--

:: 2004 4 August :: 1.27 am

oh, the forgotten!

a serious entry into the south, banjo and accent and ancient vintage he's such a joke. a joke we all take seriously.
hum now, taking this seriously is a joke, though. grinsmile. even jaeger does it, see?

subira grabs and suffocates �, underwater bubbles flow out and there's little struggle.
death by apathy [ofsorts] [though. you know. it's not really death. never is.]

:: 2004 2 August :: 2.11 pm

travel the world, traverse the skies.. your home is here, within my heart.

a few alterations and we really should let out more.

:: 2004 30 July :: 11.55 pm

it's come to my attention that horace [in tierform, more likely] and lazeyka would not. get along. at all. in fact, it seems that there would be more of a 'rivalry' between them than between lazeyka and rek.
the pacing of loophole near the gate, always near someone, always whispering something or another. in upright form, bearing that blue torch, out of the gates and proclaiming... but so rare, you know. and in that form, strangely, he unites both rek and jaeger, and [the oddest pair of three that would ever be imagined] they become quite 'deadly' out-of-gates.
especially if rek is de-masked. emotionally volitile with nihtgenga pressing. fuck, that's lit dynamite.

these things are rare, though, and regrettable; suzy, backed by constance, reprimands, sends out deep black-red, changes; and course is reversed, path calmly retraced and erased everywhere but der herz.

:: 2004 30 July :: 12.58 am

but loophole [lazeyka] is far more than just a tierWhisperer. whisper... whisper the truth is what he does. truthbringer, through the cracks, the crevices. shut up with your denials and listen to him. there's so many voices, though, and he often gets drowned out, especially by the supressant that is Rek.
now that he's taken rosewen into himself, consumed her remains and thus also her virus, he's a .... rival to rek. she can tolerate him, like she tolerates jaeger. but she's also still got that... abhorrence... toward any who's open minded in ....that area.
paves paths. bears the blue torch, let us see the way before you. tail is split; two vertibrae going in opposite directions at the tip. this, his end, split in desicion.

there's so much to him, but he's really self-explanitory.

:: 2004 29 July :: 11.58 pm

"twenty-four hours, that's all i need."

damn straight. it's fading already and there's still four or five hours to go. well. with rosewen defunct [or at least very close to it] 's a lot easier for these things to go along that way.
damn that loophole, tierWhisperer.

shun. n. ned.

[ryuusei, letting out from our hands, let out from the dust in ourselves. gold dust. star dust. the end of days, they say.]
there was an instance; constance moves herself in subtleties. die sonne, indeed. it's odd but expected but unexpected.

a pre-gate forgotten returns hence; she's an echo, so she's put to the sword, but kenni [in all her glory, ability, and power, crossing those damn heirarchal lines, that... that scurvy.. trespasser..!] takes her in. you know. a replacement later for when mantra's promoted.
oh, these things happen, you know.
they do.

:: 2004 28 July :: 11.48 pm
:: Music: vnvnation - further

and she says, 'each day shall end as it begins, although you're far away from me. i know in darkness i shall find you giving up inside like me.'
subira, echoing to rek.

here is � again, muttering over, 'i. fucking. hate. not. being. good enough..!!'

:: 2004 28 July :: 2.38 am
:: Music: тату - заведи//чич

and she is under threat of takeover, a black consumption. but she can hold her own. a sort of antihero self-discouraging.... the will that holds you down is the only thing that props you up.
good/bad/meansnothing.

the cruelty of jaeger seeps in through rek's throat, down her fingers. black consumption. and yet, now and again, suzy comes in, entering; she's stronger than one would ever ever seem. all those years of being held down, blacked out. and she's backed by constance, something not even rek is. not all the time, anyway.
leaks out.
leaks out, battery acid.
[your battery's leaking, oh no] theme.

realization. latenight, possibly dreamscaper-influenced. that if these were just emotions.... there would be no facets. things just aren't that simple.
but that realization was.
idiot.
[� says, why couldn't you have seen that sooner? i bet she did. the source. you fuck. you fucking fucking echo. echo echo echo echo echo SYSTEMATIC REPREIVE//// RETREVAL///SUPPRESSANT.]

:: 2004 28 July :: 12.37 am

curiousity:
does anyone actually read this? if you do, please comment. with name, preferably.

2 nones | --

:: 2004 26 July :: 7.58 pm

ew.... shit. i'd almost forgotten how � is. i hope i can forget again. i hate her beginnings...
good christ. i wish she'd just listen to subira again... fuck.
can't keep up can't come close worthless meaningless garbage falsified echoed ECHOED i am so far behind

i can't stand this.

:: 2004 25 July :: 2.50 am

funny, though, how subira holds the knife, when severe changes were made. just dull, the same, meaningless.
and there was the regret and the fear and the closing of the eyes and then subira took over once again. collapse into. like a blanket cushion bed of apathy.

there's the visions of drowning. how beatrice and water, the good, the familiarity. the rek and water, the bad, the suffocation.
tell the northern lights to keep shining. waves. looking up how the sun is... blurred distorted a different beauty when you look at it from under the ocean. how many times has she... stared. held her breath. watched the bubbles and those ripple patterns and that white bright green blue cool color that can't be replicated.
beatrice subira.
they're so different, but.. god. so the same.
[and mantra's ocean, i am surrounded by oceans of light]

constance. harp. these are the ties that bind us, the strings of the puppet master, tethered to this mortal coil. she just keeps playing this song over and over, her fingers bleed but she can't stop, she's tied. like the piano, pinned to the seat. blood. a goddess, but yet..... yet not. she can't NOT be a goddess. she's tied to it. to time, jumping from one state to the next ever going ever going ever going and ever remaining ever the same.
[there's a whisper, the whisper's always there. cut the strings, disconnect, disrupt the system. give.... up.]
playing these strings, keys, a small subira curled at her feet. perhaps this is what she's forced. this is what happens while jaeger, horace watch the gates and growl.

hush. hush.

