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cleverlinesunread
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2009 8 July :: 1.16pm
Plan.
You can go through life disposing of people and then picking through the trash to pull them back out when you're desperate and ready. You can treat people as though they're renewable. You can laugh at others silly emotions while you keep yours bottled and to yourself. You can explode, alone. You can give false feelings that are returned with real feelings. You can mark your body with something you believe in, but don't bother to follow. You can keep acting as though your actions have no equal or greater reaction. You can sense someone is happier than you and use one sentence with intention of stopping that. You can be aged until you slip back into your group of fake friends. You can keep using big words until even those aren't big enough to hide behind. You can use people as much as you'd like and then drift around them as if there's nothing to feel one way or another about. You can fall into holes as soon as you've burnt your own bridges. You can blame every one and every thing else when something doesn't go your way. You can change depending on who you're around, never truly being yourself and later hating yourself for that. You can blame the honest and let them take the fall for speaking what you're too small to say. You can play the prey when you're the predator. You can give credit when credit is due, but you won't. You can search for the same person with a different skin, and you will. You can want the past, but you'll only get the future. You can play games with people as if they're toys, but they're not. You can then laugh at how much better you are than those toys, and you are. You've learned what buttons to press and how we're all wired, so you use your tools to break and not mend. You can learn to earn satisfaction through good, but you'll choose bad. You can think you're so grown and wise, but you have fields of growing to do. You can cry your own tears, but you'll assign others to do that for you. You can think you're above everyone and be much more informed, which you're not. But, no matter how many words you read, you don't speak them. And when you finally do it's going to be too late and no one is going to understand you.
You're no more than surface level garbage.
You should pick yourself apart and only keep what works.
If you're playing a game, you're playing with yourself.
And you win. You always do.
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cleverlinesunread
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2009 16 June :: 9.31pm
'One morning an elderly man was walking on a nearly deserted beach. He came upon a boy surrounded by thousands and thousands of starfish. As eagerly as he could, the youngster was picking them up and throwing them back into the ocean.
Puzzled, the older man looked at the young boy and asked, "Little boy, what are you doing?"
The youth responded without looking up, "I'm trying to save these starfish, sir."
The old man chuckled aloud, and queried, "Son, there are thousands of starfish and only one of you. What difference can you make?"
Holding a starfish in his hand, the boy turned to the man and, gently tossing the starfish into the water, said, "It will make a difference to that one!" '
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cleverlinesunread
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2005 12 December :: 4.59pm
When you're in darkness don't forget what you saw in the light.
*ride my star*
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purplesmurfs
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2005 12 October :: 10.33am
Given you my everything
Wore myself weak and sick
Just to keep you happy
Apparently I didn't do my job
Either that or you're hard to please
Wonder if you'll ever realize
She's bad for you, before I give up
Before I decide to turn around
And go away for good
I'll give you another chance
Before I get on that plane
If you can't se she's bad for you
I'll be taking flight a on a 747
A oneway trip to heartbreak
Ready to crash and burn
I've got the spot picked out
It's calling my name, been waiting for me
Standing at the terminal
Hoping you're there to keep me here
But if you're maybe I'll see you again
When you find out she's bad for you
And you crash and burn
You know the place
It's where we first met
I'll be there waiting
To piece you back together
When you crash and burn
If you want to save us both
Meet me at the terminal
It's your last chance.
*ride my star*
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purplesmurfs
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2005 12 October :: 10.28am
I suffer each day know I cannot be with you. Knowing that I’ll never be the same person. I’ll never be as strong as I once was. Pain has grown to be my best friend and who I am. Never in 18 years have I felt this empty. This torn apart. So far away from everything I have ever known, loved, encountered. The feeling of nothing good ever happening again is all I know. Instead of going out to improve myself and regain my strength, I sit alone. I hide from everything. I feel so ugly. So abandoned. So worthless and used. My heart, body, and mind can’t handle the judgment, the criticism I’d receive as soon as I set foot outside. Knowing that at one time I was so happy, so free, makes me sick to my stomach. It makes me wish that someone would just do away with me forever. End everything I don’t have the strength, the courage to fight for or end. I’ve thought that eventually the pain would subside. But it has only grown to be so intense my lungs can’t take the heavy breathing. In my head I thought that if I pushed you away, it wouldn’t hurt so much. But I turned out to be wrong. The pain of pushing you away, being so cold to you, became unbearable. Made me so sick to my stomach. You’re the reason I can’t sleep. You’re the reason I get sick everyday. The reason I either don’t eat or eat until I get sick. Instead of hating you, instead of blaming you, I hate myself. I blame myself. Because I can’t stand the thought of being mad at you. I can’t stand seeing you in pain. Suffering the way I have. When I am not with you, I think about you. I think about being with you. Giving you the love that you deserve. Protecting you the way you protect(ed) me. Giving you the feeling of comfort and security that I feel every time you touch me. I want to be there for you and help you get through the troubled times they way you were there for me. When I said “I love you”, I meant it. I felt it more every time I said it. Apparently you didn’t. Maybe you didn’t even mean it the first time you said it. Maybe you’re only saying it now because you want to keep me around. Just incase things don’t work out with her. Is that why you haven’t answered my questions yet? Is that why you’re waiting? Because you know how hurt I’ll be. You know it’s what I need to help me try to move on. Why hold onto me? Obviously I didn’t mean that much to you to begin with. Otherwise I wouldn’t be sitting here in complete and utter misery. Then again it is my fault I’m in this much pain. If I hadn’t put myself out there. If I hadn’t given myself the chance to love you. If I had treated you like all the others I wouldn’t be here right now. I’d be on at least the third one since you. What makes her so different from me? Do you love her more because she gave you something she can’t give anyone else? You took away her innocence and now you feel obligated to be with her, is that it? I’d really like to be able to understand it.
