home | profile | guestbook


Dried Tears... not in vain

recent entries | past entries


kelso263

:: 2008 2 June :: 9.23pm

My goodness. Look at this old thing. I can't believe I remembered the password.

1 moo | someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 1 June :: 8.43pm

I went to a baby shower this afternoon for the girlfriend of my parents' friends' son. It was long, but it made me very worried at myself. My body or my mind, I'm not sure which at this point, is telling me that it's time to have a baby; but my logical mind says "ohhh, no way, not yet."

And that's a good thing. I want to be prepared to have a child, even though you'll all tell me "you'll never be prepared," I mean that I want to be fairly financially secure, working in a good job, be settled in a semi-permanent apartment or house, and, of course, be married (eventhough I'm pratically already married).

I don't know...just seeing how happy she was made me want that. I want to be a mother someday...I don't even care if it's my biological child or not. I just want to be a mother.

...but, again, when I and Rueben are ready...even though I doubt he'll ever be ready.

oh, by the way, I almost passed out the other day because the temperature behind the service desk was at least 82 degrees. Hot.

someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 31 May :: 9.11am

I have to work again today. I had to leave work three hours early yesterday because I almost passed out. It's so warm behind the service desk because they haven't turned on the air yet and there is an overhang so there is very little air circulation.

Anyway, I'm taking a thermometer to work with me today to see just how warm it really gets. I swear it was around 90 up there yesterday (and humid)...and we have one small fan. We'll see. I can't work in conditions like that...

someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 28 May :: 10.01am

Played a super long game of monopoly last night with Rueben, Gunny, and Zach. It was pretty alright.

This is the first day of my "weekend"...the two consecutive days that I get to myself before I have to go back to hell.

Now I remember why I hate her so much...I'm helping someone at the service desk, they need a lane open, so they call and say: Michelle needs to open on lane whatever, so, then, even if I'm still helping someone, they go and tell people to start putting their stuff at that lane, even though I"m not there yet. And....about half of the time, they have to wait about five minutes because I"m still dealing with that customer at the service desk, and then when I finally get to the lane after dealing with some fucker at the desk, the people at the lane are all nasty to me because they thought they'd get through fast and they had to wait five minutes.

That, and people from rockford are really stuck up and bitchy.

It must be nice to have thousands of dollars in credit card debt and live in a huge house that you owe more on that it's worth, and still treat people like shit because you want to feel good about yourself.


angst.

someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 25 May :: 5.34pm

working, my life is my work, my life's work, i hate where i work...it doesn't make a difference except to the pockets of people i'll never meet that cut my hours and short me help for their bottom line.

so be it, capitalist system.

i watched part of the libertarian debate last night. mike gravel was there. he doesn't fit in with the libertarians at all. he's one of the best leftist political minds and activists that our country has had in the past fifty years and he's forced to run for the libertarian nomination under a platform that he doesn't fully accept nor stand for only because he doesn't fit in anywhere else. i don't fit in anywhere, too.

1 moo | someone say moo


joeydomina

:: 2008 18 May :: 7.47pm

Aaryn

This is my new nephew born a month ago....

I've given all my nephews and niece nicknames.... his shall be

Battery

because his name has two a's in it.... Aaryn

2 moos | someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 15 May :: 7.31am

I was there when John Edwards endorsed Barack Obama.

2 moos | someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 14 May :: 11.10am

I'm sick. It's disappointing.

Went to the dentist yesterday. I have one cavity that will be filled on June 10. Went to Meijer yesterday. I have five shifts next week, starting on Sunday.

I want to go and see Barack, but I'm not sure if I'll feel well enough to be jammed into an arena with thousands of people screaming their heads off. I'm already nauseated as it is.

I got my books from Amazon to help me study for the GRE. My favorite is the verbal flash cards. So many words! Now, if I could just remember some of them...

I also got a guide to the English portion of the test, and a dictionary of literary terms and theories. I can feel my nerdiness multiplying exponentially!

In other news, I woke up to the sound of pouring rain this morning, and although I promptly hacked up a chunk of mucus...it was pleasant for a moment.

someone say moo


joeydomina

:: 2008 14 May :: 7.51pm

happy birthday to me.... yay

8 moos | someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 13 May :: 9.38am
:: Mood: crushed

I think I'm getting sick. Both of my parents are sick and I woke up this morning with a sore throat. Parents.


I have some errands to run today. I have a dentist appointment at 12:50 where they are going to tell me I have cavities and need fillings. I had cavities last time and I haven't been to the dentist since. That was about a year ago.

