simplywicked
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2004 25 December :: 9.30am
a box, a the cheat messenger bag, a necklace, 2 books, cinnabon bath stuff, perfume, a shirt, peppermint hot coco mix, a mug of chocolates, and a painting. AND.... The Sims 2. I knew i was getting it so i woke up really early to play it. After spending over an hour downloading it i found out... IT DOSENT WORK!! Evedintally i need a graphic adapter thingy. opefully my uncle can fix it when he gets here since hes a major computer genius. Merry christmas everybody!
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Twitchy
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2004 24 December :: 10.52pm
The Little Christmas Mericles
I got all my shopping done, all the gifts sorted and wrapped and delivered in a discreet manner except those I had to send, they'll take longer, no one saw me, no hitches, things were good
the tree fell over, on me, but I'm fine, we redocerated it in time and it's held up by a string
I made it down to spokane for the traditional dinner, had a good time with Eric and Peter, found out for sure that I'll be off to the UK this summer, Lee cooked wonderfully as per each year we do this
Eric's doing better, and things are healing over, the scratches on my hands are fading and m blood pressure's not so bad
we're scraping by on not so much cash ... trust me, it's really not pretty sometimes, and still managed to throw together some feast for Mo and Peter O. and to make the neighbors happy and loved, somehow we'll manage to keep the electricity and food until the new year
and my personal favorites
we made it from Deer Park back home, that's about 30 miles, on empty, we were worried about having to walk all the way to Chewelah to get Mo because nothing's open from here to Deer Park now, bbut we made it ... the car was a wreck
and I'm doing ok mentally, friends are good, things are going all right
I'm still staying away from anti-depressants and doing well with myself
... I think ... for now ... my life's been for a while ... a little christmas mericle
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simplywicked
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2004 24 December :: 5.15pm
:: Mood: aggravated
the family people have arrived. Merian is coming over and Adam is too. Hes really cute. Not like i have a chance as he is like 20, but i should change my clothes. What should i do with my hair? I wish i had time to take a shower... Ugh. The holidays are so stressful
heh heh
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simplywicked
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2004 24 December :: 3.16pm
:: Mood: nostalgic
:: Music: AFI-- Wester
Went over to Dads today for christmas eve fun. It was actually Ok. He got a cute little tree that we helped decorate and we baked cookies. Pia was over for a little while too and she bitched about her life for half an hour. She's cool sometimes but SOOO self centered. So me and Katie laughed at her as soon as she left the room. Then we looked through pictures for a while and it was pretty cool. I really like pictures. Just how you feel when you look through them and remember all the little things in your life. Like how you looked back then, or how you felt. I found a really cute one of my dog and i found one i really like of me holding up a quarter and showing off my missing tooth. Its christmas eve!! Ohh lord, i just remembered that i have homework. I'm not gonna worry about it right now. I think i'll go eat some cookies and check out the book that dad got me. 5 days!
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simplywicked
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2004 23 December :: 10.55pm
:: Mood: cynical
seeing my mother 'flirt' is.... revolting. i am... revolted. Goodnight.
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simplywicked
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2004 23 December :: 9.08pm
:: Mood: calm
Tomorrow is christmas eve. Hahahahahaha. I know i should go talk to the family people, but i want to talk to Danny. To bad he's not on. Damn it.
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simplywicked
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2004 23 December :: 8.30pm
:: Mood: exhausted
So back to my story....
Loni and Jeff are here. Thats why i made a bid for freedom and ran to the computer. 6 days. EUURGH!! I have no idea what is going to go on when he gets here. None at all. And its annoying me.
Uh oh parent coming
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simplywicked
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2004 23 December :: 4.43pm
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: Andreas Johnson- Glorious
Envy
So, last night i speant the night at Torberry's. That was uber fun. We watched Salad Fingers and played the 'First thing that pops into your head' game. It was uber cool. Then this morning I called Katie to come pick me up and she said that her and Dan were going downtown to work on stuff and that i could aome too. SO i asked tori if she wanted to come as i wasnt to excited about hanging about the library while Katie and Dan did computer stuff. But she was busy. SO i called Anya, but she couldn't do anything for a while cuz she hadta clean or something and then she was hangin out with sophie. So then i called sophie and she said that she was busy. So then i called Katie and she said she couldn't get a ride, but i could come over and play Xbox with her if i wanted to. So i did. Surprisingly, mom wasnt too mad about it. Crazy eh? So i hung out with her and we played Xbox live for like, 3 hours. It was awesome. I want one SOOOOOOOOO bad. They're the shiz. I really suck, but its fun all the same. So now im at home and, ARUGH!! Getting kicked off the computer. I'll finish this later
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simplywicked
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2004 22 December :: 11.13pm
:: Mood: giggly
Woooooo
I'm at tori's and morgan is over and mum said i could spend the night so i'm quite happy. We were eating Mambas and I swear there was some sort of drugs in them. I have NEVER seen tori so hyper in my entire life. I wonder what she would be like if i fed her some crack... *evil smile*. So i had a point to this, but now i dont remember what twas. Dammmmit. Ahhhhhhh sugar headache. Nooooooooooooo. I want people to like me. Well let me be specific... I want Mike...'s body. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. More specifically... I want him... right now... really bad. --CENSORED-- <--I wrote something there that no one can know. Hee hee. God i'm Freakin pathetic. 7 days 7 days 7 days. What am i to do? I like getting comments. Tori WAS on da phone with Gabetron but evidentally he hung up. So now im playing truth or dare with Tanner. And...............
