JediBumblebee
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2003 5 February :: 11.20am
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: Pretty Girls Make Graves- The Getaway
How far will this get us from here? And I don't want to talk about what's back there...we can never go home...Just as long as it's us....that's all that matters...you're all that matters...
as i was crawling into bed last night, i gave myself that reality check.
i was starting to change my mind about what i believe.
but i remembered the key reason why i have to think the way i do.
i remembered just how painful it is when both sides are not equal.
i'm not about to give in just so i can get crushed down again, i can't do that to myself, i cant..
i just dont know how to feel anymore. that girly side is rearing its ugly head. i have to kill it...or at least quell it until i can think straight.
Crash Test
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JediBumblebee
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2003 3 February :: 2.13pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: The Verve Pipe- Happiness is
Happiness is...where ever you find it...and I wanna find it with you...
do you ever realize how much harder it is to write a woohu entry when you're happy? when you're in a terribly good mood? unless of course you do a whole big long detailed entry explaining JUST why you are so damn chipper. i can say that i dont like to do that much. i like remaining cryptic...
my life is good right now. and thus my entries are short, cryptic, and get no replies.
1 Raise and Ruin |
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JediBumblebee
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2003 2 February :: 5.22pm
:: Mood: indescribable
this morning i awoke in a state of bliss.
i had most certainly forgotten what bliss felt like.
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70billion
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2003 31 January :: 11.34pm
Crash Test
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70billion
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2003 31 January :: 11.13pm
:: Mood: AWESOME
:: Music: tbs-ghost man on third
tonight was so much fun!! Kevin jay justin and myself were haNging out at the bean we were mashing aND dancing to some christen band but it was fun we were being so retarted well thats about it night
Crash Test
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JediBumblebee
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2003 30 January :: 4.13pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: The Shins- Know Your Onion!
I left all my friends at the morning bus stop shaking their heads.."What kind of life you dream of? You're allergic to love." Yes, I know, but I must say in my own defense...
Last night was really...good. Great. All of it.
Crash Test
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JediBumblebee
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2003 29 January :: 9.57am
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: Tricky Woo- Fly the Orient
When the sun goes down, she comes around...
so due to my recent severe exhaustion, i decide to go to bed early. obviously that doesnt work. so i decide to give myself the luxury of sleeping in, something that is pretty rare. I set my alarm for 11:03 when I crawl into bed at 4-fucking-thirty AM. But no, my body decides to play these evil tricks on me like HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH, YOU'RE WAKING UP AT 8AM today! AND You're NOT going to fall back asleep! No matter how hard you try! Fuck You!
ah, I love days like this. me against me days.
Crash Test
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JediBumblebee
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2003 28 January :: 11.40am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Aimee Mann- Save Me
You look like...a perfect fit...
The universe is upside down. Everything is crazy. But I'm still happy.
Yeah buddy, I think you're super! Even if you kick my ass.
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JediBumblebee
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2003 27 January :: 3.54am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: none...I am trying to be COURTEOUS of the fact that my roommate is sleeping...
alright, that analogy didnt come out quite like i meant it. and after talking to jason, i'm getting more and more certain that what i need is time to cool off and vent in here so i dont say anything irrational...although at this point it seems to matter less. perspectives. its all about perspectives.
Crash Test
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JediBumblebee
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2003 26 January :: 9.39am
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: Modest Mouse- Jesus Christ Was an Only Child
His dad was oh-so-mad, should have killed that little fucker before he even had...
There are certain paths that people take in life...
I know some people who claim to take the righteous path, God's 4-lane expressway to heaven.
I like to call the path that I have chosen for my life to be "the path of least resistance". I don't think anyone has the right to critisize that choice, even if they are taking the righteous way, after all, I'm not critisizing their way of life either.
However, when those two paths start crossing each other, or running parallel...when those people in totally different mindsets start acting similarly, I can't see the paths to blame. I see a hypocrite. For critisizing the way I act and then doing the same.
For some reason, our paths keep turning in towards the same road of life. And I can say that I haven't been to church lately.
2 Raise and Ruin |
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JediBumblebee
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2003 25 January :: 10.13pm
:: Mood: numb
i want to drive my car off a fucking bridge.