The I'm going to shoot on down to Meijer to go talk to Pat about giving me hours for next week. Then I'm going to stop at Independent bank in Cedar and deposit a fundraising check and some random pop can money for the frat.

Then I'll probably go to Rueben's and hang out with him.

Boo. Sore throat.

In other news, the Sand Lake Library has a "Classics" section that has about 25 books in it. I have my huge long list (reference 4 entries ago), and the only books I could find were War and Peace, Hamlet, and The Sound and the Fury...and the only reason I found The Sound and the Fury is because it's on Oprah's book club.

So...that means I'm going to have to order them through the KDL website; but searching on there reveals that KDL only owns one or two copies of the most revered works in English i.e. Paradise Lost and Canterbury Tales. And no, I'm not counting books on tape or "re-written" classics. Ugh.

I bet they have more copies of Ana's Story by Jenna Bush than copies of The Divine Comedy by Dante.

someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 12 May :: 10.05am

I just applied for a ten thousand dollar scholarship. Oh god, it would be wonderful...

1 moo | someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 2 May :: 12.32am

Things I have to read for the GRE. Note: I've read about 1/3 of these, but do I remember them?
Milton, John Paradise Lost 27 5
Chaucer, Geoffrey Canterbury Tales 22 7
Shakespeare, William King Lear 20 5
Pope, Alexander The Rape of the Lock 17 5
Anonymous Beowulf 13 6
Swift, Jonathan Gulliver's Travels 13 5
Shakespeare, William The Tempest 13 5
Marlowe, Christopher Doctor Faustus 12 5
Gray, Thomas Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard 11 4
Thoreau, Henry David Walden 11 5
Spenser, Edmund The Faerie Queene 11 3
Alighieri, Dante The Divine Comedy 10 3
Sophocles Oedipus Rex 10 4
Faulkner, William The Sound and the Fury 10 4
Shakespeare, William MacBeth 10 3
Arnold, Matthew Dover Beach 9 5
Dickens, Charles Great Expectations 9 3
Swift, Jonathan A Modest Proposal 9 3
Shaw, George Bernard Arms and the Man 8 5
Plato The Republic 8 5
Keats, John Ode on a Grecian Urn 8 4
Shakespeare, William Othello 8 4
Jonson, Ben Volpone 8 4
Homer The Iliad 8 1
Fielding, Henry Tom Jones 7 5
Tennyson, Alfred Lord Ulysses 7 4
Joyce, James Ulysses 7 4
Congreve, William The Way of the World 7 4
Bronte, Emily Wuthering Heights 7 4
Dryden, John All for Love 7 3
Fitzgerald, F. Scott The Great Gatsby 7 3
Shakespeare, William Hamlet 7 3
Forster, E.M. Howard's End 7 3
Milton, John Lycidas 7 3
Homer The Odyssey 7 3
Johnson, Samuel The Preface to Shakespeare 7 3
Byron, George Lord Don Juan 7 2
Milton, John Comus 6 4
Pope, Alexander An Essay on Criticism 6 4
Anonymous Everyman 6 5
Hardy, Thomas Jude the Obscure 6 4
Wordsworth, William Lyrical Ballads 6 4
Shelley, Percy Bysshe Ozymandius 6 4
Richardson, Samuel Pamela 6 4
Sheridan The Rivals 6 4
Sterne, Laurance Tristram Shandy 6 4
Tolstoy, Leo War and Peace 6 4
Eliot, T.S. The Waste Land 6 4
Shakespeare, William Henry IV, Part 1 6 3
Shakespeare, William As You Like It 6 3
Johnson, Samuel History of Rasselas, Prince of Abyssinia 6 3
Amis, Kingsley Lucky Jim 6 3
Melville, Herman Moby Dick 6 3
Malory, Sir Thomas Le Morte D'Arthur 6 3
Johnson, Samuel The Vanity of Human Wishes 6 3
Dickens, Charles Hard Times 6 2
Shelley, Percy Bysshe Ode to the West Wind 5 5
Forster, E.M. A Passage to India 5 4
Aristotle The Poetics 5 4
Goldsmith, Oliver She Stoops to Conquer 5 4
Anonymous Sir Gawain and the Green Knight 5 4
Eliot, T.S. Tradition and the Individual Talent 5 3
Chaucer, Geoffrey Troilus and Criseyde 5 3