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simplywicked
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2004 22 December :: 5.29pm
bjks;gjfb
God sophie is so fuckin flaky sometimes. We were gonna go shopping today right? So I called her like 50 bajillion times and she didnt pick up and when i finally did get ahold of her she was like o i'll meet you there in half an hour. So i went to radio shack with Katie and when i went back to Barnes and Nobel Dan said that she had called and said she couldnt come. So i called her back and asked why and she said the timing didnt work for her. Thats not what she said 15 mins ago!! And i mean, i planned my whole day around her and she just blew me off. Grr. Its not like this is the first time this has happened either. Sometimes i just feel like she takes me for granted. But anyways. Katie hadta go get a shot so me and Dan took the bus home. BIG MISTAKE. It was like, 45 mins late so we were sitting out in the freezing cold with a bunch of crazy people and i got hit on by a 21 year old guy. Sweet. And now im sitting around waiting to "hang out" with my dad and Pia. Today has been one long day. I don't wanna have to deal with pia right now. She never shuts up. EVER. I want to brood right now. Not babysit jonathon. Who by the way also never shuts up. 7 days, Ooh! Its the ring!! ehhh... bye bye
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simplywicked
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2004 21 December :: 3.22pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: weezer-- island in the sun
too many watermelon gummies can kill a person.
We had a conversation.
A real one.
With EYE CONTACT!
This was the first time PB (post break up) that we actually had a real convo. I know i shouldn't like him again. I'm not usually the type to give second chances, but i really can't help it. I never really stopped likeing him.. Its just.... I liked him for his sense of humor and when we started going out he got all serious. I know Danny's gonna be here in 8 days but i dont know how many times i can go through the leaving-ness. Like they say.. If you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with. HOW THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO HELP ME?!?
God, i give myself the crappiest advice. Anywho, i feel like a horrible person (more than usual), cuz i know that Yah has liked him for a long time and i already had my chance, ya know? mergz was ALL OVER HIM last night. It was kinda gross. Like i love her, but shes kinda.. not very sexy when she's flirting with the guy you like. Ahh, but Katie and Dan are here, so its all good.
Fuckin Kangaroos.
I'm done complaining for now.
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Twitchy
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2004 20 December :: 6.08pm
disclaimer of life
I'm human too
not just cold or stone
I might not recoild when you bite me, I might take your insults, I might handel your problems, I might seem intelligent
but I'm human, I fuck up, I make mistakes, I suffer from emotion, sometimes I don't know what to say or do
and it's the times when I don't do things well that the quips of man find an entterance
it hurts to fuck up
pain makes me colder
it's a vicious circle
I think I'm out and they pull me back in
why am I who I am?
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Twitchy
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2004 17 December :: 9.16pm
:: Music: random thoughts on current events
well, I'm single again
got some christmas shopping done
loving jen for giving me these awsome esspresso beans "since I've been known to down shots of ginsing"
saw paul at hastings, talked a bit
thinking of a way to get pat up here
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simplywicked
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2004 17 December :: 5.48pm
whoa
I read what i just wrote and i sound like a total prep...haha oh well.
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simplywicked
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2004 17 December :: 5.35pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: the Nutcracker soundtrack...yeah, im cool
My hands are cold.
12 days!
Today was the last day of school! W00t!! I'm excited. No school for 2 whole weeks!! Mom is being strangely nice. She let me go shopping with anya after school and shes letting Tori spend the night. Odd, but w/e. I bet she got laid. Really bad image... eww eww. Ohh well if it puts her in this nice of a mood.... what ever floats your boat man. School was fun. Everyone was giving prezzies! Tori gave me cute bangles, Anya gave me a bear. Soph gave me an Aero bar and a pantera CD, and Mergz gave me a compact mirror. And i gave me 2 shirts and a skirt from Nordstrom. It was sweet. All together it cost like 56 dollars, but I DIDNT HAFTA PAY!! hahaha i love gift cards. Nana gave me a $100 for christmas... and thats not even my whole present. I love grandmas! Lol. well, not like hanging uot with them.. but like.. when they give you stuff. Soo lets see... Katie and I are going shoppong tomorrow, then im going to the church sleep over, and monday is Anya's party! I can't wait. Mike is going. I can't belive i like him again. I mean.. it was bad enough the first time. Its just... he got so serious. I love his sense of humor. I don't want him to be serious around me. But i guess it dosent matter if i like him or not, things ended bad between us and im pretty sure he hates me now. Urgh. I should be a lesbian.It seems simpler. Just in case though, im wearing my new shirt on monday... I feel hot in it, lol. I better go, tori will be here soon.
