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angel_bob

:: 2007 28 February :: 10.34pm

94 days. I can do this.




I just want Nick.

3 ...sweet love...sweet love | waiting to grow


angel_bob

:: 2007 28 February :: 8.47am

Hey.

People were right, after three weeks, this thing is so easy. I still want to go home sometimes but it doesn't hurt as much.

Today is a good day. Nick got a job, my 8 o'clock class was cancelled and my 11 o'clock might be cancelled too. I am tired but happy.

I think I can do this. Only three more months.

waiting to grow


x-cosmic-sunday-x

:: 2007 27 February :: 12.57am

Tianna: That reminds me of a movie called hedwig and the angry inch, about some guy who dresses up as a girl and so on
Hollie: Oh i've heard of that
Tianna: Yeah i've told you about it
Hollie: Yeah, i've heard the name before. But I always thought it was some childrens movie
Tianna: "The angry inch..."
Hollie: OH... like the inch is a penis... I always thought the inch was some mythical creature, and that hedwig was an owl...

waiting to grow


x-cosmic-sunday-x

:: 2007 25 February :: 9.57pm

Kyle is addicted. So much to write, can't think now.

My name is Meth.
I destroy homes, I tear families apart,
I take your children, and that's just the start.

I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold,
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.

If you need me, remember I'm easily found,
I live all around you - in schools and in town.

I live with the rich; I live with the poor,
I live down the street, and maybe next door.

I'm made in a lab, but not like you think,
I can be made under the kitchen sink.

In your child's closet, and even in the woods,
If this scares you to death, well it certainly should.

I have many names, but there's one you know best,
I'm sure you've heard of me, my name is crystal meth.

My power is awesome; try me you'll see,
But if you do, you may never break free.

Just try me once and I might let you go,
But try me twice, and I'll own your soul.

When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie,
You do what you have to -- just to get high.

The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms,
Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms.

You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad,
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.

But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised,
I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.

I take kids from parents, and parents from kids,
I turn people from God, and separate friends.

I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride,
I'll be with you always -- right by your side.

You'll give up everything - your family, your home,
Your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.

I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give,
When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live.

If you try me be warned - this is no game,
If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.

I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind,
I'll own you completely, your soul will be mine.

The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed,
The voices you'll hear, from inside your head.

The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see,
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.

But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart,
That you are mine, and we shall not part.

You'll regret that you tried me, they always do,
But you came to me, not I to you.

You knew this would happen, many times you were told,
But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.

You could have said no, and just walked away,
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?

I'll be your master, you will be my slave,
I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.

Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It's all up to you.

I can bring you more misery than words can tell,
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.

waiting to grow


angel_bob

:: 2007 22 February :: 12.40pm

Amsterdam was awesome. I want to live there or at tleast go back.

London is alright. It has a different vibe than the rest of Europe. I don't know.

Getting re-used to the keyboard is a pain.

Nick I am online and you aren't. Oh but I just realised that it is almost 8 there. ha ha that is why.

Stupid time difference.

Anyway, having fun, going to a musical tonight.

I love you.

waiting to grow


x-cosmic-sunday-x

:: 2007 19 February :: 12.08pm

Fucked up my everything;

So, last week went fine.
Last sunday I pretty much said either be with me or im not doing this anymore.
I waited a few days and then Kyle said he wanted to get back into a relationship. I wasnt sure because it felt like he just wanted to because I said I wouldnt do it anymore. So we were supposed to talk on sunday..and the week went fine
Valentines day was good, Kyles birthday was good, even though I didn't really see him on it.
Until we went to that rave.
I was having like the best time ever I had so much fun.
I was dancing and sitting with Kyle and he was all fucked on drugs and I met a lot of really nice people and everyone was complimenting me.
And then I was dancing with this guy and he kissed me. And I kissed him back for like a second. But Kyle saw. And from then on nothings really been okay.
At this point i'm pretty sure that were not going to get back together. And idk.
Before I was thinking how much he doesnt care and how much he doesnt love me anymore. But now I realize he does. Cause if he didn't why would it hurt him so much.
I don't really know what to say theres so much going on in my head.
And theres nothing I can do to fix things.
Ive apologized, I wrote him a huge letter. I even thought of baking cup cakes and writing I love you Im sorry on them. But thats just stupid.
I feel so sick. And alone.
I know I hurt him. And it hurts me so much to see him hurt like that.
And I didn't mean for it to happen.
I like don't know what to write, theres so much to say but I can't really form sentences with it, it's just all jumbled up in my head.
Like on one hand Im willing to do anything to make it up to him..
But on the other it's like whats the point no matter what I do or say I cant fix it. And I don't want to go through all this.
I know it kills him but it kills me too.
I hate feeling so alone. Like no one really cares or anything. When I told my dad and tianna they just said good, he finally gets a taste of his own medicine. Which I guess in some ways is true. But he never kissed another girl. I know hes cheated on me. But that was so long ago and at this point its not worth bringing up because ive dealt with it and moved on.
I just hate it like i hate crying every night I hate just doing anything in general. It makes me sick to my stomach. Im like sad but at the same time emotionless.
I dont know. Theres to much to think about and say now so im not going to write about it.
I'll write again soon, maybe when more of it is clear.


