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2008 24 December :: 11.14pm
Feel the adrenaline movin' through my veins.
Christmas tomorrow. So beings the christmas depression.. even though it started awhile ago.
I'm not a big fan of family get togethers. I love my family very very much so I'm not sure what it is but I just get really depressed.
Christmas is probably the worst but oh well.
Went for sushi with dad tonight. My treat :) Part of his present. I also bought him his favorite man perfume. Then we went home and watch the House Bunny together it was pretty funny. I like hanging out with my dad.
Tomorrow I'm going to try and sleep in, then go let the dogs out, maybe take them for a bit of a walk but probably not. Then open presents and have breakfast and go to dads then come back here and head to aunty Connies for dinner.
I hate this part.
waiting to grow
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x-cosmic-sunday-x
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2008 21 December :: 10.02pm
Do you care about all the little things or anything at all?
I want to disappear.I want to disappear.I want to disappear.
waiting to grow
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angel_bob
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2008 21 December :: 11.46pm
I did not get to go to Lansing because my one plan and my five backup plans fell through. It was not meant to be.
I am working on Tuesday, Nick's and my parents' celebramatations on Wednesday and Thursday. Nick's parents' again on Saturday. And MAYBE meeting up with the friends I couldn't see in Lansing Saturday night.
4 ...sweet love...sweet love |
waiting to grow
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x-cosmic-sunday-x
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2008 20 December :: 5.06pm
Save me. I've been feeling so alone.
waiting to grow
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x-cosmic-sunday-x
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2008 19 December :: 1.21pm
I want to disappear.
I really want things to change. But I'm so scared of what the future holds.
I'm so full of confusion that I'm losing sleep over it.
Nothing makes sense and I feel so lost.
AHHHHHHHH FUCK.
I need to change things. I need big change. I need to figure out what I want, where I want to go, who I want in my life. I need to figure out life. And I need to do this on my own...
waiting to grow
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angel_bob
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2008 19 December :: 3.32pm
One semester left until I am thrown into the real world without guidance or a job.
I AM SO EXCITED TO NOT HAVE HOMEWORK OR TESTS ANYMORE OMG
In other news, I'm going to Lansing this weekend.
waiting to grow
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x-cosmic-sunday-x
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2008 16 December :: 10.21pm
Happy Birthday to me...
I'm 18 today.
Birthdays are always depressing.
I feel as if I haven't accomplished anything (which I haven't)
And I feel like I've done nothing exciting in life.
I want to take risks, I want to have fun, I want to live my life and be happy.
So what the fuck is constantly stopping me?
waiting to grow
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angel_bob
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2008 12 December :: 10.13pm
I hate Windows
Me: Hey, I wanna play this game with my 360 controller.
Windows: Oh okay.
Me: This game says it's the coolest with the controller.
Windows: Mmhmm.
Me: It says it does rumble.
Windows: Yes.
Me: So, I'm gonna plug it in...and you should...see it right?
Windows: Sure.
Me: Okay, it's there.
Windows: I'm not seeing it.
Me: Well, it's there.
Windows: Still not seeing it.
Me: Let me unplug it and I'll put it back in.
Windows: Uh no. Nothing.
Me: Um. So. Do you need a driver or something for this?
Windows: I'm not quite sure.
Me: Can you check?
Windows: No.
Me: Well, I'm going to ask Google. He always knows.
Windows: I can wait.
Me: He says you do.
Windows: Okay.
Me: I went to your website and you just wanted me to buy a controller.
Windows: Well, yeah. You need one to play the game.
Me: Yeah, well. I have one right here. Remember? It's plugged in.
Windows: Oh. Yeah. I can't see it though.
Me: Right.
Windows: Right.
Me: So, I'm going to go ask Google again. Maybe he knows a better place.
Windows: Okay.
Me: He told me to go to your website again.
Windows: Yeah, it's probably there.
Me: Well, the link they sent me to? It doesn't work.
Windows: Huh.
Me: So. I'm going to look around a little.
Windows: Okay.
Me: Why isn't it on the page with the controller? You know. Under related topics or links or whatever.
Windows: Shrug.
Me: Huh.
Windows: ...
Me: Oh well I'm going to go to this product download link.
Windows: Mmhmm.
Me: Why do you need to know what I'm downloading it for? I told you on that other page.
Windows: I forgot.
Me: ...
Windows: I can't see it. I forgot.
Me: ...
Windows: ...
Me: Okay, well it's downloading.
Windows: What?
Me: A driver or something. I don't know. It's downloading.
Windows: Okay.
Me: Why is it going to take five minutes?
Windows: I don't know.
Me: Okay.
Windows: ...
Me: Well, it's done.
Windows: Okay.
Me: So, it's installing.
Windows: Okay.
Me: You know, my OS came out after the 360.
Windows: Yeah.
Me: So why didn't you just include the driver with the OS?
Windows: I don't know.
Me: I have a lot of useless stuff from you already. Why didn't you just include it?
Windows: I don't know.
Me: Okay it's done.
Windows: Okay.
Me: Why the hell do you always want me to restart? The light is lit up. Why do I have to restart?
Windows: I don't know.
Me: Bill Gates doesn't even know why I have to restart.
Windows: Well...we don't talk anymore.
Me: Huh. Well, I'm not restarting.
Windows: Okay.
Me: I'm going to go play my game now.
Windows: We'll see...
Me: Wait.
Windows: What?
Me: Why's the program still there?
Windows: Which one?
Me: The one I installed the driver with.
Windows: I don't know.
