:: 2004 8 March :: 1.57 am
:: Mood: rushed

i'm screwed
once again, i have screwed myself over. i won't explain why. those of you who know what i'm talking, keep quiet. i really don't want to share with the world what's exactly on my mind. just one thing. ::S I G H:: i'm so hopeless.

spring play auditions are tomorrow. well also on tuesday but i'm going tomorrow. i like going on the first day. i don't like waiting up for the callback list to be posted for that night. i hate it. i like to spend a whole day forgetting about it which calms me down and i feel more relaxed during auditions. i also have a math test tomorrow which i should go study for right now since i'm not sure if i'm confident about or not. i mean...my quiz scores were totally awesome because of little tiny mistakes like i forgot a negative sign. i don't wanna totally bomb my test because of careless mistakes. so i'll go study for taht. first i'll go finish my spanish homework. it's almost one and i haven't finished all of my homework yet. what have i been doing all weekend? thinking. about what? everything. once again...if i look a little spacey...it's because i'm thinking about stuff. not just specific stuff but just stuff. about big things, little things. yeah taht's what the week off from theatre did to me....made me think about nonsense. alright i go now.
Always, Sandy

1 persons said it | who said that?

:: 2004 6 March :: 6.53 pm
:: Mood: blank

"...nursie will raise the window shade high..."
i'll post a real entry later....but a quick update:
i found out that i got a 1 on both of my solos which made me feel so relieved once i found out because my flute solo sucked. holy hell i'd never played so poorly before. i almost walked out of the room once i was done in tears. it was awful. i was so upset and my mom didn't say anything to me which meant that she also thought i sucked. it was terrible. but melanie told me that she checked out my scores and told me that i got a 1 on both my flute and vocal solo. vocal i wasn't too worried about because i thought i did relatively well except when i mixed a couple words but i was like eh, screw it and kept going. and OC watched me which was wierd...she came in, sat down and watched me sing...i was like um, whoa? what's OC doing here? it was funny cuz my mom was like who is that? oh, she's the choir director. my mom's face showed confusion liek "how would she know you if you're in band?"

anywho...i don't feel like doing anything....but i'm still going out. i don't wanna stay at home but i do wanna stay because, i don't know, i feel wierd. and i was smart and slept with my contacts in and now my eyes feel all yucky and dry. (i took a nap after solo and ensemble)

alright i'm gonna go.

::SIGH::
Always, Sandy

who said that?

:: 2004 3 March :: 6.53 pm
:: Mood: confused

my immortal (yes again)
ah i need to organize my thoughts...i'm really nervous...about what? i don't know....you fill in the blank...if you think you know...you probably don't. marina, i know you know because we had that long talk the other night....i just wanna scream and be like ahhh i'm right here!! i'm very confused about myself at the moment and so if you see me space out....just assume that i'm in deep thought about something and it's not necessarily because i'm tired...even though that's usually the case....like today for example i can't say how many times i zoned out because i was deep in concentration....

well i'm gonna go finish my homework so i don't stay up late tonight....i'll update later.
Always, Sandy

1 persons said it | who said that?

:: 2004 2 March :: 7.19 pm
:: Mood: uneasy

rewind
whatever i said in the last entry i take back...it was less than a one week thing...more like a 3 day thing where i was questioning myself....please no questions i'm very confused myself...let me go organize my thoughts....
Always, Sandy

who said that?

:: 2004 1 March :: 11.13 pm
:: Mood: meh
:: Music: my immortal

7 persons said it | who said that?

:: 2004 1 March :: 2.21 pm
:: Mood: bored

there's no more joe
joseph's over now and i'm actually glad. performances were wonderful...i never knew performing could be that much fun. i consider joseph to be my first real performance....well there was one acts last year but i don't remember it much and i was too concentrated on having my lines memorized...i didn't have much fun with the "acting" at all....joseph was different. i really put alot of hard work into Joseph and for that it means alot to me...the performances that is. good times backstage...the three tye-dyed rice and potato....mine and goli's fly eating thing during canaan days...telling everyone to shut up for being so damn loud....ah yes....memories....maybe not all good...but definatly many many memorable moments. i CANNOT wait until the spring show starts...i am so excited and hopefully i'll actually make it this time...i really hope i do...like i'm not afraid to act anymore....i feel comfortable onstage...and i really like that. i'm really looking forward to be part of a smaller cast (that is if i make it) who actually care about perfecting things...who are actually serious about theatre. it's hard to explain so i won't get into that anymore. i just cannot wait...just one more week.......ONE more week.