Thackerey, William Vanity Fair 5 3
Spenser, Edmund The Shepheardes Calender 5 3
Shakespeare, William Romeo and Juliet 5 3
Faulkner, William A Rose for Emily 5 3
Spenser, Edmund Amoretti 5 3
Coleridge, S.T. Biographica Literaria 5 3
Dostoevsky Crime and Punishment 5 3
Dickens, Charles David Copperfield 5 3
Thomas, Dylan Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night 5 3
Webster, John The Duchess of Malfi 5 3
Pope, Alexander An Essay on Man 5 3
Steinbeck, John The Grapes of Wrath 5 2
Hemingway, Ernest Hills Like White Elephants 5 2
Johnson, Samuel Life of Cowley 5 2
Etherege, Sir George The Man of Mode 5 2
Browning, Robert My Last Duchess 5 2
Eliot, T.S. Journey of the Magi 5 1
Tennyson, Alfred Lord In Memoriam A.H.H. 4 4
Eliot, T.S. The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock 4 4
Flaubert, Gustave Madame Bovary 4 4
Cervantes Don Quixote 4 4
Joyce, James Dubliners 4 3
Austen, Jane Emma 4 3
Shaw, George Bernard Major Barbara 4 3
Eliot, George Adam Bede 4 3
Melville, Herman Bartleby the Scrivener 4 3
Huxley, Aldous Brave New World 4 3
Milton, John Samson Agonistes 4 3
Wilde, Oscar The Importance of Being Earnest 4 3
Moliere Tartuffe 4 3
Boswell, James The Life of Samuel Johnson 4 3
O'Neill, Eugene Mourning Becomes Electra 4 3
Edwards, Jonathan Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God 4 3
Butler, Samuel The Way of All Flesh 4 3
Wright, Richard Native Son 4 2
Sophocles Antigone 4 2
Conrad, Joseph Heart of Darkness 4 2
Anonymous Sir Patrick Spens 4 2
Hawthorne, Nathanial The Scarlet Letter 4 2
Orwell, George Shooting an Elephant 4 2
Woolf, Virginia To the Lighthouse 4 2
Wycherley, William The Country Wife 4 2
Wilde, Oscar The Critic as Artist 4 2
Swift, Jonathan A Description of a City Shower 4 2
Frost, Robert Design 4 2
Villon, Francois/Rossetti The Ballad of the Dead Ladies 4 2
Mill, J.S. On Liberty 4 2
Marlowe, Christopher The Passionate Shepherd to His Love 4 2
Wilde, Oscar The Picture of Dorian Gray 4 2
Shakespeare, William Richard II 4 2
Fielding, Henry Joseph Andrews 4 2
Defoe, Daniel Moll Flanders 4 2
Twain, Mark Huckleberry Finn 4 2
Bruegel Icarus (painting) 4 1
Plath, Sylvia The Mirror 4 1
Raleigh, Sir Walter The Nymph's Reply to the Shepherd 4 1
Keats, John Ode on Melancholy 4 1
Dickenson, Emily If I Could Stop 4 1
Holmes, Oliver Wendell The Chambered Nautilus 4 1
The Venerable Bede Historia Ecclesiastica Gentis Anglorum 4 1
Virgil The Aeneid 3 3 Burney,
Fanny Evelina 3 3 Thomas, Dylan Fern Hill 3 3
Keats, John Endymion 3 3
Milton, John Areopagitica 3 3
Voltaire Candide 3 3
Heller, Joseph Catch .22 3 3
Miller, Arthur The Crucible 3 2
Joyce, James The Dead 3 2
Boccaccio Decameron 3 2
Tolstoy, Leo Anna Karenina 3 2
Dickens, Charles Bleak House 3 2
Godwin, William Caleb Williams 3 2
Miller, Arthur All My Sons 3 2
Meredith, George The Egoist 3 2
Finch, Anne Adam Pos'd 3 1
Burns, Robert Ae Fond Kiss 3 1
Paine, Thomas The Age of Reason 3 1
Mencken, H.L. The American Language 3 1
Donne, John An Anatomy of the World 3 1
Fleming, William Arts and Ideas 3 1
Raleigh, Sir Walter The Author's Epitaph, Made by Himself 3 1
Wilde, Oscar The Ballad of Reading Gaol 3 1
Browning, Robert The Bishop Orders His Tomb 3 1
Cooper, James Fenimore The Deerslayer 3 1
Sidney, Sir Philip The Defense of Poesy 3 1
Yeats, William Butler The Dolls 3 1
Stevenson, Robert Louis Dr. Jekyll

1 moo | someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 23 April :: 10.02am

It's getting so close...the end of the semester, that is. Today is my day off...tomorrow I have KKY meetings and I get installed. I work Friday and Saturday. I have an exam on Monday morning, and two on Thursday.

