blueyed
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2006 30 January :: 8.22pm
sinhead
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blueyed
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2006 4 January :: 3.23pm
help.
if moderation is preservation, then happiness must be extinction.
if moderation is smooth and even, then happiness must be turbulent.
if moderation is comfort, then happiness must be agony.
if moderation is reliable, then happiness must be hallucinatory.
if moderation is zero, then happiness must be infinite (negative and positive integers)-anything is possible
if moderation is a warm bed, then happiness must be a kalidescope
if moderation is a transparency, then happiness must be a distortion
if moderation is artlessness, then happiness must be experience
if moderation is a way to live, then happiness is life without the style
if moderation is drunkeness, then happiness is intoxication
if moderation is rest, then happiness must be a fever
if moderation is quantity, then happiness must be quality
if moderation is good, then happiness is unprincipled, a libertine
if moderation is coverup, then happiness is red lipstick
if moderation is routine, then happiness is bygone days
if by moderation you fade away, then by happiness you burn out
if by moderation you disappear, then happiness is enduring, inerasable, memorable...unforgettable
if moderation is a disullion, then happiness is cold truth-with a heavenly illusion if you're willing to see
if you always feel good in happiness then you have no heart, yet if you accept moderation you loose your soul
if moderation is murder, then happiness must be hope
and the only answer i've ever really had is balance.
if i ever figure out what exactly that is
then i may just- live forever
"the end, oh the end, we live again"
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blueyed
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2005 15 December :: 12.15am
pleasure= a transient sensation.
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blueyed
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2005 13 November :: 5.45pm
unspoken word
would you still let me cry into your eyes
under cotton candy skies
let the natural god given wounds
mans greatest blessing with occasional doubt
give you a feel of whats inside turned out
and i know your understanding is rare
a delicate balance
we get no where and thats okay
sometimes lost is a place
i'd prefer us to stay
but you always need to be somewhere
embracing emptiness was never your thing
i wear mine with style, it helps me to sing
unspoken words no one will hear
and ill have nothing to fear
as truth draws near
to the surface and spills out
from my eyes to yours
and it hurts to know...
that naturally everything will go to hell
and these destructive patterns seem to never rearrange
we just changed the colors
hoping to fool ourselves that it wasnt the same
and this moment in bliss
a mere slip away to hell
which is preferable than to have things
going moderately well.
moderation is the path to slowly yet socially acceptably disappear
extremes is too much to soon, nothing left to give or love,
will come of actions so severe
and balance is imperfect perfection, the last place you'd look- yet lacks the attraction to draw near
to make flowers bloom
unaccustomed to this time of year.
but please my dear,
don't commit yourself to forever in the wrong direction
a mind of a child
with a heart of gold
leaves you vulneralbe to be bought and sold
shown off till your vibrance grows cold
but yet so delicate to hold
confused and so deep in denial
budding wings
and an intoxicating smile.
would you still let me cry into your eyes
under cotton candy skies
let the natural god given wounds
paint the beauty of suns and moons
into ourselves
give you a feel of what is beautiful and impractical
and i pray for you (all)
to never give in to that pain in your neck
or at the corners of your mouth
when you've been smiling
for longer than you've realized
and we'll continue on
breaking and remaking
and although from your poerty
your hand may be shaking
i pray that you
never stop aching
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blueyed
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2005 11 November :: 2.28pm
'if they wanted, they could setup a lemonade stand and make millions"
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blueyed
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2005 10 November :: 11.28am
masquerade balls
in my insanity, 2:30 a.m. visions of granduer...
i imagin that i would be marilyn monroe and andy warhol's love child. thats quite egocentric.
when i have nothing to do and cant sleep at night i think of things that would just be exquisite if they happened. i imagine that i would be (regretfully) in the passanger seat of missy's car ( cause i was abnoxious again and called shotgun)- giancarlo and naiomi in the backseat and missy in the drivers seat. i feel like blowing my brains out. and then- i get a text- from number 777-777-1787. saying- the time has come, darling!. i then see a red old fashioned car a distance down the street. giancarlo and missy are being airheadish and i immediately imitate and make fun of them- everything goes silent and giancarlo goes into his 'awkward' scpell. i then go on a rant of how this is mindless and ridiculous. i turn to naiomi, put my hand on her lap- and say you're amazing. i turn to giancarlo and go you need alot of work but i don't think i've ever had as much love for any boy as much as i have for you. stay golden. i turn to missy and say- cut and dye your hair, move away and see if you can stand on your own. maybe you should stop ruining precious things just to fill the holes in your soul. i get out, slam the door and - moviestar walk it to the classic red car a few cars ahead ( yes, we've abnormally been at a red light for 5-6 minutes). the window rolls down and a glamourous pair of hands rest themselves on the window brim, and marilyns beautiful face emerges. 'sara you look fabulous darling, we've been expecting you!'. i get into the car and andy warhol is sitting next to her- 'hello dollface, the time has come'.
