Dried Tears... not in vain

:: 2006 15 February :: 9.36pm

Aww tonight was fun *smiles*.

someone say moo

joeydomina

:: 2006 15 February :: 10.14pm

I got the job at manpower..... yay go me..... i love my life....well some aspects.

6 moos | someone say moo

brokenmentality

:: 2006 15 February :: 8.56am

Swirl was wonderful.... except for the whole music part. pshh.. who needs music right? I'm sorry, but if you go to a dance, expect to hear hip hop music, because you really cant dance to much else. a few here in there is fine... but when the majority of the dance is comprised of rock songs, it kind of ruins it. we were really dissapointed when we left. the decorating was sensational though. it was absolutely gorgeous!

before swirl i suprised keegan... finally i SUPRISED the man. (man... hmmm sounds so.. weird...) i told him we were going out for dinner, but i actually had my room all set up with candles and roses and chocolate covered strawberries. i set up a table in the middle of my room with a red table cloth and confetti and "sparkling grapejuice" and wine glasses (because we're cute and LEGAL like that) and i had the note book playing with no sound on my computer just for an added affect. it turned out wonderful. it was the best dinner we've ever had together as far as "romantic" goes. after the dance we came back to my house and fell asleep.... we had to get up early for the rampage game.

then on sunday keegan brought me to bobbys around like 10 (he had to be to the arena WAY early) where i went back to sleep (what a gentleman.... sleeping on the floor so i could have the bed) BUT i couldnt fall asleep because i was to "awake" by that point.. but bobby wouldnt wake up.. so i had a lot of down time. which was nice.

the game was awesome. we had really good seats (free seats i might add) the routine was even BETTER this week. and once again... i have the coolest boyfriend in the entire world. not to mention like a zillion other adjectives that would HARDLY even do him justice.

now... Valentines Day.

first of all, Stacy.... I could just DIE im so happy right now. I just want to squeeze you and hug you and be all giddy and jump up and down and rent laguna. but i'll refrain.

last night was so wonderful. i went home and took a shower, then keegan came over and whisked me away. (giggles... OH and while i was at school i walked into my senate office second hour and there was a flower arrangement with tulips and roses... my favorites.... from the flower pace and chocolates... i was so suprised. i didnt think we were getting eachother anything for valentines day.. then he goes and does that. how sweeet. i was shocked when i walked in there.. it took me a minute for it to click that he had brought me flowers.) we went to this restaurant in Grandville called Kobe, its an Ichibon restaurant where they cook your food right at your table.

when we got there we had to wait like 20 minutes so we ordered sushi.. and OMG it was the best sushi i've ever had. we've had the same kind (philadelphia roll... which has samon, avacodo, creme cheese.. and then of course in a hand roll, rolled in rice... for all you "eewww raw fish" people out there) at terriyaki and sushi.. and this stuff just blew it away! so then we get seated, and you sit around a grill with nine people and he comes out and cooks all your meals RIGHT there. its so cool. he lit the grill on fire to make it hot and it just exploded up into the air.. he cracked the eggs in the coolest way (which sounds nerdy.. but for real), he made a volcano with a pile of onions.. it was just incredible. and holllly cow i've never had food that tasted better in my LIFE. i like fried rice more than white rice.. the guy takes white rice and makes it INTO fried rice right in front of you. it was awesome. you REALLY have to go there and see for yourself. i warn you however, its really expensive... but WELL worth it.

so that was our valentines day.. we were gonna go to Cold Stone.. but they had already closed. nothing big, nothing spectacular.. just us being us.

*smiles... i am by far the luckiest girl in the world. i have keegan.... and nobody else can say that except for me. sure we argue and sure there are times we drive eachother crazy.. but there has NEVER been a time that we even considered breaking up. we're stronger than that. we bring out the absolute best in eachother.

:) you're the greatest.

