okay i try not to talk about this much but i cant stand my mom she is such a bitch she is having a nervous breakdown lately everything i say or anyone else says forces her to cry at first it was sad not it is just pathetic she is so awful its not just petty stuff she is horriable she is an emotional wreck. and i am not sure how much more i can take we are always fighting we never get along. i know she loves me i dont think she likes me i am going crazy

I gotta say that this is my new attitude and its i dont have problems I really dont i was just exaggerating making my like a soap opera also i am done helping people unless the want it. but this no problem thing is cool and its not like i am in denial on anything i just relazied how much i whine and how much i need to apperciate what i have and who i am.

also leave comments please

my...

Depressed song:Wonderful by Everclear
Happy song:The world aint slowing down by Paul Ellis
Inscure song:Dont let me get me by Pink
Thinking song: beautiful day by U2
My family is annoying me song: I can save you by Michelle Branch
Party song:Fat lip by Sum41
Inspiring song: The worlds Greatest by R.Kelly
Friendship song:Where you lead by Carol King
Wedding Song:I'll stand by you by The pretenders
Funeral Song:I will remember you by Sarah McLaughen
Mary is a whore song: I am a bitch by some chick
Broke my heart song: Even angels fall by Jessica Riddle
Fell in love song:Thinking over by Dana Glover
Runaway song: Goodbye to you by Michelle Branch
Angry song:Rockabye by Shawn Mullins

any other types of songs?

it was a bad ending to a good friendship

I am starting to think that i write too much in this journal but oh well cause i am pissed.

i did a what i thought was a good deed and already people see it as selfish or what i did is just biting me in the ass i am starting to regret i did it because

A.some people dont see it as a good deed just me being selfish
B.i am unsure if the good deed even did any good


enough of that i am sick of always being concerned when people dont care what i am feeling. i mean sure my problems arent as extreme as everyone else's doesnt mean they still arent problems. how often do people think or wonder if i am okay or what is happening in my life.

it makes me very angry

i am so bored and you know what today i went exploring in my woods all by myself its so unlike me i am the most un outdoor like person and i having been runing alot and you know what is ironic the fact that the TV inspired me huh? i need to eat healthier and be more fit and working out otherwise i am gonna be this slug. my parents spoiled me alot by never making me do anything although there was defiently a lack of attention in there department which by the way is still happening. i never do anything for myself i am not very bright. i am not trying to bring myself down infact it is the opposite i am trying to inspire myself to do better for myself from now on healthy descions and work on the spoiled thing!

adreniline is pumping through my body like crazy i am all wired my heart is on the fritz i feel like i could run like eight miles in thirty seconds flat

i Have learned several things today like there is a time and a place to do things and that i am starting to get a tad lonely on the girlfriend front but then i remind myself on how awful having a girlfriend was all the needs and obligations oh well

also u notice how some people who are having the same family or home problems as you never talk about it nor do they tell anyone i think i am one of those people who talks and complains about there problems too much because u notice the lack of people who do it. i sorta dump my problems on everyone else

Sam called me a priss and you know what i think she is right i mean can u see me in a three way or even getting drunk or even getting high i mean i never get in trouble i am a frickin priss i mean sure its not a bad thing but u no sometimes u need to do a few bad things its called living. my friends are sometimes kinda badass but me i am gonna be the one who picks them up when they have been partying to hard

thats its some one give me some vodka

just kidding

get real
its time to get real and now i have made a few descions
1. i will never become an alcoholic nor will i drink much because i have lived and heard of what happens and living that nightmare sucked.
2.Grow up
3.change your voice
4.dont make life such a soap opera just live and accept things
5.no more talking about people
6.move out of this hole hell house and actually be happy

there any other ideas

notes to self

1. say thank you more often
2.be less clingy
3.dont be so parinoid
4.follow fate
5.dance in the rain
6.learn to skulk
7.dont complain so often
8.lose weight
9.dont have such a big mouth
10.learn to be less harsh on yourself
11.learn to use your pump correctly otherwise your doctors will growl at you
12.love the world LOL

why now i was finally getting over it but oh now the brain says "your concern for a friend is far from over so just to upset u i am gonna give u horriable daydreams"

its horriable my concern is eating a way at me and u know what its so annoying not the concern but the fact that i am helpless

awwwwwwww

need a shrink

i cant believe i was so parinoid its almost seems like i dont trust which i do and after i wrote that it was like it was just in my head and today i told myself to stop like gossiping and talking about them but if you are just observing innocently its not bad right and sometimes u need to say what u feel even if its a little harsh its just human nature but who u tell this information to is something different sometimes i tell theresa how i feel about Carinna or Lindsey or any of my friends good or bad just so she knows because just thinking think isnt always good enough for a person

okay i feel as though my freinds are just putting on an act and all of them are ignoring me for no good reason i mean there are a few exceptions i am not gonna name names but in the morning some people get a frickin parade and others are treated as if they dont exsist ino i complain alot but i dont think i am being parinoid its like they are slowly phasing me out just so they dont hurt my feelings like i said its not everyone i probably will get yelled at for writing but maybe i will get a straight answer and its the only way for a little attention

i need answers