missy, giancarlo, and naiomi see this, and are in disbelief. giancarlo says to speed up in order to catch up with the red classic car- she does- reluctantly. but stops at a redlight (that she blatantly could have made). the red car speeds off into the distance and eventually disappears.
they drive in silence- and naiomi asks to be taken home. missy and giancarlo get back to giancarlos house. they step out and all the sudden giancarlo has an ab reaction " fake plastic trees" plays in his mind. he realizes his awful fate with missy- a life full of unsucess,angryness, empty sex, domestic, failed attempts at a dream. shes one to break them.
those were probably the most painful flight of stairs of his entire life- feeling the shame of a life ahead of him he doesnt want to live. but- at the top, brigitta is sitting there, modest, graceful, and the image of perfection- like the greeks would have intended. she stands up and all the sudden missy- robot like just stops and starts walking backwards- with the same blank,cold,water, empty look that she always possessed. gets into her car and leaves- never to be seen again. giancarlo and brigitta kiss one of those amazing kisses they talk about in the movies.
years down the road i am hella famous- i have my theo darst and we are very much in love, and we are partners in crime. i have my sarah who always attends and is an honored guest at my parties. eugenie is my personal designer- she gets alot of press and is always at my parties. bri and giancarlo are other honored guest and when they get engaged i ask the foo fighters to dedicate everlong to them :). everyone from fallen from the sky is there as well- they are sucessful on the radio and mtv, and are on tour plenty. protagonist is there as well- they have opened a label and are quite sucessful, every now and then ( at a fallen from the sky show theyll come on and play embrace the final hour for all times sake. greg is an acomplished actor. kelly is a film director. brigitta is a model- as i always intended for her to be. my sarah bess is a famous country singer, who is engaged to jeph cohen- they perform together often and are very much in love. naiomi does broadway, and has an apartment in new york. i am a professional party monster, running around the world- seeing everything there is to see, feel, making my mark everywhere i go. making adventures out of my pursuits of truth and beauty. new york city will always be my home. astor place will always be my favorite starbucks.loving the world for all its worth- living the two truth lifestyle- convetional and ultimate, balancing both to perfect bliss. no suffering from attachment just compassion and ultimate happiness and love and creativity. too fabulous to dissapear, and even if i die i am still alive. and icon that will be carried throughout the generations. yes we are the pseudo-classic cult of beauty
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blueyed
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2005 31 October :: 8.46pm
Babe, I want it perfect and boy I want it m.a.t.h.e.a.t.i.c. I wanna hold your hand as we walk into oncoming traffic.
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blueyed
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2005 20 October :: 8.26am
:: Mood: theo
for what it's worth
thought i recognized this farmiliar face gone elsewhere. i maintain that you were one of the most interesting people (to me) at sarah lawrence, kind of like when you are in the city and the cathedrals are always so fucking refreshing in the midst of modern architecture and commercialism. it's good and enjoyable but quite mundane these days- don't miss it too much. i hope you are healthy and well or having the time of your love. or both. perhaps get in touch one of these days?
be good
-sara
notes: like andy warhol, he created this flashy glamourous life just to disguise himself and live his perfect private life. most europeans denounce his art, they say it is superficial and the essence of american pop culture. but thats the beauty, he was functionally superficial- in order to keep the real him a secret. but now we know that he had this private life, and the virtuous attempts he made to keep it away from the society he was potraying in his art. i enjoy his art, but i wouldnt defend it. but how are you going to say that that is not a beautiful lifestyle. do you know for the longest time i thought he died of a drug overdose, or aids- some tragically artistic death. he was even shot and he survive ( but was never quite the same). he died from a mistake in a gallbladder operation. he died from DOCTORS- people who are suppose to be keeping you alive. thats how bullshit our society is and why i am no problem in using it to my advantage ( and saving those who have potential to see beyond what is presented to them at the time). plus what better place to hide- than the public eye.
