Songs From the Ugly Organ

Songs From the Ugly Organ

:: 2004 29 March :: 10.43pm

I'm thinking I should take a sick day tomorrow. My throat hurts and I'm exhausted. If I do stay home, I'll probably just sleep-in and come in sometime after 1st hour. Today wasn't bad. I didn't feel like eating the school lunch so I went to Wendy's with Kenesha and Andre to get a frosty. Yes, I broke a school rule, but it was worth it. After school I found my notication letters from Fordham and Northwestern in our mailbox. Was I accepted? Fordham (no surprise here) yes. Northwestern, no. I'm kind of disappointed that I didn't meet the academic prestige of Northwestern University, but I guess it's just a reality check. To be honest, I wrote one shitty essay the day it was due. That could have had some impact. Oh well. They said they got 15,000 apps for 2,000 spots. Hopefully someone more deserving who actually wants to go there (I've already made up my mind to go to Loyola) got the acceptance letter instead. Oh, yeah...Fordham, offered me like no financial aid! Maybe I didn't send them my fafsa? I guess it doesn't matter since I'm not going there either. Tonight was the NHS induction. Fortuneatly, I did not trip while carrying on the for four "pillars of light." I did, however, almost trip on my way up to the alter, carrying the Eucharist. Good thing I didn't fall! That wouldda been bad.

give a word, take a word

Fatman

:: 2004 29 March :: 11.48am

A hundred days had made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder
And I don�t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when
I�m dreaming of your face

I�m here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I�m here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it�s only you and me

The miles just keep rolling
As the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated
But I hope it gets better as we go

I�m here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I�m here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, girl it�s only you and me

Everything I know
And anywhere I go
It gets hard
But it won�t take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it�s all said and done
It gets hard
But it won�t take away my love

I�m here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I�m here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, girl it�s only you and me

I�m here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I�m here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, girl it�s only you and me

4 Word(s) | give a word, take a word

jburt1

:: 2004 29 March :: 12.50am

I just got back from Chicago and I am excited. If ever questioned Loyola as being the right school for me, I no longer have those doubts. It was almost a replica of the visition day my dad and I went on back in October, except this time, they had a campus scavenger hunt and I got to view Simpson Living/Learning Center. We couldn't see Creighton Hall, but if I don't get in there (I think the rooms are a little bigger) at least I got a spot in Simpson. Today I rode the "el" for the first time too. My dad actually agreed to go downtown for dinner. We got some reallly good pizza at Giordoni's. I love the city. Sure, parts of it are trashy, but downtown is awesome. I love the tall buildings, the sounds, the bustling city life. What's even better is the diversity. There are some many interesting-looking people passing by on the sidewalks. You'd never see people like that in Muskegon. I like to think I have an open mind to it all. I think my mom is afraid of the different/unknown. While we were on campus my mom saw these two girls holding hands and was "disgusted." My sister and I looked at her in disappointment of her discrimatory ways. Oh, well. I'm excited to go chicago and meet all kinds of different people.

give a word, take a word

jburt1

:: 2004 26 March :: 11.09pm

Where to begin. I'll start with today. I finally brought myself to sleep in. I only missed first hour and half of second, but the extra sleep was nice. My mom (by the way, things are smoothed over) made me go see the Passion with her and my sister instead of letting me go see Oklahoma. It was a good movie. I got goosebumps during the scouring at the pillar. The movie made me realize how hard it is to be a christian. Sure, it's easy to call yourself a christian, but to really BE one? Throughout the movie I was angry at the Roman soldiers and the High Priests, but that just shows how hard it is to "love your neighbor." Anyways, it was a good, eye-opening movie. Well, I finally asked my parents about Chicago. Oddly, my mom was for the idea. She was a little uncomfortable with me staying in a hotel with Emily, but she trusts me that I won't do anything. My dad objected because of the cost. I guess my parents are struggling financially right now, but just by looking at our standard of living, you wouldn't necessarily think that right away. As of now, I don't know whether or not I'm going to Chicago. It'd be nice, but I guess if we can't afford it, we can't. I talked to my aunt tonight, and we'll at least go out there during spring break. It sounds like Rachael is adjusting pretty well, but she's still "a ham," as my aunt likes to call her. Random notes: Our tire looks like it was slashed, and I had to put the spare on today. The other night I had a dream where I was being chased by this guy because I told the cops he killed some people. Insecurity issues perhaps? My brain is fried. Later.

give a word, take a word

jburt1

:: 2004 26 March :: 11.09pm

give a word, take a word

Fatman

:: 2004 26 March :: 12.05pm

Postcards on the floor
But this pen, it can't write loneliness no more
Waking up all alone
On the opposite side of the coast
I'm committed insecurity and you