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JediBumblebee
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2003 25 January :: 4.36pm
:: Mood: mellow
Note to self:
Learn to use self control. Moderation is key to so many things in life.
1 Raise and Ruin |
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JediBumblebee
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2003 25 January :: 3.27pm
:: Mood: cynical
:: Music: Gary Jules- Mad World
I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had...
Sometimes people really drive me nuts. And there's certain situations where you just know that it's not your place to say anything at all.
I almost feel like saying anything to either one of them would be hypocritical. But the more I look at it, I realize it's not. For christ's sake, it's common courtesy, get a room. To yourselves. That means without me in it. And I don't want to have to leave. Or feel like I'm supposed to.
I have so many rants today, I could really go off for days. Someone finally called me back today. But of course, I get a call to listen, never to speak. Maybe I'm not having a major life crisis, but I still feel like I have some things I'd like to say.. again I am not given that luxury, it would be too much to have a friend who listens to me. I am the listener. So what if what I had to say doesnt matter to you? So what if my life isn't as shockingly dramatic as yours? Common courtesy. A conversation involves two people. Talking AND listening. And if I called you first, chances are I wanted to do some talking. And I know darn well you're not going to call me back like you said. Something WILL come up.
Signed an apartment lease yesterday. It felt good to do something that concrete. Making some actual moves towards a future. Although who knows what that future may be. It looks like it will probably be one of lonliness. I can't make friends, keep friends. I'm living alone.
I can't help but still feel that pull from back home, the people who like to toy with my brain. I realized yesterday that things will always change when it is too late for it to matter. It's for the best, I know, but it still hurts that I have to deal with it. I thought it was all in the past. I have already let it go.
As for another...I still need to know your motivations. Sometimes you seem like two totally different people. That's not a complaint, just a confusion. Where do you want to take it? Where do you want it to go?
I'm numb, I can't think anymore. Nothing is wrong but everything is shit.
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JediBumblebee
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2003 24 January :: 3.57pm
wilde is not a genius
wilde is enjoying a fresh challenge after
wilde is kicking your ass
wilde is drowning
wilde is a sinner without repentance
wilde is both a revenge and tragedy piece rolled into one
wilde is a band
wilde is genius
wilde is in the public domain and may be freely reproduced
wilde is one of them
wilde is balanced to a fault
wilde is obsessed with beautiful things and makes every effort to see the world through
wilde is fairly simple
wilde is one of my biggest heroes
wilde is stunning
wilde is complete
wilde is a legend
wilde is a satanist
wilde is buried
wilde is back
wilde is to learn it
wilde is the joker
wilde is one of the real characters of the self
wilde is painfully divided
wilde is a trip in every sense of the word
wilde is remembered chiefly for two things
wilde is imprisoned
1 Raise and Ruin |
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JediBumblebee
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2003 24 January :: 3.47pm
http://www.googlism.com-- FUN!
stefanie is a truth seeker and a truth seer who sings and writes from a place of empowerment with unmistakable passion and conviction
stefanie is not very active in sports
stefanie is not the classic damsel in distress
stefanie is blowing into her water bottle and occasionally looking over at me and laughing
stefanie is engaged
stefanie is no exception
stefanie is not from either this timeline or this dimension
stefanie is lucky and truly a unique case
stefanie is thin
stefanie is a new member of the board
stefanie is gracious
stefanie is a true country girl
stefanie is a fast learner and a hard worker
stefanie is a very private person
stefanie is a naturalist
stefanie is certainly one of the finest examples
stefanie is a tough competitor who doesn’t quit
stefanie is dedicated to providing entertaining
stefanie is a young woman without much experience or adventure in her life
stefanie is survived by her parents
stefanie is soon on the road to healing
stefanie is thorough
stefanie is available for world wide travel with expenses paid
stefanie is an incredible motivator
stefanie is still in town
stefanie is a pro photographer
stefanie is handling all the assignment work personally
stefanie is turned off by men that can't drop the pickup lines and are looking all over the room
stefanie is still in the game
stefanie is the prime suspect
stefanie is working on getting the save the earth signs copyrighted
stefanie is active in student/university politics
stefanie is never
stefanie is a pageant veteran
stefanie is in real person
stefanie is a senior whose major is psychology
stefanie is handling this a lot better than me
stefanie is right
1 Raise and Ruin |
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