cast party was soooo slow. ah! there were just too many people. i think that was the biggest problem....having way too many people. it was just so blah. like it was fun during the first half....but then after speeches and stuff...it wasn't too great...i watche Pirates one and half times....don't get me wrong..i love pirates...one of my favorite movies......but isn't that kinda sad? watching a movie more than once at a cast party? another reason why i'm looking forward to spring show.

anywho..i have a vocal recital in a couple hours...i should go practice....cuz my voice has been crap for the past few days...and today's recital is kind of a practice run through for solo and ensemble...which also reminds me..i should go practice my flute solo because it's not sounding too great....i shall see you all on tuesday at school...thanks for stopping by.
Always, Sandy

1 persons said it | who said that?

:: 2004 1 March :: 12.37 pm
:: Mood: amused

how ironic
my horoscope for today:
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
It isn't easy to move on, but sometimes, you just have to force yourself. Stop thinking about what you should have done differently in the past and get focused on the goals you want to achieve in the future.

holy hell. that's all that's been on my mind since yesterday...what i could've done differently. what i regret NOT doing. and no don't think that you know what i'm talking about because you don't because i have not told one person what it is that i regret not doing and i don't plan on telling anyone because it's kinda pathetic. and there's no way i'm posting what that is here either...i'm not that dumb. alright so i'll go back to my day.

Always, Sandy

who said that?

:: 2004 24 February :: 12.35 am
:: Mood: groggy

joseph's coat annoyed his brothers (well you know what? it annoyed more than just his brothers)

first dress run through....i thought it went relatively well....some things were total disasters...the incident with corey in potiphar...ouchies....it was really wierd changing into costumes and wearing them and having people help me....even though i didn't really have this huge ass costume change cuz i'm not a dancer.

i can't wait til this show is over...well like i'm excited about performing and stuff...but i can't wait til it's all over....too much drama man. way too much. maybe i'll make the spring play...i really hope i do....just once i would like to make a play. a play...musical...i've just accomplished that....now i wanna act. prove to not only to everyone but also to myself taht i can act. i'm not the world's greatest...i'm no where near the greatest...but i don't think i'm totally challenged if you know what i mean...i don't think i'm terrible but i don't think i'm good. i act well enough to get by...i think so at least. does that sound conceited...i don't know maybe.....that's not my intention...i'm saying what i think and if that sounds conceited...just accept it. just wahtever....i really don't care anymore.

i need to sleep. goodnight.
Always, Sandy

1 persons said it | who said that?

:: 2004 16 February :: 1.49 am
:: Mood: bored

Turnabout
turnabout was alot of fun. it wasn't anything like what i expected. and thank god it wasn't the way i was expecting it to be because my night would've ended with alot of tears and anger. basically i was expecting a repeat of last year but actually going to the dance. thank you to everyone who made my night totally awesome...and i mean everyone...especially you matt...you proved me wrong....you weren't anything like robert.

::sigh:: robert....ha..how naive was i? 3 years of just pain. thank god nothing happened between me and him....cuz my views on that boy would be very different right. i love him to death and i always will....but i went through too much shit. ladies...never fall for a guy 3 years your senior....it's not smart. i'll leave it at that...
goodnight.
Always, Sandy

1 persons said it | who said that?

:: 2004 11 February :: 7.59 pm
:: Mood: ecstatic

i am now a legal driver...thank you thank you....now if only i had a car of my own...::sigh:: it's ok...parents' cars still work...for right now....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE SHINODA!!!!!ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(and me:-D)

4 persons said it | who said that?

