crazygirl
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2003 10 December :: 8.58pm
:: Mood: annoyed
you'd think i'd be happy. i was so fucking worried. but it just angers me now. i want to cry. oh well. i'm at work. no crying. customers will wonder...
in other news, lots of cookies. i'm so tired from baking today. maybe i'll get some decent rest tonight after i finish them when i get home. they're being mailed tomorrow with any luck.
i'm still excited about friday but i'm starting to worry about stupid things again. i'm also beginning to feel guilty and regretful and all those other emotions that make me feel like a worthless piece of shit.
i'm just in a bad mood. i will cheer up by tomorrow. instead of telling my friends to calm down if the situation arises, i decided to start telling them "you need to get laid." it gets a good laugh. well, maybe i need to get laid. ha.
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jedibumblebee
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2003 9 December :: 2.11pm
isn't a martyr someone who dies for their cause? so wouldnt "a wounded martyr" be a really ridiculous and redundant phrase?
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jedibumblebee
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2003 9 December :: 12.51am
now my eyes are still itching and burning
but i know that pretty soon i won't feel anything at all.
just have to wait it out.
but where are my friends when i need them?
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jedibumblebee
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2003 9 December :: 12.43am
"smile, someone loves you."
who is that someone?
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jedibumblebee
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2003 9 December :: 12.12am
when i'm upset, all i want is for you to hold me....
i guess i cant have that anymore.
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jedibumblebee
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2003 9 December :: 12.01am
couldnt you just let me sleep
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crazygirl
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2003 8 December :: 7.31pm
:: Mood: content
i shop too much. it's official. i'm a shop-a-holic. i keep telling myself, it'll all be over this week. one more christmas gift to buy. but i've fallen victim to the word "sale." someone keep me out of the malls =(
in other news, i'm leaving for florida friday and i'm terribly excited. i can't wait to get away for a little bit. i hope we can find someone else to go with us though. someone, anyone? 12th-20th?
other than that, nothing terribly exciting on this end of the line. i've been doing pretty well lately. it seems things are looking up for me, though i'd still like to win the lottery.
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sugarpeep
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2003 7 December :: 1.21pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: War~ eddy edwinsomethingorother
pocky is yummy
pic of the day This one's by Jenendell. I love her art. Always makes for beautiful wallpapers.
I’ve got nothin.
take the non-offensive quiz.
and go to mewing.net. laura = great.
You represent... anger.
Mad at the world, eh? You have a tendency to...
freak out easily. Overly emotional about
everything, you're most prone to bouts of
cruelty and moodiness. Other people may be
afraid of the fact that you explode so easily,
but at least you're honest... even if you're
honest about not liking anything.
What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
Which Piercing are you?
Mreep! My Pals! You know who you are! You all mean so much to me :)
Main Art Page.
Email me:
SugaryPeep@hotmail.com>
This immage made by Nova Wolfy!
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Upchuck
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2003 6 December :: 11.42pm
Yes, Yes I am definitely afraid of girls.
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Upchuck
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2003 6 December :: 9.14pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: "Choose Life" - Big Tent Revival
Crushed.
I guess I am crushed. Crushed by the weight of it. Do you know what I am talking about? Do any of you understand the longing? It's so unhealthy, and I know shouldn't be fixating on it. You all can see it too. You all can see how I do this. It does take some time for this to develop. I guess it's been about a year. It's been a year since I let myself be crushed. Is it time again? Is it time for me to venture out there, see if there is a chance, then get rejected and come back here for another year. Of course there may be nothing there. It may just be cordiality. I show respect, and get it in return. That may be all that it is. Somebody thought that it was true though. And I keep living in the fantasy. I guess, I do this more than I would like to admit, but it doesn't go beyond me very much. The first time it did, I didn't have a choice. And that still lingers with me to this day. That's why I went to see that soccer game this fall, because I still feel it. I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. The only time anyhting ever worked out, if you can call it working out, this obsession wasn't there. It either wasn't there or it was completely different. What am I to do? Fret, fret, fret. By not exposing myself I only make it worse. I only make this feeling inside me grow until I just want to cry out my desires. I want the tears of frustration come for letting my heart do this to me. But exposing it makes it just as dangerous. So equally dangerous, but at least I should be able to move on. I should, if it really is a fantasy, just develop a hatred for the situation, and let it drift from my mind. I guess that is my problem. I can't think those thoughts about that person right away, and the hatred builds, unconfessed, and I distance myself. Which ends up hurting them. It is better if it stays within.
