-sounds of wimpering-
My brother and mom said it and oh gawd its true.

I am turning into my father!

Hey, I gotta new journal title
Is it wrong to feel guilty about being or feeling unhappy?

W/E i am not gonna bother the world w/ my complaints

Staind lyrics
I cannot blame this on my father
They did the best they could with me.

Hmmm.....

Once again not gonna bother you fine ppl with my complaints

Unsure
Today I spent the morning cleaning up in the basement. Ya it was me cleaning up Beau's fucking mess. His ciggarette buds and beer cans. Roar I am roaring in anger lol. actually it wasnt that bad except dad has been an ass all weekend and mom is in major bitch mood. Hmmm... not sure why.

Mary has eaten like eight oven made pizzas. She's gonna be a fat ass.

Sam and Aaron's little family birthday party is today. :rolls eyes:

I'm not sure what I want. I went for a walk last night at about 1:00 AM, didnt help. Haven't been able to sleep. Not really sure whats bugging me. I feel like I need to think, but there isnt really anything to think about. I need help someone help me out. lol

Feeling: kinda cranky, didnt get my nap
I'm sleepy, I am supposed to be excersising but I am feeling too tired.

The world around me is...Dad is chopping wood in the basement really loudly I might add lol Mom and my sister are in Mom's room watching T.V. My brother is working on our basement(being remodeled)He is kinda in a cranky mood lately.

Not sure what to do about a certain someone...

I have trouble ordering out my feelings and knowing what I want.

I know...
1. I am sick of hearing my self whine and complain(I'm sure everyone else is too::winks::)
2. I know that I always find myself trying to be something I am not.
3. I know I am not comfortable with myself
4. I know that I want to be happy and its achieveable(spelling?)
5. I know I want muscles and to be skinny
6. I know it prolly wont happen.
7. I know that I should try to be a happier person
8. I annoy myself so much LOL


...

Stupid parents....
I fuckin hate them right now.

Fuck him,I am not a flake...

Parents just got back from conferences....

Judgement
I spent alot of time with Mary today, oddly enough...

Its surprised me how much I actually enjoyed her company once I gave her a chance. It also surprises me how much I dont know about her.

Maybe this means I should give people a chance before judging them. I am kinda quick to judge....

Confuzed....
I stayed home today, I am not really sick, I just wanted a day off.

Lately some people are treating me like I know nothing about life, They seem to think that I need all this help and I am not acceptable for the world or I wont make it. I know that I whine alot! and I know that I am dramatic and Lazy and sensitive and a little Flakey, but there other good qualities besides that and I know that I am all those things but I am ok with that I don't know why everyone else cant be.

My Promise to the world.

I promise to be less whiny and sensitive and lazy ect.

I'm sorry that I made people so annoyed.

I'm tired of doubting myself but....
Today I felt sorta ugly and I know its really shallow to think of looks so much but I can't help it. After all I am a teenager. Every little imperfection is gettting to me. Obvisoulsy my weight is bothering me. My face is bugging me. I wish I was taller -gah-

No one seems to be attracted to me these days.

The way I dress is bad it seems like.
I was in the bathroom during sixth hour and I stopped and looked at the mirror I wanted to kill my reflection(there I go being over dramatic)
No one ever reffers to me as good looking. I dunno

Hopefully this is just some akward teenage phase.

I am so sick of terms like "Daddy's girl" and "Mommas Boy".....
I am sick of hearing things like oh she is such a goody goody and he is so bad. Its stupid and I hate it

I miss Theresa I dont see enough of her

Lately i feel like such a brat, I want everything I can't have, and when I dont get it I whine. I have a lot and I take it for granted and I hate myself for it.

hehe
I dont know what to say. I feel like in our group of friends alot of people are acting immature, Lindsey and Zach are like repelling each other and there both really cool people and I mean, I just hope that someday soon they can be civil with each other. This morning it was basically only me and sheely for awhile and people werent either there because

1. They were sick
2. They didnt want to see a certain person.

I feel sorta bad for Brittanie Bond because everytime she is around we all just sorta scatter and I am making a good effort to get to know her before I completely blow her off.

We all just need to grow up a little bit. We all are just acting a little extra sensitive these days(my self included)

Someone is gonna get mad at me for writing this...oh well

A letter to myself
Dear Rob,
I was thinking maybe everyone once in awhile you should shut up and give other people a chance to talk. Theresa's right, you never let people know what your truly angry about cause you dont want them to critize it, so you cover it up with hostility and when your hostile you use that as an excuse to do and say what ever you want and I think thats really dumb of you and you should take responsibility for your own actions. Will you rent fight club for me?I havent seen it in awhile.The answer to dealing with your problems isnt french toast(dont ask only one person knows)Step to reality everyone once of while. Maybe you should use that soloflex every once in awhile. Quit being so paranoid. You complain alot, Life could be worse

Love
Rob

P.S.
your not that funny quit giving yourself so much credit

P.S.S
Quit being so hard on yourself!

meh,
I am feeling a little lonely...

I keep hearing about these people who like Zach and Josh and I just feel so lonely, the dance is just gonna be a reminder and right now a friend isnt gonna make it better I love my friends this just isnt one of those things they can help. I dunno I just feel ugly and stupid. I think it will pass after valentine's day

One of those days were I am thinking the most random things
I got forced into babysitting again. This whole babysitting expierence is making me want to never have kids.

Sam stopped by I havent seen her in awhile. I guess I am gonna go to the dance cause its better than babysitting but after the dance I have to babysit,-gag-
Beau and Sam said it looks like i lost weight.
Sheely told me to update and there isnt really anything to say so....bye

Whatever Whatever I do what I want"Cartman"
I had a good weekend maybe its cause I actually did something besides sit on my ass and watch star wars lol Strangely Mom and Dad were in good moods hmm there up to something jk

Beau's 21st birthday is tuesday I cant wait to see what its like when he can leagailly drink, *shudders* lol

I am in one of those better moods and I've come to the conclusion that I love that movie Fight Club it makes me never want to complain again. I like these moods I like to call it spontanious happiness. lol

Swirling Down
Love sucks. I hate it!! It ruined my friendship with her. She hates me. I dont even care anymore.

Dad sucks I never knew he could say such nasty things about people. hes a bastard

I hate that fat ass Mrs. Cordes maybe she will choke on the all the fat on her neck.

Allison is a good friend.

Stupid fight in our friends. Some people are immature.

Oh gawd I am getting hostile again::take in breathe:: go to that happy place..

Fuck that, happy doesnt exsist to me right now.

:::forcing smile::thinking of something funny::;

I need to call Theresa she makes me laff.

This weeks motto

Love Sucks!