*ride my star*
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purplesmurfs
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2005 24 March :: 12.44pm
::You and your ways::
3.24.05
Your smile, Your touch
The softness of your lips
Your beautiful bright eyes
Your voice at night
When you've got me in your arms
The way you look at me
So carefully, that only I notice
Your hand fits so perfectly around mine
How you slyly begin to caress my face
To gently sweep in with a kiss
That takes my breath away
Your ability to make me smile
Just by being there with me
The way you make me laugh
Your way of making me feel safe
And not afraid of anything
You're so easy to talk to
That you've become my best friend
*ride my star*
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purplesmurfs
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2005 18 January :: 4.31pm
12-15-04
-The road less taken-
My heart aches more
Each day that I'm more aware
Of your heartless existence
The voices fade in and out
When you walk into the room
Speaking of your malicious plots
Attempting to become unnoticed
I sink down in my body
And cry out endlessly for help
Death calls for me quietly
Slowly I wander my way
To the shadows that grow
On my bed side wall
Taking me in as their own
Mothering me, loving and holding me
I seep into the pits of hell
Preparing myself for the journey
That awaits for me on the other side
Gently, quietly falling a thousand stories
Into a land only I'll understand
landing in a field of flowers and feathers
Caressing my sweet body and mind
I live in the eternal soul
Of each one of the naive people
Who live restless lives being ignored
3 *ride*s |
*ride my star*
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fadingfallenstar
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2005 4 January :: 6.37am
:: Music: Dresden Dolls - Coin - Operated Day
I got a new username for my main journal because this name is lame and I hate it.
anachronism
Add me, sluuuts.
9 *ride*s |
*ride my star*
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fadingfallenstar
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2004 29 December :: 12.37pm
:: Music: My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
Ba ha!
Ok, so I have a story for my dearest Kate.. and whoever the fuck else reads this.
Well, around like 2am Kate and I decided to only communicate by writing words on our stomach then taking a picture and sending it to eachother. Yeah.. it was stupid, but we were bored and it was late. Anyway.. so this morning my mom asks about my rash (ya know the rash I got from having all that sex). I tell her it's gone, but she asks to see my stomach, so I'm like oook whatever. So I show her and completely forget about all the writing on my stomach. And in nice big black letters, it says "Well, fuck me!" And my mom is all.. *GASP!* "Stacy! What is that?!" And I quickly cover it up, and I'm like.. "It said.. puck.." So she buys it, and is then like, "Well, the meaning is still there! Wash it off." And there's the end of my lovely pointless story.
9 *ride*s |
*ride my star*
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fadingfallenstar
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2004 28 December :: 1.17pm
:: Music: Death Cab for Cutie - Song for Kelly Huckaby [Facts Version]
I got bored.. so deal with it.
Things I hate, are stupid, or annoy me.
Read more..
This list could go on and on. Don't worry..I'll add more eventually. :)
10 *ride*s |
*ride my star*
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fadingfallenstar
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2004 28 December :: 10.19am
:: Music: L.A. Guns - Time
Hey.. sorry to everyone that tried talking to me yesterday on msn. I guess it somehow signed me on. I checked my chat logs and I had like 6 people pissed off or confused because I didn't answer.. heh. Sorry.
3 *ride*s |
*ride my star*
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fadingfallenstar
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2004 25 December :: 3.47pm
:: Music: Switchfoot - You
I got a lot of socks..
like eight pairs.
That's about it.
6 *ride*s |
*ride my star*
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fadingfallenstar
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2004 23 December :: 10.07am
:: Music: Bright Eyes - Burn Rubber
Let me try this again.
Quotes.
A lot of these are old and I don't really take quotes anymore, but I decided to post what I have anyway. They aren't very good this time, I'm slack'n]
Read more..
11 *ride*s |
*ride my star*
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fadingfallenstar
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2004 8 December :: 7.29pm
I dare you to say something to Brads face. You won't. Guaranteed.
Some lines from one of Joes updates that I was told to read:
"And that whole seeing brad after school thing? That's just lame. I don't need to see some douche after school every single day. If he can't cough up the balls to actually go to school instead of applying for a GED or dropping out or whatever the hell he's doing, he shouldn't have the right to hang out with all his little groupies after school. That's just my personal opinion, though. :)"
I won't ever understand that kid. He is so fucked up. Obviously it's either a jealousy thing or he's really fucking nosey. I'm going to go with both. Oh, and here's a reason why he's a hypocrite; Joey. He's one of his best friends. He's fucking 21 years old and he still visits the school, and all his little "groupies" hang out with him. Joey failed some years. Actually I'm pretty sure he got his GED.
"...he shouldn't have the right to hang out with all his little groupies after school."
Then either should Joey (wait..it's ok if he's there after school because he brings Joe home and anything that helps Joe is acceptable), Perry, or anyone that isn't in school anymore.
And Joe is lacking credits he needs. But wait, that's okay because Joe is ALWAYS right about everything and even though he does the same shit he looks down on people for it's ok for him to do it. It's clear to see that Brad being at the school has absolutely nothing to do with Joe. Yet, he complains anyway. When is that kid going to learn? Soon, I hope. For his own sake. Anyway, I don't really feel the need to go on any further. You all know Joe's an asshole, I have nothing to prove.
But hey.. that's just my personal opinion. :)
24 *ride*s |
*ride my star*
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fadingfallenstar
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2004 8 December :: 4.39pm
"I may be stoned out of my mind, but I don't know what I did wrong."
-My Dad
1 *ride* |
*ride my star*
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