have u ever done something and you look back on it and ur like oh god why was i such an idiot tee hee or u think of a funny response to someone but they already left


i am sorta getting sick of what couples make each other act like

okay i have this probem where like i make up what people think of me and then to me it sorta becomes true even though its not and today i proved myself wrong and i feel so good i had such a good day!!!!!!! i hate Beau he is such an ass also i hate mary they are trying to spoil my good day

okay i am also weirding myself out i read my entry and i was just complaing i need to be more pleasent i relize i am often sarcastic and only talk of what makes me sad and what i hate i will try to be more happy. i am still not sure about this whole aaron thing. my concern for a friend just sorta got worst today for no reason maybe i am physic and saw something in the future hmmmmmmm i heard the funniest thing that this sad girl said she said i am not sad i am just having some trouble turning my frown upside down. tee hee my friends are nice people but i am afriad my made present for theresa is sorta turning into a disaster and u no only like three people read this i wish my freind would read this so she/he would no how i feel

i am feeing alot better now but still if its not one issue its another kay first i am having a fight with my friend and it doesnt really qualify as fight because its just me being mad at him and i am starting to feel like the world is ignoring me i feel like no one thinks of me anymore god i annoy myself

right now i feel like all the things that i sorta blocked out like the names people call me in school they way my family treats me everything has come back to me like a cage of depression with no key and i am locked in right now it feels like i dont have a soul being depressed was the one gene i wanted to avoid everyone in my family inhertied it practially i hope its not happening to me but i have never felt like this the feeling where you never want to smile

i know this sounds weird but i hate me i am my own worst enemy and i wish it couldnt be that way. some people say sometimes life is heaven and sometimes its hell but for me it is always hell i have social issues no one likes me exccept my friends i have family issues no comment i have health issues diabetes i just hate me i am always annoy myself and i no my friends love me but still i wonder what goed through the back of there head and the school hates me as do i. the wish i wish the most is so to go back in time and perfect my life since it is such shit. like write now i feel like a drama queen and i cant help but feel that way i am screw up i do nothing right i am always think the worst of myself and i always think what others think of me and then to me its true i have no self esteem i am starting to wonder if i need proffesnoial help when i was little i used to say that i would run away if i didnt have diabetes i hate me

i am feeling happy yet some how sad but i dont no y i am all shaky and yet there is a smile on my face i am excited for theresa's birthday i have never seen her so excited my present is so good she is gonna love it

i happy my friends are really good people all of them Lindsey is so happy all the time and Theresa is the most lovely person inside and out and Zach is so ready to deal with anything and Carrina is so caring and Krystal is so intune with how i feel and sheely thinks of others so much i just love my freinds

help
i am afraid my concern is turning into just plain nosy but i do have add it did make me cry that must mean something right???

i am horriable person
today i found something out about a freind that was supposed to be a secret and right now i dont feel like writing about his or her problem instead its the way it made me feel first i felt scared for that freind then i felt that my life was cake compared to his or hers but also because of it i am afraid all my freinds will only care about him or her and never about me since my life is no big thing god could i sound anymore selfish


i cried when i got home from school for no reason

????????
u no today i feel a sudden feeling of gratefullness for my freinds like Theresa she is the most fun loving person i know yet she is also the deepest person i know or Lindsey she is so relaxed and happy never worried or Aaron even if i am mad at him right now i still admire his dermantion to life and since he is my best freind i guess sooner or later i will have to forgive him then there is Sarah and she like my sister and my cousin and my twin and my freind all in one (i have to and i am sorry if i didnt write about i will soon though)