Me: Why couldn't you just delete it after it installed?
Windows: I don't know.
Me: And what's this Windows Update thing?
Windows: Hm?
Me: You just installed the driver and already you need to fix it.
Windows: Well... This is an update just for you.
Me: You couldn't just put the latest version on your website?
Windows: No.
Me: You asked me what OS I was using.
Windows: Yes. Yes I did.
Me: So. You could have just the latest one for my OS there. On that special page. For me.
Windows: Yeah.
Me: Huh.
Windows: Yeah.
Me: You want me to restart again.
Windows: Yeah.
Me: Fine.
Windows: See you later.
Me: Whatever.
7 ...sweet love...sweet love |
waiting to grow
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angel_bob
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2008 9 December :: 10.40pm
All moments, past, present and future, always have existed, always will exist.
The cat is both dead and alive.
1 ...sweet love |
waiting to grow
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angel_bob
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2008 2 December :: 2.28am
crossposted
I am very blessed. I have a boyfriend who loves me (and lets me sleep and makes me bagels with cream cheese and turkey (when I don't feel well and when he thinks it sounds disgusting)) and whom I love. I have a family that despite my coming home from a semester in Europe and immediately moving out, still loves me.
I am blessed because I had two Thanksgivings. And I will have two Christmases.
I talked to one of the new student workers today. His father lost his factory job and his mother lost her greenhouse job. Downsizing. He had Spaghetti O's for Thanksgiving. In his dorm room. He says Christmas doesn't look too great either.
I left work crying.
I've always had a Christmas. I've always had a Thanksgiving. No matter how poor my parents said they were that year. I can't imagine not having one. But this kid did. This kid will.
3 ...sweet love...sweet love |
waiting to grow
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angel_bob
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2008 26 November :: 10.14pm
I feel like I learn more about faith and feel better about faith in my Arabic class than I ever did in my Theology class.
In my Theology class, I was angry and upset that I was supposed to believe what he said I needed to. That I needed to obey the laws he said existed. Laws and rules I didn't think any god cared about.
In my Arabic class, I feel good about this god that I thought was mean and restrictive. I feel good about the world. Every day we have a religious discussion, even inadvertently.
I guess I'm not doing the Catholic thing anymore? I guess I haven't for a while. I like this God guy. I'm feeling things out but I'm a big fan of this non-denominational thing. I just hate religion so much. We'll see where this goes.
waiting to grow
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x-cosmic-sunday-x
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2008 17 November :: 5.47pm
Love love pulled us down in the gutter
Can you see us getting out oh i wonder
It’s a long long lonely fight down inside me
Can I get you to bring back light or is this never again?
Hm...
I started horse back riding, i'm leasing a horse.
I always always wanted a horse or to be able to ride but we could never afford it.
Amy's teaching me, theres two horses there so we can both lease one.
The lady just had a baby so she needs people to ride them and isnt to concerned about money.
Its $50/month for one day a week but she said we can go whenever we want and don't have to start paying until next month =)
I started going to the pshychiatrist last week had a super long appointment almost two hours and had to fill out a bunch of sheets.
She says I have ocd and might possibly be bipolar which I could see. Anyways she wants me to go to the VIHA anxiety clinic so i'll have a lot of appoinments again.
It feels as if me and Greg are growing apart.
Maybe i'm wrong but idk.
waiting to grow
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x-cosmic-sunday-x
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2008 11 November :: 10.42pm
Life;
Haven't gone to school in awhile.
Dropped out of bootcamp.
Skatings okay.
Work sucks, I get no hours and make no money.
Just spent all my savings on my stupid piece of shit car, but atleast its fixed now.
I'm so fat, I just keep gaining weight. No matter how hard I try to be consistant about eating better I get no where.
I'm finding it impossible to kick my junk food habit.
Yet I don't eat nearly as much.
It depressed the living hell out of me. None of my clothes fit. I've resorted to just wearing dresses cause for the more part they hide everything.
Shopping which I use to love now depresses me more than anything.
I can't stand walking around and seeing all these beautiful skinny fit girls.
Staying on the topic of my health. I keep getting yeast infections.
I've had four in the past three months.
I have one right now and so far its been almost 10 days. I used a seven day treatment as well as pills that I take orally and it did nothing.
I've also tried differnt products and nothing helps.
I just don't know what to do.
I have a lot of appointments. Last week I went to the dentist, I hadn't been in two years and I only have one cavity, since then I brush everyday :)
Tomorrow I have a doctors appointment to deal with my yeast problem cause I'm sick of having chronic yeast infections.
The following day I have an appointment with my new pshychiatrist which is going to be an hour and a half long and I hope it helps.
Next week on the 18th I have a consultation to look at my teeth because I need my wisdom teeth taken out, which is going to be soon so I can still get it covered under my moms medical.
The following day I'm up early early early to take my grandparents to appointments. My granny has to go to the hospital so she needs someone to drive her and after that my grandpa has an appoinment. Normally they would take themselves but because of the procedures they can't drive. I don't mind though, I love my grandparents and they've done so much for me I like to help where I can.
Finally Dec.4 I have to get my cavity filled, which wont be to bad.
Hopefully after that I'll get my wisdom teeth out and just have everything over with.
waiting to grow
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angel_bob
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2008 4 November :: 12.35am
Vote tomorrow, bitches.
2 ...sweet love...sweet love |
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angel_bob
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2008 25 October :: 10.41pm
Did I tell you I updated my law blog photoblog?
Because I did.
3 ...sweet love...sweet love |
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