. Spok3nFor .

:: 2007 16 January :: 7.06am

I need your addresses.

:: 2007 16 January :: 1.38am

I WISH I WAS DEAD
I WISH I WAS DEAD
I WISH I WAS DEAD
I WISH I WAS DEAD
I WISH I WAS DEAD
I WISH I WAS DEAD

:: 2007 16 January :: 1.24am

Death of seasons;

Its not even worth it anymore.
I cant feel how I want without someone having an opinion.
I live for nothing or no one.
I have no meaning anymore.
Call me emo, call me crazy.
Thats how I feel. If no ones willing to take me as I am than fuck you.
I wont change anymore. I dont need people.
I have myself.
Thats all I really need.
Fuck friends, fuck relationships, fuck love, fuck everything I feel.

:: 2007 10 January :: 9.52pm

I can't get enough sleep.

I'm not eating (as much as I usually do).

I am stressed to the max.

Two weeks left.

And my car isn't working.

So as much as I want to spend every waking minute at Nick's, I can't. Stupid car.

:: 2007 7 January :: 11.31pm

Hey.

Have a nice day back at school tomorrow.

Suckas!

:: 2007 5 January :: 12.24am

I haven't been able to go to bed/fall asleep any earlier than 2/3 am lately. I know it's just stress and things but I'm so tired of it. Literally.

I haven't been really France shell shocked lately. I'm excited but not as much as last semester. It's not noticeable, my excitement. C'est pas évidant, ma joie. My fear, on the other hand, is pretty evident.

I'm going to finish reading this article on Crime Library and then I'm grabbing my Pigeon book and going to bed. I work tomorrow at 9.

Did I mention my car wasn't working? I haven't tried it since Wednesday but it wasn't starting. We're going to test the battery and things before taking it in. I'm working full time until I leave but this lack of a car is killing me. I want to see everyone but I can't drive anywhere.

You guys have to come home once more before I leave. I wish you guys didn't have class so you could see me off.

Okay, now I'm nervous. I'm going to finish reading and stop thinking.

Remember to set and turn on your alarm, Rachel.

I love you all.

19 days 12 hours 12 minutes

:: 2007 4 January :: 12.00pm

I want the boy who calls me just to say hi.
The boy who drops by just to tell me he loves me
The boy whos proud to have me
The boy who loves me and makes sure everyone knows it
The boy whos faithful and honest, and would never ever lie
The boy whos heart breaks everytime I cry
The boy that makes me smile all the time
The boy that holds me in his arms
The boy who shows affection for me in public
The boy whos face lights up every time he sees me
The boy who calls me beautiful when I look my worst
The boy who appreciates me for who I am
The boy who doesn't try to make me change
The boy who actually cares & wont walk out on me
The boy who will always be there no matter what

:: 2007 3 January :: 9.08pm

:In the end all I want is you:

Okay so I thought the new years would start off pretty good... I was totally wrong.
I got really really sick around 8 on new years day. And I was hella hella sick for atleast 10 hours. With a few little breaks in between.
I honestly thought I was dieing.
And yesterday I couldn't keep anything down, I just kept puking. In 24 hours I lost 10 pounds!.
And this is like the 3rd day of being sick. But finally around like 7 I ate some protein and drank some gatorade to replace some electrolytes.
And I feel a lot better. Still not 100% though.

What really fucking pisses me off is how Kyle hasnt been there for me through any of this. I sat with him for 2 days while he was sick. And looked after him tending to all his needs. I ran him baths, got him drinks, rubbed his tummy, got him cold cloths. And all the rest.
And he hasnt came to visit me once in the past 3 days.
I can see why the first day, just because I didnt even want to see anyone. BUT he hasnt even called. AT ALL. So its nice to know I put out so much, and get NOTHING at all in return. Atleast have the desency to call me or atleast spend some time with me. God knows ive busted my fucking ass for you.

It has actually kind of opened my eyes to realize how much he wont be there when I need him and how much he doesnt care.
So new start... maybe??

AND Tianna broke up with Chris finally, so that might help me a little more.

And my job interview is at friday at 10 cause I was way to sick to go yesterday.
And Kelsey is probably sleeping over tommorow night :)

:: 2007 2 January :: 1.21am

22 days 11 hours 23 minutes

:: 2007 1 January :: 2.42am

HAPPY NEW YEARS.

I have a job interview at Canadian tire on tuesday, or wednesday.
I forget... But im excited.
And I get paid on wednesday.
So far this new year isnt starting out to bad.
Maybe 2007 will be good!

So I need to get in shape. I wanna wear a bikini this summer and not look disgusting.
I need to get rid of everything bad in my life.
I have to start saving money. Hopefully put away atleast 5000 by the end of the year. At least.
OH and get back into my school work. Even if it means going to summer school.
I have to finish socials 10 and 11. And math 11.
And for once pass sewing.

My new years eve was good. I slept until 12 and then got woken up and went home to my moms. Then Tianna came over and me her and Jodi went downtown for a bit. Then we came home and I went out to Kyles and we watched Clerks 2, My super ex girlfriend & Femme Fatal. They were all really good.
And I fucked in the new years. Which was cool :D
And yeah its going good so far, I hope I don't screw it up this time!

1 ...sweet love | waiting to grow

:: 2006 29 December :: 6.59pm

I keep thinking that I'm going back to school on the 8th. I go back to work on the 3rd. Hopefully then I'll get the schedule of when I can work during the time after classes start and before I leave.

I made crepes. Sort of. They turned out lame but it was my first time with my new happy crepe maker.

I'm afraid to go to France.

My parents got me luggage as an early birthday present. The thing is huge. I could fit comfortably in it.

So what're we doing for New Year's Eve?

25 days. 17 hours. Don't make me go.

1 ...sweet love | waiting to grow

:: 2006 24 December :: 11.36pm

So what are we doing for the eve of New Year's?

And Happy Christmas.

5 ...sweet love...sweet love | waiting to grow

:: 2006 24 December :: 5.12pm

I am learning.

But I just made my first animated icon.

w00ts.

:: 2006 22 December :: 1.08am

I didn't do very well this semester.

I leave for France in 33 days and 11 hours.

I'm stressed and nervous.

I don't want to leave.