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2003 27 July :: 11.12pm
Well, my Warped experience went something like this..
Sarah and I were metaphorically pounced on. like whoa. "Theres nothing in your bag", " I know". Brand New fucking owned. Making several, several rounds. A guy calling us beautiful ( to sell us a c.d.), I stuck my pinky through his ear. A guy pulling us over and forcing us to listen to music " they are all coming back". Making buttons( damn it feels good to be a gangsta, anti-sweater and such). Me running after John. " Staying in the same spot". We never come back. Seeing Jim. Dying in the Starting Line. Meeting them again for the 3rd time ( damn tradition lol). He's a regular accessory to our lives. Meeting Brand New awwe. Not waiting on line. From Autumn to Ashes+ good. Dopkick Murphys owned. Surprisingly so did Andrew W.K. " Are you scared" " No". The idol cycle repeats. I really liked atmosphere. Dirt, lots of it. Burn, lots of it. damn defective spf 45 :). Staying from beginnig toend like whoa. Sarah bought a book. Sitting on sidewalks. Ken ehhh, and all the evil that surrods him lol. So much more
It was cool
Very
driving test tommorrow ahh.
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2003 25 July :: 6.34pm
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: Ben Folds Five- Battle of who could care less
I guess it's cool to be alone
I had many dreams last night, those of torment those of lust. and woke up with my pillows knocked to the ground and my sheets torn around. and I feel inspired now for God knows why, I just see your face everytime I forget everything else. The beautiful scents and how I know this is torture, I know this is suppose to feel bad but in the back of my mind I know its good, feels just right. Theres no use in putting up a fight.
This time.
Its when you inhale and draw in all those beautiful sounds and scents that you could only feel, that you knew where never real.
Its something like that.
Feeling 3 inches tall and your world is full of mountains to climb, and your sinking fast, and slowly running out of time.
Its when you exhale, and drop to the floor cause you knew what you held inside kept you alive.
Now that its gone, the curtains have been drawn. The distance seems to close, and the time seems to far.
.
And then I see you face, heart just drops and shatters(all over the place).
What have I done
Look what you've done to me.
Why couldn't you let me be
"You're my hero, I confess"
4 obsessions |
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2003 24 July :: 4.45pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: The Beatles- You really got a hold on me
I don't like you, but I love you
This is very -esque, most likely farmiliar, and very on my mind.
You're always the mysterious one with
Dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive
But too cool to care.
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather.
You're always brilliant in the morning,
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee.
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you.
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar.
Jewel- Foolish Games
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2003 23 July :: 2.42am
watching you was like the moon
through the darkness, unspoken light
you never needed words
a spark of beauty, enough to draw eyes
i just wanted to say
you carried me away
from your hands, your music did pour
and confessed that you were young no more
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2003 6 July :: 11.32am
:: Mood: nice...
:: Music: David Bowie- The Prettiest Star
One small step for Sarakind
David Bowie is my idol <3.
The show was pretty good last night. Your Day Strong is fucking awesome, wish they were stationed closer. Freemartin is great as well, all the music was very enjoyable. I need to learn how to jump like woah. I needed to beat up this one person and take his shirt, but I wasn't in the mood.maha. Saw Andrea <3 what a nice kid. Woo to not failing. It was a nice night.
Leaving in 3 days for Italy is weird.
"One day though it might
as well be someday
You and I will rise up all the way
All because of what you are
The Prettiest Star"
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2003 4 July :: 4.25pm
:: Mood: chill/beachy
:: Music: Oasis- Champagne Supernova
Won't you take me to the edge of night ?
July is, in fact, the best month.
" No eyes that see such beauty would lose their sight
And there'll be no lies"
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2003 3 July :: 4.16pm
Its not easy to like here
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2003 3 July :: 12.30am
:: Mood: hmm
:: Music: Pink Floyd- Wish you were here
Did they get you to trade your heros for ghosts?
And every word just flows as does graceful notes, you're that song I've always wanted to write. The kind where you want to break down and cry, because what they say is so captivating, so gratifying, so perfect, so right. So lost, so pathetic.Makes you look in a different light. So subtle, so genius. Makes you glad to be alive ( tonight). You've always been this way...
" running over the same old ground
what have we found
same old fears
wish you were here"
2 obsessions |
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2003 1 July :: 9.45pm
:: Mood: sick:(
:: Music: The Police- Wrapped around your finger
Sunday morning is everyday for all I care
Your love turned to lust
And your lust turned to lost
Misspent hours left you missing
Missing something irrecoverable
Past perished or maybe you've just gone
unremembered.
And with this wasted time, time on your hands
I hope your happy, I know its horrible
Entranced faraway, unconscious everyday
Immersed with words, that never really meant a thing.
I never know which direction to go.
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2003 29 June :: 10.23pm
Okay, finally ready to update....
