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bleedingsun
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::
2004 14 December :: 5.24pm
:: Music: straylight run
I felt... off today. I couldn't concentrate on anything. I don't think I got any work done at all.
I have two tests tomorrow, math and econ.
I should probably study, but I know I won't. I've went through school this far without studying and I'm not doing too bad. Why start now?
4 huh |
what
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holiday
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::
2004 14 December :: 4.38pm
I AM SO MAD. So mad it requires that I type in ALL CAPS.
You'd think someone would know a thing or two, or at least read UP on their insurance. Not let their daughter drive all the way there expecting to get fixed only to get turned away because she doesn't have a co-pay.
what
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Brad
|
::
2004 14 December :: 2.37pm
Shit
So set my wooden heart ablaze and send me to my grave.
Fucked up beyond repair
Skin off my wrists I shave
They say that true love never fails, it's never worth the cost
If I can't have you, no one will
They tell me hope is lost
In this lonely room I write
So hidden and forlorn
My ears they hear the Devils cry
He's screaming out for more
Blood drips from my finger tips, and everything goes numb
For my baby, my love, "the one"
It's not over till it's done
I love you more than life itself, I would give anything
Please just tell me that you love me
...It's all I want to hear.
4 huh |
what
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stinko
|
::
2004 14 December :: 8.47am
ha
no sleep+school=sucky.
12 huh |
what
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sherriffsteve
|
::
2004 14 December :: 8.24am
It was a beautiful let down, when I crashed and burned. When I found myself alone, unknown, and hurt. It was a beautiful let down
the day I knew that all the riches this world had to offer me would never do. In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt I was trying so hard to fit in, until I found out, I don't belong here.
I will carry your cross and your song, but I don't belong.
It was a beautiful let down when you found me here, for once in a blue moon I see everything clear. I'll be your beautiful let down,
thats what I've ever been. And even if it costs my soul I'll sing for free. We're still chasin our tails in the rising sun, in our dark third planet when no one fights and no one's won.
See I don't belong here. I will carry your cross and your song but I don't belong here.
I'm gonna set sight and set sail for the kingdom come. Your kingdom come won't you let me down. Let my foolish proud, forever let me down. Easy living not much left for pain. Easy dieing hey they're just about the same. Won't you please take me off your list. Easy living please come on and let me down.
We are a beautiful let down, painfully uncool, the church of the dropouts and loosers and sinners and failures and the fools. What a beautiful let down, all resolved in the womb and join us He wants you too.
I don't belong here. Feels like I don't belong here. Let me down. Feels like I'm let down.
Let me down.
Cuz I don't belong here.
Please.
Won't you let me down?
1 huh |
what
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Brad
|
::
2004 14 December :: 3.18am
I'm such an asshole. Forgive me please.
2 huh |
what
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Brad
|
::
2004 13 December :: 9.30pm
Bradley's got a job ladies and gentlemen. im a busser at Russ'. i start
wednesday. so to all of those who doubted me, there's a big "up yours" right there. but anyway, its a good feeling and now i can pay everyone i owe money to back and finally start living more like an adult. after a little while im going to get a second job. but anyway, just wanted to share the good news.
4 huh |
what
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onceagainistandalone
|
::
2004 13 December :: 7.38pm
im in a library.
i walked 6 miles to get here.
i walked around a decommisioned airforce base all day.
i wrote letters all night.
im going to record my music.
im going to be certified in test backflows.
and im going to be damn good at it.
most of you that are reading this will get a letter.
ryan leave me your cell phone number.
oh god. im so happy.
love,
matthew james hinton
3 huh |
what
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stinko
|
::
2004 13 December :: 12.15pm
YOU WANT TO PROMOTE PEACE DON'T YOU?
hmm.
Lord of the Rings tonight!
I have waited so long.
Things seem to be working out well right now. I just can't wait until winter break. It will be nice to have some time outside of school. Some time to just do nothing for a day or two.
5 huh |
what
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bleedingsun
|
::
2004 13 December :: 9.55am
:: Music: The Good Life
It is like a mini-p0rn0 in your ears! (school computers)
I'm bored. Economics is no fun, and I have a headache. I've looked over my last few posts and I seem like a really angry person, but don't worry, I'm not mad at any of you.
7 huh |
what
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holiday
|
::
2004 13 December :: 8.50am
no more donuts. oh my gosh. yuck!
