You're Just Like Everyone Else

You're Just Like Everyone Else

:: 2008 9 January :: 11.11am

I feel...
Like I should step in here every now and again. This place reminds me of much younger times. we're all getting old now aren't we? I'm visiting my parents... my friends gave us a coffee can full of change to help pay for gas for the trip. There was at least 70 dollars in there. Everything is different here. The neighborhoods are surrounded by more strip malls than before, even our house has been remodeled. I'll be back in Philly soon, making art in a new semester and then at work in my hawaiian shirt ordering the produce and telling the customers that we don't carry the edamame anymore.

love me

hiphulagirl

:: 2005 4 February :: 9.21am

I dont think that I told anyone that I got deployed for a year. I'm in germany for the next 6 months. I didnt want to leave. I like to think that I was comfortable where I was back in Georgia. I think i might've had good things going for me. Now, i'm homeless again, at least when I get back I will be. Sometimes I get letters from people. People might miss me. It's nice every now and again to hear that you're needed. I need a hug.

12 i'm loveds | love me

hiphulagirl

:: 2004 13 November :: 12.25am

I have to write this somewhere. I don't want to be whiny on my own page. I've been feeling really crappy, and Ive really had no reason to do so as things seem to be going rather swimmingly. But i've finally figured it out. As the time nears for everyone that i've grown up with to graduate from college, I realize that I really wish I was still in school too. I wish I hadn't got screwed, and now when I really want to do something about it, I wish i wasnt stuck in a place where events keep me from enrolling in classes. I think my fear is that everyone else will go have wonderful lives and everything that i'm doing right now won't mean anything to anyone but myself. I had a really great career field too, I was building things, analyzing, drawing, moving, learning. I was using just about every creative itch i ever had. I really just want to bang my head on the wall and make the crap feelings go away. I want someone else to believe in me instead of telling me how I haven't done anything, and how i'll never do anything. What the fuck ever happened to encouragement?

1 i'm loved | love me

hiphulagirl

:: 2004 7 October :: 9.16pm

I am rather looking forward to this weekend. I remember the last time I went home. I got to see a whole lot of people. This time I dont plan on it being as hectic. I plan on seeing a few people and then relaxing. Maybe going for a drive. Maybe a walk around stone mountain. The weather is getting nice and cool. I should be able to find something to occupy my time.

love me

hiphulagirl

:: 2004 26 August :: 6.43pm

I'm falling into the old slump again. I'm not so sure that anyone is a complete person all on their own. Maybe that's my problem.

I wrote that and just sat there and stared at it for 15 minutes. I'm getting on with it now.

I'm going to Hawaii for a couple weeks. I'm not too excited. Sheldon was calling for a while, and then he stopped again. I sent him a happy text last night and he never responded. I hate leaving here because everytime I leave we grow further apart... hell even when i'm here we seem thousands of miles away.

I just wish i had someone. I need someone... I dont want to be so alone, especially when i've gotta pick up and leave everything for iraq. I want someone to miss me when i'm gone. I want to have someone to call and say "I love you". I want to crawl into bed and cry.

3 i'm loveds | love me

hiphulagirl

:: 2004 11 August :: 5.47pm

been a while eh? well i've been away in atlanta for a couple weeks, and I made the WISE decision not to bring my computer. The consequence? I drive an hour and a frigging half to the gwinnett library to use their computers while visiting my parents. It's better I not be distracted from these classes anyway. I'm going to spain again. sept 10. it was a surprise to me. I didnt exactly volunteer for this one, nor was I too psyched when they told me i had to go. I really wanted to get things right with Sheldon. I don't really think he wants to, and the whole thing has my stomach tied up in knots. I havent felt this nervous and sick for at least 7 months. I really should find something to distract me from it, boys, love... altogether. throw myself into working out, or programming, or something... anything. It doesn't help that I keep getting phone calls from boys. Hear that? Boys... don't call.

love me

hiphulagirl

:: 2004 1 August :: 12.48am

blech
i've got to go to Atlanta for two weeks to learn how to drive and disassemble more heavy machinery. Luckily I can visit my parents while i'm up there. It's great to have left them on good terms because whenever I come home mom buys me toilet paper for my apartment and junk like that. When i come back i have exactly two weeks here again. Then I leave for two weeks in Hawaii. For work. But hell, there's a beach ON BASE. ROCK. I really wasnt in the mood to travel though, and god knows i've come to hate the drive to ATL. By the time I get there it'll be time for another oil change... and maybe new brake pads, but I think i'll put that off until the next oil change after this one. lalala. Yay for tax free shopping day. I bought 80 bucks of liquor, 60 bucks of clothing, and 100 bucks of CDs. Productive.

love me

hiphulagirl

:: 2004 17 July :: 10.08am

Oh I'm back!!! YAY. Yes. That means Teresa finally got cable. It was driving me nuts too because I cant look at this page at work which is still crap if you ask me. In other news, My apartment looks lived in though I dont get to really "live" much. I miss people, I need a boy/man.

I dont have much of an update... just wanted to say hi to the whole two people who still come here to read things. I'm going to a cruise in for my PT on Skidaway. It should be fun if it doesnt rain and maybe i'll get pictures of fun PT cruisers that are better than mine.

love me

hiphulagirl

:: 2004 5 June :: 7.08pm

It must be that time of the year...
It seems everyone lately is so encompassed with thoughts of the one that they loved that they're no longer with. Bah, sooner or later we'll all come to our senses.

Only one more day to live through and then i'll be 21! Yay for Teresa. What a crappy way to spend my birthday... hundreds of miles away from everyone I love, and I have to go to work. Oh well.