Well its my last night in New Jersey and I figure I may not feel like this tommorrow so I'm writing it tonight, damn breaking my goal of not going online for 10 days. Anyway, wow, a total renewal, a total inspiration, and a fresh burst of air into my life. When we first arrived I went to the Jersey shore, was rainy but still nice, went crabbing like old times at the shore house, drank cream soda and ate hot dogs( very summery) and went on my Grandfather's boat, always beautiful on those bays. I'd like to think something magical happened, it just involved a wish of personal improvement and its coming along very nicely. Went to see Kally at her new house and spent golden afternoons there, man that place is in the country but its gorgeous there, a place I've always wanted to go to. I felt liek a little kid again playing with her brothers and Kally, it was all very farmiliar and reminded me of carefree times. I really do think life is alot simpler, but its alright. Then I met up with Leeat <3 , man love to that girl . ( Side note: Leeat you made me realize alot of things, and just seeing you meant alot to me, just for 2 days you helped me more than you could ever know). Cause havok in Edgewater commons woot <3. Leeat is an amazing photographer and hopefully will photograph some autumn scenes for Sarah and I. Anyway ventrued into the city, amazing. We saw the broadway show Mama Mia, and the off Broadway show The Blue Man Group. I can't express how much I love The Villiage and Soho, it really made me consider NYU as a college cause that palce is just so artsy and contemporary ( bohemian as I like to think of it). Awesome stores/ boutiques/ and art gallerys hmm :). Friday we ended up back in the countryside for Kally's Sweet 16, she has alot of real nice friends I'm so happy for her. Elliot and Max made this hilarious film " Jew Cribs" a parody of MTV kids..o man " I was hopped up on Manischevits" maha. Max is an eccentric kid, had a long chat with him. Went to Brooklynn on Saturday for a B'nai Mitzvah and met attractive college boys woo. David Bowie is my idol. Today I just hung out with my family who are just amazing to be around, especially my uncle, we connect at an awesome level and I love him. Haha sorry for this just documenting for myself.
I just, feel like a new person, just in the phases of learnign to be more confident and less doubtful. And yes bad things happen but you can make up for them. I was introduced to alot ( Leeat to thank for that) and it was jusnice to revisit roots. Although I don't want to leave, I'm glad I have something to build on, to make my life in Florida more enjoyable. I missed Sarah like woah. The importance of things like confidence and positive thinking I've found immeasurable. As Kally's mom's tarot card reading goes, that a New Year will bring in much needed/desereved positive energy, I guess a good sign. Was a good much needed experience, and all those bad thoughts/ things in life will hopefully wash away, or I'll be able to see through them. I'm ready for the good life. Easy on the uptake.....<3
Thankyou Weezer
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2003 29 June :: 10.12pm
:: Mood: enchanted
:: Music: Nirvana-Lithium
I want you to hit me as hard as you can
Wait, are you a hippie?
Yea.
New Jersey rocks <3
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2003 19 June :: 10.39pm
All I am is a pair of eyes.
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2003 19 June :: 9.36pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Dead Kennedys- Pull my strings
Should I give a damn? When you're around I don't know who I am.
Well going a few days back, I said goodbye to Julie. She was leaving for FSU and spare of the moment I decided to drop by to hang out for the last time. It was just weird, we spoke of times past, and I really can't believe for awhile now I've been phasing off a close group of friends that I once had. Those times were great, but I have a feelign those times have past and I should be onto new things. It was sad actually, just looking back on everything, on what crazy timnes we went through. Those days will be missed.
Well, I'm leaving tommorrow for New Jersey and just got off the phone with Leeat. I am completely psyched, I've really been needing my old friends more than ever lately. It will be amazing, jsut being there always gets me like this, and I'm not quite sure why. Something about being in the town you've grown up in always gives you that warm feeling, to me at least. Its a nice place...
I've really been thinking of the whole who am I question? I think I wish I knew.
3 obsessions |
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2003 17 June :: 12.32am
:: Mood: mixed
:: Music: Thursday- Standing on the edge of Summer
Picture of you forever in my mind
Well, I don't know I feel like I'm changing as I speak. Yesturday I thought of how I'm dissatisfyed and I'm not doing things I said I would. But I'm realizing thats wrong I am surprisingly, its just my personality to always be dissatisfied. I've been writing alot more lately, and I think I'm getting over letting pointless/ nonpointless things getting me down. Its becoming natural. and I stopped to think today of how I'm maturing in a way, cause honestly being depressed takes alot of energy and I'd rather feel nothing, if thats what makes it all better. I was just reading this definition on extroverts and introverts and it scared the crap out of me. It describes me perfectly and I don't like that, how I can be mapped so perfectly in a book, how I'm exactly like millions and millions of people out there simplified into the following characteristics:quieter, more reserved and sensitive, and more comfortable in solitary pursuits,notes that in introverts some parts of the brain are very sensitive to arousal and are easily overstimulated, causing them to prefer quiet surroundings and calm situations.In introverts the more highly developed traits are more likely to be those associated with intrapersonal intelligence, such as the deeper awareness of one's feelings and the ability to enjoy extended periods of solitude. I don't know it just gets to me how messed up I am, and its true, in the face of things I want I become scared and more interested in keeping some type of status then actually going and proving it right or wrong. I don't want to live my life like what everything tells me what I am. I guess the question is why did I have to be like this, it does me no good, so I don't understand? It says you become this way because of the environment you're in, so maybe this isn't the place for me. I don't know. I'm sick of wasting time.. thats all.
Anyway I had a really great weekend with Stacey and Sarah, thankyou guys for making it fun. We found it! What an acomplishment. The show was very good, The Boils are awesome, and the vibe in the crowd was great. Protagonist there were no words for, they really do create something special when they get up there and do their thing. And when the crowd sings, and looks like they are crying as they scream the words cause they mean them, ah I love the music scene.
Wow I'm leaving in 3 days, woo... I need New Jersey.. so much. I need my old friends, around them I just break loose, no tension nothing. Not one of us is quote unquote below or above each other, I've always appreciated that. I'll take it so far as to say its like a high, I feel I'm totally myself/free of everything... its sad that feeling " myself" is so foreign to me.
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2003 11 June :: 3.38pm
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: Pink Floyd- Us and Them
And its not funny like on television
I need to leave
this
behind.
Its taken up too much
of
my mind.
Taken up too much
of
my time.
Take what you can get, was said
You'll never stop here again
Things come and go
and just so you know
You'll never catch me in my tracks ever again.
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