4 huh |
what
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Brad
|
::
2004 13 December :: 2.05am
Fuck, these words fall from my mouth like acid
you're so beautiful and you dont even know it
you run through my mind day and night
life goes so fast, i only hope that i dont pass it
your fingertips, like razor blades
they tear through my skin
so wrecked and tattered
but i hope, falling from this 5 story building
that something breaks my fall
waiting for me down below, there's nothing
just blood splattered canvases
the others, here before me
had nothing to live for
why me?
why am i next in line?
your pretty face leaves scars in the back of my mind
something that will never heal, there for life
if i lose you now, life doesnt go on
from up here, the air is so clear
with the tons of concrete beneath my feet
the leap seems all to easy
with the poison in my blood, point and fire at will
its not hard to be me
sit back and enjoy the show
as you watch, with deep breaths
im back for the encore
five stories below.
fuck...its all over, its done.
no, this is not a suicide threat.
idea's are going through my head and i had to just randomly type up something quick. while the inspirations there, you cant just sit and let it leave. use it, cherish it. it doesnt come easy. im done. god..i dont even want to have replies but i cant stop myself. i really dont want to hear how bad or good it is..but sometimes it helps. i dont want fake opinions.
2 huh |
what
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holiday
|
::
2004 12 December :: 6.26pm
:: Music: Alexisonfire
So where
has
all the day gone?
And why
are my
lungs aching when i breath?
Is there something wrong with the heat?
Why am I so cold?
And my heart
feels sick
and it hurts when I speak
and this is not what i call fun...
2 huh |
what
|
suspensionrings
|
::
2004 12 December :: 12.37pm
Hah. Hah. And the funny/stupid part is, if I'd just checked my bloody e-mail, I'd have something to do for the evening.
Um, god. I feel so fucking isolated here. No car, nowhere to walk [no bloody sidewalks!] No one I can relate to. No one I can call. Jim's usually working or whatever . . . Shi I have always refused to use as a pick-me-up . . . even though she is . . . miss being able to call Dan and demand that he come spend time with me when I was twitchy. It was good, just having somebody there. Random goddamn conversations about fantasy serieses and whatever.
I dunno. I mean maybe. Eventually. An rp group I've seen all of once is closer to friends than the guys I spend twelve hours a day with four days a week? With the people who live in the same building that I do? Well, shit. Sorry. I'm realizing that I really cannot get along with anyone who isn't at least a half-breed nerd. And none of these people would know Thac0 if it bit them in the ass.
Poo. Pitypartypityparty.
what
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bleedingsun
|
::
2004 11 December :: 11.33am
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: chevelle
I'm going christmas shopping today. Should be fun...
If you're buying me something, tell me soon so I know to get you something.
1 huh |
what
|
|
Brad
|
::
2004 11 December :: 1.45am
:: Mood: good
:: Music: Bright Eye's - Saturday as usual
For the brothers
Another beautiful day spent very well. i got to spend the day with my one and only. it was good.
Tomorrow night, saturday, PARTY. nothing huge. guys getting together, watchin movies, halo2, special drinks. all are invited. if you feel so inclined to show up, please do. it shall be fun.
i finally got the chance to talk to my mom and my sister. i talked to my mom for a while, it was nice. we're gonna all get together and spend christmas together. that will be nice. i sat and chatted with my sister for like an hour and a half or so. it was nice to be able to just talk to her, no arguing..just me, and her. person to person. i enjoyed it very much. i dont think we've ever just sat and talked like that. its definately the first time ive ever had an actual conversation with her on the phone.
well, thats about it. see you.
Bradalee
4 huh |
what
|
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sherriffsteve
|
::
2004 10 December :: 10.36am
classes are finished as of 10:04 this morning.
what
|
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bleedingsun
|
::
2004 10 December :: 6.41am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: AFI - The Leaving Song
I'm glad today is the last day we're on announcements. I don't think I could stand one more day of me looking that dumb, though I do think we've gotten better over the last four days. We are so gonna kick your asses today though...we've got something special in mind.
[edit] I love how this journal looks
3 huh |
what
|
|
bleedingsun
|
::
2004 9 December :: 4.34pm
There we go, just made this new journal. I was sick of kelso263. I don't even know why I called it that.
3 huh |
what
|
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holiday
|
::
2004 9 December :: 12.27pm
AHHHHH so sick of school.
what
|
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sherriffsteve
|
::
2004 9 December :: 10.17am
Yesterday was a great day.
I made plans with Richelle to go shopping, which is awesome. I've been friends with her for such a long time and we've always talked about doing stuff together but it never happens. But this Saturday, her and I are going shopping. Yea.
