I <3 college

I got an e-mail from my English prof. on Friday. I got an A in there, and I don't have to come back to class, meaning I don't have to write anymore papers. YAY!

I can't wait for thanksgiving!!!! Except for the eating part...I hate eating. It's such a waste of time.

I wonder if Parks wrote me back; I sent him another crazy letter on Tuesday. If he did write me back and mailed it on Friday, then I should be getting it tomorrow. Guess I'll just have to wait and find out.

Not much news besides that. I'm going to get a camera so I can work on the site. It needs some college love.

You know what I need right now in my life...

QT's French Vanilla Coffee

There is always room is my life for some of that sweet lovin'.

random
I should really cut my hair. I can't decide about it right now. I know if I cut it Parks will have an absolute fit. He's always had this thing about girl's hair. It's crazy. I just feel like it's getting soooo long. I can't let it grow forever.

I had a crazy dream last night. I went hat shopping, but the hats were really ugly.

I got my Bio Lab grade last night. I made an A! Ahhh I'm sooo happy.

I also had my last day of choir today. I'm not too sure just how I'm feeling about that right now. I think I'm feeling "ahh whatever."

I think that's all I have to say.

Yup...that's all I have to say.

i <3 candy

My daddy bought me candy yesterday. I'm really bored so I'm gonna talk about how much I love this candy. This candy is soo good, I don't even think you could understand. As Parks would say, "It's like an orgasm in my mouth."

That sounds soo wrong.

Well...I'm just sitting here...all alone...with nobody to talk to.

I think I'll call Laura.

Goodbye

weekend update 11/16/2003

Friday we had Tim day. It was pretty neat except for the fact I felt really tired most of the time and then Tim just thought I was sad. Nope...I was tired. I had a smoothie. It was a fantastic smoothie. I want another one. I ate eight cheese wedges the size of my fist and thought i was gonna pass out into my potato soup. Tim seemed a bit concerned. When I told Parks about it he thought it was funny. In fact he laughed for like 10 minutes and did impressions of me..."and they were like THE SIZE OF MY FIST!' that mofo.

Saturday Tim and I went to see URINETOWN!!!! I <3 him for taking me. The show was sooooo awsome. Then we went to Arby's and ate Arby's melts. They were super good. Then we went to Jillian's with Melissa and Sam and Scott. I ate cheesecake. It was tasty.

So the moral of this story is I ate a lot of food this weekend and felt like it was gonna puke.

My computer is still broken. I do not <3 it....but I do <3 Al's computer.

I'm in one of my moods.

I hate my stupid evil-ass computer. It's such an evil bitch. Bitch! i'm thinking about just killing it or somthing.

My English Prof. gave me some really great news today that I have to keep to myself. but yay!

I dunno how thinks are working out between me and parks. i feel like i really need to talk to him right about now...but of course I CAN'T. geeeze. and speaking of that i STILL don't know where i'm gonig for thanksgiving or how i'm getting there. it's really really starting to freak me out. maybe i'll have to sleep outside of my house for a week. i suppose that would be okay. and if something bad happens to me...well i supoose that would be okay too.

but in better news i still get to go to the mall with tim of friday! yay for that! i was really upset when i foudn out that my daddy couldn't come get me, but tim being the nice guy he is said that he would come and get me. yay for him!

today i feel:
sick
ugly
unloved
sad
lonely
tired

but i never feel hungry. so many things i can still control. makes the mornings worth waking up. that and only one other thing.

just that one other thing

my evil ass computer 11/11/2003
ahh my computer hates me again. it's evil the evil computer from hell.


my plans are pretty much screwed

no urinetown

no mall

no seeing people i haven't seem in forever

oh well i don't suppose it matters



i'm on alyssa's computer by the way.....my computer is a bitch bitch BITCH!

I'm not sure if all of these lyrics are right. Like the first verse of this song soo applies to a situation I'm in right now.

You and I travle to the beat of a different drum
Oh can't you tell by the way I run
Everytime you make eyes at me

You cry and moan and say it will work out
Oh but honey child I've got my doubts
You can't see the forest for the trees

So don't get me wrong it's not that I'm knockin'
It's just that I am not in the market
For a boy who wants to love only me

Yes and I aint sayin' you aint pretty
All I'm sayin' is I'm not ready
For any person place or thing tryin' to pull the reins in on me

So goodbye
I believe and I see no sense in this cryin' and greavin'
We'll both live a lot longer if you live without me

So don't get me wrong it's not that I'm knockin'
It's just that I am not in the market
For a boy who wants to love only me

Yes and I aint sayin' you aint pretty
All I'm sayin' is I'm not ready
For any person place or thing tryin' to pull the reins in on me

So goodbye
I believe and I see no sense in this cryin' and greavin'
We'll both live a lot longer if you live without me

I'm going home this weekend. My daddy's hopefully taking me to see URINETOWN!! I am soo excited. I have the coolest daddy in the world...ever! I'm gonna try and get together with Larua too. I haven't see her since graduation when she went with my family to go and eat. I miss my Laurs!

I think I've memorized my letter. It's filled with such nice things. I love nice things.

I've been chattin' it up with Tim a lot lately. I have to find him a girlfriend so I can get $20. This will be the easiest $20 I've ever made. I love easy money...ha...that was funny.

Parks gave me a big thing about my not eating the other day. Says he's worried about me...worried about what might happened if I keep going. I told him the only reason I ever eat anymore is because he tells me to. Food is such an annoying thing. He'll understand that when I get to the size I want to be. I can't stop anyway. I've come too far for just giving up like that.

Feeling light is amazing.

Today I feel light. I think I know why. It's an amazing feeling...light.

I was chattin' it up with Sheldon the other day and her called me Bekster. As crazy as it sounds, I get the biggest kick out of people calling me that. I makes me feel like laughing.

