[Help] me -o u t- said the M.inno.w to the [Trout]

1 audible grin | Laugh for me.

:: 2006 4 June :: 9.45pm
:: Mood: thoughtful

I'm in love with Oscar Wilde.
"The artist is the creator of beautiful things.
To reveal art and to conceal the artist is art's aim.
The critic is he who can translate into another manner or a new
material his impression of beautiful things.
The highest as the lowest form of criticism is a mode
of autobiography.
Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are currupt
without being charming. This is a fault.
Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful
things are cultivated. For these there is hope.
They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only Beauty.
There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book.
Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.
The nineteenth century dislike of Realism is the rage of Caliban
seeing his own face in a glass.
The nineteenth century dislike of Romanticism is the
rage of Caliban not seeing his own face in the glass.
The moral life of man forms part of the subject-matter of
the artist, but the morality of art consists in the prefect use
of an imperfect medium.
No artist desires to prove anything. Even things that are true
can be proved.
No artist has ethical sympathies. An ethical sympathy
is an artist is an unpardonable mannerism of style.
No artist is ever morbid. The artist can express
everything.
Thought and language are to the artist instruments of an
art.
Vice and virtue are to the artist materials for an art.
From the point of view of form, the type of all the arts is the art
of the musician. From the point of view of feeling, the actor's
craft is the type.
All art is at once surface and symbol.
Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril.
Those who read the symbols do so at their peril.
It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors.
Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work
is new, complex, and vital.
When critics disagree the artist is in accord with himself.
We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he
does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless thing is
that one admires it intensely.
All art is quite useless."

-Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

So Oscar Wilde has stollen my heart. I've but started this book this morning and already i've become infatuated. But then, it doesn't take much. And if it is indeed him on the cover, he is quite handsome <3 But that's not why I'm in love with him.

1 audible grin | Laugh for me.

:: 2006 28 May :: 11.23pm

I like babytalking, popcorn without butter,
and any boy who will pay attention to these requirements
I'm an "optimistic" "beauty". Never impolite.
Easy like Saturday (mid-day).
Breezy, chilled-out, dumb grrl.

That's life with me, I know.
Around and around you will go.
But, if I French-kiss you in the broad daylight,
You'll fall in love.. Oh, oh, oh
That's life with me, I know.

I am pretending to be a free-bouncing lover
I wear my "Defensive Mask of Optimism" like a badge
Ultimately, I am much too lazy to change
I'm rather conditioned to my life of melodrama

That's life with me, I know.
Around and around you will go.
But, if I French-kiss you in the broad daylight,
You'll fall in love.. Oh, oh, oh
That's life with me, I know.

That's life with me - that's how it will be my friend:
a roller coaster ride you won't forget.
I am just a mess!
I am just a mess - at best.
I'm a "blue-ribbon prizewinner" till the end

That's life with me, I know.
Around and around you will go.
But, if I French-kiss you in the broad daylight,
You'll fall in love.. Oh, oh, oh
That's life with me, I know.

That's life with me, I know.
Around and around you will go.
But, if I French-kiss you in the broad daylight,
You'll fall in love.. Oh, oh, oh
That's life with me.

:: 2006 21 May :: 8.38pm
:: Mood: worried
:: Music: �Morrissey� + �Ouija Board, Ouija Board�

i've got to say hello to an old friend
This was not a good weekend. The whole issues with my sister, and the issue of my father's job security and all this other stuff as gotten my dad really stressed, and he's been taking something. He wasn't right all weekend, like, he was really out of it. I keep telling him how i wanted to go the library but he forgot. Then i had to keep reminding him that I had to get poster board for my project and he kept asking when i need it and what for, but finally he got up and got it. He was upset because he made me cry. His eyes were all red and watery all the time and he said it was the cats, bullshit. He's on something. At my meeting he said he had a headache and went out in the car for the whole thing. It was really upsetting me, and i'm really worried. I kept asking him if he wanted me to call mom and have her take me, but he objected. He was mumbling wierd things all weeked. I told all of this to my mom, and she told me that my dad has an issue where he gets depressed easily and he doesn't handle stress well, so he take pills. And she told me how he has a mild drinking problem; he drinks like my mom smokes. I saw him drinking on the weekend and my mom said that alcohol makes the effects of the pills worse. Because of the issue with my dad's mom, my dad is convinced that my sister is suicidal and that she's going to hurt herself, and that's all he was asking me about this weekend and i'm sick of telling him that I DON'T KNOW. And so now my mom was telling me she noticed this past month how he's been out of it too, and well, it's bad, and i feel like crying again.