Then I'm done. Well, I'll be up here for another week working...but then I'll be done. Then, back to living with the parents, going to the dentist for the first time in a year (I'm sure I have numerous cavities), getting my brakes checked out, settling in, maybe do some lounging. Who knows.

someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 22 April :: 11.30am

It's bright and sunny outside, and a bit breezy, too.

I went and met with my academic advisor this morning. I am now signed for the Bachelor of Arts in English with a probable minor in political science.

Now I get start taking four semesters of French to fulfill the language requirement. Exciting.

I have a few things left to do for the semester; namely revising a few papers and finishing my notebook assignment. I can't believe I actually wrote about parallelism in discourse. What has become of me?!?

I just finished taking my last exam in human growth and development, and I have a quiz in North American Indian Cultures at 3:30, and a final in there next week. I already turned in my creative writing portfolio so i don't have to go to that horrible class again. I also have a concert tomorrow night, and then the final KKY meeting Friday where I will be sworn in as President and finish the meeting.

So many things...but there aren't. I'm putting off revising, which I should be doing now instead of updating, because I have to re-do a works cited which is perfect by MLA standards, but not so perfect by my crazy professor's standards. Whatever. MLA never said anything about an Upload or Download date...I know that much.

So...looking ahead to next semester:

FRN 101 : Beginning Level French
ENG 332: Cultural Literary Theory
CHM 131: Chemistry I
MTH 105: Algebra
MUS 186: Band


I'm in desperate need of summer vacation.

It would also be nice to win the lottery.

Michelle

someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 19 April :: 12.16pm

About to go to work...again. I haven't had very many hours the past few weeks, but it seems like I've been more.

So, Thursday night I got elected President of Kappa Kappa Psi for next school year. I'm quite excited...but by now the giddiness has worn off and I'm spurting ideas through every possible orfice. gross.


Anyway, I'm trying to get enough financial aid for next year so that I won't have to work....well, I'm not exactly trying...I'm just waiting for Central to put together my financial aid package and I'm waiting for them to decide if a 3.93 is a high enough gpa to qualify me for a scholarship. hah.

Looks like it's going to be all A's this semester. Perhaps my name will be in the newspaper. That would be grand.

someone say moo


joeydomina

:: 2008 14 April :: 2.29pm

crazy lolcats
humorous pictures
see more crazy cat pics

4 moos | someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 9 April :: 11.05am

I just got asked to attend one of my Professor's graduate classes next wednesday for a discussion on George Elliot's Middlemarch with a special guest!!!

So, I am at the library checking out the novel so that I can read it!!!

YAY!

1 moo | someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 2 April :: 11.43pm

This semester is almost done: there's only four weeks and exam week left. I can't say that I'm not excited for a break, but going home and working isn't my idea of a fun summer. At least I'll be living at the lake, since that's where my parents moved.

I have a few goals for this summer:
1. Practice at least one hour every day.
I really want to get good again, like really good, so that I can audition for a top band. University band is alright, but it's at the level of eighth graders most of the time. There are four bands at Central, University Band being number four. I'm sure I could get a top chair in the third band, or a low one in the second if I really get up on my scales and prepare some technical pieces. I need it anyway, I miss practicing, but it's one of those things I need to make time for or else it won't happen.

2. Write a literary article/criticism for publication
I think I might have found a few books that fit the bill: They are post-modern (1989, 1993), are by an American author, and can be analyzed in terms of gender and gender roles. It's weird how the author makes all of his characters lawyers with wives who are brilliant and beautiful, but lack motivation.

3. Keep working out
I'll be up at the lake, so this shouldn't be too much of a problem. I can lift weights in the base, run outside on the circle driveway in the park (about five laps equal a mile and there a few hills), and our living room is big enough to do some work out tapes. My parents work 7 to 4pm, and I should be working mid and second shift, so this should work out well for waking up and working out.

Anyway, those are a few of my goals and I'm announcing them to the world so I have to be accountable for them. We'll see what happens.

1 moo | someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 26 March :: 10.50pm

I got so warm during ritual I almost passed out.

Ugh.

They will be brothers on Sunday! I'm so excited.

I know...I'm lame because I participate in extracurriculars in college.

someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 24 March :: 8.36pm

I just went to my national society of collegiate scholars informational meeting. It was exciting.