I saw Dan, I love Dan, I'm really glad God gave me Dan. Or at least put Him in my life, I don't think I would be the same person I am now if we hadn't crossed paths. I feel that way about all of my friends though. Like Marisa, and Jessa, and Ryan, and Richelle, and Kelly, and Matt, and Dylan, and Michelle, and Nick, all of everyone I've ever met or talked to, I wouldn't be the same. Everyday I wake up and thank God that I have had such good people that actually care about what's inside, instead of looking at me with shallow eyes.. I love you all so very much, and I am so sorry that I haven't been there lately, but I will be. I'll be closer. speaking of which...
I'm not going to be in college anymore. After this next week, I'm going to get a job in Cedar somwhere, and possibly a car, and maybe, just maybe, some money. It'll be different, but I'll be there, and It'll be good.
I love you. all.
Talk to you later. I promise.
3 huh |
what
|
fadingfallenstar
|
::
2004 8 December :: 7.29pm
I dare you to say something to Brads face. You won't. Guaranteed.
Some lines from one of Joes updates that I was told to read:
"And that whole seeing brad after school thing? That's just lame. I don't need to see some douche after school every single day. If he can't cough up the balls to actually go to school instead of applying for a GED or dropping out or whatever the hell he's doing, he shouldn't have the right to hang out with all his little groupies after school. That's just my personal opinion, though. :)"
I won't ever understand that kid. He is so fucked up. Obviously it's either a jealousy thing or he's really fucking nosey. I'm going to go with both. Oh, and here's a reason why he's a hypocrite; Joey. He's one of his best friends. He's fucking 21 years old and he still visits the school, and all his little "groupies" hang out with him. Joey failed some years. Actually I'm pretty sure he got his GED.
"...he shouldn't have the right to hang out with all his little groupies after school."
Then either should Joey (wait..it's ok if he's there after school because he brings Joe home and anything that helps Joe is acceptable), Perry, or anyone that isn't in school anymore.
And Joe is lacking credits he needs. But wait, that's okay because Joe is ALWAYS right about everything and even though he does the same shit he looks down on people for it's ok for him to do it. It's clear to see that Brad being at the school has absolutely nothing to do with Joe. Yet, he complains anyway. When is that kid going to learn? Soon, I hope. For his own sake. Anyway, I don't really feel the need to go on any further. You all know Joe's an asshole, I have nothing to prove.
But hey.. that's just my personal opinion. :)
24 huh |
what
|
|
fadingfallenstar
|
::
2004 8 December :: 4.39pm
"I may be stoned out of my mind, but I don't know what I did wrong."
-My Dad
1 huh |
what
|
|
holiday
|
::
2004 8 December :: 2.43pm
Oh my oh my. Charlie is waking up i think. Wait, no, just rolling over. Wake up wake up wake up!
In other news, I am tired of school. But really, who isn't?
what
|
|
holiday
|
::
2004 8 December :: 12.26pm
Why do people suck so much??? GRRRR.
1 huh |
what
|
|
stinko
|
::
2004 8 December :: 12.00pm
hhmmmm.
school is really bringing me down.
i need college. i need freedom. i need something new. something different. something exciting. something dangerous.
anything.
i need inspiration. something that will drive me to get up off my butt and change things. but what do i want to change?
i just feel like i don't have any time ever. i am always doing something. i don't have time to chase dreams or even to dream them.
a fresh start.
thats it. thats all i need.
13 huh |
what
|
|
sherriffsteve
|
::
2004 8 December :: 9.11am
JUST A MOMENT -----
by Max Lucado
It all happened in a moment, a most remarkable moment.
As moments go, that one appeared no different than any other. But in
reality, that particular moment was like none other. For through that
segment of time a spectacular thing occurred. God became a man. While
the creatures of earth walked unaware, Divinity arrived. Heaven opened
herself and placed her most precious one in a human womb.
God as a fetus. Holiness sleeping in a womb. The creator of life being
created.
God was given eyebrows, elbows, two kidneys, and a spleen. He stretched
against the walls and floated in the amniotic fluids of his mother.
God had come near.
He came, not as a flash of light or as an unapproachable conqueror, but
as one whose first cries were heard by a peasant girl and a sleepy
carpenter. The hands that first held him were unmanicured, calloused,
and dirty.
No silk. No ivory. No hype.
Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And
were it not for a group of star-gazers, there would have been no gifts.
To think of Jesus in such a light is-well, it seems almost irreverent,
doesn't it? It's not something we like to do; it's uncomfortable. It is
much easier to keep the humanity out of the incarnation. Clean the
manure from around the manger. Wipe the sweat out of his eyes. Pretend
he never snored or blew his nose or hit his thumb with a hammer.
