Don't forget the sandwhich!

:: 2004 11 October :: 1.12pm
:: Music: Alanis Morissette- Eight Easy Steps

how to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
How to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment
How to defer to men in solveable predicaments
How to control someone to be a carbon copy of you
How to have that not work and have them run away from you

How to keep people at arms length and never get too close
How to mistrust the ones who supposedly love the most
How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
How to feel worthless unless you're serving or helping someone

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leaderships looks when tought by the best

How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist
How to play all pious when you're really a hypocrite
How to hate god when you're a player and a spiritualist
How to sabotage your fantasies by fears of success

I've been doing research for years
I've been practicing my ass off
I've been training my whole life for this moment I swear to you
Culminating just to be this well-versed leader before you

How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself
How to numb a la holic to avoid going within
How to stay stuck in blue by blaming them for everything

:: 2004 6 October :: 10.39am
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: Talking Heads- And She Was

And she was lying in the grass
And she could hear the highway breathing
And she could see a nearby factory
She's making sure she is not dreaming
See the lights of a neighbor's house
Now she's starting to rise
Take a minute to concentrate
And she opens up her eyes

The world was moving and she was right there with it (and she was)
The world was moving she was floating above it (and she was) and she was

And she was drifting through the backyard
And she was taking off her dress
And she was moving very slowly
Rising up above the earth
Moving into the universe
Drifting this way and that
Not touching ground at all
Up above the yard

She was glad about it... no doubt about it
She isn't sure where she's gone
No time to think about what to tell them
No time to think about what she's done
And she was

And she was looking at herself
And things were looking like a movie
She had a pleasant elevation
She's moving out in all directions

Joining the world of missing persons (and she was)
Missing enough to feel alright (and she was)

1 Raise and Ruin | Crash Test

:: 2004 5 October :: 4.16pm
:: Mood: confused

It's reassuring to think that the "heart-being-digested-by-one's-own-stomach-acid" feeling seems to be subsiding.

Or at least, it didn't feel as bad the second time today.

I can play that scene on the street like my own movie. And it won't leave me alone.

2 Raise and Ruin | Crash Test

:: 2004 9 September :: 4.42pm

So if I am smooth...

I have 13 classes left to take until graduation.

I will end with three majors, two minors, and a concentration.

Majors:
Sociology
Human Resources Management
Lee Honors College

Minors:
General Business
Economics

Concentration:
Social Psychology (not certain if I will qualify here, still checking it out)

And I said I was taking it easy in college. Sheesh.

:: 2004 8 September :: 8.24pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Randy Travis- Forever and Ever Amen

They say time can play tricks on the memory...make people forget things they knew...But it's easy to see that it's happening to me, I've already forgotten every woman but you...
I think it is wedding season. Everyone seems to be getting married and its upsetting to me, I feel like I'm somehow inadequate or behind schedule or something.
Going to my cousin's wedding is going to suck, all my family's going to be like, "what's wrong with you? why are you married yet?" since it will officially make me an old maid.

Poo. I wanna get married. (Don't tell Paul that though).

The collection of bridal magazines next to the bed might be a tip though.

Actually, I don't think I really wanna get married for a while still. But I would like to be engaged or something, so that I don't feel like a loser.

Someone tell me that I'm not a loser. :(

2 Raise and Ruin | Crash Test

70billion

:: 2004 1 September :: 11.22pm
:: Music: The Bled

School School
Today was the first day of class. So far so good. There is so many drummers, ones that kick the crap out of me, this means Im going to have to work harder this year is good I guess.

5 Raise and Ruin | Crash Test

:: 2004 31 August :: 6.39pm

i love my kitten like you wouldn't believe.

For those of you who didnt know, I have two now. Slowly turning into a crazy cat lady.

Class was lame, lame, lame. Saw a lot of people I know though, and that was cool. A nice change from working the forty, but I'm not ready for homework.

:: 2004 29 August :: 7.40pm

So I can graduate at the end of this year with a soc major...
Or spend 2 years to get a soc major and a human resources major.

Any opinions?

1 Raise and Ruin | Crash Test

:: 2004 22 August :: 12.07am

I have the internet at home now, finally.

So, what'd I miss?

3 Raise and Ruin | Crash Test

:: 2004 20 August :: 5.55pm

I had a birthday a little while ago. Thanks for remembering, friends. Bah.

4 Raise and Ruin | Crash Test

:: 2004 6 August :: 6.11pm

I can't WAIT until I have the internet in my house again.

:: 2004 2 August :: 9.51pm

So I have remotely dropped off the face of the earth....
Turns out I didnt move until last Friday instead, and I still don't have internet at the new house. I also have another kitty, she is cute. More later...

If you might be interested in the current status of my life, 269-272-3906. I'm around.

70billion

:: 2004 20 July :: 12.57am

New Forever December stuff
Hey Forever December now has a new Make shift temp site www.geocities.com/foreverdecemberrock

and we also have some mp3's up on purevolume from our soon to be released ep

www.purevolume.com/foreverdecember

and as most of you probley already know Our tour for this summer was canceled because of my finger meeting the tire buffer, but look for a kent theater show sometime early september. thank you and good night

4 Raise and Ruin | Crash Test

:: 2004 14 July :: 10.03am

It's the end of the line. Time to shut down the computer.

I move tomorrow morning.