:: 2006 16 May :: 10.47pm
:: Music: �Courtney Love� + �Mono�

they say that rock is dead, and they're probably right
So, i do believe an update is in order. Although i never have anything important nor exciting nor inciteful to say.

I got my hair cut today! It's not different really, but my bangs are all cool now :D Not exactly how i wanted them, i want them more blunt but i'll get that fixed next appointment. And i got my eyebrows done, um, it was weird, it didn't really hurt that much, just like ripping off a bandaide... they look alright i guess?

there's more, but.. ah well. screw it.. it was kind of important but oh well.

:: 2006 3 May :: 10.05pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: �SUGIZO & THE SPANK YOUR JUICE� + �EXORCISM�

so... Bob called me around 7:30 because they were going to funeral and were wondering if i would babysit. Of course i said yes, i can't say no like that, because i have no real reason not to... and it's just not in my power. So from 8-9:30 was i babysitting, it wasn't that bad though, i did some puzzles with Alex until 9 when he had to go to bed, but then he forgot about his homework and had to do (god, having to listen to first graders read would be the best military torture tactic) and so then he went to bed and all was well. So, i was talking to Bob abour Nekromantix, and then he was telling me that his friend saw Madsen in cleveland (the german band) and the one guy from Nekromantix did some stuff on the cd, and so Bob gave them Coffin Banger cd's X3 he said he was the cd, and he'll copy it for me (the copy i got from german class is missing two songs) I hope American doesn't bastardize them and make them the next hot thing. Foreign music shouldn't be popular in the US.

Oh, yes, and the new floor is in! And the toilet is back! Now Jess is working on putting the sink in, the new sink is so cool and pretty, it makes me feel like we're rich lol.

THE SINK IS DONE! W00T!

:: 2006 2 May :: 9.58pm
:: Music: �VHS or Beta� + �No Cabaret!�

Hide, we love you, where ever you are*

:: 2006 1 May :: 9.07pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: �SID� + �Ajisai�

so me and my new friend Aekastar were hatted! :O

http://tesseractivity.livejournal.com/6157.html

:: 2006 30 April :: 8.03pm
:: Music: �Dir en grey� + �CLEVER SLEAZOID�

one day i will fuck your parents
so, today was my P2P meeting, it was great, hung out with Ambie and Chris like usual, absorbed Clarissa into our clique and i talked to Nick and Leanne a little bit (must Email those 2 later) they seem really nice, i want to get to know them more. Nick is in my group, huhuh! then after that it was nice because my mom got us Dairy Queen, and we saw two of the people in my delegation there, and they said hi, they're nice too, but i forget they're names (well, i think they'r brother and sister, i think the boy is Justin but i'm not sure..) and my mom got me a Moolate. <3

Then after that, i wrapped Alex's present (Darth Vader pez, pez refills) (<-- he likes Star Wars ) and walked over there for a little while. He was really happy to see me, and he liked the pez. As much as he annoys me and i dislike him, it felt really good to do something nice like that. I understand now when my mom said "when you're that little, you're birthday is a big deal," she was right. I think i might be nicer to him now. (why?) He was all excited because somebody got him a seamonkey-type kit thing X3

:: 2006 27 April :: 9.03pm
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: Thousand Foot Krutch / When In Doubt / Set It Off

i'll just assume that we can talk about most anything
so i'm menstrating like normal XD JUDGEMENT DAY HAS BEEN POSTPONED: i'm not giving birth to Jesus as I previously suspected XD We all can breath a sigh of relief!

oh snapp.... current event is due... so is my drug pamphlet... WASTING TYME!!

So yesterday i tried to take a decent picture of myself and i don't know why I even bothered. The results were mediocre at best. OH WHY DOES THE CAMERA INSIST ON raping ME SO??!?!! ;; i look so BAD in pictures.. but it doesn't help that i don't know what i'm doing in the first place XD I always end up looking like a retarded korean boy. (and not even a CUTE retarded korean boy, either) but i suppose it doesn't matter because they're all just boring mugshots anyway. bleh. i'm not cool like the beautiful people.

