blackecho101
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2005 11 March :: 7.05am
well, ill update again. Im getting ready for school... i leave in about an hour... maybe a little less. Idk if todays gona be a good day or not, i have a feeling it wont be bad... idk... we'll see. Right now im just bored out my mind... so i guess ill tty guys (dana, since shes the only one who reads this) later... love you dana...
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oh comely...
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 10 March :: 1.23pm
Well I just woke up a little while ago, I'm about to go to my grandma's house... =/
I had an awful dream last night... And I guess I can get into it with no one's feelings getting hurt, because I doubt anyone will read it... (But yeah now since I've said that, I'm sure someone'll read it... -_-)
But, it started off as a pretty good dream... John was coming down for Spring Break... But then it turned out to where I would only get to see him one time. Regardless, I was still happy that I'd get to see him. Over the course of a few days, I was so excited that I was finally going to get to see him... And when it came to the day when I was supposed to see him, he didn't show. I waited and waited, and he just didn't show up... I found out later that he was out somewhere getting high. That dream... Wow, it hurt really, really bad for a dream.
I'm just tired of losing people to drugs and alcohol...
I did a dumb thing today. I went back and looked over past journal entries. I can see the change. I can see that I'm becoming less and less important, and it hurts... It hurts really bad... But maybe I'm overexaggerating... Maybe I'm just blowing it all out of proportion.
I'm so selfish.
Gomen nasai.
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Well it's love, make it hurt.
The end.
oh comely...
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 10 March :: 3.45am
:: Mood: Torn...
:: Music: The Killers- Mr. Brightside
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea...
So I'm not really sure why I just sit here... Caring so damn much about people, knowing I obviously don't mean too much to them.
I mean, every day, I walk on eggshells, trying to make sure I don't do anything to upset anyone... And whenever someone does something to upset me, I just let it slide by. As I'm sure I have said before, I'm just too fucking forgiving.
I don't know why all of this hurts so much...
I'm not sure why the little things upset me, either.
I'm just really fragile... And so much shit has happened lately... I just don't know how to deal with it really. I'm sure I'm not really making sense, but this is all just what's coming to my mind...
I'm so scared, since he's so far away... Some perfect girl is just going to walk into his life and sweep him off his feet... And he'll go back to his old lifestyle... And I'll just fade into nothnig and be forgotten.
I don't know why it bothers me so much... The things he does... (Or used to do, moreso...) It makes him happy, but it fucking tears me apart... I just don't want him to fall apart.
I don't want us to fall apart.
I love him so much... And this just keeps getting harder and harder.
Living my life's not hard enough. Take everything away.
It just goes to show, things can't go right.
The End.
oh comely...
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blackecho101
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2005 9 March :: 11.23pm
well im updating, finally, idk why though, its no use... oh well... went and played lazerquest today and i did okay today was a very good day... ill prob be hitting the sack here in a second, so ill go now, ttyl
1 carrot flower |
oh comely...
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 9 March :: 12.01am
:: Mood: :/
:: Music: Disturbed- Prayer
Let me enlighten you, this is the way I pray.
Meh... Keely and Aisha are here. That makes me happy...
But I feel kinda down... I'm not sure why, really... Actually, I'm pretty sure I know why, but I don't want to say, because it's really dumb and selfish...
:/ I miss John so much... It sucks.
I guess that's just life for you.
I love you, sweetheart...
If you even read this anymore...
oh comely...
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