I just rode a couple miles around on my bike. It was fun.

The end.

2 i'm loveds | love me

hiphulagirl

:: 2004 1 June :: 10.48pm

I am so disappointed. The forces that be on base have decided that woohu is one of those sites that needs to be blocked. so now not only can I NOT check my Yahoo mail... but I can't waste endless hours on here. What the hell am I supposed to do at work?....WORK?!?

I guess it just goes to say that it's popular enough for them to recognize that lots of people are spending more time here than working. But seriously... my morale is suddenly lowered.

I need a break from work anyway. I only got three hours of sleep last night, and worked 15 hours today. It was my day off too... or at least it was supposed to be. I want to spend time at home. I want to sit on my couch. I want to do laundry... I'm running out of underwear...

2 i'm loveds | love me

hiphulagirl

:: 2004 30 May :: 8.20am

YAY! Last night I came home on the parkway and didn't get lost!!! I don't know why but there's been so many situations where I have to take the parkway downtown, and then it gets really dark and I don't know exactly how to get back on it. Now I do. So yay! Now I have to go back down to River street and do it all over again. I left at 11 last night and the party was still going on. It's day number 3 of said party. I danced a lot while selling soda yesterday. There were soooo many trashy girls out. Sure it's ninety something degrees out... I don't blame you girls for the lack of clothing... But you don't have to dance so low in your micro mini-skirt that all the little children get an up close and personal view of your genitals. Thank you.
Sometime during the day I get a 5 hour break and then I have to go show movies for some important government people. It's going to be a slow day people. You can reach me on my cell though.

1 i'm loved | love me

hiphulagirl

:: 2004 28 May :: 10.35am

Just to forwarn everyone who reads this... I'm about to go on a whiny boy schpeal. I don't do it often, but for those of you who dislike whiny schpeals go on your merry way.

Sheldon called AGAIN. I think he might've sorta asked me on a date. Now... I seem to be hanging on to the good times we had before I went to Spain. My mind wants to skip all the sour stuff after that. It's hard to talk to him on the phone and not be able to say "I love you" before I hang up... and now he wants to hang out? I'll not be able to hug him without kissing him and all that. But that doesn't mean that I want to date him again. I honestly thought i'd be ok and just forget how I felt if he never called, but now that idea's out the window.

I'm a smart girl. I know the reasons I love him... but I also know all the reasons that I can't stand and all the reasons that would probably fuck it up again if we ever got back together.

There's that way he's always thinking i'm mad at him, or being mean to him whenever I tell the truth. The way he doesn't believe in God. How he always gets angry and hurts himself, or how sometimes acts like he's in highschool. He smokes, I don't think he'll ever quit. He always needs me so much, and he just wants to settle down.

I'm sure I could go on and on. It's not written anywhere that I can't have all the fun and good things that I had with him, with someone else... Chances are my mind is just going to hold on to those memories until I find that someone else, or get back together with him... or simply find enough peace that I don't need to dwell on those memories anymore. That would be ideal. I know though that all those reasons ^up there, bug me then, still bug me, and would continue to bug me if we were together again. Everything would just take the same inevitable route, unless he's changed or i've changed.

I want someone that's pretty smart, makes me laugh, and someone that i'll never have a boring time with. I need someone that'll value what I want to do with my life and not force me to settle into something that will make me unhappy just so that I can be with them. I don't want a conditional love, I want to have a lot of fun and enjoy simply BEING in love. I want someone who thinks i'm beautiful, and I want to enjoy my life.

THE END

2 i'm loveds | love me

hiphulagirl

:: 2004 26 May :: 1.43am

I'm in Missouri. There was a tornado outside the hotel last night and they made everyone get in the basement. School is... almost over.

Sheldon called randomly again today, I don't know why. I mean I never did stop loving him. That wasn't the reason I broke things off with him, and i'm still very much in love with him and the way things were once. But why call me? Why when he said he didn't want to talk to me again? I mean maybe he knows how much I miss him, and he's just trying to rub it in my face?

Any good guys left out there? Anyone free to give a damn about me?

4 i'm loveds | love me

hiphulagirl

:: 2004 14 May :: 2.36pm
:: Mood: apathetic

I'm in Illinois right now. It's rainy, and I slept pretty much the entire drive up here. Lots of grass... and soy. Exciting. My wireless card works sooo much better up here though. Blah. Whatever.

5 i'm loveds | love me

hiphulagirl

:: 2004 12 May :: 11.37pm

I have to go home tomorrow so that we can go pretend to be a normal family with all the other pretending families at that damn reunion in Illinois. So basically I get to go see a bunch of cousins I've never met, and pretend that it's great that we're all from the same bloodline. yay.

Dad called to remind me to get the paperwork for my car so that I can get an air national guard tag, and so that he can screw me out of more money, since i'm going to have to get a Chatam county tag when I put that bitch in my name. After a brief arguement on why he didn't know why I came back to savannah... EVEN THOUGH I TOLD HIM... but he denied it. I called him an idiot and he hung up on me. 5 minutes later my mother calls me back to tell me not to call dad an idiot, I tell her, if he wasn't such an ASSHOLE I wouldn't have to. When I was little MOM was the asshole, and dad was the one we'd get away from mom with. Now it just seems like dad doesnt care about anything and mom is cool.

4 kids and dad still hasn't gotten it right. He's too old to try anymore. I think he just had so many kids because he likes them when they're little and don't argue. Maybe that's why he loves his grandson so much. Later on, my nephew will be glad he didn't have to live with my dad.

So yeah... Illinois, then Savannah, then Missouri. Then Teresa will SERIOUSLY take a break from traveling.

love me