The great disappointment

waiting to grow


angel_bob

:: 2007 15 February :: 11.02am

My parents are adorable.

I talked to my mom and dad yesterday. I mentioned to them both that I am usually on msn messenger after dinner so my mom got a hotmail account and had my sister teach her how to use it.

AND THEN my mom offered to buy Nick Vonage so he could call me.

AND THEN my dad said that after he goes to China and everything, he'll stop by and see me. Like Europe is down the street from Taiwan.

I love them.

2 ...sweet love...sweet love | waiting to grow


angel_bob

:: 2007 14 February :: 9.05pm

I am pretty sure France is trying to kill me.

So far,

I have almost gotten hit by billions of cars (that is sort of my fault as I pull the European and just walk out in the middle of traffic).

I fell down on the bus and now have massive zombie rot on my leg/thigh (so massive that I cannot lay on that side of my body).

I just almost fell out of the 24 yr old's bedroom window (He left his shutters open when he left and it is really windy so I went to shut them. I grabbed one and I sort of left it there and went to stuggle with the other shutter which the wind had an excellent hold of. In my stuggle, I leaned out to get better leverage on the left shutter and the right one swung around and hit me in the arm. Another bruise.)



Maybe the right side of my body is just not meshing well with France.


Anyway, I love you.

2 ...sweet love...sweet love | waiting to grow


angel_bob

:: 2007 14 February :: 8.55am

Well our first class was cancelled which means I got up at 6 to take the bus at 7 for NO REASON. We don't have class until 10.

The weather here is awesome. It rained the other day but then cleared up and was beautiful.

I love you all.

waiting to grow


angel_bob

:: 2007 11 February :: 11.25pm

Here are some videos also.

3 ...sweet love...sweet love | waiting to grow


angel_bob

:: 2007 11 February :: 11.03pm

I am slowly getting pictures up. I remembered that I have a flikr account.

I am getting tired of naming them. Here they are. I am going to bed soon so I am stopping for the night.

1 ...sweet love | waiting to grow


angel_bob

:: 2007 11 February :: 9.49pm
:: Music: Take Your Medicine by Cloud Cult

You can take it in stride or you can take in right between your eyes
Cloud Cult released a new album! First priority (after chili dogs, cheesecakes and mad makeouts with Nick) once I get back. I hope not all that stuff happens on the same day because I am getting bloaty just thinking about it. Gross.

Anyway, you can stream some songs off their website so that is what I am doing to distract myself from my 8 o'clock class tomorrow (which requires me to get up at 6 and catch the bus at 7:03).

waiting to grow


angel_bob

:: 2007 11 February :: 9.24pm

I went to two bars on Friday and a mod concert yesterday. Yes, I am still not drinking. Europe and the legal ability to drink won't change that.

I have been here just over two weeks and people are right, three weeks is the charm.

I am to get my first France period this week. I know you didn't need to know that but it is just one of the many things upsetting me. I would be so happy without this women thing. I think I am going to be constantly pregnant once I am married. Good plan.

I had couscous for the first time today. It was delicious but it is messing with my organs. That might be the impending woman doom though. The food here is beyond good. I will never be able to eat pudding cups or American desserts again.

I am going to eat a chili dog the second I get off that plane. Oh and a cinnabon. I am not going to be able to live this long without a chili dog. mmm Chicago style chili dog... Oh I also miss cheesecake and cake.

France is the best place ever but it can never be perfect without you. Everything is so beautiful but I can't enjoy it knowing you aren't and can't see what I see.

2 ...sweet love...sweet love | waiting to grow


angel_bob

:: 2007 10 February :: 11.28am

We have a break not this coming up week but the next. Laura, Bekka and I are going to go to London then Amsterdam for a few days then back to spend the rest of the week in London.

Everyone is all 'it is cold in London blah blah' but it is not like we don't come from Michigan or anything.

Anyway, that will be fun. English and all.

6 ...sweet love...sweet love | waiting to grow


angel_bob

:: 2007 7 February :: 8.05pm

A guy drove by in a nice car with his windows down blasting Ohne Dich while I was waiting for the bus to go home.

It made me think of Katie which made me miss her which made me sad which made me want to go home.

In other news, classes are easy so far. Too easy.

And France, at least where I am, is the best place in the world.


Oh and Nick can't come visit so I am depressed. And I want to go home.

1 ...sweet love | waiting to grow

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