1 moo | someone say moo

joeydomina

:: 2006 15 February :: 12.05am
:: Music: James Blunt - You're Beautiful

New News
Well let me see..... Jess is grounded for a MONTH. My car blew up. My truck has a flat tire, and the brakes are going out on it. I have no job, no money. I still live with my parents. I am getting more involved in church. And to top it all off I just don't feel like I'm doing anything with my life except with Jess. She is the only thing I ever have going good for me in this moment. I get so sad knowing these things. gah...

ttyl, Joey

:: 2006 14 February :: 11.30pm

I can't sleep.
I don't even know what to say. I really think you lied to me. It doesn't even make a difference though. You'll get what you wanted. I wont. End of story.

Well I've heard it all before and i'm tired of all the lies.

You definitely dissapoint me. So much.

I guess now I know how you feel.

Sorry.

:: 2006 14 February :: 4.44pm

The things I thought you'd never know about me were the things I guess you always understood.

someone say moo

tonyp.

:: 2006 13 February :: 10.59pm

well i did a sparrow tattoo on my left leg and im pretty happy to say besides acouple bad lines it turned out pretty good. im happy. tommorrow is valentines day and i have no money to get erica anything. good thing she doesnet care that much. well i just wanted to say i did a good tattoo and hopefully ill get a picture on here soon.

:: 2006 13 February :: 2.06pm

You're my distraction.

bleedingsun

:: 2006 13 February :: 3.28am
:: Mood: drained

Fingers twitch and muscles flinch

I've been lying in my bed since 10, wide awake. The pills that my mom got me say "Stop use and ask a doctor if sleeplessness occurs." I don't think I'll be using them anymore, which is too bad because they work really well.

I'm going to be so dead tomorrow.

3 moos | someone say moo

:: 2006 12 February :: 4.40pm
:: Music: Bob Dylan

Today was such a weird/emotional day.

First, I went to church. I try to avoid it as much as possible. Not because I am Agnostic, but because it brings back bad memories. I stand there knowing that the person who used to stand next to me will never stand next to me there again. Or anywhere for that matter. The person I loved is gone and we'll never step into that place together like we used to. Growing and learning as one. Then I looked at my brother's wife, singing in the choir and my brother facing her singing in the crowd. They are such an amazing couple. They are so incredibly strong and in love. And they'll never divorce, cheat, or lie. They truly don't care about negative things or make them a part of their life. Yeah, they do bother me with their God stuff sometimes, but at least it works for them. At least they're happy. At least they are in love, and neither of them ever have to worry about lying between them. They are so strong, it's insane really.

I am happy for them, they're going to live a life I wish I could have.
Maybe I will some day.

Then we went to their apartment and my mom started talking about my dad and how he had some sort of attack the other day. He's dying and she said she's actually going to miss him. For so long she wanted him to die and now that he is, she wants him to live. She started crying and it made me feel horrible. After all the things he's done to her, us, and the entire family she still loves him and doesn't want to live without him. She loves that man so much and I have no idea why. Actually, I do...because once you love someone you can't stop. It doesn't matter what they've done or who they have become. You just love them. Just because.

I know, because I am there now.

The church service today was sad enough as it was. It was all about how to be good to your partner and how to get back to love if you're not in it now. Everything really hurt to hear, because I know our relationship could have lasted if only we did those things. If only I tried harder and he didn't do the shit he did. If only he wasn't who he truly is.

That's the only thing keeping me strong to not ever be with him again (not that I have a choice. He decided that for me a while ago). He cheated on me, he lied to me, and hurt me all of the time. And that's just who is he. He loves things too much that I can so easily live without. And that's where we differ. That's where I finally see that we would never make it. We're too different to ever exist as us.

That makes me want to cry.
But, at least I know now there has to be someone else. I can't stay stuck on someone like that. I will for a while, but my mind is too strong to go back to it.

If I knew he would never lie or cheat on me again I'd go back to him. I'd move to wherever the hell he ever ends up. But, I don't know and I'll never know anything. So, it's over and that's sad.

