::
2006 8 June :: 1.20 pm
My car keeps stalling. It stalled twice while I was driving and at least five times when I was trying to put it in gear from park.
So I'm going to shrug it off as needing gas and have my mommy pick me up. I'll try to start it before I leave work but I'm pretty sure it's just going to stay here overnight. I'll put gas in it when I get paid tomorrow.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2006 4 June :: 10.02 pm
My goal is to friend everyone on Woohu and then just leave.
1 You are my satellite |
Always the first star that I find |
::
2006 4 June :: 3.38 am
This is the moment that you know. That you told her that you loved her but you don't
I care so much about (what should be) absolutely nothing.
I have a question that I shouldn't want to know the answer to. A question I shouldn't even be asking.
I think about a past that I shouldn't care about.
A thing that shouldn't bother me at all has been bothering me for over two years. Something I shouldn't even want to know has been at the front of every thought.
Not all the time, just every time I drive and listen to this one song.
It's not even a good song. It's some stupid faux indie song.
Blah blah blah, I just want to know how much he lied. Specific? Yes, there is a specific question but I do not feel like getting moody here.
I need to go to bed or something.
I love you.
1 You are my satellite |
Always the first star that I find |
::
2006 18 May :: 7.58 am
I am having second thoughts about having a baby.
Especially because of that totally stupid list of baby names Brianna came up with. Is she serious? Does she expect her kid not to get beat up? Those are the dumbest most childish names ever.
7 You are my satellite |
Always the first star that I find |
::
2006 13 May :: 9.25 am
I just talked to my mom on the phone and it felt like she just really didn't want to talk to me...
and that makes me very sad.
1 You are my satellite |
Always the first star that I find |
::
2006 7 May :: 9.04 pm
:: Music: Ghost by Neutral Milk Hotel
And one day in New York City baby
A girl fell from the sky
From the top of a burning apartment building
Fourteen stories high
And when her spirit left her body
How it split the sun
I know that she will live forever
All goes on and on and on and
She goes and now she knows she'll never be afraid
To watch the morning paper blow
Into a hole where no one can escape
All my life, all I've wanted was to get married, have children and be the best mother and wife ever.
It's so frustrating to know that now it's finally possible, that I actually have the chance and capability to but I just can't.
I want to have beautiful babies (with hair). I want it so much that it keeps me awake at night. I want it so much that I dream about it. I want it so much that I cry about it.
We learned in psychology class that you shouldn't have children if you just want to be loved. That's not what I want.
I want someone to take care of. Someone I can care for and love with all my heart for the rest of my life. I want someone to love. Six someones to be exact.
I already have Nick. I only need five more.
I really want to have a baby.
I tell Nick that all the time but I don't know if he grasps the need or the soul-deep longing.
It's not just a thing I want like someone wants a car or a game. It's a need. I have this excess love that I'm smothering Nicholas with already, I want to spread it to others. I need to.
That's why I have such a gigantic fear of being unable to.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2006 5 May :: 11.50 am
Here's how I think of Celsius to Fahrenheit in my mind:
Starting at 10 degrees Celsius, the temperature in degrees Fahrenheit goes up nine degrees for every five degrees Celsius.
10 degrees Celsius is 50 degrees Fahrenheit. 15 degrees Celsius is 59 degrees Fahrenheit. 20 degrees Celsius is 68 degrees Fahrenheit. 25 degrees Celsius is 77 degrees Fahrenheit.
As long as you remember that 10 degrees Celsius is 50 degrees Fahrenheit, it's easy to approximate any temperature.
I love you all.
P.S. Yes, 5 degrees Celsius is 41 degrees Fahrenheit.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2006 4 May :: 10.27 pm
Filled out Best Buy app.
45 days.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2006 2 May :: 9.49 pm
No one really talks about how Mary felt when she found out she was preggers.
She was probably scared shitless.
Not only was she having a kid without sex but her first kid was going to be the son of God.
That's a burden.
Plus she was probably only about 15.
I could barely handle having a child now, nonetheless four years ago.
My sister is 15.
Goodness.
1 You are my satellite |
Always the first star that I find |
::
2006 30 April :: 8.33 pm
It's strange.
My parents mentioned the other day that they're at the point in their lives when everyone starts dying.
It seems as if I'm at the point when everyone starts living. All around me, people are getting married and having kids.
It's just kind of weird.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2006 23 April :: 9.55 pm
Okay. It's a nervous France day.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2006 23 April :: 10.53 am
This whole "not kissing until you're married" shit?
TOTALLY FUCKING RETARDED!
Because if either of you are horrid kissers and you don't get it out of the way until your wedding day? Totally ruined. Everything is.
Plus, it's just one more regret.
Oh, and you're so going to be looking forward to that one kiss that it's only going to disappoint.
Seriously though. Sure, I suppose it keeps away temptation or somesuch but relationships have necessary steps. If you don't grow outside of marriage, when you still have the chance to hate each other/bow out, you'll have to grow inside marriage when there's no one and nowhere else to go.
Like I said, there are steps.
First, there's a mutal attraction/liking.
Then one of you gets the guts to actually mention the possiblility of a relationship and you get together.
Third is the hand-holding awkward phase (this phase may be skipped).
Fourth is the awkward first kiss(es)/tension phase.
Fifth, y'all actually talk about things that are important to your relationship and to each other (this is a continual process that may be moved to an earlier time and SHOULD BE sprinkled throughout the relationship).
Sixth, you make out or whatever.
Seventh, there's some crying and you move to the hanky panky level (you both better know each other's views on this by now or else you're about to find out).
Eighth is sex. Now this can happen before marriage or be moved to after marriage but I seriously think that it is necessary BEFORE marriage as it is vital to your growing process. Together and apart.
Marriage comes next. It is possible to move this step to anywhere after step six, when you've grown together.
But this process is necessary for you both to grow up.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2006 22 April :: 10.08 pm
"C'mon a T'shirt that says 'Keep out of reach of Zombies' and a caution look, and maybe arrows point to your arms and legs"
1 You are my satellite |
Always the first star that I find |
::
2006 22 April :: 8.57 pm
I don't know about you but with people getting married (Jessa, Molly) and people having babies (Jessa and Brianna), I really want to hop on the bandwagon.
Give me marriage and babies now.
2 You are my satellite |
Always the first star that I find |
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