I get to go back to therapy tomorrow. Yay. I don't wanna go. I don't have any problems so I don't really see why I went in the first place. I'll just go and let them tell me there's nothing wrong and get it over with. Such a waste of time.

I got a letter today.

A wonderful letter.

Someone asked me, "How are you today?"

"I'm fantastic."

fantastic

i don't get hungry anymore

Laura is the coolest chick! Every boy should love her!

I told Laura I'd write an entry about her and so I"m doing it. Laura is one of my best friends. I can tell her just about anything (even what I put in that horrific letter of mine.) She listens to each of my tiny little complaints even though she has so much to deal with herself. She has such an amazingly big heart and has always made me feel amazing. One day I'm going to proclaim it Laura Day and we'll go out and have a wonderful time! Laura is also great because she understand the nautre of being a dork.

rockon1416: I LIKE A GUY WHO'S NOT EVER SINGLE!!!
TNChik9987: I LIKE A GUY WHO DOESNT WANT ME
rockon1416: SOOO
rockon1416: YOU DON'T KNOW THAT
rockon1416: YOU WAIT UNTIL I TALK TO HIM
rockon1416: I FEEL LIKE WE'RE VERY FAR AWAY AND HAVE TO YELL IN ORDER TO HEAR EACH OTHER
TNChik9987: ME TOO
rockon1416: LAURA...LAURA CAN YOU HEAR ME?
TNChik9987: YEP I HEAR YOU PERFECTLY
rockon1416: YAY
rockon1416: we are such dorks
TNChik9987: we stick with our kind
rockon1416: lol

See! Not many people can put up with my stupidity to that dregree.

Yay for Laura! Everyone should love her!

I love Roberts Halls. That's right, you heard me. I fuckin' love it.

Sunday morning, 1 AM, the fire alarm goes off. I woke Alyssa up (she's going to die if there really is a fire...but hell, I don't blame her.) I'm half asleep telling her to get a sweater and her shoes. I couldn't find my stupid sweater so I had to wear the one Parks gave me, but whatever, it was warm. So we go outside and stand for 10 minutes. Of course...there's no fire. After the damn alarm finally stops we go back inside. The minute I get my sweater and shoes off the stupid thing goes off again. So we went back outside. Alarm stops, we go back inside...alarm goes off again. We stayed inside that time. I thought I was gonna loose my hearing. I don't know how Alyssa sleeps through that damn thing. I believe murder is okay when it's the dumbass who keeps on setting the fire alarm off.

I talked to Parks today. He's not supposed to be on the phone so we're planning times when he can call and his parents aren't around. I felt so uncomforatable knowing he had read my crazy letter. At least I think he read it. He was like "You said it got lost in the mail...so it's lost in the mail!" Yeah well now I know it's not lost in the mail. Damn mail. He said he's write me back, meaning I have to wait forever before I get the stupid thing.

I'm going to make Chris fall for Laura with my magical powers of love! It'll be great....trust me.

I love Roberts Halls. That's right, you heard me. I fuckin' love it.

Sunday morning, 1 AM, the fire alarm goes off. I woke Alyssa up (she's going to die if there really is a fire...but hell, I don't blame her.) I'm half asleep telling her to get a sweater and her shoes. I couldn't find my stupid sweater so I had to wear the one Parks gave me, but whatever, it was warm. So we go outside and stand for 10 minutes. Of course...there's no fire. After the damn alarm finally stops we go back inside. The minute I get my sweater and shoes off the stupid thing goes off again. So we went back outside. Alarm stops, we go back inside...alarm goes off again. We stayed inside that time. I thought I was gonna loose my hearing. I don't know how Alyssa sleeps through that damn thing. I believe murder is okay when it's the dumbass who keeps on setting the fire alarm off.

I talked to Parks today. He's not supposed to be on the phone so we're planning times when he can call and his parents aren't around. I felt so uncomforatable knowing he had read my crazy letter. At least I think he read it. He was like "You said it got lost in the mail...so it's lost in the mail!" Yeah well now I know it's not lost in the mail. Damn mail. He said he's write me back, meaning I have to wait forever before I get the stupid thing.

I'm going to make Chris fall for Laura with my magical powers of love! It'll be great....trust me.

In a way I hate saturdays. All I ever do is sit here in the dorm room...maybe talk to a couple of people on the phone. Nothing really besides that. I should do something...but nah, I'm too lazy.

My hair is filled with the smell of pretty. It makes me happy.

I don't think the computer that I got back is really my computer. It's the evil computer from hell. Of course those nice people who got rid of my virus also had to uninstall almost everything. I started freaking out because I know nothing about the computer, but in the end it was all good. I always thought it was soo funny when I still lived with my parents and my dad got on the computer.

"Bekie! These little boxes keep on popping up on the screen!"

"Bekie! How do I turn the screen saver off?"

"Bekie! Where's the D?"

I love my father

I feel like the biggest dork in the world today. I talked to Laura and she said my horrific letter will end up being okay.

"Maybe it'll get lost in the mail!" Me

"It's not gonna get lost in the mail" Laura

"Shut up! Yes it is!" Me

You know...last night was the first halloween that I didn't watch Rocky Horror Picture Show. Feel the sorrow within my life.

Oh well...there's always next year.

I just got my computer back. Evidently it was filled with many an evil virus. I wasn't too concerned about them, but they said I was spreading them through the system. Ooops.

I don't really have much to update on. I hate therapy. I don't ever want to go back. I will of course. I suppose it was just a rough first time.

Oh yeah, I've done the stupidest thing of my life. I sent Parks a letter saying what I really thought about it. Three pages of personal, emtional stuff. Maybe it'll just get lost in the mail. I'm just asking for rejection.

Why do I do stupid things like this?