Xoxo, Nora
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Simplywicked
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2004 16 December :: 4.28pm
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: Papa Roach- Last resort
Eurghh
Grrr.... Stupid computer, stupid mom. Ugh. Today sucked. Nothing really bad happened, it was more like nothing good happened. But now im home and so its better. AND i talked to Brennen... twice. Heh heh, he prolly doesnt even know my name, but w/e. Oy vey. I want .... a life.. Sorry I'm being so complainy, im just pissed and tired and bored. And i still feel kinda like Mando and Mofie and Yah are kinda pulling a threesome, obviously with out me. yah yah said i could come over, but i dont really feel like mando wants me there.. Despite what they all say. Its Just.. yeah. I dunno. LIES!!! ALL LIES!!!!! Raugh!! Umm, yeah im gonna go now. 13 Days!!
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simplywicked
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2004 14 December :: 7.48pm
:: Mood: morose
At last
Well folks, i finally have a Woohu account. I'm gonna skip the intros and jump right into it.
i was really bored so i switched the letters in my name around and got... Leyna Rozlin Tabitha Fore. Isn't that the coolest name ever? yes. it is. Oh god. i hve so much frickin homework i didnt do. 15 days, 15 days. thats whats keeping me going right now. I can't believe Katie wants to hang out with me. I dont know if thids is a good thing, or if i will fall back into the pattren that i had fallin into before the fall out. God my computer is a peice af sheet. I still cant decide if i should tell mutti about the New years Fiasco i have planned. i cant decide. Ellen didnt help me. WHat the hell are we paying her for? To si t there and give me hot coco while i blabber away about all my problems? Well, yeah.. but i thought i was supposed to get ya know... feedback. But whatever. Vivi is so... crazy. I can't be openly mad at her untill after break. I can't just ruin her christmas, lol. Hunter is officially the past. He wasn't worth the effort. Not that i put that much effort in in the first place, but still. I could have and thats what counts. Hmm i want ice cream. I'm glad Emma, Morgan, and I are doing the solo ensemble thing. Ooh i should call.. someone. Well i think i better go. I need to save this before the peice of crap that calls its self my computer decides to blow up.
--Leyna Rozlin Tabitha Fore
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Twitchy
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2004 14 December :: 7.53pm
they said they don't know yet what's going on with me
one thinks it might be alot of small things, one thinks it's something big, one thinks I at least have migrains and one thinks I'm at least having panic attacks, but they made another appointment to look at me
but I'm brace free
busy
depressed, anxious
not doing a ok
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Twitchy
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2004 13 December :: 10.16pm
I am really depressed right now
I'll be gone tomarrow for many appointments, I decided I'm not taking any chances, general physical, shrink appointment, make an appointment with the neurologist, and then I've got the ortho and dental, it's a full day of medical narcotics everyone
I need to get away from ... everything for a while
I think what I really need in life right now is, idealy, a stiff drink and a good round of isolation, or just to know something's going right, either way I'll cope, I always cope with it
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Twitchy
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2004 11 December :: 8.34pm
I'll miss Skyler, the lost boy
I know how I feel, so I won't post it all here
I cried
and wear the black ribbon
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Twitchy
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2004 10 December :: 10.27pm
shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitv
fuck it
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Twitchy
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2004 7 December :: 10.12pm
I've just been so damn tired lately
well ... Kenlein was amazed by my insight today .... yay ... but I hate it when these people say I'm bright, when they say I'll go somewhere, I hate it when they build me up because I fail, as a student and as a person ... I do my best but we all fuck up, and the higher they put me the harder I'll fall ... the more it hurts us all when I fail ... I don't want that to happen
notes on life ... morgan, was pissed at me, now feeling much better
SOTV practice tomarrow
Kayla called, interesting
A little party coming up, need to find a massive amount of Mountain Dew
Emily Lou and I will now be systematically taking over the world, today America, tomarrow the middle east ... and then ... Indonesia!!!
