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:: 2004 27 January :: 6.26pm
:: Mood: busy

If I were a month I would be: May
If I were a day of the week I would be: Tuesday
If I were a time of day I would be: 12:30am
If I were a planet I would be: Mercury
If I were a sea animal I would be: a jellyfish
If I were a direction I would be: southwest
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: the futon/couch thingy that mel and i had in the dorms
If I were a sin I would be: lust
If I were a historical figure I would be: Margaret Sanger
If I were a liquid I would be: bleach
If I were a stone, I would be: a kidney stone....hahaha
If I were a tree, I would be: maple
If I were a bird, I would be: a grey dove
If I were a tool, I would be: a screwdriver
If I were a flower/plant: an amaryllis
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: drizzly...
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: a dragon
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a violin
If I were an animal, I would be: a kitty
If I were a color, I would be: Dark purple
If I were an emotion, I would be: envy
If I were a vegetable, I would be: green beans
If I were a sound, I would be: a jukebox
If I were an element, I would be: nitrous oxide
If I were a song, I would be: Ben Kweller- Cally
If I were a food, I would be: chocolate pudding
If I were a place, I would be: kentucky
If I were a material, I would be: glass
If I were a taste, I would be: peanut butter
If I were a word, I would be: vital
If I were an object, I would be: a camera
If I were a subject in school I would be: sociology
If I were a cartoon character I would be: a girl in an anime porn.
If I were a shape I would be a: hexagon
If I were a number I would be: 26

Congratulations, Stefanie!
Your IQ score is 131

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Word Warrior. This means you have exceptional verbal skills. You can easily make sense of complex issues and take an unusually creative approach to solving problems. Your strengths also make you a visionary. Even without trying you're able to come up with lots of new and creative ideas. And that's just a small part of what we know about you from your test results.

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jedibumblebee

:: 2004 26 January :: 9.05pm
:: Mood: giddy
:: Music: Dave Matthews Band- Warehouse

This...I admit...taste so good�hard to believe an end to it. Smell, touch, feel...how could this rhythm ever quit? Bags packed on a plane, hopefully to heaven....
Planning the coolest fricken spring break trip ever.

I cant wait!

On a less positive note, I have toxic black mold growing in my apartment. I may deem it constructive eviction and get the hell out of here.

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Upchuck

:: 2004 24 January :: 8.30pm

"Beware of pretty faces that you find,
"For a pretty face can hide an evil mind."

Or perhaps the other way around.

I'm just so tired. I feel like everything is flying by my at light speed while I'm moving along like a turtle. I'm doing all my readings, but I still seem to missing something. It wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that I've been missing a lot of class because of the weather. That and I have been under an unusually high level of stress for ~1.5 hours everyday driving in this crappy weather. In addition to that, I realized that, if I had not gotten out early today I would have ended up working 35.5 hours this week. Which is very unusual because I didn't even work that much over Christmas break. I just feel very stressed and unsure of so many things. I see things, I recognize them, I know what's going and what isn't and how many things I need to keep fresh in my mind. It's really very odd. I still consider myself a middle class person because I was raised that way, but I must remember that I am now counted as an adult. I make well below the poverty line. Everything is odd anyways. I do live paycheck to paycheck and I cannot imagine living like some of my coworkers, with no health insurance and having to pay rent on nearly the same amount of money that I make.

Right now, I think the subject material that I am enjoying the most is that for my Developing countries poli sci class. I just don't like the prof too much, so that kind of negates it. Everyone says what a great professor Dr. Stark (my world history prof) is, but for some reason I am just not clicking with him. It's my inability to face another dynamic person I guess.

I feel like I owe so much to so many, but have an inability to do much. Like softball. I want to do softball again but I am self-conscious about it. I'm not smart enough to do much of any instruction. at the end of last year I was kind of disgruntled with the way the season ended, but I feel like I owe it to them to be back again this year. But I still have this horribly bad taste in my mouth and I know that I will become bitter and resentful if I cannot resolve this problem in my own head. Also, because I may have other opportunities to pursue somethings at the same time as the season is and I don't want to be there for part of the season and then leave. There's something else too that I am currently involved in, but I don't want to face that situation either. So I just avoid it making excuses.