But, that's just me; sad.

bleedingsun

:: 2006 12 February :: 11.34am
:: Music: At the Drive-in - in/CASINO/OUT

Esophagus Roller-Coaster Derailed

The drummer in my ear is a slow monotonous ache beating his rhythm to that of my pulse. If I swallow, cough, or even breathe, it feels like lawn furniture is being shoved down my throat. Also, I have recently learned that my nostrils once contained tiny dams that kept all the fluids in my body in their proper places and off of my top lip. I no longer have these tiny dams. As a result of this, my waste-basket and the floor around it has become haunted with a thousand little ghosts. A thousand slimy, sticky, and gooey little ghosts.

I haven't gotten any better since I left school after second hour on Thursday, but I have to make it through the next three days. I have to make up all the tests I've missed, (so far I've been told of four). I have no idea how I'll pass any of them.

I need to find out what assignments I've missed so I can start doing them right now. If anyone is in American Literature with Dolbee, could you please tell me what she assigned on Friday? I'd greatly appreciate it.

:: 2006 10 February :: 5.28pm

So I kind of have a differen't Spring Break plan. Lisa and I were going to go to Atlantis in the Bahamas this year but my dad decided that he want's us to go next year and it will be our graduation present so that's next year and he said he'll probably let us go by ourselves if we wait until next year so that's even better. He promised that we can go next year so i'm really excited for that. This year he wants us to stay in the U.S. haha so we are going to Florida. I'm pretty excited for that too. We can't decide which day we want to leave to go there. We have to leave Florida by April 7th because my grandma is going to go to where my family is from (Italy) so yeah she's pretty lucky she's going there.

So I guess that's really all. Spring Break isn't all that far away. I can't wait!!

5 moos | someone say moo

Jacqui-Chan

:: 2006 10 February :: 4.27pm
:: Mood: bitchy

Him again.
I am so not in a forgiving mood today. So to think that you could be a complete ass to me all day and then just say "I'm sorry" in a not sorry tone of voice is total bullshit. Don't tell me you're sorry. You were never sorry before, you always just did it again. When you're truly sorry, you never ever do what you did again. I don't believe you anymore when you say that. And why should I? You're a liar. Look, I'm sorry that you had a bad day, but that wasn't my fault. I wasn't even around half the day, I was at the movies with my physics class. So really, why did you take it out on me? You made me cry again ya' know. This time I didn't want to cry on your shoulder, though, I felt perfectly good hugging Cory. He made me feel better, and ya' know what? I don't think he would ever hurt me. Not like you have. No one would. Because other people, hun, care about the people they are or were with. You, don't seem to have fully grasped that concept.

1 moo | someone say moo

snowman

:: 2006 10 February :: 1.30pm

nope

7 moos | someone say moo

:: 2006 9 February :: 7.07pm

You drive me up the fucking wall. Ugghh.

Just be with me. Drive here, pick me up, tell me you miss me and that you'll never let me go again.

It's that easy. That's all you have to do.

It's just money. Realize that, please. It won't make you happy. I can't fucking believe you think that's the answer. It's just paper. Yeah, you need it to survive and the world revolves around money. Blah, blah... who gives a fuck.

It's not what you need. I am what you need. You're what I need.

When will you see that?

Sooner or later I will be moving on, because as much as I want to I can't wait around forever. I just can't.

:: 2006 8 February :: 10.19pm

Call me out
You stayed inside
One you love
Is where you hide
Shot me down as I flew by
Crash and burn
I think sometimes you forget where the heart is

Answer no to these questions
Let her go, learn a lesson
It's not me, you're not listening now
Can't you see something's missing?
You forget where the heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay

Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life, what's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?
Does it hurt when you think about me?
And how broken my heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you love me you'd say its okay
It's okay
It's okay

tonyp.

:: 2006 8 February :: 7.51pm

chads opening a shop in grant and he wants me to work there. i think this is gona be good for me i think. gona go to colledge, take some art
classes, gona work a real tattoo shop. yea its all falling into the big picture

:: 2006 8 February :: 5.03pm

Pictures:

Read more..

7 moos | someone say moo

tonyp.

