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goodbye

:: 2017 21 January :: 7.18pm

I always think of all these whitty retorts that are super shitty to say to people. But then I'm too much of a weenie to say anything. I wish I was more of a bitch sometimes. I wish I had nads like Kayla. She's such a boss.

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goodbye

:: 2017 18 January :: 9.27pm

Kayla won't let me be hopeless. I'll open up to her and she'll come up with a ton of new ways to approach things. She's amazing. How have I ever lived without her?

I feel like I need to do something special for my dear friends. I have developed such deep reltionships with so many people over the years. Some of the relationships I worked so hard to cultivate over the course of my lifetime have simply gone "poof"...and that accentuates how meaningful and close my other friendships are. My 12 dear friends - about half of whom I regularly speak with due to distance mostly.... I have to think of something I can make for them. I wish they were all as sentimental as I am. I wish I could express their importance to me by doing one thing or giving one thing.i have to do it now or it may be too late.

Julius gave me a very thoughtful gift for Christmas. He gave me a picture of his daughter. She is such a sweet little thing. I would just hold onto her forever if I could. And I will!

So the process begins - the process by which I give the most thoughtful gift of all. I will Leslie Knope the shit out of this.

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goodbye

:: 2017 13 January :: 8.19pm

It's kind of funny to know some people are so self-involved that they wouldn't take the time to be disingenuous with you or lie to you.

...Interesting how life works out...

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goodbye

:: 2017 4 January :: 7.34pm
:: Mood: 2.19

Sometimes I just forget certain people exist entirely.



...Othertimes, they're always on my mind. I've been thinking about you alot lately. I'll be working or driving or hanging out with someone and little moments we shared pop into my head. I think about your eyes and your hair and your finger nails... I think abiut your voice and your face and where we'd be now. I would love nothing more than to have you in my life. I made a mistake. One I can't take back. One I will never forgive myself for. And until the day I keel over and die or maybe until you become forgotten like the others, I will continue to weep each time you pop up in my head. Although the tears are internal now they are a tsunami of regret and they wreck me. Completely. But it's no more than I deserve. My love for you will live forever, eternal... Until the mountains crumble. Until they turn to dust. Until the oceans freeze and the stars fall from the sky. Until the sun expands and swallows the reminence of this Earthen shell. Until the Universe degrades and everything is no more... not even then will I stop loving you.

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goodbye

:: 2016 27 December :: 9.30am

I hate being drunk. I only ever make a fool of myself. Me + booze = regrets.

I need to grow the fuck up.

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goodbye

:: 2016 24 December :: 10.33pm

...just another American who saw too many movies as a child? Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he's John Wayne...Rambo... Marshal Dillion?

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goodbye

:: 2016 24 December :: 1.40pm

Got to see Celeste and met Chris yesterday. Julez came over with Miranda today. Boxing Day, I get Anna time. I am so happy. I love my family and friends. We keep going for walks in the snow as a family. Little Rosey hops like a bunny and gets snowballs stuck in her fur. We're all so tired but it feels like a good kind of tired. It doesn't feel stagnant here anymore... it feels precious...

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goodbye

:: 2016 11 December :: 9.50am

Dreams remind me how much I hate you. How you've spoiled little things for me.

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goodbye

:: 2016 10 December :: 4.52pm

Everything about you is fake

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goodbye

:: 2016 9 December :: 8.55am

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