And it doesn't help that I am constantly reminded of this stuff. I keep getting bugged about every little damn thing that I do and I hate it. I hate it so much. When do you work? Aren't you gonna do this? What are you doing tomorrow? Who are you going out with? I'm not a fucking little kid anymore. I'm a damned adult so get off my frickin' back. Sorry, I've got a little pent of frustration going with that.

With all of this crap going on, I never feel like I'm going anywhere. Every single day I'm falling farther and farther behind. Falling hard and it hurts. I was so mad/angry/i don't know how the hell I was feeling that it's hard to fall asleep. My mind goes at a million miles an hour and I can't sleep. Tuesday night I just went into isolation. I just wanted to disappear. I just wanted to go away. I don't think anyone realizes that I go to school, and work a long schedule. I don't think they get it because most of the time more than half of my work shifts are after they are already sleeping. No one knows how many times I come home to a house where everyone is in a catatonic state and I just want to scream. They don't get it. I spend 15 hours a week in class, another 6 on the road, and then 25-35 hours at work. They just don't get it. It's because they never had the courage to do what I am doing. They didn't. They were just a big loser. Trying to hold me to that standard just doesn't work. Niether does begging me to tell them where and what I am going to do every single second of my life. Sorry again.

SO I've been typing for about twenty minutes just spewing and I've barely touched the surface. I'm not sure what any of this means. It must mean something. I t has to, but I can't figure it out yet. So I'll spare you the rest.

Oh Yeah, and find out what your pirate name is here: http://www.fidius.org/quiz/pirate.php

jedibumblebee

:: 2004 24 January :: 7.37pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Counting Crows- Eistein On The Beach

One more sun comes sliding down the sky....one more shadow leans against the wall...
mmmm........
i am so disconnected from everything that is going on in this world..

but the funny thing is that I dont think that I mind...
i never thought that i'd say this but i think i may be at a point in my life where i prefer being by myself or with only a few select people rather than a group.

starting to really like the life i'm living....hope tonite doesnt bring that down.

also have reverted back to the "real" pen and paper-type diary for the "real" thoughts about my life right now. because i realize that there are a lot of you who dont want to hear it.

crazygirl

:: 2004 22 January :: 7.07pm
:: Mood: excited

i'm getting a jack russell terrier!

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jedibumblebee

:: 2004 22 January :: 2.05pm

wowwwwwww
this is too much.

it is freezing outside. so many things to do but i would rather take a nap. i have been sweetly sleep deprived.

crazygirl

:: 2004 21 January :: 8.23pm
:: Mood: content

so i've been not-so-seriously looking for an additional job for a couple days now. i haven't actually applied for anything.. just looked around to see if anything was "worth my time." and i only say that because the job i am at now has completely spoiled me. i think i'm going to go for more of a mindless job. subway starts at $8.50. the portrait studio wants me back, but that's only $7.00. i found a retail job for $8.00. the grocery stores here are union, so they start nicely. one of them is hiring floral assistants. that'd be interesting... and home depot starts pretty high.. and hotels would have flexible hours.. then i found some not-so-mindless jobs in the paper. educational assistants, clerical jobs, and whatnot.. it's nice to have your options open, but it really slows down my motivation. i should probably get something soon. it's also not helping much that i know i can afford my rent, gas, groceries, and car payment on my current income, and i just sent off my W2's.

i do want to get a new job soon though, because i'd like to get a dog. i won't know if i could really logically get a dog though, until i figure out what my second job will be. i need to make sure i have time for it, before i jump in and go adopt one. i figure if i am too busy for a dog, i won't be thinking about it much anyways, thus decreasing my yearning.

blech, i am bored.

crazygirl

:: 2004 20 January :: 6.19pm
:: Mood: tired

sleepy? why wait?

so i was like half asleep the whole way to work today, and somehow i got here about 15 minutes faster than usual. i'm pretty sure there were no fatalities. then i discovered i got here early and i went and took a nap on 4.

anyways, i love, love, love my new car. but i don't think i'll be driving it home for a little while now. michigan = snow. but there's always a chance i'll get restless, i suppose.

i need to get into a traveling job so i'll never get bored. =T

sugarpeep

:: 2004 15 January :: 10.55pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Incubis~ 'you only think about yourself.'

I hate snow.