:: 2004 9 February :: 10.36 pm
:: Mood: annoyed

chemistry sucks
i left my chemistry stuff at school. yes i know..i'm a genius. i have a lab report due tomorrow and i left it at school....i guess shenk's taking off anohter point off my homework grade...oh well....i have an A in the class so no worries right? except i'm not coming home tomorrow until like midnight! ok well maybe 10 at the earliest....10:30-11 at the latest....supposedly we're getting out at 9:30...there's no way. when they say 9:30 they mean 10:30. so i'm not getting any sleep tomorrow....

2 more days til i get my license!!! yay!!!! since tomorrow's gonna be rehearsal basically all day...i get wednesday off which is perfect cuz i can go to the dmv right after school and get my license.....i even bipassed so i don't have to worry about taking the driving test. how awesome is that? for my birthday i get a driver's license. i'm so excited! i won't get a car right away (i know i'm getting one before junior year starts) but at least it will be legal for me to drive other people's car with people under the age of 21 and without a permit. how sweet...ok i go finish whatever work that needs to be done...and maybe even more so that tomorrow won't be too insane....goodnight.

Always, Sandy

1 persons said it | who said that?

:: 2004 7 February :: 12.10 am

anonymous
"Post anything that you want and post it anonymously (I turned off the log ip address thing). Anything. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love...anything. Be sure to post anonymously (that word is spelled oddly) and honestly. Post twice if you'd like. (Yeah...right.) Then put this in your journal to see what your friends (and perhaps others) have to say."


really post anonymous comments to this entry...i did in someone else's entry (that's where i got that from) and it feels good...a sort of a public confession but no one will ever know except for you.

5 persons said it | who said that?

:: 2004 5 February :: 12.18 am

i lied...mike shinoda turns 27 on the day i turn 16....so yeah...i can't subtract...

1 persons said it | who said that?

:: 2004 4 February :: 10.07 am
:: Mood: sore

late start
i should look over my first class lesson again...so i know what i'm doing....but anywho.....

late start today and guess what? i'm feeling tired....if people went out for breakfast...i didn't go with them...i decided 2 extra hours of sleep does not hurt at all....so that's exactly what i did....got 2 extra hours of sleep....and i'm feeling more tired....like i wanna go back to bed...but still wanna stay awake....spencer and jill called me me while i was still asleep....probably asking where i was. i was in bed asleep thinking it's so warm i don't wanna get up.

should i go talk to freichels now about directing? cuz nick told me i should start looking for a one act now if i plan on directing next year. so i'm thinking maybe i should go talk to freichels about where to start and if she thinks i'm capable of directing next year or wait til my senior year to direct and just stage manange next year. see i wanna direct both junior and senior...like i have all these ideas but don't know how to express them myself (i'm not much of an actor) so i decided..hey how about if i direct? stage managing this year really made me consider directing....

ok i gotta go to school.
Always, Sandy

1 persons said it | who said that?

:: 2004 3 February :: 12.23 am
:: Mood: lazy

ice cream is so good
never buy me ice cream. wait i take it back. buy me ice cream and i'll love you. i think it was a bad idea for my mom to go out and buy me so much ice cream. i'm eating vanilla fudge brownie now ::drool:: anything with fudge and brownie is amazing. tis so don't argue...you know it's true. i am still on my insane linkin park high....i'm like ooo pictures on this site...ooo more pictures on this page....print print print....my printer better not die on me now that it's finally fixed. i've only been on this linkin park diet for 3 days and my walls almost half covered. ::pats self on back:: ok gotta slow down.

i think it's wierd. when i'm at school i have this sudden inspiration to study and do homework and be productive...then i come home and all i wanna do it eat and sleep. i need to keep myself occupied so i don't pig out on so much junk food. i found that i open up a box of cheez its when i'm bored and don't want to do any work. hold on...brb...getting more ice cream....i'm back...with more ICE CREAM. just what i need at 11:30 at night....sugar. i should be reading huck finn...but i really don't wanna...i'm telling you...i would really enjoy many many books if i didn't have to read them for school...i used to like reading....then school happened.

i would write more but i have a headache...goodnight
Always, Sandy

oh yes...i said i would post this in some comment some time ago but i never did....i forgot about it....so here i am posting it....i don't like matt anymore ok? why? no reason. ok so let's all get over it. wonderful..buh bye

1 persons said it | who said that?