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:: 2004 17 February :: 7.00pm
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: hum of some machine in this basement o' mine

Day 3
Been a good enough day
Knees been actin up
Really sore..... shit it does hurt
I think people are warmin up to me ... just a little
I'm still ... hard I guess, don't like people in my head, but I haven't been tryin to hide everythin I feel. It's no use, the people I hide from seek me out, and the people I wish to be with draw away. So, why not just give up and show the emotion. So, that's good, but not great, because some people don't like open me. Some people pity open me, and some people fear him. And I feel like shit, and I feel paranoid.
Been a good day though

Tell me

Twitchy

:: 2004 16 February :: 8.41pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: the washing machine clanking around

Day 2
So ... actually a lot happened in the void of ... just over 24 hours.
First I find out I'm going on a Euro-trip this summer, England, France, Italy, maybe Austria and all that, good, but it's with my father (jack-ass) and his girlfriend (my violin teacher, yoga loving, good but obsessive Chinese woman) and her son (Mr. Ivy League college genius). Still, I take waht I get and this is good.
Second I find out I might be goin on another trip to France, good relatives, crazy aunt, philisophical distant family, sounds good. Bad news it's in September and I might not get to go. Eh, one trip is more than I should get right.
So I see Equilibrium, great movie, not sure if I spelled it right, but thought I had to mention it, good stuff, loved it. "No, not without complication."
Got some new cloths, my trench coat was fallin apart, so that's good eh? Guess I needed more, but I feel wasteful.
Next I'm sittin around and the local vet comes by. Long story short I find out I can put in some time at the vet's office, good experience, and he also got a new horse who he wants to be good to ride ... so I'm gonna learn horse lore and horseback riding. Cool, good, but once again I feel to lucky.
I guess I feel to lucky for all this. I have to much, and I want so little. I like living in a bare bones room, maybe on the floor sometimes. All I need, two meals a day, non-deadly water, a few sets of cloths and some basic shelter. I guess I feel like my life is to good. I shouldn't be depressed, but I guess I don't care about my material posessions, I like em, and I feel guilty about that. I care more about emotion, and my emotional life sucks, so I guess I'm not ungreatful. Let's face it, I have a good life, I got a good home and good food, I should be thankful. I see much and I get much. But none of it is actually ... none of it makes me happy. I should be and I feel bad about being unhappy, I'm ungreatful. I just want to be around people who will listen and accept. I know I can never have that so I should make do, and I try, but here I am ... and the fact that I shouldn't be depressed for my good life makes me even more depressed.
Wow, this shit makes no sense. Long and short I got a good life, but not a good emotional life, and that's all I want, and all I knwo I'll never have. I'm just ranting. Maybe I should keep myself busier so I can't rant. Keep your mind of crap eh Twitch?
Well, that's enough for tonight.
By the way I don't know much about this journal thing, so that's why it's now on deafuly, on everything. ... yeah

Tell me

Twitchy

:: 2004 15 February :: 10.00am
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: Nirvana, Lounge Act

Day 1
Yeah, guess I did actually start this thing on the 14th, but that's not a good day to do anything, so I guess let's look at the aftermath of my life thus far with one of those things you get in your e-mail that you never fill out

....... got one
1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? meh, just call me Twitch
>2. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING? I'm in a black bathrobe right now, but usually black pants
>3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Nirvana, Lounge Act
>4. LAST THING YOU ATE? reheated chicken burrito
>5. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? black
>6. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? I haven't looked outside in nearly a day ok?
>7. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Eric/Joseph
>8. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? do i really need to say it (actually it's the face)
>9. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS? I don't even know who sent me this, how the hell did they get my e-mail
>10. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? same as always, kind of depresssed, but trying to do things to hide it
>11. FAVORITE DRINK? honestly, pure ice water
>12. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? hum ... kinda weak but wine, mostly plum wine
>13. FAVORITE SPORTS? hell, I don't care
>14. HAIR COLOR?black
15. EYE COLOR?brown
>16. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?glasses, if I feel like it
>17. SIBLINGS? none
>18. FAVORITE MONTH? .... October
>19. FAVORITE FOOD? right now I could use a Catalina Paninni, but that's a thirty minute drive away
>20. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Underworld
>21. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? Anything really windy and in late fall, maybe a little rain
>22. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? eh, yeah
>23. SUMMER OR WINTER? fall
>24. hugs or kisses?hell, I'll take either
>25. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? relationships
>26. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Vinilla actually
>27. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK? no, didn;t send it to anyone, forgot to delete this one
>28. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? no one
>29. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? no one
>30. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS? week in fathers house, weekend in mothers house
>31. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? talked on IM for a while, watched a movie, read a book, slept
>32. FAVORITE SMELLS? ... first rain of spring
>33. WHAT INSPIRES YOU? to live, nothing, to write and talk and work ... walking through the woods
>34. BUTTERED, PLAIN, OR SALTED POPCORN? buttered
>35. FAVORITE CAR? as long as it can go over 60
>36. FAVORITE FLOWER? rose, classic
>37. HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING? two house keys, key to my safe and key to the shop .... and another one I don't know
>38. CAN YOU JUGGLE? .... no
>39. FAVORITE DAY(S) OF THE WEEK? Saturday
>40. RED OR WHITE WINE? plum, kind of white I guess, can't stand many reds, so white
>41. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY? went to a movie, met with a few friends and .... had to wear a plastic flower in my hair for two blocks, they made me
>42. DO YOU OWN A DONOR CARD? If they want em they can have em, but not now
>43. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
shit, gotta wake up, where am I? what do I have to do today?
>44. what is the last thing you think of when you go to sleep at night?
I don't know, took me hours to sleep last noght so I don't remember

That's it really, just gonna use this as a vent, tryin to get one for a while, got one, gonna use it

Tell me

shalee

:: 2003 15 October :: 1.42am
:: Mood: tired

So fold me up, and put me back in the place where you used to keep your heart. You think it's getting smaller. It's been that way for quite some time now.

Tell me