But don't do it. For heaven's sake, don't. Let him be as human as he
intended to be. Let him into the mire and muck of our world. For only
if we let him in can he pull us out.
4 huh |
what
|
Kate
|
::
2004 7 December :: 7.47pm
:: Mood: amazed
:: Music: Erasure - Rapture
Why mommy's gone mad.
So I made a list of all the self-help books I could find that my mother owns, and here it is. I'm positive she's got more, but I wasn't going to look that hard. These are all the ones out in the open!
How to Really Love Your Teenager by Ross Campbell
Your Money Matters by Malcolm Macgregor
Passion on Purpose by Dr. Deborah Newman
So What's The Difference? by Fritz Ridenour
Breaking The Power Of Debt by John Avanzini
How To Make Meetings Work by Michael Doyle & David Straus
How To Be A Leader by Communicating Your Ideas by ?
Straight Talk to Men and Their Wives by Dobson
Joy That Lasts by Gary Smalley
The Tender Touch by Rexella VanImpe
The Pursuit of Holiness by Jerry Bridges
Marriage on the Rock by Jimmy Evans
Nova Shalomon Couples Manual by ?
Do-It-Yourself Relationship Mender by Dr. Rosberg
How To Be Your Own Best Friend by Mildred Newman & Bernard Berkowitz
Anger is a Choice by Tim Lahaye
Christian Living In The Home by Jay E. Adams
Barriers to Intimacy by Rosselini & Worden
The Language of Love by Smalley & Trent
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
On The Crest Of The Wave by Wagner
From Sea To Shining Sea For Children by Marshall & Manuel
This is Living? by David Wilkerson
The Sense of His Presence by Mains
Nurturing a Child's Soul by Timothy Jones
One True Vow by Eva Marie Everson
Christian Child-Rearing and Personality Development by Paul D. Meier
The Fulfilled Woman by Lou Beardsley & Toni Spry
The Christian Counselor's Manual by Jay E. Adams
The Renewal Factor by Robert H. Waterman, Jr.
Dare To Discipline by Dr. James Dobson
Getting The Most Out Of Life by ?
I Am The Christian The Devil Warned You About by Mario Murillo
Making Friends With Your Mother by Kay Marshall Strom
Laugh Again: Experience Outrageous Joy by Charles R. Swindoll
For Better Or For Best by Gary Smalley
His Needs Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr.
Promises To Keep by Nick Harrison
How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Garnegie
7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey
God Can Do It Again by Kathryn Kuhlman
Lessons In Successful Living by Albert E. Cliffe
If Only He Knew by Gary Smalley
Me? Obery Him? by Elizabeth Rice Handford
Lord, Heal My Hurts by Kay Arthur
Love is a Choice by Hemfelt, Minirth & Meier
Knowing God Intimately by Joyce Meyer
Working With People by Macmillan
Each New Day by Corrie ten Boom
Your Work Matters to God by Sherman & Hendricks
Women And The Art of Negotiating by Nierenberg & Ross
Lead, Follow or Get Out of the Way by Jum Lundy
A Spiritual Clinic by J. Oswald Sanders
The Busy Woman's Guide to a Balanced Life by Ramona Cramer Tucker
Seccess Secrets of the Motivational Superstars by ?
Love is a Decision by Gary Smalley
The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale
God, The Rod, And Your Child's Bod by Larry Tomczak
When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric & Leslie Ludy
The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women by Dr. James Dobson
The Gift of Fatherhood by Dr. Aaron Hass
How to Take Charge of Your Life by Newman & Berkowitz
Learning to Live with the People You Love by D. James Kennedy
The Act of Marriage by Tim & Beverly LaHaye
The Power of Positive Living by Norman Vincent Peale
Thus explaining why she's such a fucking psycho.
15 huh |
what
|
|
stinko
|
::
2004 7 December :: 11.57am
wow!
this is soooo wierd!
seems like a good idea though.
oh
detention tonight.
:(
3 huh |
what
|
|
holiday
|
::
2004 6 December :: 6.16pm
Disintigrating sense of reality- why can I really relate to some of the feelings Philip K. Dick has? Sometimes I wonder if life is all a dream. If everyone is there acting for your play of a life.
"...a severe vertigo that gave him the strange sense that he was dislocated from real life. He confessed to attacks where he doubted his own existence and felt that the world around him was a thin façade over some unnameable reality."
I can relate to that.
2 huh |
what
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