And love is overrated
It leaves you devastated
Heart ripped in two

Roadside state of mind
Boulevard of broken dreams washed out this time after time
I was lost and looking
But knew I'd never find what is mine
In a world that's so unkind

And love is overrated
It leaves you devastated

The only things I know are road signs and rock songs and lonely hotel rooms
But still I need you here, what's new?

it's 6 a.m. Las Vegas doesn't look so cool
And once the sun comes up
I draw the blinds and I dream of you

I'm committed to all these memories of you
And love is overrated
It leaves you devastated
Love is overrated

give a word, take a word

Fatman

:: 2004 26 March :: 11.59am

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn�t even sleep
So many secrets I couldn�t keep
Promised myself I wouldn�t weep
One more promise I couldn�t keep

It seems no one can help me now
I�m in too deep; there�s no way out
This time I have really led my self astray

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I�m neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwile?
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life�s mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just a-drownin� in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

And everything seems cut-and-dried
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don�t believe it

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I�m neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughing at the rain
A little out of touch, a little insane
It�s just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I�m neither here nor there

Runaway train, never coming back
Runaway train, tearing up the track
Runaway train, burning in my veins
I run away, but it always seems the same

give a word, take a word

Fatman

:: 2004 26 March :: 11.50am

Sirus Jones 1810 to 1913
Made his great-grandchildren believe
you could live to 103,
103 is forever when your'e just a little kid
Sirus Jones lived forever

Gravedigger, when you dig my grave
could you make it shallow
so that i could fee the rain

Clarience Stonewall 1901 to 1954
She lost both her babies in the
second great war
Should never have to watch your
babies be put down in the gound
You should never bury your own babie

Gravedigger, when you dig my grave
could you make it shallow
so that i could fee the rain

Gravedigger, when you dig my grave
could you make it shallow
so that i could fee the rain, yeah

So alone
It's all gone
It's all gone

Gravedigger, when you dig my grave
could you make it shallow
so that i could fee the rain

Little Mikey Carson, 67 to 75
Rode his bike like the devil
untill the day he died
When he grows up he wants to be
Mr. Vertigo on the flying tapease
1950 to 1992

Gravedigger, when you dig my grave
could you make it shallow
so that i could fee the rain

Gravedigger, when you dig my grave
could you make it shallow
so that i could fee the rain

Gravedigger.

give a word, take a word

jburt1

:: 2004 26 March :: 2.28am

Right now it's 2 am and I'm on AOL 9.0 even though my computer doesn't meet all the system requirements. I haven't been able to get online for a few days. My dad had to restore our computer, which means EVERYTHING got deleted. You know how many hundreds of songs I had on the computer? Oh, well. Right now I"m watching The Darkness' music video for "I believe in a thing called love," which I must say, is rather interesting/perverse. I better get some sleep, so I'll update later.

2 Word(s) | give a word, take a word

Fatman

:: 2004 25 March :: 12.58pm

Here in this diary,
I write you visions of my summer.
It was the best I ever had.
There were choruses and sing-alongs,
and not a spoken feeling.
I'm knowing that right now is all that matters.
All the nights we stayed up talking
and listening to 80's songs;
quoting lines from all those movies that we love.
It still brings a smile to my face.
I guess when it comes down to it...

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right.

Breaking into hotel swimming pools,
and wreaking havoc on our world.
Hanging out at truck stops just to pass the time.
The black top's singing me to sleep.
Lighting fireworks in parking lots,
illuminate the blackest nights.
Cherry cokes under this moonlight summer sky.
2015 Riverside, it's time to say, "goodbye."
Get on the bus, it's time to go.

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
is just following your heart,
and eventually you'll finally get it right.

1 Word(s) | give a word, take a word

Fatman

:: 2004 24 March :: 11.43am

Days swiftly come and go.
I'm dreaming of her
She's seeing other guys
Emotions they stir
The sun is gone.
The nights are long
And I am left while the tears fall.

Did you think that I would cry,
on the phone?
Do you know what it feels like,
being alone?
I'll find someone new

Swing, Swing, Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again.

Wish cast into the sky
I'm moving on
Sweet beginnings do arise
She knows I was wrong
The notes are old,
They bend, they fold
and so do I to a new love.

Bury me
(you thought your problems were gone)
Carry me
(away. away, away...)

2 Word(s) | give a word, take a word

Fatman

:: 2004 22 March :: 1.13pm

I know, I know.

You all thought that I jumped off of the GH Pier again, and died. But I didn't. So HA!