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Upchuck
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2003 6 December :: 9.08pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: "Lonely Road of Faith" Kid Rock
One of Many
For my whole life I have been one of many. In high school I was one of whatever number were in my class. I was one of three tubas, one of three class representatives. I was one of X number of kids in band. Now I am one of 450 history majors at my school. One of 20,000 students. I guess all I really am is one of a larger and larger sub set. It's really depressing to think about it that way.
But through all that I was always one of one. I guess that is what I miss right now in my life. I am not one of anything. I was one of softball assistant. I was one of someone that loved. I was one of someone who was loved. That was nice. I think that may be the only way to get that back. To get back my uniqueness.
You learn so much over so much time, but in history, people have common reactions. Each of us is part of what is happening right now, but we are part of a larger trend. In the future, we will only be one of someone in a trend, none of it really matters unless none of us exist, then there are no trends.
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sugarpeep
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2003 6 December :: 1.34pm
:: Music: 3EB~ Motorcycle Drive-by
There's a soul I wanna know, New York City's evil.
The surface is everything, but I could never do that. Someone would see through that.
pic of the day This one's by Jenendell. I love her art. Always makes for beautiful wallpapers.
SO.. today Ben's buying me tickets to fly to California to see him. I'm excited. Haven't been west of Wisconson. Big undertaking for the peep. So over break I'll be there. Round SanDeago. One word, zoo. :-D It'll be fun.
Mreep! My Pals! You know who you are! You all mean so much to me :)
Main Art Page.
Email me:
SugaryPeep@hotmail.com>
This immage made by Nova Wolfy!
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jedibumblebee
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2003 4 December :: 11.52pm
and i still haven't found...what i'm looking for...
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plainmornings
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2003 4 December :: 10.31pm
i really hate this feeling.
people are envious of me... i really don't know why.
if people like me, want to be my friend then why do i always feel so alone
i constantly find myself watching friends joking around, making plans... i used to have that.. if this is what everythings being reduced to by growing up then i don't know if i really want to...
16 day. 16 days until i turn 18. thats 2 weeks and 2 days.
i don't know.
i'm a dreamer... i've always held such high hopes and aspirations and .. i don't know.
i can't seem to get excited about anything anymore... is that bad?
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jedibumblebee
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2003 3 December :: 11.26pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Everclear- Hating You for XMas
thanks for the christmas card
So I'm standing around waiting to have my picture taken for the last meeting of the Great Sex cast. I move my arm and I hear this "pop" noise...and now I cannot fully extend my elbow.... add this on top to the fact that I already suspect I might have a stress fracture in my right foot, and its time for that super fun yearly doctors appt...and I have the 6-month dentists coming up mid-month....
guess what i'm doing for break?
DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS!
big fun.
I just finished my last homework assignment for the semester...boy is that a good feeling. very different from the feeling that is reverberating thru my elbow.
i wonder sometimes if my "library" is a psychological attempt to add something to my relationship that i am not finding fulfillment in. liek maybe if certain elements of the relationship improve, that i wont worry about the deficient areas.
my arms and back hurt a lot too. i think i need a new job. but i do wonder what they would do if i had a broekn arm or foot.
its also very hard to make the bed when one arm feels liek its falling off. too bad i'm all alone.
"i dont want to hear about you new job now
i dont want to hear about your new girlfriend
i don't wanna hear about it all working out for you.
no, i dont want to hear it now.
i dont want to hear about your swinging new place
i dont want to hear how everyone thinks its great
i just want to sit in my apartment and hate you
i will be hating you for christmas."
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