:: 2006 8 February :: 1.44pm

well mom is doing alittle better it seems she didnt have to get a spinal tap she just got her bonemarrow takein from her hip.
so ive decided that im going to go to grcc for some classes, id like to take some art classes and some business classes, now im not sure if im going to get a degree or anything but i think it would be best if i did take some classes.
any one want to let me practice tattooing on them?...well it was worth a shot.

6 moos | someone say moo

:: 2006 7 February :: 10.44pm
:: Mood: TIRED

The Play
Mishy's comment:

Re:, 02-07-06 10:21pm
You did too, I'm very proud of you.

You're on your way.
Remember me when you're famous, and remember the knives stabbing your back if your turn it to the audience hahah :)

Mishy would always tell me that to prevent me from turning my back to the audience and it would always work, so thank you.

I'm sad the play is over just because it was fun while it lasted but i'm also glad it's over because I really am exhausted with the practices and everything. I'm tired. We all did it, it's over and done with. It was awesome tonight. The talent in our class is great. I think everyone did a good job.

I was a lot more scared tonight than last night. I knew a lot of people there so it made me nervous. I seen a lot of people who I haven't seen in a long time so that made me really happy.

There's nothing like that.

I just wanted to let you know that i'm really dissapointed in you.

I have to go to bed. I'm falling asleep here.

:: 2006 6 February :: 9.30pm

The play was awesome. Good job to everyone. We all did wonderful!

I was so scared before my monologue. I kept going over my lines in my head and I would completely forget them. I thought I was going to throw up and I really didn't enjoy how close the audience was. H wanted it to be "personal" and it definitely was personal enough for me when people were not even a foot away from my face. I'm also proud of myself and I never missed a single line. I know I need to talk slower though but I just get so nervous I talk really fast.

Tomorrow is the last night of the play. Thank god. I'm so tired of practicing and staying up late to memorize my lines. I'm happy that it will be over and it was an expierence i'll never forget.

3 moos | someone say moo

:: 2006 6 February :: 6.51am
:: Music: Tom Petty - Learning to Fly

What an amazing dream.
[Too bad I had to wake up]

Oh, and I have to stop tricking myself. I haven't met anyone worth my time yet. I am trying too hard to move on and that's stupid. Eventually I will and it will be with the right person at the right time. Until then I have to accept that there's no one and it's ok that there isn't.

I'm trying.

:: 2006 5 February :: 5.51pm
:: Mood: Tired/Exhausted
:: Music: Jimmy Eat World-Futures

Spring Hill was definitely amazing.

I don't really know how to explain it. I guess I basically just have a new outlook on everything.

I'm so tired and I feel like my arms are going to fall off. We were supposed to only have 16 girls in our cabin but somehow we ended up with 22 girls so a lot of us had to share beds. My cabin consisited of Brittany, Lisa, Me, Emily S, Dani, Megan, Annalise, Brittani, Lindsey, Janie, Sam, Kendra, Amber, Trisha, Pam, Ari, Erica, and then a few other people but I don't know all their names. It was so much fun in our cabin. I don't think any of us really slept much. Emily and I laughed all night so we kept a lot of people up.

We all went tubing a lot. I mean a lot, a lot. We went last night at midnight and we had 6 girls plus Austin and Bruce and we only had three tubes for all 8 of us. We all had to pile on and I was always on top of everyone because I was the lightest and I thought I was going to fall off and die. Lisa and I both fell off once but I didn't die though. It was a scary thing.

We won broomball again. Exciting? I know.

Ummm i'm trying to think of more stories....oh yeah..last night it was like almost 1am and I was taking a shower and then I came out of the bathroom and Austin, Cory, and Tyler were all standing there and they chased me and everyone got into a snowball fight.

The speaker was amazing. I could relate to almost everything he was saying. He made me laugh and cry basically all at the same time. The whole expierence changed me. I never really thought that going to something for one weekend could do that but, it does.

The band was awesome. Everyone knows why.

I can't really think of anything else right now but it was really awesome and if you didn't go this year then you should go next year. It's worth it, trust me.

I'll post Spring Hill pictures later.

I love you all.