OH. MY. GOD. i'm done with my goal of a bf, i'm too vain anyway, they only way i'd look past the fear and uncertainty and uninterest is if he were a real cutie, and they're are none like that anyway. I mean, sure i like people, but admiring from a far is my forte, not a relationship, which i'm so afraid of, (not to mention forbidden to have) plus the fact that i'm also very UNINTERESTED. And love is too pointless, and i hate the idea of Romance ^^;; that's the ugliest word i've ever heard. plus i know who i'm going to end up in love with in the end anyway.

:: 2006 24 April :: 8.29pm
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: The HorrorPops / Dotted With Hearts / Hell Yeah!

it's a teenage dream all wrapped in pink and dotted with hearts
i hate this. hate hate hate hate HATE this. .__. she used her trump card anyway, but also other excuses too ("you can't have everything") I fear i shall always bee too young, when i'm 16, then when i'm 17, etc, i think she's trying to keep me a child forever, denying that i'm growing up .__. i just think she honestly just doesn't want to do anything for me that involves sometype of participation on her part, unless it's of interest too her, too. glad to know she cares ;;

so, don't meant to get personal or gross or anything, but i haven't had my period in long time, i think maybe a month at least, my cycles are far apart anyway, but like.. i hope i get it really really soon. n.n Maybe i'm sick. Well, definately not pregnant. Unless, of course, this is Jesus' second coming and in that case we're all fucked XD should i tell someone?

:: 2006 23 April :: 9.34pm

Attention to everyone prettier, more talented, richer, nicer, cooler, better, taller, skinnier, and sweeter than me: EAT SHIT AND FUCKING DIE.

:: 2006 19 April :: 9.31pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Madsen / Diese kinder / Madsen

Das ist alles, was du sagst?
so, I'm not allowed to buy any games .__. I suppose that's for the better, since neither my mom nor myself have a lot of money, so i really should save for my trip.. my bank account only has like.. 1,200 some dollars, and the 200 something i put in myself, so...yeah X_X

I'm going to go hide in my bed and never come out until i die because god hates me and Als and I are going to become Nazis and then you shall see!

:: 2006 18 April :: 8.16pm

I hate a song that makes you think that you are not any good. I hate a song that makes you think that you are just born to lose. Bound to lose. No good to nobody. No good for anything. Because you are too old or too young or too fat or too slim too ugly or too this or too that. Songs that run you down or poke fun at you on account of your bad luck or hard traveling. I am out to fight those songs to my very last breath of air and my last drop of blood. I am out to sing songs that will prove to you that this is your world and that if it has hit you pretty hard and knocked you for a dozen loops. No matter what color, what size you are. How you are built. I am out to sing the songs that make you take pride in yourself and in your work. And the songs that I sing are made up for the most part by all sorts of folks just about like you. I could hire out to the otherside. The big money side. And get several dollars every week just to quit singing my own kind of songs to sing the kind that know you down still farther and the ones that poke fun at you even more and the ones that make you think you've not got any sense at all. But I decided a long time ago that I'd starve to death before I'd sing any such songs as that. The radio waves and your movies and your jukeboxes and your song books are already loaded down and running over with such no good songs as that anyhow. - Woody Guthrie

:: 2006 17 April :: 1.10pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: MALICE MIZER / GARDENIA / GARDENIA

so i just got back from my grandma's, been raking leaves and stuff since like 9:30 X_X ahhh i wouldn't have minded it so much if my grandma wasn't so...unstable...

first she bitched at me about how "NEED" to learn how to drive and what's wrong with my sister and can't i do anything about it and by god i must learn how to drive <.< LEAVE. ME. ALONE.

then she went on about how 'i'm not used to be being outdoors' and so i have to wear a hood so the cold air doesn't blow in my ears so i don't get bell's palsy. wtf? and then my hood was getting loose and she yelled at me somemore.

then the old neighbor lady came out and was yaking about some hearing aide dog in canada and i got chided for now saying hello to her because i've never heard this before but i'm the newer generation and in our society we always should acknowledge the old people. i didn't want to interrupt them.

i got ten dollars though, and i know my grandma can't help it, but when she called this morning for me to do work she said i shouldn't feel obligated and i don't have to but if i really did say no my mom would somehow find out and i'd be in a lot of trouble and yelled at somemore. i know my grandma loves me, but when she called and after i said yes i got mad hit the pillow until i started to cry.