:: 2004 24 July :: 3.04 am

and suzy's growing... sort of changing. challeging rek. making her take back her words, standing up for something for once. maybe all this living with beatrice has rubbed off on her.

beatrice... and subira... the drowning, the struggle and resignation.

:: 2004 22 July :: 11.12 pm

ugh, reins shouldn't be taken by the angry at night. rek is just.... her apathy about your feelings makes her seem kind of stupid, sometimes, to the others, because it makes them feel regretful for her. she's a social moron, what can you do?

shrug shrug, but most of the time i guess it's subira here, in der herz.

and each one gets their own language. some i haven't found yet. some i will. some i have. hum.

:: 2004 20 July :: 1.51 am

and echo lives now in false state of everbeing, transferring excess to � where she integrates it into the system, to everyone's chagrin.

zvekh is so small, always in constance's tow. [this is so odd.]

:: 2004 20 July :: 12.37 am

he's.. he's back.
despite the past cries/echos of rek.

albeit, a new form. a child of constance now, killed and reborn, retaining memory because he is the son of she who retains all memory. he is also 'guardian' of many things; they fluctuate, he is not to be restrained. as a child of constance, this, as well, is an attribute because of her.
horace snarls in disgust, but with such hope, even he thinks of the possiblity of [another] aid being here at the gates. after all, this isn't someone new, this is someone... who has been here behind the gates before even constance herself was. he isn't to be thrown away.
he was nothing in his past life, now he can be anything.
son of the pheonix, emblem of flame.
[he weeps now, because he was so close to being thrown away again, and... the one[s] who threw him away last time just dragged him back. reacceptance. another virtue.]
i suppose this is also where constance gets her mother-like feeling sometimes.

and the fire emblem. the phoenix, always has been the phoenix, always. because you have to keep going. you have to keep reinventing yourself [i speak you to ourselves] to survive. just. kill off the rest.
kill yourself, so you can grow again.

advocate of suicide.
[this is what all that death means. that blood. burning red phoenix fire. the first step, the outer hue, building in to the white center.. constance.]

:: 2004 19 July :: 3.21 am
:: Music: mission

i have to break �. i have to have to have to.
we're breaking her right now. by killing off echo, that.. link to her. softlygently slowlynow. this isn't what you think it is, please stop living one-ended contests.
please accept that it's quality, not quantity. that by forcing through speed, you end up killing more than bringing to life.
please take subira into yourself, constance into yourself, and be silent, remain the same and uncaring, leave the malice behind.
please.

god, it's like.. suzy grew up...? she's not whiny anymore? she's taking control?
is this what silence does?

:: 2004 19 July :: 12.33 am

the death of.
bearing down on the moment. echo is tied to this moment, she's ever here, her end. stamped. a valley.

:: 2004 17 July :: 7.14 pm

subira, a soft echo [notperson] of comfortably numb.

called to the green. doesn't matter who. just was there.

and no it does matter, because this was a vague unfinished given only days ago, and now i see this is what it's supposed to be. beatrice, so crafty.

:: 2004 16 July :: 4.17 pm

horace's place.... his reason for killing.. he's the voice that's always been, 'there must be no more, they must stop coming in.'
i'm not sure if he's even realized this is why. he doesn't much take to conscious desicions. but still. me knowing something he doesn't [even if he doesn't much care] is kind of... releiving.
seeing as he's the main gatekeeper, i don't see why i didn't see this before, but. what can you do. :subirashrug:
at least echo[ing] moment of destruction can be repeated.

and said. 'behold.'
[we know the point of destruction. where is the point of creation? can we follow back along the scar?]

:: 2004 16 July :: 1.58 am

echo and arron, born in same family; echo is arron's younger sister. they aren't much alike, personality-wise, but they get along well and are very close. echo has pattern-tattoos on her face, being a tradition in the tribe for females. she actually was one of the last to go through it.
when arron left, echo had no one else; felt abandonded and disgusted with the way her tribal family was becoming greedy. she too eventually left, following her brother's path and finding him somehow later. through him she befriended rek and they... got along well etc. became verygoodfriends. all three were pretty close in some period of time.
however, following those two eventually led to echo's demise at horace's hands. [through this 'sadness' of echo is later transferred/invested in arron and rek.]
ah, golly. what a way to go.

:: 2004 16 July :: 1.49 am

� has invested herself into 'echo'. echo, on her part, may eventually be killed by horace. perhaps tonight, even.
echo is self explanitory. to differentiate between the two, � strives, lives in this world. echo is jealousy, despair at the hands of others, and is arron's sister.
shit she just barged in the gate. i don't know if i can do anything about this.