Actually, I was quite relieved to find out that I don't have to be an active member next year; I can choose if I want to be the year after that, too.

And...all you have to do to be an active member is attend one social event, one fundraiser, and one community service event for the year/semester (not sure which). Either way, it should be fairly easy.

I think I have a cavity on my back molar.

The polish is also chipping off my nails at an alarming rate and it keeps catching everything.

someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 13 March :: 9.31am

The Changing Time

They come FLOODING out of the Buildings: It is time.
I.
I see the small people Scramble
Hating the cold burning the Inside of their Noses,
Hating their own body for turning against them.
I need a tissue, please!
My nose is spurting inappropriate mucus!

II.

There goes one, Huddling inside his hood,
Like a turtle, afraid the air, the atmosphere
Will endanger him.
Perhaps he's right.
With the smoke stack only a few hundred feet away,
And a thousand [probably more, I'm bad at estimations]
Cars; Rolling into the parking lot
Who would want to breathe this air?
It's not a choice.

Maybe gas masks will become
As popular, as fashionable,
As carting around 16 ounces of water
In dispensable plastic bottles.
I firmly believe:
We make our own Destiny.




III.

There, Another,
Her pants are screamingly PINK!
I'm sure I can almost make out a shirt that SHOUTS:
KISS ME I'M IRISH!
When I bet she's more French than anything,
She can't even hold her own beer.

IV.

Now just a few Remain,
Wandering, Aimlessly,
But with Direction in Mind.

V.

Now, all are gone; They've scurried themselves
To their destination: to their destiny.

1 moo | someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 10 March :: 9.38am

Class in a few minutes. Then on to filling out scholarship applications. Money.

Why is it that we feel it's necessary to have the largest budget deficit ever to kill people, but we can't spend that same money on, oh, say, education, or converting every single coal plant into using biofuel?

Spring Break was last week. I didn't do much except work forty hours. Cranky people. Why is everyone so cranky?

The sun stays out until eight now. That should help me adjust my sleeping schedule. I was beginning to miss the sun.

Waves of nostalgia.

I had fresh out-of-the-oven brownies with french vanilla ice cream on top last night. It was like heaven.

someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 24 February :: 11.13am

I just finished writing a super cheesy autobiographical essay for my English 201 class. Something along the lines of: "Literature is humaness, it is unique" blah blah blah.

Shoot me.

Why does my sincerity always sound so insincere?

Easy day. One class. Brother-in-Training interviews (3) tonight. Coffee. Fundraising committee meeting. E-Board.

What am I going to do with the next seven hours of my LIFE!?!

This is so exciting.

someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 22 February :: 9.58am

I finally have the day off!

I'm planning on cleaning, though, but that shouldn't take very long. Maybe an hour or two. I have the day off tomorrow, too, due to a Kappa Kappa Psi service project.

They hired some more people at work, which is nice because I'm working less , but...I'm working less than I want to. I got cut from 32 hours a week to 15. I could settle somewhere around 24 (three days a week, eight hour shifts). That would be just fine with me.

Anyway, maybe I can use today to make my educational plan and figure out what I should minor in.

Maybe I can use it to play the Sims 2.

Maybe I should catch up on my portfolio in creative writing.

But I'll probably just sit around and drink and eat.

and I'm perfectly okay with that.

Michelle

1 moo | someone say moo


m&ms487

:: 2008 19 February :: 7.16pm

I'm busy and I'm stressed out, still...always, forever, I suppose.

I keep putting off things that I should be doing. Laundry, a four page paper due on Thursday.

I like not doing anything. Coming home, watching t.v for a while, going to bed. It's wonderful.

I feel like I"m at a time in my life where I should be doing great things, where I should be getting ahead for my career(s), where I should start impressing some important people. Except...I'm stuck. All my extra time is spent working at Meijer, and when I have a day off, I use it to sit around and do nothing in an attempt to recover. I hate living like this. It's so hard.

It's so hard to have to miss out on so many things and miss opportunities, and the best part is, I wouldn't have to work if I was a first generation college student, or I was an "under represented minority in the college environment." I could get all kinds of money. But no. I work my ass off, and what will I get? Twelve thousand in debt and grad school. Maybe things will be different by the time I get to grad school...but yet again, that's nearly three years away.

Until then, I"m stuck here, living in some kind of American dream that really feels like hell.

2 moos | someone say moo

Woohu.com | Random Journal