2 Word(s) | give a word, take a word

jburt1

:: 2004 21 March :: 9.57pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: goldfinger "pick a fight"

My mom is a fucking bitch. I was actully happy today..HAPPY. But then she has to go and fucking rain on my parade, the bitch that she is. I swear, she's acting like a fucking two year old. The whole sitution is blown out of proportion and now I have a headache. Here's the story. So last night she was "famished" and wanted some of my candy. Alright. I was little agitated, but willing to let her have some. The thing that agitated me is that she just started rummaging through my bin, which I think is kind of rude. Then this morning, yet again, she made another attack on my candy stash. Naturally what do I do? Hide all my gifts under my bed. But when I get back from church, more candy is missng. By this time, if my mother was still famished she should have gone out and fucking bought some food, instead of stealing mine. She said she'd buy me some "Russel stover's chocolates." 1) I don't like R.S. chocolates. 2) It's not the same thing. These are gifts from specfic people that she is taking. I confront my mom about the situation because by that time I was pissed. I was civil about it, but my mom got all bitchy. She called me Satan and bitched that don't sleep, that I "run around like a chicken with it's head cut off." Just because I don't fucking sit on the couch all day! Excuse me, I'm young...shouldn't I be out doing stuff? My mom just wants to be this oppressing dictator! Oh yeah...back to the story...so while I' out getting dinner (since she refused to cook dinner for my dad and I) my mom takes all my gifts out of my play box and throws them on my floor. How childish is that? I can't wait until I escape this hell whole. My family is dysfunctional.

give a word, take a word

jburt1

:: 2004 21 March :: 3.20am

I am happy. Tonight I made my last appearance on Catholic Cenral's stage. I tried to savor as much of it as I could: the band room warm-ups (energy balls, clapping, the "train"), the prayer before the show, moments off stage, wishing everyone good luck, telling everyong "good job." I'm going to miss it. Play at Catholic is a tradition, and hopefully I have left my mark. During intermission Mr. Powers came into the boys' dressing room (not a good thing considering there were naked boys and "suck on my chocolate salty balls" was playing in the background at full blast). He told me what a good job I was doing and said it's awesome because he sees a lot of kids like me who are quiet at school but then bust it out on stage, or in the band, or in one of the less popular school sports. It's awkward. For all the compliments I got, I didn't really think I deserved them. People seem to think that I'm awesome on stage, but how I see it, I'm not. Nonetheless, the things that people tell me make me feel good. All the unknown strangers after the show who tell me what a good job I've done...it's amazing. Practically Jimmy Gawron's entire family introduced themselves to me. His grandmother said I was her favorite character. His mother said they go around the house saying "There's something wrong here!" Then his father said he was laughing just thinking about my part when he was driving to the show. He also said that he was in theater for four years and (I forget his words, but...) he never saw someone act like I do. To think that I have something special...I definitely wouldn't go that far! Jimmy's one person that I can see like myself, though. I don't know what talent he has, but I started my sophomore year too with a small part. Then my junior year I found myself as a lead. Going from 3 lines to 100 was quite a shock! Now, I feel so comfortable on stage. I don't even get nervous, which is odd for me. I also got a lot of great compliments from frends and people in the cast. Andrea Piotrowski said "maybe I'll see you o broadyway someday." Katie T said "Continue acting, because you really are good!!!" Katie F. said "Never give up acting - you're great at it!" Then, Mrs. McConnell wrote me a note: "I will always remember how easily performing came to you! Your talent shines!!" To top it off, I got the "Best Actor" award. That means I got the most votes from my peers, the people in the show. I think that means the most. Dan got supporting actor; Alexa got best actress; Lena got supporting actress. Too bad Andre didn't get an award. It would've meant a lot to him, I'm sure. Christina got most helpful person award, Gary got Director's Award, and Katie F. got "most likely to fall off ship." Great, great memories. This is the part where it starts to get sad. I graduate in 3 months, and then I start a new life in Chicago. Mrs. McConnel said I should do some community theater. We'll have to see. But one thing for certain: I never want to forget those I left at Catholic Central, those who have supported me and made me who I am. I already await in anticipation for next year's show. Only that time, I'll be able to sit back and enjoy because I won't be on stage.

4 Word(s) | give a word, take a word

jburt1

:: 2004 20 March :: 1.08am

That was one frickin great performance if you ask me. (Not being sarcastic, either!) The whole show just seemed to click. Everyone played their parts wonderfully. Mrs. Dornbos was in the front row, and I kept on starring down at her because she was the only person I could recognize in the audience. After the show a whole bunch of us went to Bufflo Wild Wings. I don't know about everyone else, but I didn't have meat...I'm good catholic...well, sorta. Dumb moment of the night: "Please use other door" posted on the DOUBLE DOORS at BWW. what do I do? I keep on walking looking for the "other door." Wow.

give a word, take a word