	Ugh! I am so very sick of snow! It just doesn't stop here in the Valley. defeated sigh So, my b-day's coming up. Round the 27th or something. Erin and I are gonna go have sushi and celebrate because her b-day is two days before mine. We claim to be twins separated at birth. If you knew us.. you'd understand. Anyway. Felt the need to update.

crazygirl

:: 2004 15 January :: 8.37pm
:: Mood: annoyed

i'm exhausted. my moods have been fluxuating between high and low so much lately. excited about that, stressed about this, high strung over little things, jumpy, from happy, to sad, to sick feeling, to alert, to tired...

and when it's all through i just feel genuinely depressed, but content that things have worked themselves out. it's odd. my stomach hurts.

jedibumblebee

:: 2004 15 January :: 2.49pm

I hate it when you get put into a situation where you know you SHOULD tell someone about something but you know you can easily get away with NOT telling them and it will be a lot easier and a lot less stressful... just not the right thing to do.

crazygirl

:: 2004 14 January :: 7.13pm
:: Mood: excited

so i got a new car. i found a cute little '03 toyota matrix with very low miles and very good gas mileage that was loaded with options for a very nice price, so i sorta jumped on it like a fool. then i sold my car yesterday for $500. the guy picked it up today and i was kind of sad to see it go, actually. sure, it was a piece of crap, but i loved that car. alas, life goes on.

so figuring out how to get a new car has been about all i've been doing for the past week, ever since my transmission decided to start acting up. i think i'm coming up to michigan in february (depending on when i get my second job) to show my parents the vehicle, so i'll probably be up for a weekend if anybody wants to see me

of course, i did get offered my old job at the portrait studio today. i'm not sure i want to work there again though. it's too much stress for too little money. i think i'll try a few other places first.

other than all of that, i don't really have mcuh to say. dustin thinks i'm a morning person. imagine that. heh.

jedibumblebee

:: 2004 12 January :: 7.25am
:: Mood: exhausted

I really need to start sleeping more.

It seems that there is not enough time in life for all of the things that I want to accomplish.

plainmornings

:: 2004 11 January :: 3.04pm

i know a lot of you have been inquiring and i really haven't had the time to get back to this so...

yes, i am fine (thank you much) & my poor car has $2400 worth damage to it... seems like the engines fine so thats good.

everything else has been okay, schools been fine.

Wished upon a star?: shooting :0)
Found a lucky penny?: heh the Jew in me I pick up pennies everywhere lol.
Had a dream come true?: dreams are always coming true
Been in love?: still am
Broke someone's heart?: i'm sorry.
Had sex with a stranger?: nope
Been turned on by some one of the same sex?: if by no you mean yes :0P
Skydived?: 1 year we're going!!!
Bungee jumped?: i've been on the skycoaster
Snorkeled?: & scuba dived!
Lied to a good friend?: :0(
Danced in the rain?: and gone mud sliding <3 Blue Ridge
Had sex on an airplane?: ha. that would be terriby inconvenient
Swam with dolphins?: in Ft.Myers
Donated something?: absolutely
Stolen something?: stupid stuff, not from stores or anything :0P
Made someone cry?: i hate it because i know this is how i feel when someone else makes me cry.
Achieved a goal?: i always find myself suceeding a little more
Made a snowman?: in Switzerland <3
Loved yourself?: yes

Have You Ever... brought to you by BZOINK!

crazygirl

:: 2004 7 January :: 8.18pm
:: Mood: excited

has anybody ever owned a rav4? because i think i'm in love.

yes yes, the time has come for me to start looking at new vehicles. i want to get a new one within the next month or so. anyways, cars just don't appeal to me anymore. and then i saw this darling little suv, and i was in love. so my two top choices are now a jeep liberty renegade and a toyota rav4. i'm leaning toward the rav4 because of how much better the gas mileage is, though i'm finding used ones are more expensive than the jeeps and my insurance would be cheaper with a jeep. though it's kind of comforting that the value doesn't decrease all that much in the rav4. anyways, dustin talked to his friend who says she loves her rav4, and kelli told me she heard some bad stuff about jeeps, but i wasn't really paying attention to her. but that's all i've really heard about either besides the information i looked up.

i'm getting excited about the prospect of a new vehicle, though i should probably calm down a bit because i don't even know if i'll be able to fit in it yet. "fit" as in my feet comfortably reaching the pedals while at a safe distance from the steering wheel.

i need to grow.

oh! and it's dustin's birthday. happy birthday, old man.