goodbye
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2014 14 November :: 10.22pm
Well the jerk store called - they're running out of you.
2 brave words |
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godessalthena
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2014 13 November :: 9.29am
my growing pains are always from growing apart.
I don't even know what to do. should I do anything? when is it right to fight for something and when isn't it?
I suppose these answers are all inside me. I just need to try and find them.
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godessalthena
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2014 12 November :: 7.33am
sometimes you just need a reminder that there are still racist fucks in the world.
damn that guy was fucking creepy.
1 brave word |
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godessalthena
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2014 7 November :: 9.57pm
God I'm fucking lame.
2 brave words |
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godessalthena
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2014 6 November :: 6.31am
we got processing the Sus saga.
I wear a lot of my emotions on my sleeve, but the feelings that Sus envokes are much more private. I'm not sure why I can only cry about it when I'm alone. I'm not sure why I need to put on a brave face.
the final section we will process is me, 24 to current. not a whole lot in the past two years. hopefully we'll be done soon :) haha yea right
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godessalthena
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2014 4 November :: 11.09am
i cannot wait until i'm done with college.
these fuck faces are trying to say i plagiarized a paper. i would never do something like that. EVER.
so i call my academic adviser and he says that it's probably that i didn't cite something properly. i have been writing papers and turning them into these stupid fucking robots for two years and have never once had an issue with this. i know how fucking APA guidelines work. I know how to properly cite my sources.
fuck you, ashford university. fuck you constellation. fuck you turn it in. fuck you grand canyon university. fuck online schools. fuck plagiarizing assfucks that made this all possible.
fuck "higher" education. what a fucking joke.
2 brave words |
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catatonicsean
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2014 4 November :: 12.27am
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: Adrian von Ziegler - Let Me Fade
Things are going swell, but I'm still beset by that teenage feeling comparable to thinking I'll die a virgin.
You know that hopeless "I suck" mentally? That's the one.
I'm going to tighten by boot straps and force myself to rule at life, or I'm going to disintegrate and vanish from the hearts and minds of men...oh, wait...well ahead of myself.
Time to remind them who is King.
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godessalthena
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2014 3 November :: 2.33pm
I'd have to say the party was a success, most people canceled, but the ones who came were the most important anyway <3 and I didn't even want a big party, so I got my wish without having to cancel.
i wanna say more, but I don't really want to type right meow, so.. more to come later!
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catatonicsean
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2014 2 November :: 2.16am
:: Mood: lethargic
:: Music: Darkthrone - Under a Funeral Moon
Halloween went well. Lovey and I got dressed up, and I slam-danced at a punk rock cover show - and wound up misplacing my wife and carrying a dead dove home.
Life is strange.
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godessalthena
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2014 30 October :: 9.38pm
I just want to be held and told it'll all be okay.
I feel so alone. and disgusting.
2 brave words |
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godessalthena
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2014 28 October :: 8.02pm
sometimes everything just feels so blah, you find yourself in bed at 730, texting people who are not on the same page as you, feeling bleh about them.
it's just so much bleh, blah, meh, eh... who cares?
19 credits left at school. work is slowing down (I'm almost catch up). ospe time is soon. so not into that this year.
this weekend needs to be over right stay now
1 brave word |
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godessalthena
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2014 25 October :: 6.34pm
I really miss drugs
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godessalthena
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2014 23 October :: 10.37am
canceled my hair cut yesterday since it was it was my last opportunity to be alone before Mike gets here. I'm already exhausted just thinking about all the social interaction I'll be having while he's here.
then I think about the rest of my life, and wonder if maybe I should try to be more social or risk regretting these years as wasted since I'm young and free currently.
and then I think "fuck it" and remain antisocial, because a lot of the time being alone is just so fantastic. I think the part I love the most is nobody expects me to talk. it's just so nice, not feeling pressured to participate in a conversation. not needing to think of something interesting or relevant to say. not worrying whether I'm being boring or sounding stupid or something. I really hate talking. I like listening. hate talking.
I'm not even sure why I hate it so much. I haven't had a negative experience involving me talking in quite a while, so what makes me dread it so much? no clue. but here's to hoping someday it goes away!
3 brave words |
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godessalthena
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2014 20 October :: 11.43am
I don't think its really as bad as all that.
when it rains it pours though.
and right now I feel like I might get caught in the undertow
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catatonicsean
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2014 19 October :: 5.41am
:: Mood: gloomy
:: Music: Tangerine Dream - Genesis
Fuckin' tired. Haven't slept a wink, and probably won't because my stepson will be awake in a couple of hours (if not sooner), and this is virtually all the free-time I can look forward to in the foreseeable future.
Flat broke, and didn't have the necessary funds to get myself a new pair of boots and suspenders this pay period; probably won't be able to next round, either, but that's life. With a little polish and Gorilla Glue my current boots will last as long as they need to, but are showing obviously signs that retirement is imminent.
Since I'll probably get an hour of sleep during the day (if I'm lucky), I bet my bottom dollar that I won't even make my long-sought trip to Wilson's Book Store tomorrow.
I have a theory (no mere hypothesis) that maturity is the natural result of your soul being ground down into a fine powder from years of stifling humdrum. That's why older heads don't have many interests or hobbies, and focus solely on their troubles and everyday inanities.
All in all, I love my life as it is, but wish that I didn't feel so damned old and worn. I wish I had more time and money to do something that was stimulating and fun that my loved ones could participate in without being bored. I wish a lot of things, et cetera, but that's not how things work.
3 brave words |
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