come up okay. Last year, they came up and sort of shriveled. It was sad.
Daffodils: my major spring motivation.
I love you.
P.S. Nick's kisses over the past few days: orgasmically romantic. I love that kid.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 30 March :: 10.16 pm
I hate secrets. But I love rain.
"WHY IS HE WHISPERING, WHISPERING IS BAD, WHISPERS ARE FOR SECRETS. I HATE SECRETS."
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 29 March :: 10.46 pm
If we didn't care about somethings, like we claim we don't, why do we waste our time mentioning those things?
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 29 March :: 10.44 pm
That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you" right under your nose. I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say "Holden Caulfield" on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died, and then right under that it'll say "Fuck you." I'm positive.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 28 March :: 7.46 pm
You know what? Never mind. It doesn't matter. It's not that big of a deal really.
I mean, I've got forever.
I love you.
P.S. Keep our anniversary open. Actually, I'm thinking that we should do something during spring break instead of on the date itself. Because it's a Tuesday and you might work or I might have play practice or both or something. It'd just make things better easier. I'll talk to you about it when you call. Or if. You probably think I'm mad at you. I'm not. I'm actually pretty good. Perspective and all.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 28 March :: 7.37 pm
:: Mood: fine
:: Music: Eisley on Phosphorescent Julio
NEWS FLASH!
I am a selfish bitch.
Sorry it had to be sprung on you so suddenly. I know I've known some of you for a while. I'm sorry it took me so long to come out with it.
I would love to spend more time with Nick. Love love love to.
It's okay though, I know I'm being selfish. And I'm stopping.
I'm just saying, in theory, it'd be cool if I got to hang out with Nick sometime this week. Or even next week. Golly gee, next week's spring break and we're both out of school. That's a perfect time to hang out.
Hanging out with Ben would be even better. I haven't truly hung out with Ben in a long time. I'm just extra baggage now. And he's pissed at me. I don't mind. He has his reasons.
Anyway. I have play practice tomorrow after school. Nick works on Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. His parents will be out of town this weekend so Ben'll be over there from Friday to Monday. Then there's spring break so Nick could stay at Ben's house for all of break or Ben will stay at Nick's.
You'd think I'd see him or hang out with him more often if he was at Ben's. I mean, five minutes away is a bit less than twenty or more.
I guess I sort of do see him more often. But I don't see Nick more often then, I see Nick and Ben more often.
So today, I was just trying to be happy with what I had. Or could get.
But I couldn't even get that.
Ben's in a bad mood and that's okay. I understand. That's fine. He's mad at me, okay. I can deal with that. What else is new?
I'm just a selfish bitch, end of story.
I'm "immature", I threw a "tantrum".
But if we've got forever to be together, and forever starts now...
Where the fuck are you?
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 27 March :: 2.52 pm
The straw dog's out in the street.
You know who's really awesome? Amanda. She stopped by the other night to borrow a pad and give me a CD she thought I'd like. She's the sweetest person in the world.
I feel really weird. Like car sick/dizzy weird. Bleh.
I haven't talked to Nick much lately and I guess I don't really care that much, actually. I mean, I'd love to talk to him right but I've got the rest of my life to do that.
Yeah. I'm in a good mood. I just finished my homework. I want to go somewhere.
Always the first star that I find |
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