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blueyed
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2005 9 October :: 8.44pm
i nullify everything.
boca raton is suppose to be a place of warmth and comfort. i don't want it to be the game it used to be. just be natural, see the people you want to see, act the way you want to act, wear the clothing you want to wear.
i forgot that this is why i secretly didnt want brigitta to come cause i'd get this way. perhaps i shouldn't.
just be genuine. it feels so much better. eliminate crutches from my life.
don't play them like a game.
and giancarlo- i wanted to be affectionate with him to be honest but it appears that wont be happening. it can't. just- do the warm friendship thing. it'll feel so much better and right.
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blueyed
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2005 1 October :: 11.11pm
plan better next time.
point= to generate sucess in which prevents bad moods.
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blueyed
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2005 19 September :: 1.15pm
i'm a bleeder
what is your least favorite noise?
the door when someone leaves
that i want to stay.
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blueyed
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2005 15 September :: 11.59am
doesnt matter what you do in a dream
I am an American aquarium drinker
I assassin down the avenue
I'm hiding out in the big city blinking
What was I thinking when I let go of you
Let's forget about the tongue-tied lightning
Let's undress just like cross-eyed strangers
This is not a joke so please stop smiling
What was I thinking when I said it didn't hurt
I want to glide through those brown eyes dreaming
Take you from the inside, baby hold on tight
You were so right when you said I've been drinking
What was I thinking when we said good night
I want to hold you in the Bible-black predawn
You're quite a quiet, domino, bury me now
Take off your band-aid 'cause I don't believe in touchdowns
What was I thinking when we said hello
I always thought that if I held you tightly
You'd always love me like you did back then
Then I fell asleep in the city kept blinking
What was I thinking when I let you back in
I am trying to break your heart
I am trying to break your heart
But still I'd be lying if I said it wasn't easy
I am trying to break your heart
Disposable Dixie cup drinker
I assassin down the avenue
I've been hiding out in the big city blinking
What was I thinking when I let go of you
(Loves you)
I'm the man who loves you
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blueyed
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2005 14 September :: 11.12pm
"severe threats are counterproductive to lasting social influence"
love withdrawel
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blueyed
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2005 12 September :: 10.37am
what i want
i want an art exhibit at the met. i want lots of posters on new york streets. i want to reach every street and town. i want to live on and pass on in the collective memory of people. i want people to start understnading things on a totally different level. i want people to love life, love it. i don't want to be a trend or a fad i want to be timeless. i accept that most wont be receptive- most ARENT but the ones that are will reep the rewards. if you want it bad enough, than you can come.
the death of moderation, the birth of balance.
it'll be a supernove of creation, a tidal wave of love- destroying and unconfiguring thought that can be made better- so much better. we are the flame that purifys gold. we say the things that cut deep- so you can heal in ways that you never thought you could. we cut you cause you could never feel this.
"you are cordially invited to lalala. something with epicenter of thought cause i like that word. the middle of an earthquake. and you can come." thatll be the catch phrase that'll burn into everyones head. you can come. it will not be politically affiliated. nothing that divides vast groups of together. i want to encourage the fact everyone is special everyone is their own unique island but we must travel to each other to bring back whatever it is that'll enhance it. i've decided that politics is a waste of time- its good to be aware but i think the effort that young people put is kind of like pushing a grand piano down 10 blocks in he city. we have to use to crane. that is what we are about. we are restless. we want to live, redefine the word waking up. we are young- not jsut physically. we are a collection of artists that want to bring hope. and we will. we will not tell or impose away. we will encourage you to find your own way. hope. infinite hope. we do not have to be angry. just hope. extremely.
and all i want is for people to percieve like i percieve. a few sentances lines- perhaps have an image or two burned into their mind. and TAKE IT ELSEWHERE. use it as their own inspiration. say it in a conversation to someone else- perhaps in their own way. so what if it wasnt original. originality comes with time and you have to start with what you like. you need a flame. i dont care if what you say is altered and it becomes your own just remember the source. just remember me and dont leave me.
learn to not want to say goodbye. sleep less. yess.i'm out of my mind.
for i am different i have to find my own personal style and work to stand out. i am SO inspired. this is what i want to do.
frankie said i was high maintenance on a otally different level- spiritual.
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blueyed
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2005 14 August :: 11.58am
a bittersweet promise to myself
and just know that i would've died if i stayed here, i'm almost positive of it.
and i can truly only bare 12 more days of "this".
i got my first tattoo. "righteous"
" i like it, me too. and the tattoo isn't bad either".
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