People love my last name way to much
Nick is an interesting person
I think I need a vacation
I can't get little clips of music out of my head
I need sleep
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Twitchy
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2004 3 December :: 12.01am
well ... some stuff's new
I'm strung out over three classes, and maintianing my good status within these, that chem test was hell, and I'm not really so worried about English, but Math ... never liked it
so tori and gabe, good good, I'm very happy bout that, Jordan however... is not making me too happy, but I see where he's coming from
had a snowball fight at the bus stop the other day, just a fun memory I thought I'd bring up, pegged theo in the head twice
tomarrow I can rest ... kinda, I'm goin salsa dancing with Michal, Jordan, Taylor and company, then saturday I'm doing something odd
for a few of my single and depressed friends of the female persuasion I've organized a day where we are all getting together to drown our sarrows in ice cream and chick flicks, they have dubbed me an official girl ... so ... that's cool ... but I care about these people, they're sad ... so why not get them to have a bit of fun
next week the sixtet has practice, I wonder if we can still call it Sewage of the Vatican, it is a great name, and I'm thinking of forming a duo ... maybe with Saiki or Travis, possibly Tim ... anyone who thinks they can play the first violin part of the concerto for two violins
and then there's that party I got invited too, the masqurade one, that'll be great, wear a mask and fedora all night, go in and have a good time, there'll be a keg of mountain dew and we'll drink it with a beer bong
my week is filling up and I have to much work, it feels like I'm balancing too much, I feel tired, but I feel like I don't do enough
what's wrong with this picture?
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Twitchy
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2004 27 November :: 10.23pm
there's the right and there's the left
... but
Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today
Imagine there's no countries,
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace
You...you may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world
You...you may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will live as one
I think people are one and we really are, if you think I'm going to hell becuase I'm a buddhist, fine just don't talk to me about it, I'm happy with what I am, so don't try to change me (trust me all you converters, it's really a turn off from the religion) I'm fine with who you are but if you attack me or my ideas I'll fight like hell, try to bend me I won't stand for it
face it people, not matter who you are what you prescribe too you always have 5 billion or more people with different ideas, yes even the Christians and the Muslims
well here's life, we're on this earth, if there's something bigger going on we shouldn't fight here, becuase we're all working to express our beliefs and ideas, let's face it, many things have been warped over the years ... but imagin ...think ... that we're just ... us, so stop the moral superiority, stop conformity, stop supression and face world issues, face common ideas
that's my zen
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Twitchy
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2004 26 November :: 5.26pm
They're falling apart, the family I know once so well, so happy, they're turning to the same dust mine has
And the way people say when they meet me, you're going somewhere, makes me want to cry, because I'm nothing special, not even compared to these people I used to know .... I'll let them all down
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Twitchy
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2004 22 November :: 11.13pm
well, did the rehersal thing, 8 hours of practice, that was hell
things haven't been the best, I'm a little worried
last night I started bleeding from my ear, and I've been geeting light headed again, lauren convinced me to see a doctor
I've got a seven hour rehersal and a concert tomarrow, leading sectionals on wednesday, and then I'm gone, oh joy
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Twitchy
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2004 19 November :: 1.33am
good night, saw the play with morgan, it was great
after the show met up with Jen, went back to talk to the cast, some skin from vivi, a hug from katy (I think she really appreciated that we showed up) and all's well in the world
it was good to go, not only was it a good show but the actors rarely get to hear direct praise from you and you never get to hear their appreciation, that was a good night ... now sleep
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Twitchy
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2004 15 November :: 10.53pm
:: Mood: yep ....
:: Music: something by Incubis
so some guy wants to kill me because he thinks I ruined his life
not as many people hate me
Erin is Bon's cousin
I had a weird debate
nice way to start the week
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Twitchy
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2004 14 November :: 1.55am
sometimes I don't know
but sometimes .... they make me feel like everyhting's gonna be ok
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Twitchy
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2004 11 November :: 1.02am
I keep a knife on top of my dresser
it's been there for quite a while, and I have a reason for keeping it there
to me that knife says that every time I get to the breaking point I have the option, it's sititng feet away, I've taken it out and thought about it
but eveyr time I see that knife, and sometimes I look at it when everyhting's fine but I know it's there because of all it hasn't done
it's there as proof of my will, the one thing I'll admit to having, my will power, I saw what it did to others and told myself never
so it's been there, glaring at me when I was depressed, and every time I get close, I think of that knife, an almost ronic symbol, maybe I take it out, maybe I look at it for a long time, but in the end
it lets me think, ironic as it is, and for no real reason, having it there in reach makes me know something, that .. it's hard to explain
but as long as I have the knife there, as long as I remember, I won't do anything
no more than punch the wall, once managed to face plant myself into the ground, but the knife was there, and I remembered I'd been worse, and gotten by somehow
as long as the knife's there, no matter how hard it gets, no one has to worry about me
self control is all I can hope for
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