:: 2010 8 August :: 12.59 am

i may not always like what you do but that has nothing to do with my loving you.

roll it

:: 2010 6 August :: 4.56 pm

"i confuse her love with the sea
she is a rare ephemeral thing"

roll it

:: 2010 29 March :: 11.37 pm

"i'd like to thank you, and you, and you, and you, and you..."

there were a lot of "yous" but not a lot of "mes" and i feel like i could punch you in the eye for that.

roll it

:: 2010 24 March :: 8.21 pm

My first art gallery tonight! better eat some pasta!

roll it

:: 2010 5 February :: 12.26 pm

There was a storm involving a large amount of rain, during which I was separated from Daniel and Joseph and everyone I knew. Everything was flooded. I was very pregnant, hugely pregnant and somehow I ended up in a mangrove forest, swimming between the trees and climbing over and through roots. I was trying to find something to float on so I could rest, and I saw two girls that I knew, who I can't remember now, floating by in some sort of large, earthy basket. They tried to run away from me because they didn't want to share. I swam after them and they panicked, falling out of the basket and running away. I spent forever swimming after it against the current until finally I reached it with the help of someone I can't remember and climbed in. The person left.

The basket turned into a car. I slept in it and woke up in labor. I wanted Daniel to be there very badly. I had the baby and it was a boy and he was beautiful and I loved him.
I left the car and waded to a building inside the mangroves that was crowded with refugees of the storm. There were dozens of fast food places and I was trying to find something to give to the baby, all the while asking him, "what do you want?" he was silent and didn't cry.

All the people were looking at me like they pitied me and I didn't like it. I started to hurt in my lower stomach so I went to a hospital in the same building where I had to let go of the boy. They didn't make me feel better, but when I got the baby back from them, he was nestled in a large Styrofoam cup and something was wrong with his hands. They looked angular and inhuman. I began to walk back to the car in the mangroves to go home, and he started to cry for the first time. I breathed into the cup softly and he stopped and fell asleep.

roll it

:: 2010 3 January :: 12.55 am

oh joey sweetheart, i dont want to lose you.

roll it

:: 2009 9 December :: 9.32 am

I want to shake every limb in the garden of Eden
And make every love the love of my life

roll it

:: 2009 17 November :: 11.58 am

YES YES AND YES.

ah what a life i lead.

roll it

:: 2009 24 October :: 10.58 pm

UGH

roll it

:: 2009 20 October :: 1.49 am

this is how i picture it:

"i don't understand, what am i confused about?"

"not confused exactly."

"what?"

"i'm telling you i love you."

"what?"

"my hand there, is holding my words, the light shining on both of our faces. and i'm smiling because i love you. and you don't, so you aren't moving or regarding the words."

silence.

"i know you don't. that's what it's about. but i love you."

"oh."

1 meter | roll it

:: 2009 9 October :: 2.44 am

i can't think of anything bad right now besides that lump.

things with dan are better than i could have imagined. there are no words. everything coming out of my mouth sounds so silly.

joe i see constantly. everything is just the way it always was and i am so happy. and christina and the fritz and arun and mandy and matt, they are all too much.




we went to the tower and i sat with my paints painting and you with your guitar playing until the light was gone and we found our way home. lazy weekends with you are the best weekends i've ever had, and what did i do to deserve all this goodness.

roll it

:: 2009 12 September :: 1.58 pm

jasper was put down this morning. i love you puppy.



and i miss you terribly

2 meters | roll it

:: 2009 11 September :: 5.09 pm

"you came and i was crazy for you
and you cooled my mind that burned with longing"

roll it

:: 2009 2 September :: 7.29 pm

i miss chocolate! of all the allergies to develop!

roll it

:: 2009 26 August :: 8.05 pm

i miss joey. i don't think daniel will ever love me, but i am fairly sure he knows i love him and it makes him uneasy. i don't blame him at all. school is great, i'm painting and i have my own room. life goes on the same as it always has.

roll it

:: 2009 24 August :: 6.30 pm

i want to come home joey

roll it

:: 2009 24 August :: 2.43 am

my hair is growing but i am not, school is starting and my heart is full but with white sea foam and nothing more. i am not ashamed of myself, or maybe i am, but i know that i should not be, so i stand firm.

if you could love me you would, whether or not you were ready to.

it is okay and i am okay, so let's keep walking and we'll see where this takes you, because we already know where it has taken me.

roll it

:: 2009 18 August :: 12.26 am

being in cape coral never stops being weird.

roll it

:: 2009 11 August :: 5.58 pm

he did not miss me at all oh things are bad

1 meter | roll it

:: 2009 10 August :: 8.13 pm

NO BABY YAY

roll it