You were booed off stage, singin your famous love song
Well I think I have alot of things on my mind as of today. ..

Went to the beach with Stef, got beat red yo, I'm so getting skin cancer this time theres no avoidin it.

Needless to say, I had an excellent conversation with Kelly today. The tragic storys of how people come to overthink, more thinking that doing. It makes me sad cause I point this out more in my everyday routines, I'll sit back and just think and without knowing it, life slips by right underneath my nose. How people can be so complex, that they can never be truly happy, the chances of being happy are always infultraited by an equal thought of how everything might fail. How comparing really is the end to one and SUCH. I dunno it just makes me sad that I'm like this, if only I could learn to make it a positve, I'm sure there is but really, is it within us to do so?

Tonight was semi- interesting. Jim picked us up at 9:30. And wow, hes so Jim, hasn't changed one bit. <3 to Jim though. We arrived at Mike's shortly thereafter...lol let me just say it was a weird situation, the kind of thing where its like " wow I'm not in college", but it was cool. I kind of don't understand Mike, but then I kind of did understand it. I thought this was especially weird, he like went around to the three of us ( still in highschol) and hes like your going into your junior year right? And im thinking yea you dyslexic asshole we only have talked almost every night for past gdamn year, but then we made eye contact like " well, we know we know each other better than this", or at least thats how I looked at it, so whatever reconciliation to my existence...thanks. Then these 3 girls went to go "kidnap" Chase, haha and on their way there he had already left. Chase got a fucking new car! :(. Anyway, saw Aj and then Chase came <333, seriously I hold him in such high esteem, hes a gorgeous person in general and sometimes I really can't get over it. I just think its nice when caring about other people comes like a second nature to you. Seriously, as Julia and I discussed we both need to find him or someone like him, and marry them <3. Anyway saw Roberto ( going to the army :() , Justin Seiler(woot) and others. Reluctantly I was lost deep in thought throughtout our time period there, I guess about everything, the rain, my life, how I thought the college girls were trashy and unintelligent and how I don't want to be that type of college person. I just want to be a kid in college, I want to have meaningful fun, I believe in stuff like that. Like spend golden afternoons, and yea...We left because they were gonna start playing drinking games, and sober/drunk people aren't a wonderful mix. So we went to Don Carter's to spend the remainder of the night with some other people. Now Julie and Linda are passed out on my couch.

On another note, this incredible feeling of guilt has been weighing upon my mind all night. I won't mention specific names, but I would like to tell a good friend of mine that I'm sorry. Really, I blame myself for this I think I made a bad judgement call and I should have known people like that were very situational/conditional anyway. I'm so sorry, though, you have to believe all I wanted for you was the best, and you deserve the best. I'm sorry for dragging someone into your life that didn't have to be dragged in. I thought it would be a good thing, and for awhile I think it was. But don't worry cause they aren't so great anyway if they don't see what is wrong with their actions. And believe me I feel a prang of rejection in myself, and it feels bad but in very wise words once sang/spoke...we don't need the sweater, walk through the sweater, the sweaters that take over our lives and remind us that we don't like the way that we walk. I love you man <3, and know that I'm very sorry and if it was anyone's fault, it was mine and mine alone.

Sleep easy everyone x

p.s. The show was excellent on friday.

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